Is "one of each" the ideal?

(35 Posts)
PumpkinAndHoneyBunny Sat 16-Mar-13 13:27:18

I have a DD and expecting Dc2. We don't know the sex but everyone we talk to says how we might be lucky and have one of each. Why is one of each the holy grail? I would be thrilled if we have two girls. Plus I think siblings of the same sex would be nice (not that i think opposite sex siblings wouldn't get on). I would equally be thrilled if we had a boy - something different, a father/son relationship for DH etc. Either way is nice I think.

I don't know what to say to people when I say we don't mind either way and they look at me like they don't believe me.

JaquelineHyde Sat 16-Mar-13 13:29:21

No it's not ideal, some people are just opinionated gits who don't think before they speak.

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 13:33:01

Only if you think that someone's gender is the most important thing about them.

QTPie Sat 16-Mar-13 13:36:53

I have one DS and an trying for DC2 (currently doing IVF).

It would be "fun" to have a DD (and I could do lots of girly things with her), BUT boys are so great (love DS to bits and he is fun in different ways). So either would be great. Just wish them good health.

ImpatientOne Sat 16-Mar-13 13:37:51

I don't particularly think so, I'm from a one of each family and I know that although my mum thought she was very 'lucky' at the time she now feels differently.

I'm lucky that I have cousins who are local and very similar in age so have had close female relationships although not as tight as I imagine sisters would be.

I know my mum worries about how my brother and I will get on in the future. We fought terribly as children then a reprieve in our 20's but now we rarely speak due to his relationship sad We are like chalk and cheese so rarely played or hung out when younger.

There is the practical issues too of different clothes, toys and activities when younger.

I think it can be great and is seen by so many as a perfect situation but its certainly not always the case.

ReallyTired Sat 16-Mar-13 13:41:47

Families come in all different shapes and sizes. (Ie. number of children, age gaps, single parents, two parents, same sex parents.) There is no ideal and life is what you make of it.

PigeonPie Sat 16-Mar-13 13:41:48

Well I have two DSs and that's ideal for me! I have two fantastic children who are great fun.

DeepRedBetty Sat 16-Mar-13 13:50:40

I don't think there's any useful one liner to give to people who come out with this twaddle. DP and I were delighted to get two babies in full working order and the shape of their genitals was irrelevant. Personally I'm quite pleased they were both the same sex, it means they get to share stuff.

Growing up, I do remember I always wanted to have had an older rather than younger brother. But that was only because I'd have loved to have a go at his gorgeous mates when I was an appalling boy-crazed teenagergrin Knowing my luck this non-existent brother would have turned out a total geek wouldn't he!

Anyway you've already blown that one by having a girl first OP...

I have one ds and trying to conceive dc2. Another ds would be easier as I can just re-use all ds1 clothes (although everything was fairly gender neutral for the first 6 months).

I would like a dd purely to dress her head to toe in hello kitty and because I have a name for a dd but not a ds (doesn't really matter at this point though!). But I don't think thats a good reason for having a dc, plus nowt to stop me dressing a ds in hello kitty grin

DS would probably prefer a dsis as he seems to gravitate towards girls at the moment, but that's probably less about their gender and more to do with their personalities (ds is only 2)

Whatever gender you have, you still don't know who that little person is or will be. Personality is indifferent to gender.

MothershipG Sat 16-Mar-13 14:01:23

I think it is ideal - but only because that's what I've got so to think anything else would be heresy! grin

To be honest before I had DC I only wanted girls but do know what the minute I saw the blob that turned out to be DS I loved him so how could I want him to be a girl???

There are all kinds of platitudes spouted over a pregnancy, this is just another one.

some people think you have to have complementing and matching everything - so one left, one right; one black, one white; one yin, one yang; one cat, one dog; one boy, one girl.
it's rather silly.

I actually have family members who have commented that they can't understand why my niece wants another child because she'd already got two, one boy, one girl. which is just plain daft.

there is no such thing as "ideal" - what's ideal for you is not ideal for someone else. you set your own rules.

ShowOfHands Sat 16-Mar-13 14:07:10

People are just trying to make conversation with you. The odd person might think it the ideal, but that's just personal preference. If they try and imply it's right for everybody, they're just a bit thick.

I know people who wanted girls, people who wanted boys, people who wanted both, people who wanted neither, people who didn't care either way, people who only wanted one.

I do think sometimes that we grapple about for something to say and it just gets taken out of context.

PoppadomPreach Sat 16-Mar-13 14:11:08

I was completely over the moon when I had my 20 week scan for DC2 as I had, as far as they could tell, a healthy baby.

I also found out I was having a second boy. Wonderful. But gender made absolutely no difference whatsoever at the unbounded joy I felt at having a baby - I truly felt blessed.

I do not understand anyone who feels that anything other than "one of each" is not ideal. I really question their motives for having children if that is the case.

My two boys are utterly amazing, and I wouldn't have it any other way! It is completely, totally and utterly IDEAL!

I have two girls and i love it. I would have loved having a girl and a boy just as much but no more or less.

I love that dd2 wears dd1's baby clothes and I can convince my dh it is economical to spend more on better quality clothes for dd1 that will last until dd2 needs them. I also enjoy buying designer bags on the pretence they will be getting their hands on them heirlooms.

Dd1 loves all pink, princessy and girly and I am fully expecting dd2 to be a tomboy so not sure if all toys will be interchangeable.

DoNotDisturb Sat 16-Mar-13 14:25:57

I have one of each and am pregnant with dc3 so one of each clearly wasn't the answer for me wink

The problem is people feel like they need to comment on such things when it is has f all to do with them! Ignore and enjoy your children (which is after all what they are not just pink or blue).

PuffPants Sat 16-Mar-13 14:29:34

It's weird, I agree. I'm pregnant, but only just starting to tell people now. I'm dreading all the "bet you hope it's a girl" comments (already have a boy) because I honestly don't care and it's out of my control anyway so why talk about it? But I know I'll feel that, if it is another boy, I'll have to over-compensate because people will think I'm disappointed. I loathe the congratulating that goes on when people randomly produce one of each. It's not an achievement, it's a random moment of genetics. If you'd conceived a day later it might have been the other way round!

IWillOnlyEatBeans Sat 16-Mar-13 14:31:44

I have two boys. I was thrilled when we found out that ds2 was a boy! I grew up with two sisters and know how lovely it is to have same sex siblings.

I agree that people are probably just making polite conversation though. If you need to respond then just say you will be happy with either!

notimefors Sat 16-Mar-13 14:32:24

I agree people are just looking for something to say to fill the air!

PuffPants Sat 16-Mar-13 14:37:30

Beans, I grew up with sisters too and would say the exact opposite. I would never describe same-sex siblings as the ideal because my sisters gave me nothing but grief. I was thrilled my first child was a boy because I knew it meant I would never have to have more than one daughter.

Which only goes to show that sibling do not get along and play together purely because they are the same gender. It depends entirely on individual personalities - and good parenting.

I agree with the comments that when you announce a pregnancy there's a fairly short list of things people can ask you - commenting on the gender is just lazy chit-chat.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 16-Mar-13 14:39:24

I'm from a 'one of each' family with a brother 2 yrs older than me.

I have 2 girls, 2 years apart and I envy their set up and would much rather have had theirs than mine.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 16-Mar-13 14:40:25

But then I think puffpants has a very valid point too! My friend with 3 sisters always wanted a brother. I always wanted a sister!

No.

It's more expensive for a start.

I have 1 of each, and pg with #3 all the 'you won't need any more then' folks will be disappointed!

I say, for a start.

There aren't really any other obvious negatives! Personality, interests etc aren't dependent on gender after all.

Good luck with your pg.

SunsetMojito Sat 16-Mar-13 16:29:22

Nah! Two of the same gender play so well together, you can share toys and hand down clothes. But thats just me - lazy and tight!

Myliferocks Sat 16-Mar-13 16:33:49

I have 3 girls and 2 boys.
The girls can fight just as much with each other as they can with the boys and vice versa.

sweetkitty Sat 16-Mar-13 16:35:31

I'm a one of each family, younger brother by 3 years, we have nothing in common apart from our parents hmm DP is also a one of each and has a strained relationship with his sister 3 years older than him.

My mother always used to go on about hitting the jackpot as if two of the same sex was a big failure angry

We have four, three girls and a boy. I hope they continue to be as close as they are now. I would love to have had sisters, I'm envious of friends who have sisters.

Queenie72 Sat 16-Mar-13 17:13:47

I have 2 gorgeous sons, I got all the c

Queenie72 Sat 16-Mar-13 17:18:09

Sorry posted too soon, stupid iPhone !!!
I have 2 gorgeous sons, I got all the bet you want a girl and comments when he was 10 days late like ' it better be a girl after this wait' it is silly, and when you are pregnant people make these comments because they haven't met dc2 yet !! My ds2 is so adorable if anyone made a comment now I'd bop them!!! I love the fact I have 'my boys' makes clothes , toys etc easier and I love that (hopefully) they will be little buddies for life. The gender is not what makes a family 'ideal' it is health , happiness and love.

Doitnicelyplease Sat 16-Mar-13 17:56:15

It is just an outdated way of thinking. Probably from the 40s/50s when gender roles were much more sharply defined than they are now.

Back then I presume some people thought it nice that the mummy got a polite girly-girl to dress-up and the dad got his rough and tumble boy to watch sports with. Also if you had a girl and a boy it was like a full set - one of each.

Most people nowadays realise this is all a load of old tosh, but probably just looking for something to say. I usually find it is the over 50s crowd that come out with comments like this.

I have 2 DDs and love it, just as 2 DSs would have been fab or one of each.

lola88 Sat 16-Mar-13 19:52:31

I would like another boy just because i think it might be easier practically hand me downs sharing a room etc, so my ideal is 2 boys but i would be happy with a girl I have a niece i am very close to who is 5 years older than DS who is my first i might feel differently if i didn't have her to do the 'girl' thing with.

Letticetheslug Sat 16-Mar-13 20:01:04

I have one of each, love them both, but love them because they are my children, I couldn't understand the congratulations because i now had a 'pigeon pair'.

I am one of 2 sisters, seemed better to me to be able to re-use all the clothes ( girl first)!

I just ignored other people , they all think they know more about you than you do

MatalanMadness Sat 16-Mar-13 20:17:27

My favourite comment so far, after having DD2 was "it must be lovely for you to have two little girls, but I feel so sorry for your husband not having a son. You'll have to try again and try to have a boy so your husband can be happy"

I was totally shocked! My DH dotes on his girls, he is happy playing football with them and equally happy learning all the My Little Pony names and cutie marks! If he has some deep seated resentment about me not providing him with a son then he is keeping it well hidden grin

debbie1412 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:50:56

I honestly wouldn't care and I do have one of each. Healthy and happy is all what matters to me !

JerryLeadbetter Sat 16-Mar-13 20:51:00

We have 'one of each' - DS is 2.1 and DD is 10 months. Whilst it's 'ideal' for us, and I feel very lucky as we always wanted the chance to parent a boy AND a girl, it doesn't mean it's ideal for everyone. Nor does it mean it's ideal for the DCs.

DS adores his baby sister, and because of the small age gap I really do hope they grow up close, but a lot will be to do with personality etc. I often wonder if they will wish when they are older that they had a brother/sister to hang out with instead. I quite envy friends who have 2/3 boys or 2/3 girls, it always seems like they're in to all the same things and having a blast!

I actually like the fact though that we have/will have a wide spectrum of toys available to each DC, both traditionally boys AND girls toys, although as someone pointed out above it does make it quite expensive, ditto clothes (although DD does have a few of DS' hand-me-downs!).

I often get stopped by people (particularly old people!) when the DCs are in the double buggy and they coo and say things like "how LOVELY, a boy and a girl, you did well there!", to which I am always a bit bemused, as I just think "so would DD not be so lovely if she were a boy?" confused

In MY ideal world though, i'd have 4 DCs- 2 boys then 2 girls so have best of all worlds. Never gonna happen though! grin

scarlettsmummy2 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:57:04

I have two little girls and I love it. I love dressing them the same and hope they will be best of pals. Yes, it would be lovely to have a son, but I wouldn't swop my girls for the world. My husband was a little disappointed when we found out we were having a second girl, but quickly got over it and is adamant he doesn't want to have anymore babies!

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