Has anyone left DC with GP for a week at 9mo?

(47 Posts)
Cosmo89 Wed 20-Mar-13 10:13:26

We'd booked a family holiday to NYC next week. DS has been very disturbed with SIlent reflux over the past few months (now on meds, getting better) but now has had a succession of illnesses since starting nursery part time. We've all been ill for 3 weeks, and any improvement on sleep gone. We're shattered (as usual) and not shaking off the bugs.

So we are thinking of cancelling the holiday - it's a lot of money to lose but going to NYC and walking him around in the wee hours in some hotel room would be a nightmare. I'm too tired to go out on major expeditions. This has been going on for months and I'm really at a low ebb, now that constant sickness has been added to the mix.

GPs have offered to have DS instead- so we can go and rest too. It's a great offer, but I'm torn. In desperate for a break but would miss him. I worry he's too young. I worry it'll really disturb him - they his mummy and daddy have disappeared. I don't know... I'm worried about everything. I already think he doesn't quite 100% buy into me as his mum (months of Pre diagnosis stresses getting him to sleep, with me in tears much of the time, I think has put him on edge around me ) and I wonder whether it would make it worse.

I don't know. Any advice welcome- did you leave your 9mo for a week? Was it ok?

snowchick1977 Wed 20-Mar-13 11:02:20

I personally wouldn't in case ds took a turn for the worse. I'd hate to think I was thousands of miles away if he needed me.

Also I wouldn't ask my parents to have ds overnight as they are hard work, especially if he is ill. I think it's not the grandparents place to look after your child if they are ill anyway.

It's a lot of money but there are plenty of years to go to New York when ds is older and can enjoy it more.

Everyone is different though!

Sillyoldbagpus Wed 20-Mar-13 11:09:39

Go and chill out in NYC as a family. There are lots of lovely things do to that are more relaxing. You only live once, you will regret it otherwise.

ubik Wed 20-Mar-13 11:12:36

Oh dear, awkward situation. I'm not sure I would leave a baby at 9 months particularly if they had been poorly. Could you go and stay with GPs and let them care for baby while you sleep/rest?

I'd be tempted by NYC but it really depends on how you think you will cope - there's no point being there miserable and worried.

Taking dS might work out - but obviously change if scene/routine might make it s nightmare.

ubik Wed 20-Mar-13 11:14:30

Could you stay with GPs the week before, get as much rest as poss then go to NYC as a family, fortified and determined to enjoy yourselves?

ArseAche Wed 20-Mar-13 11:15:56

Tricky one. I would not enjoy the holiday knowing my baby might be unwell without me there, but on the other hand, you sound like you could certainly do with the break. Would you enjoy it having left him though that is the major question.

I couldn't. I wouldn't enjoy it. I would have to take him. A poorly child needs a parent too. Sorry, probably not what you want to hear.

ZuleikaD Wed 20-Mar-13 11:21:31

I wouldn't - it's prime age for separation anxiety apart from anything else and this could really have an impact on him. A week is a very long time for a baby. Plus as others have said it's a lot for the GPs to take on and if he's ill then he needs you even more right now. Have you got holiday insurance that covers cancelling for sickness?

Atavistic Wed 20-Mar-13 11:29:37

My eldest was 2.2, and we had 7 month twins when we left them for about 8 days. My parents and my MIL all moved into our house and it went really well!

My DH had won the all expenses paid, 1st class all the way, trip from his company, and it was also a corporate meet up, so good for his career.

All the kids slept through the night, however, and were all well. The grandparents all look back really fondly on that time. I think it depends on your parents. I wouldn't have left my kids with just my parents- my dad needs as much serving up to as the kids, and everything would have fallen to my Mum.

You are only leaving one child. You obviously trust your parents, and feel they are competent. Yes, they'll be tired, but it's for a finite time, and they can hand him back at the end of it. I really think you could do with the break. Your parents want to help you, so let them. You know that all grandparents want to be in change! think of it as your gift to them!

Plus, the detailed instructions you leave them, makes a fab momento of what life is like for you at the moment. Take the break x

vvviola Wed 20-Mar-13 11:39:24

We left 11-month old DD1 with my parents for a week while we went on honeymoon, and they then all joined us (plus MIL, FIL, BIL & step-MIL!!'shock) for a family holiday directly after.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat, BUT DD1 was extremely close to my Mum, spent a lot of time with her already and was very used to her house. Also my Mum is/was a paediatric nurse so I was even more secure leaving her.

I think it all depends on your child and your parents and the relationship they have. In our case it wouldn't have worked with, for instance, MIL, because she didn't have the same connection with DD.

Locketjuice Wed 20-Mar-13 11:50:57

I would only leave my 1 year if I had to.. Like when I go in to have baby no.2, I would take him along, If you had said a weekend I would most likely say go as 1/2 nights break would be good for you and not too long for baby but a week is a long time for a baby not to have his mummy, could you not go on this holiday as a family and ask gp to have him for a weekend when he settles better?

Rororowmeboat Wed 20-Mar-13 12:12:21

Are you sharing the same room in the hotel or have you got a two bed apartment - if its the later just go and take him with you. If your sharing the same hotel room maybe its worth cancelling and taking him up to the GPs for a weekend and you can book a night in a hotel for a relax and sleep!

Sharing hotel rooms is never fun and doesn't lead to relaxing breaks in my experience - villa holidays all the way.

Sounds like you may benefit from a weekend break but i thik you would miss him too much for a week to actually enjoy yourself

stacey212528 Wed 20-Mar-13 12:48:54

My mum and dad left me at 9 months for a fortnight to go on their honeymoon. I'm fine! (: didn't suffer any long time damage. Is there anyway you could defer the holiday? Or stay with GP for a week before to catch up on rest? X

Cosmo89 Wed 20-Mar-13 13:10:56

Shoukd have said, DS has had a succession of bugs but, apart from a lingering cough, is fine. His meds are kicking in for reflux and he's an awful lot better than he was. His cough he's had for 3 weeks - GP won't give him antibiotics rightly or wrongly- and it wakes him at night. He can't self settle- so hence the night pacing.

It's me and DP who are ill. We've just not been able to shake anything because we've been looking after DS. His night wakings (major night upsets going on since November because of reflux) have really taken the toll at the moment , as we are starting from such a low base of exhaustion.

I'm very tempted by the offer. We're still considering it. GPs don't see him an awful lot but he does love them. Good to know you didn't suffer damage Stacey!

But I keep imagining being there without him and it just makes me feel very sad.

I think if we don't leave him we don't go at all. Thinking of a day like today- where I slept 4.5 hours last night- I'm too tired to do much so if in nyc we'd be stuck in some hotel room not equipped very well for crawling maniacs trying to entertain DS . We're sharing an apartment in an hotel with my parents and brother, so all a bit claustrophobic with night wakings etc.

Wish I'd never booked the bloody thing now.

Rororowmeboat Wed 20-Mar-13 13:23:01

If your sharing an apartment with your parents and brother won't they be able to share the strain? Take him with you - if you have a bad night hopefully your parents can take him to central park whilst you get some rest.

Cosmo89 Wed 20-Mar-13 13:38:14

Well, to a certain extent they will. I'm sure wed be able to get a couple of mornings where we can sleep, but it won't be every morning. And it shouldn't be either - it's their holiday too (and their idea for a family holiday, I think they expected us to be in a much better place than we are now!) and we can't expect too much (they've all kind of planned outings).

Cosmo89 Wed 20-Mar-13 13:40:19

I think my point is that I'm worried the nigh waking is also going to impact on them as well, making them much less amenable to the idea if taking DS for a few hours etc.

ZuleikaD Wed 20-Mar-13 13:44:47

I'm really sorry, I feel for you, but it sounds like a bit of a nightmare, to be honest, and jetlag on top of illness plus family expectations and the potential guilt-factor of feeling like you might be spoiling other people's trip... I'd be cancelling. Don't suppose there's anyone else in the family who could take your places and cut the losses a little?

Rororowmeboat Wed 20-Mar-13 13:47:07

Have you talked to your parents about it? You sound exhausted and that you need a bit of extra support are they aware of this? lay it down on the table for them, tell them you're considering cancelling because your so tired - would they be able to pitch in and take DS out for one day whilst you recuperate. etc. Even one day or two lie ins would probably make the world of difference.

The other alternative is a bit of short sharp sleep training this week (prepares to be flamed) obviously you can't do if he is unwell but it might teach him how to self settle. It took 3 days with my DS - but obviously not for everyone.

Everything seems clearer and better and more possible after a good nights sleep.

Eskino Wed 20-Mar-13 13:47:29

On the contrary, NYC will always be there but your baby is only a baby for a short time.

I couldn't leave mine, especially so young, especially if he's ill.

Rororowmeboat Wed 20-Mar-13 13:48:10

Just cross posted - I see what you mean about keeping them awake

LillianGish Wed 20-Mar-13 13:57:01

My sil left her dcs all the time when they were babies to go on holiday, I never did. I don't think either of us has had an adverse impact on our dcs. She could never (still can't) really enjoy a holiday if the dcs were there whereas I could never really enjoy a holiday without them. At the end of the day it's down to what you want - if GPs are happy to have him and you feel you'd like a holiday and it's already paid for then I'd go for it.

ubik Wed 20-Mar-13 14:02:07

Do you know...if he is better I would be tempted to go. You and your husband could have time together, sleep, feel like a couple again -this is important when you have a difficult time with a baby and it may help the two if you cope better when you get back.

You will miss him, you really will but it may do you the world of good too. FWIW I had to go away for a week when DD3 was13 months and she shows no obvious signs of harm. When I came home she kind of stared at me for 5 secs then put her arms out and we had a big cuddle. She was fine after that.

bamboozled Wed 20-Mar-13 14:07:41

How lovely of your parents. Yes, go, have a rest and have a fabulous time. Your ds will be spoilt rotten, your parents will love having him and you get a break. It's a no brainier, in my opinion.
I left dd at 7 months as we had to go to Chicago for 6 days and it was the best thing we could have done. I got in such a panic about it, thought she would feel abandoned, I wouldn't enjoy it etc - but it was blissful!!

bamboozled Wed 20-Mar-13 14:10:56

Sorry, guess its your DH's parents - but makes no difference -Go, go, go!

Exhaustipated Wed 20-Mar-13 14:12:04

Could the GPs afford to come with you to NYC? Have the baby in their hotel room some/most of the time?

Or just cancel and do it again at a better time. Perhaps baby could go to GPs for a weekend so you could just rest at home but be close by if needed?

willyoulistentome Wed 20-Mar-13 14:12:29

Hmm tough one - I'd be loathe to lose out on the price of the holiday, and it's very kind of the GP to offer, but presonally I would not leave a sick baby to go on holiday. He won't remember it later, but I would have thought he is old enough to miss you at the time.

Thurlow Wed 20-Mar-13 14:15:48

I think I left DD at about 9mo for 3-4 days with my parents, they all loved it, DD didn't show any signs of being annoyed or upset that we had left her.

I would probably go. It's a lovely offer from your parents. If they're clear on how many night wakings there might be, then they have made the decision to cope with it. I stay at my parents with DD quite often and my parents did the dreamfeeds, night wakings and early mornings (even though it left them shattered by the end of the visit!) because they knew it was for a finite time, and they could sleep for England once DD had left. Your parents might be thinking the same thing too.

I think the only thing that I would want to be sure of first was that, very worst case scenario and your parents aren't coping or your DS is still poorly, you could afford to fly at least you or your DP home.

ilovepicnmix Wed 20-Mar-13 15:40:47

I wouldnt leave my baby for more than one night, and he's ages with yours. I think I would miss him too much and would feel guilty. That's me though and sometimes I think I've got it wrong as a lot of my friends regularly leave their babies with grandparents to go off and do lovely adult things. Id go with your gut feeling. My worry for you would be that youd get to ny and just want to come home.

Sallsaysyes Wed 20-Mar-13 18:43:14

I don't have children so I am inviting people to shoot me down. But I do travel, and it is one of the things that intend to carry on doing if I can have a child.

You will have such a wonderful time in NYC. You will be able to find lots of things to do such as going to nice cafes, walking around Central Park or Chelsea high line. There are lots of areas with small shops/food markets you can explore. You can get some really good books on kids NYC.

I think it sounds like the thing you need MOST is to get away and have some family time. Me and my husband work very long hours, always feel run down and poorly,a holiday is always the best cure. I really think you feeling unwell is a terrible excuse and you are more anxious of the change. Does your husband also not want to go?

I think it is one of those things you will always regret and it sounds like a good excuse to spend some time on your marriage/family depending on what you decide to do with your little one.

You will make some wonderful memories.

Jayne266 Wed 20-Mar-13 19:02:57

I wouldn't personally I wouldn't enjoy myself. But has you dc stayed over with GP at all? This might help you feel relaxed if you did want to go.

Cosmo89 Wed 20-Mar-13 19:18:21

Sorry, Sally- it's me holding the gun.
If envisaged exactly that holiday you described when we booked it.

We have has months of very little sleep- we are both shattered and, yes, we are both ill. Neither of us have managed to shake a series of bugs which, added to the sleep deprivation, is laying us low. There isn't an issue of excuses-. I was looking forward to the change. But I'm not going to live out our day to day existence over in NYC. Too depressing. So you're off the mark on that one. I can't have the holiday you're talking about - I wish I could.

delilah88 Wed 20-Mar-13 19:40:25

Why don't you change the return flight so you're only going for a weekend to NYC? It won't cost too much to change and NYC 4/5hr flight is not too long for a short break. Then you can leave your child for a shorter time and still go. You can literally just stay in the hotel room, sleep, and order room service! It sounds like you will lose all the money if you just cancel and I think this is a good compromise.

Cosmo89 Wed 20-Mar-13 19:55:23

That might work Delilah- thanks for the suggestion. I will look into it - might not be easy, as the week spans the Easter weekend, so shortening it would mean we'd be talking Easter Saturday. But you don't know until you ask do you! Ill call BA tomorrow.

I think I'd feel much better about taking ds if he didn't have this hacking cough (the one that wakes him up). 3 weeks he's had it now. Dr says he's not giving antibiotics as it may (or may not!) be viral. I know that it's best not to take them and build up immunity but seriously? 3weeks?

delilah88 Wed 20-Mar-13 19:59:06

Good! I hope my solution works!

neontetra Wed 20-Mar-13 20:02:03

I first left dd over night at GP's when she was eight and a half months. Everyone concerned loved it! My MIL does do regular childcare for us, so I felt confident dd would be OK. I personally can't leave her for more than a night at present because I'm bf and pumping all the time etc would just be a faff, plus I'm worried she might self-wean which I don't particularly want right now. But if you don't have these issues, and think you could enjoy yourself and wouldn't be too anxious about it, I'd go for it.

waterrat Wed 20-Mar-13 20:11:18

I don't think you should leave him - you don't feel comfortable with it, and he isn't sleeping well - I could not leave my 11 month old for a week.

Forget the money side of it - it's spent now and you must do what is right for all of you. I would feel a week is too long for my own child to be without his parents.

You all need a rest - cant you stay with your in laws and have some rest while they help with your son?

You don't want to go to NYC so just let it go !

blacktreaclecat Wed 20-Mar-13 20:15:17

DS is 9 months too, generally an easy baby but I wouldn't leave him for a week. I would happily leave him for a night or 2. He sees my parents at least 3 times a week so I think he would be fine with them but they would be tired after a couple of days and I would miss him lots!
Hope you do get a break of some sort though, sounds as though you need it!

Iggly Wed 20-Mar-13 21:09:24

No way. Not a baby with silent reflux (I've had two). The meds don't always work (you can break through episodes eg caused by certain foods).

Your baby needs you - you're his mum. Don't think that he's uneasy around you - he'll be picking up on your stress.

Is he FF? If so, have you looked at hydrolysed formula? Reflux can be triggered by cows milk so normal formula could be making him worse.

As for sleep - you need to tackle it in shifts. DH and I did it so we'd both get 5-6 hours a night in one chunk plus broken sleep. This really helped. As did sleeping in the day.

I'd would take him with you.

welshcake30 Thu 21-Mar-13 00:06:18

i would definatley go , i left mine at this age and flew to jamaica ,since then we have left the children every year for two weeks and they have been perfectly fine and im sure we have all certainly felt the benefit of some time apart . you are not just a mum and dad your a couple and sound like you need a break take it with both hands , my children are now 9 and 7 and we will not be leaving them again for some time why? i hear you ask .....belive it or not now is deffinatley the very best time for you to leave them as they arent going anywhere unless their gps are! and that's alote less worry for you , when their older they are busy with after school clubs, social life etc and getting gps to ship them here , there and everywhere is a challenge!and for them to be out and about when your thousands of miles away is an even bigger challenge on your brain ! do it go and enjoy when you return you will be itching to do it again i promise x

welshcake30 Thu 21-Mar-13 00:15:19

have only just read that your child has silent reflux and maybe a bit unwell this is rather a different ball game sad you will probabbly drive yourself mad with worry! so would have to maybe agree with delilah x

Weissbier Thu 21-Mar-13 06:17:54

This is maybe a daft idea but what about he goes and stays with GOs and you have a holiday at home? If you can get the holiday costs back on insurance you could maybe find a nice hotel somewhere and properly relax, but equally not have the feeling you couldn't get back if anything was badly wrong. A long weekend wouldn't be too much for the GPs and you'd feel like new people.

Branleuse Thu 21-Mar-13 06:34:04

id go and leave the baby if they were already close. if they see the baby a lot its not much different to leaving with a parent

I would advise you to go. It sounds likes you really need the break and will benefit from it. If your parents are happy and he is close to them then he will be happy and you will come back refreshed. My dh and I left DD1 with GPs when she was 6 months old for a week. Yes, I missed her, but we had a wonderful and much needed holiday. My mother adored having her for the week, adored looking after her and showing her off to all her friends! For my mother and DD it was really the start of the incredibly close bond that they still have. I left DD2 (with 2 yr old DD1 too) with my mother for 3 nights when she was 3 months old and I was still exclusively bf (much expressing had been done!). DS we only managed a night away for the first time when he was 8 months. My mother adores having the children and they love staying with her but she couldn't cope with all 3 for a week so we never have time on our own for more than1 or 2 nights (rarely). Much as I adore my children time on our own is special. Take this chance, who knows when you might get another, make the most of the week away, he will be fine with beloved GPs and you will get much needed rest.

Karoleann Fri 22-Mar-13 21:21:30

I've left all three of mine at that age with grandparents (though not all at the same time). I actually wouldn't want to take an under 2 on a plane, too many germs and their little ears hurt too much.

The were all absolutely fine, your little one won't even remember. DS1 was much more upset with me when I was in hospital having DD when he was 4.9.

ConstantCraving Fri 22-Mar-13 21:38:26

Depends on the baby and the relationship with the GP. I could have done this with DS, for whom my mum was a second mum. Not with my DD, though, who is a clingy one, who at 3 years has only spent one night away from me. Has your LO stayed at the GP's before alone? If not, probably not a good idea as that will be a huge shock for him - and you won't know how the GP's will cope with the sleepless nights for that long... getting on well for short visits is different to looking after a sick LO for a week.
Also, if you are massively sleep deprived jet lag may not be what you need!

delilah88 Wed 27-Mar-13 10:37:45

what did you do in the end?

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