Help me, please.

(46 Posts)
stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:08:24

I am not coping at all. I'm sitting outside the house in the car crying.

DD has silent reflux. She screams. All day. Naps for 10 minutes every couple of hours. Feeds every 2 hours. Screams. All day.

Been to GP 5 times in the last 8 days. Saw the HV on Tuesday. I don't know how to cope with this screaming.

She used to sleep through the night so at least I got a rest then. Now up 2/3 times a night.

When does this get easier? Yesterday she had a nap in the morning for 45 minutes - for the first time ever in her entire life.

I find my self driving aimlessly because she'll sleep in the car seat. Wandering round with the pram. If she's moving she'll sleep. When do I get a rest?

I just want a cup of tea. A hot cup of tea without screaming in the background.

I go out every day to groups. She has a meltdown and everyone is so worried. What's wrong? What's wrong? Why's she screaming? Why's she being sick? And, I'm like this is what she is always like.

GP just won't listen. She's gaining weight so she's fine. She's smiling at me now so she's fine. I video one of her meltdowns. Yes, yes, that's what refluxy babies are like.

She is 5 months old today.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:27:14


ExBrightonBell Thu 07-Feb-13 16:28:51

Hi Stargirl. I just wrote a longer post but my 6mo swiped at my phone and I lost it. Hang on in there and I will try again.

JoandMax Thu 07-Feb-13 16:31:52

Has the GP given you any meds?? She sounds like she needs Ranitadine, Domperidone and Gaviscon to try.

Will she go in a sling??

Can't do a long reply but my DS2 had horrific reflux, I thought I was going mad at one point.... It's shit but it does get better I promise

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:34:40

Yup. Ranitidine - put up to 0.9ml x3 daily last week. Now on SMA Staydown for Reflux formula. Now on Lactulose for the constipation from the new formula.

GP doesn't see any point in a referral to a paediatric gastroenterologist as she is gaining weight on her centile.

ExBrightonBell Thu 07-Feb-13 16:34:48

You sound at the end of your tether, which is not a surprise given what you have described.

Do you have a DH or DP who can give you some respite? Or another family member or a friend? If so, they could take the baby for a few hours and let you have that cup of tea.

There is an organisation (whose name escapes me at the mo - i'll look it up and get back to you) who have volunteers who can come into your home to help out too. Maybe that would also give you a break?

You are doing all you can, and it's very impressive what you are coping with. Keep posting on here to vent if you need to.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:35:52

Yes, she will sleep in her sling if I am walking. She will sleep if she is moving. But, I am exhausted.

I had blood poisoning which I am still recovering from.

JoandMax Thu 07-Feb-13 16:37:20

Have they mentioned trying a CMP free formula? Lots of cases of reflux can be CMPI, plus cows milk can really exaggerate reflux.

Can you ask your HV about home start?? A few hours a week for you to get some respite.

Hang on in there and keep talking about it xxx

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:37:22

In-laws are coming to stay for the weekend. Thank god! My Dad is useless. He keeps saying he doesn't know what my problem is. Just leave her scream and she'll stop eventually. My Mum is dead.

DoctorAnge Thu 07-Feb-13 16:39:00

You poor love sad

I have no advice but you sound so desperate. I just didn't want to read and run.

JoandMax Thu 07-Feb-13 16:39:01

Take a look at Little Refluxers, online group. Loads of tips and tricks an support

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:39:06

DH is great but he has been away with work down in England the last 3 weeks. I've either had someone round or gone somewhere every evening he has been away because I know I couldn't cope on my own for a whole day and a whole night.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:39:37

HV thinks it's CMPI but the GPs do not.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:40:17

Been on Little Refluxers, thank you. I got some good advice there for dealing with the GP.

JoandMax Thu 07-Feb-13 16:40:57

You can buy Nutramigen or Neocate, they're expensive though. Maye if you tried it for a couple of weeks and it helped they'd listen and prescribe it for you?

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:41:12

What is Home Start? Is it a UK wide thing? We are in Scotland.

ExBrightonBell Thu 07-Feb-13 16:41:18

Homestart is who I meant, thanks JoandMax. Do make full use of your in laws - get them to take the baby out for a while so you can rest.

Is there any possibility that your DH/DP can take some time off work in order to help you?

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:42:36

Where do you buy those specialist formulas? I've never seen them in the shops.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:43:54

He took time off 16th Dec - 8th Jan and then another 2 days when I had tonsillitis a fortnight ago. I don't think he'll have much time left to take.

backinaminute Thu 07-Feb-13 16:44:15

My ds2 is only 10 weeks but sounds similar, screams and is sick a lot. No one will actually say it's reflux and I have had the same response as you from the dr about weight gain and 'he will grow out of it'. We took him to an osteopath 2 weeks ago and it's made him so much more comfortable and happy - she said his diaphragm wasn't working properly and bent him about a bit and by the end of the session he was beaming and just laid on the bed cooing - he'd never really done that before. We've actually seen his eyes for the first time because he was always so scrunched up from the crying. There's no guarantees but it's made things so much better for us - I was at breaking point and you've been doing it longer than me. If nothing else, I understand how you feel.

When it gets really bad I had to shut myself in the bathroom or stand in the garden for a few minutes, just to clear my own head. My ear used to hurt from having him on my shoulder and him screaming in it all day long. Hope you find something to help soon.

JoandMax Thu 07-Feb-13 16:44:43

You will need to get pharmacist to order them in for you, it's not something they regularly stock as most people, rightly, get them on prescription.

I wish I could give you a magic solution xx

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:45:00

He's come back from work now and taken DD out of the car and into the house. I'm still in the car. I should go in.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:46:29

I know it's only time that will really help. Just having a crappy week.

ExBrightonBell Thu 07-Feb-13 16:47:01

Homestart is a charity and is available in Scotland. They provide volunteers who come to you and provide support and practical help - whatever you need really.

It's difficult if your DH had already had a lot of time off and is away for periods of time. Is your MIL near enough to come over more frequently? Assuming you get on of course!

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:47:25

DD sees a chiropractor for both the reflux and asymmetry to the skull/face. It has a medical name starting with a 'pl'.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:50:27

No. PILs live 3 hours away. The other side of the county tbh. They have been fab. Up every month to help with the baby and the house. My Dad is a lot closer but. I don't know how to end that sentence tbh.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:53:59

Is Home Start available to all families regardless of income?

JoandMax Thu 07-Feb-13 17:01:16

It is, I had someone when DS2 was small, referred by HV but not dependent on cirumstance at all

Marmotte3 Thu 07-Feb-13 17:20:38

I found out about this product after I had finished breast & bottle feeding, I wish I had known about it before. A lot of mums raving about how good it is but not sure it's suitable for your DD in particular:

Also a cranial osteopath was mentioned as being effective in some cases.

I hope you both get some relief soon.

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 17:38:32

And, she's screaming again. DH trying to comfort her. How many hours till 11pm? She does tend to fall asleep at 11.

She gets about 10/11 hours sleep a day. She's had 20 minutes in 2 naps since 9am this morning.

I had no idea babies did this. I knew they didn't sleep at night but I thought they napped.

I am a fucking teacher. I should be able to cope with this.

Bearandcub Thu 07-Feb-13 17:52:40

Oh you poor thing. Can you afford childcare to give you some respite? A childminder or nursery an afternoon or two a week, a night nurse, something?

ExBrightonBell Thu 07-Feb-13 18:26:03

I'm a teacher too. The reason we can cope with other people's children is that we don't have the same emotional connection to them. And we know that at the end of the day someone else takes them home!

The reflux will resolve at some point and it will get better as she gets older, although that doesn't help you now. It won't be long before she can sit unaided and she might then sit and play for a bit whilst you get a few minutes to relax. Also weaning may change how she is. The one thing I've learnt about babies is that they always change.

ellesabe Thu 07-Feb-13 18:54:47

Have a look at the cry-sis website too for support dealing with the crying.

piemistress Thu 07-Feb-13 19:00:39

Hugs OP. X

Have you tried cranial osteopathy or a Bowen technique therapist? Friends have had great success with both of those

You poor poor thing. DD1 had reflux & the GP was particularly disinterested & dismissive. I managed to blag an appointment with a Paed at the Hospital by ringing up & asking. She wasn't too impressed, but took me seriously & did help.
DD2 is 2 weeks & started showing reflux symptoms at 1 week. We went to the GP & she's on ranitidine now, it's definitely helping, we're going back tomorrow for a follow up & to try to get Gaviscon. I can second the Cranial Osteopath suggestion. I also got a Jumperoo from eBay & DD1 would play in that or at least 20 mins without screaming from 4 months. Hope it all sorts itself out for you both. thanks.

MintTeaForMe Thu 07-Feb-13 19:22:19

You poor thing. DS was just like this (had enormous meltdowns at evey class I took him to, would turn purple and just scream and scream). It really, really got me down. I still shudder when I remember all the concerned faces turned in our direction when he was having one of his meltdowns. It got so bad that I would only ever leave the house with him if he was asleep in his pram, and I would rush back home as soon as he woke up because the screaming would start again. Needless to say he had reflux. We found rinitadine (sp?) really helped but ONLY if we were vigilant about upping DS's dose according to his weight (when we forgot to do this his crying was noticeably stronger and more frequent). The other thing I found helpful was making sure DS had lots of daytime sleep. I ended up walking around for hours - not ideal really, especially when you're already knackered - but if you or someone else could persevere with this it should have a positive effect on your DS's ability to cope with the uncomfortablness that reflux causes. Books propping up one end of her cot (I'm sure you know this already) will help we at night. By the time my DS reached 6 months things calmed down a lot - it will for you too. Good luck x

stargirl1701 Thu 07-Feb-13 19:35:32

We've got a friend coming round to give us a break tonight.

I feel so incapable.

Popplepie Thu 07-Feb-13 19:37:35

ds has reflux. we had months of screaming all day. things that worked for me were:
sling and then bumbo seat so he was always upright, and i could ar least sit for a minute.
sleep on wedge for naps and at night - never flat,
and early weaning on the advice of our consultant.
when it got so terrible I thought I might lose it went to a&e on the advice of the hv. this got us to a paediatrician much sooner.
I felt I was on the edge for months. but with ranitidine and time it did start to improve bit by bit.

hobnob57 Thu 07-Feb-13 19:48:54

Star girl, if your HV thinks it is cmpi she should be able to get you a prescription for hypoallergenic formula for a trial without seeing the gp. I am in Scotland and mine did this. You should camp at the gp until he gives you it, it is inhuman otherwise. It is so sad you have to fight for this, but your poor dd is in agony and you are in danger of PND. Your HV should recognise this and be acting on it. I hope you get some help, it is hell.

Katla Thu 07-Feb-13 20:05:47

Just wanted to say I hope you manage to get some help - I have a new baby too, she is very good but it's still so hard work sometimes. I can't imagine how much harder with a baby that screams all the time.

Can you get someone else to push the pram out with her (your dad/DH) whilst you get a hot cup of tea. I'm in Scotland too - near Edinburgh - if you are nearby I would offer to do it. brew

Sunshine200 Thu 07-Feb-13 20:20:14

Hi. Been there so you have my sympathy. Gaining weight doesn't make a difference, we had to deal with this comment too until she went to
hospital for something else and her silent reflux was picked up by a paedatrition there who actually helped us.
Can you see a different doctor?
Also try cranial osteopathy.

Bearandcub Fri 08-Feb-13 03:53:14

You are not incapable, you are exhausted- big difference.

HeyMicky Fri 08-Feb-13 04:34:40

18 weeks. That's when DD turned the corner. At 20 weeks we dropped the ranatidine. She's 22 weeks now and unrecognisable.

It's so hard. I sympathise. You're doing all the right things - hang in there. I found everything came together at once - she went longer at night between feeds, she napped for longer in the day, she started rolling so could help herself a bit more when she was uncomfortable. She also found her hands and feet, and her voice, so was generally cuter and more interesting. Makes such a difference to not just have them screaming at you! smile

We bought a door bouncer and a high chair with inserts so she could sit up - more ways of letting them be upright without you holding onto them. I also kept really good sleep hygiene - although it's a battle, stick to a routine as it will pay off soon.

You have to remember it's an immature oesophagus - there's nothing you can do to make the sphincter tighten, it's a maturity thing. But it does pass, promise. And she will be FANTASTIC

Have you ever looked at baby rocker platforms? Amazon has both the Dream Mover and the Robopax for under £30 each reduced atm. You can put the pram on it and it rocks the baby for you. If she only sleeps with movement this might be worth a try.

stargirl1701 Fri 08-Feb-13 09:51:34

Hi everyone. I'm feeling a bit more positive this morning. Our friends took her to their house last night for a couple of hours and we got some time together. I felt guilty about it but I know it was necessary - and she was fine. Their 2 year played with her till he went to bed grin

So, offers of help are flooding in from friends and family. We are going to accept so we get one night a week where we can do something together - even if it's just sleep!

I know it will pass in time so we need a plan to get us through the next few months.

Thank you everyone for responding - I really appreciate your support and ideas.

JoandMax Fri 08-Feb-13 11:21:18

Gla you're feeling a bit happier, and definitely take up all offers of help!! I resisted for ages thinking I should just be able to cope but it was such a relief to get a break every now and then.

DS2 had numerous health issues but by far the reflux was the hardest thing to deal with, I never imagined how utterly soul destroying it would be. His reflux was extreme too (tube fed, surgery) but now he's nearly 3 it really is a distant memory and he's a delightful, amazing boy who I have a brilliant bond with so the distress was only relatively short lives.

Keep talking on here if it helps, and a very big unmumsnetty hug xx

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