Caught DS lying. He doesn't get how serious I am about hating lies. What punishments do you use?

(68 Posts)
CrapBag Tue 05-Feb-13 17:59:07

DS has only just turned 5 so still young.

He keeps scraping his school shoes and the fronts are getting so scuffed they are in danger of ending up with holes in. After always looking after his shoes, this has been the first pair that have ended up like this. I found out he is having races at school and starting off by having the top of the shoe on the ground, then when he sets off the whole top part of the shoe is completely scraped.

They are clarks and not cheap. I don't want to go down the cheaper shoe route as I know they are not going to last 5 minutes, we are on a tight budget but I do like to get decent shoes and so far they have had no problem in lasting.

Anyway, after I showed DS a different way to start off his races, it stopped for a while. Then he started scraping them again. I took his wallet with his money that he has been saving and I told him if he didn't stop I would be taking his own money to buy new ones (although as he hasn't outgrown them yet, I won't be getting new ones but he doesn't know this). This was enough and I thought we had cracked it.

Then yesterday he had scraped them yet again. First time for a while. He was adamant he hadn't done it, swore blind he didn't etc etc. I asked him about it again this morning and he STILL insisted he hadn't (it was obvious they had just been scraped as DH had cleaned and polished them the night before and there were new marks). Then DS changed his story and said they had been scraped and he blamed another child for doing it. I asked how and he came out with some crap that definitely did not make any sense and would not have resulted in shoes being scraped. He finally told me that it was him and that he had done it through having races.

I was FUMING!!! Not about the scraping so much but the fact that he lied over and over and he blamed his friend. I took his leappad that he has just got for his birthday and I said I would be keeping it for a while as I was so angry and disappointed. I also told him it was more about the lies and blaming that I was angry about.

This evening I wanted him to tell DH to reiterate how we do not tolerate this behaviour and he was adamant he couldn't remember what we had talked about (this morning), then I left them to it and DS came out with the same crap about his friend doing it, so he carried on lying. I was so annoyed I didn't go swimming with them, something I enjoy doing weekly.

I don't know how to handle this. How do I make DS understand that he is not to lie and blame others and then even after he has been punished and we have talked about it, he denied it all yet again. He clearly learned nothing at all.

WaitingForPancakeDay Tue 05-Feb-13 19:28:49

I don't know from what you have written if you have sat him down and explained why lying is unacceptable. He might not understand that you just telling him means its wrong. Think like him and ask yourself why it is wrong to lie about scraping shoes? Perhaps you need to explain why small lies are just as wrong as big fat lies. Then also ask yourself if you ever lie to him.....

As an aside, I scraped my shoes deliberately once when i was a child because I hated them and wanted new ones....

I also hate lying but.....I think in this case you need to consider that your over-reaction to the shoes being scraped has created this lie because he is scared of your response.

It is pretty normal for shoes to be scraped at school...the wear of both my two DSs has massively increased since they started school compared to nursery. IMO you are punishing him severely when he is playing a healthy non-violent playground game with his friends. I'm pretty strict but wouldn't be going berserk about this.

I now only buy the shoes that have the rubber toe protection. Clarks do them as do other brands.

He is very little for understanding the line between truth and lies. Be patient! My two have both told some whoppers, it maybe that he knows that scraping his shoes makes you unhappy, he's trying to find a reason that will explain the scrapes but not make you unhappy.
my method was to keep asking questions and then the truth comes out, just say calmly it's better to tell the truth in the first place, and try really hard not to get cross about what they've been lying about (ie ruining their shoes).

lljkk Tue 05-Feb-13 19:49:00

I think you are way too hard on him.

josiejay Tue 05-Feb-13 20:05:39

A 5 year old will lie to get out of trouble, they don't have a sophisticated enough understanding of right and wrong to know why they shouldn't. Maybe gently explaining about trust and why it's important that we tell the truth would be a more positive way of dealing with it than just telling him he is bad for lying?

TheFallenNinja Tue 05-Feb-13 20:09:50

Way, way, way too harsh. Kids scrape shoes, kids tell fibs - fact. He lied to try to prevent the huge over reaction to what he sees as nothing.

It's a no win situation for both of you. If the reaction to wear and tear is massive then he will take the view to lie to try to prevent the reaction, this will of course lead to an even bigger reaction if he gets caught. But he might just chance his arm because he will think he won't get caught out every time.

This was me when I was five, that was my mothers reaction (plus a good hiding with a dog lead) and it was over shoes.

True story, haven't seen her for 25 years.

Trazzletoes Tue 05-Feb-13 20:13:54

Yup, I also remember lying as a child to avoid parental wrath.

Wereonourway Tue 05-Feb-13 20:16:42

I too think you are being way too harsh. 5 years old!?
He should be racing at play time, his shoes will get scuffed, his clothes will too.
He's probably bloody petrified which is why he lied.
Lying isn't acceptable but to me, and I know others may not agree, neither is being furious because a child has scuffed his shoes whilst having fun with his friends.
Look at cheaper shoes. They may not last as long but you may not be as precious if they aren't clarks.

11Plustrauma Tue 05-Feb-13 20:16:50

Every wee boy I have ever known and most wee girls have scraped their school shoes with football, races, bike riding.

I think you need to lighten up tbh.

Helpyourself Tue 05-Feb-13 20:17:57

You're way too harsh on him, and picking strange battles. You don't want him to play? confused and angry

11Plustrauma Tue 05-Feb-13 20:19:04

Oh and buy him black trainers for school.

pictish Tue 05-Feb-13 20:22:33

I think you need to buy shoes you're not precious about.
I think that he should be allowed to scrape his shoes doing races. He is 5, and he doesn't give a shit about shoes and nor should he. It's all about play at 5.

Come on OP - you're not being realistic at all. he lied to get out of trouble over something he doesn't understand why he's in trouble about in the first place.
Scraped shoes - ah well. And that comes from a fellow skinto. x

nevergoogle Tue 05-Feb-13 20:22:50

he's 5, he's a boy doing running races,his shoes are going to get scratched up.

back off lady!

i'd lie to you too.

Noodled Tue 05-Feb-13 20:28:50

Your understanding of his understanding is way off, this makes your post quite scary. He did learn something but nothing you want to repeat. Would you be open to a positive parenting course? Your local cc will run one or know where your nearest one is. Sometimes what we bring from our experiences makes parenting harder.

nevergoogle Tue 05-Feb-13 20:34:01

isn't that the point of shoes?

Yeah, too harsh. Kids scrape their shoes, especially 5 year olds. You need to let me live a little. Even my 14-year-old DD scrapes her shoes think she climbs trees in secret.

edam Tue 05-Feb-13 22:01:44

If you want him to tell the truth, you have to be far more reasonable and patient. If you make a huge to-do over scraping his shoes he will lie because he's five. You need to have reasonable expectations of his capabilities and his stage of development.

He is lying to you because he is afraid of you.

He is too frightened to tell you the truth - which is that the shoes got scraped by accident while he was playing (which is what 5 year old boys' shoes are for) and he cannot remember exactly how it happened. You won't believe him if he tells you this, so he is trying to convince you that somone else (his friend) is to blame.

Poor little boy sad. Why don't you buy him some cheap shoes which he can run around and play in?

PartTimeModel Tue 05-Feb-13 22:06:33

I also think he is making up these stories in an attempt to avoid your anger.

Would you prefer to have a happy active child? Or one with perfect shoes? He'll be grown out of them soon enough. Keep covering the scrapes with polish and allow him his lovely active fun and games with his friends. In the moment he is thinking about the race, not thinking oh no I mustn't do this because mum will be upset for a reason I don't really under stand.

WiseKneeHair Tue 05-Feb-13 22:07:13

shock Very harsh.
The first pair of school shoes I bought for DS1 were completely scraped within a week. I learnt my lessons and got a different type of shoe from then on.

NotInMyDay Tue 05-Feb-13 22:09:13

My DD is nearly 5 and is known to lie from time to time. It was really getting me down so I did some research into it.

- Children need to lie in order to learn the difference and benefit of the truth.

- Children will lie to save themselves from getting into trouble. They continue to lie as they so desperately want the lie to be true and the lines become blurred.

- Children do not believe you when you say I won't be angry if you tell me the truth.

- You should try to avoid putting children in a position where they think they have to lie. Try "I know you wish you hadn't..." "I think you might have done that because..."

- Try not to take it personally.

steppemum Tue 05-Feb-13 22:13:35

Sorry but I agree with others, you are being too harsh on him.

All 3 of mine scrape school shoes in a way I have never seen on non school shoes, it is to do wiht playing on a tarmac playground.
Ds has clarks, he plays football in them, he has the ones with the rubber toe protection, he plays football in them and they last. Even if they get scrapped we polish them up over the scraps and he goes on wearing them.

It is hard when shoes are expensive, and I can't buy mine cheap ones or trainers because only Clarks fit.

At 5 he doesn't understand the money side, he is lying so that he doesn't upset you, your overreaction is causing the lie.

Of course talk to him about taking care and about telling truth, but calm down and back off a bit and let him be a boy.

reddaisy Tue 05-Feb-13 22:14:02

What everyone else said and please, please, please take on board what everyone else has said and pick your battles. Yes it is annoying that he scrapes his shoes and yes it is annoying that he lied but just talk to him and explain why fibbing is wrong.

My mum overreacted about everything and I got so used to lying that it became second nature and even now it can be my default position. There was.never any incentive to tell the truth as she went mad about everything so I always thought it was worth giving lying a try. And it worked quite a lot so in your face mum grin

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 05-Feb-13 22:20:05

You should probably start by examining your own issues tbh. You are being way too harsh on him.

I felt sad for him reading your OP.

From what you've said he is perfectly normal. A 5 year old boy who runs races, scuffs his shoes, doesn't do exactly what his parents have told him every minute of the day and tells lies to avoid trouble. Normal.

Your response? Worrying.

Corygal Tue 05-Feb-13 22:20:14

He's lying because he's frightened of you.

Tell him why lying is wrong. If you want him to stop, show (don't tell) him that he can trust you for next time.

MechanicalTheatre Tue 05-Feb-13 22:22:33

Agree with others. I lied to my mum all the time because I was terrified of her reaction. And once went about for 6 months with stinking shoes because I'd peed in them and didn't want to tell her sad

Still hate getting into trouble now - if a boss/friend/partner says they want a word, I cringe.

lynniep Tue 05-Feb-13 22:22:52

what everyone else said op. also ds1 also 5, is a killer-of-shoes. he went through 4 pairs in reception (including clarks x 2) and one pair in y1. I then discovered kickers. he has managed to wear these for a whole term without putting holes in them. the fronts are scuffed to buggery but a quick polish improves that. please don't be too harsh. I know its annoying and expensive but they really aren't aware they're doing it at the time. I don't like lying either, but its part and parcel of growing up x

piprabbit Tue 05-Feb-13 22:23:14

My DS has been scraping his school shoes too. I am ekeing them out by colouring in the toes with my faithful Sharpie pen.

I have no idea what he is doing to get them in this state, but I know he is having a whale of a time at school and I'm not going to upset him over something he really is too little to control. FFS - he can't even work out which way round to put his trousers and jumper after PE, let alone think through the potential for shoe-scraping in everything he does.

piprabbit Tue 05-Feb-13 22:25:30

Oh, and take a look at this video to understand a bit ore about why your DS is lying.

livealoha Tue 05-Feb-13 22:32:00

He's not lying because he's frightened of you - that's just mean

It's a developmental phase apparently

Have no idea how to make it stop

Stay calm and be 'disappointed' is my trick

Flojobunny Tue 05-Feb-13 22:37:05

Way too harsh. As for DH polishing his shoes the night before, way too precious. Who the hell polishes 5 yo kids shoes? I usually rub them over with the Clarks spongey liquid stuff once in a blue moon! DS shoes are very scuffed, who cares?

steppemum Tue 05-Feb-13 22:42:55

actually livealoha, when children are worried about the reaction they will get, they will give you the answer you want to hear so that you don't react.

when a child is frightened of your reatcion, they will not tell you the truth.

The best way to get your child to tell the truth is to be calm and not react or punish the lie.

So I would say that yes, he is lying because he is worried about op's reaction as he know that she is upset about the shoes.

I would also say though, that at 5, many kids can't actually remember what happened or why their shoes are scuffed, and also that sometimes what they tell you - their version of the truth - is real to them, so they aren't lying, but telling you their version and they don't understand that it isn't 'true'

my ds is currently on a tech (pc wii etc.) ban til friday. He lied last week about using a rude word on a website and he tried blaming his younger sister, then this week taking and eating a 100 g choc bar (my stash!shock ) without permission, before breakfast and (trying to ) hide the fact.hmm angry

He has been given the 'we are disappointed with you' speech and the punishment to underline this, but he is 8 and in yr 4 so I expect him to have better impulse control, I cannot abide sneakiness sad

Op your ds seems awfully young for you to have such high expectations. I would ease up and keep talking to him instead of issuing further punishments or sanctions.

abbierhodes Tue 05-Feb-13 22:49:31

I'd lie to you, OP, you sound scary. sad

You didn't go swimming with him? But he still went, with his dad? So the punishment wasn't withdrawal of swimming, which would be understandable- but withdrawal of mum? Wow. Poor boy. sad

VerySmallSqueak Tue 05-Feb-13 22:49:36

I think if you don't want them to lie you need to ensure that they are not too scared to approach you.
Sometimes you need to let little things go,to show that sometimes just telling you the truth is enough.
If they have done something that does need addressing,it's also about helping them work through any consequences of their mistake.

usualsuspect Tue 05-Feb-13 22:52:10

I'd lie to you too if I was a 5 year old boy who wanted to play with his friends and was scared of scraping his shoes. You were way too harsh.get him some black trainers and let him play.

BeaWheesht Tue 05-Feb-13 22:54:18

You need to learn to pick your battles.

Why did he lie? Because he knew you'd kick off. He didn't want to lose his money - fair enough IMHO especially considering he's been remembering up until now not to do them.

Maybe think about the fact he's little, he's at school, he's learning new things and he's trying to establish himself in his peer group - stop making him worry about something like shoes fgs, seriously.

You will run into a whole heap of trouble if you don't allow him to feel confident and comfortable enough to come to you or dh, honestly, iiwy I'd be feeling pretty guilty right now.

Fwiw I totally believe in my kids respecting their property, not lying, and I always follow any 'threat' with what I said I'd do BUT you have over reacted massively IMHO.

catladycourtney1 Tue 05-Feb-13 23:06:04

I do think that you need to teach your son that lying isn't acceptable, but I also think that five is a bit too young to expect him to worry about taking care of his shoes. Let him have fun. When he's a bit older, you can teach him why it's important to look after his things, and he can take trainers with him to play in if he still wants to do things that might wreck his smart shoes - at five, he doesn't understand that you have to work for the money to buy his shoes, so he won't understand why you're angry! I'd hate to think my five year old was too worried about the state of his shoes to be able to enjoy himself - he's got the rest of his life for things like that.

Kewcumber Tue 05-Feb-13 23:12:20

bleedin' 'ell I thought you were going to say he was 15!

who gets cross about a five year old scuffing their shoes shock ? I thought that came with the territory. buy shoes from tkmaxx or m&s perfectly good shoes and you can replace them every 6 months

CrapBag Wed 06-Feb-13 10:21:56

Thanks for your responses. I haven't read them in detail as I know what they say and I had already reached that conclusion myself. I know I am a shit mother which is why I am not reading them properly. I don't need other people to tell me what I already know.

Yes I am too harsh on him and I do recognise that he was probably too scared to tell me. I admit I was not quite as angry with him about the scraping as my post sounds. I typed the post when angry about lying and blaming someone else (it was more the blaming).

PostBellumBugsy Wed 06-Feb-13 10:29:05

Crikey CrapBag steady on. No one said you were a shit mother. There was just a general view that kids scrape their shoes, so there are probably better battles to pick.

The more angry & cross you seem the more likely a little kid is to lie, because at the end of the day they want to please you. They want your love & they don't want you to be cross with them & punish them.

No one is saying that your DS should be encourage to tell whoopers, but sometimes you have to not back kids into a corner - so that they feel like they have no option.

Take a breath & please don't think that you are a shit mother - but do read through all of the advice.

Are you ok OP? You did overact regarding your son-this can be sorted out easily with a chat and a cuddle. If he feels secure he is less likely to lie to you. Are you feeling stressed out in general? Just wondering if you are depressed at the moment.

steppemum Wed 06-Feb-13 10:34:58

CrapBag

You are not a shit mother.

We all have our moments and I also find it very frustrating when something that costs money gets trashed. The fact they can't understand that I can't replace it and there isn't any money to fix it, actually makes the frustration worse.

It is good at times to post on places like mn. It gives us some perspective and allows us to see ourselves through others eyes.

When it works at it's best, we reassess and use the advice to find a better more constructive way of dealing with things.

Making changes in our parenting is not being shit, it is learning and growing and becoming a better parent.

If you are very upset or fragile though, then posting on here in the way you did can be very hurtful, as people will repsond to the emotion in the post.

If you had posted 'I feel like a crap mother because I shouted at ds over his shoes' you would have had a quite different more supportive response.

Don't beat yourslef up. Today is a new day, take a breath, and start again smile

DewDr0p Wed 06-Feb-13 10:42:42

CrapBag I don't think you are a shit mother.

I do think it's normal for 5 year old boys to scrape their shoes though. And I think you overreacted a bit.

I nodded a lot at There was.never any incentive to tell the truth as she went mad about everything so I always thought it was worth giving lying a try. This is what my Mum was like too. However at 5 I just think the boundaries between truth and fiction can be a bit blurred. It might be he can't really remember what happened but feels that he needs to give some account of it?

I know how rubbish it is when you're worrying about every penny. We've had situations where something has got broken - really quite minor in the grand scheme of things - but I have just felt like crying because it's yet another £30 to conjure up out of thin air. You sound quite stressed and maybe that's the real issue you need to address?

Fwiw I've got 3 boys (youngest is 5 like yours) and have learned not to worry too much about what their shoes look like, as long as they fit and are functional. Definitely look into the rubber toed ones too.

BeaWheesht Wed 06-Feb-13 10:46:40

You're not a shit mother but I think you should read the replies rather than burying your head in the sand.

PartTimeModel Wed 06-Feb-13 12:38:56

Your not a shit mother - you're a learning mother like us all! smile

PartTimeModel Wed 06-Feb-13 12:40:15

"You're" - <sigh>

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Feb-13 12:40:15

Not a shit mother. Just chill out about stuff like shoes, it doesn't really matter.

nevergoogle Wed 06-Feb-13 12:48:13

Out of the blue this morning, DS1 who's 8 said his friend "has just got new shoes and his mum says he can't get them dirty so now he doesn't run with me at out and about time". He said, "he's not even allowed to get the soles of his shoes dirty! that's what shoes are for!" he said.
Which strangely is what i posted on this thread earlier. Finally something DS1 and I actually agree on!

Kewcumber Wed 06-Feb-13 13:00:20

I think you are over-reacting in your response to us in just the same way you over-reacted to your ds. His behaviour(both shoe scuffing and the story-telling to avoid the consequences) seems very normal 5 year old behaviour to me. Do you socialise with his friends parents? IME its the best way to learn what's a reasonable expectation for any age group.

Helpyourself Wed 06-Feb-13 14:37:00

You're not a shit mother, this is fixable with a hug and not worrying about the shoes...
thanks

CrapBag Wed 06-Feb-13 14:41:36

Thank you Kewcumber for telling me my feelings are overreacting. Very helpful hmm

Yes I admit after I posted this morning, I went upstairs and cried my eyes out over my parental failings. If I could drive at the moment, I would seriously want to leave. Luckily having a mother that left me realised the damage it does when a mother doesn't want her child and I would never do that to mine. However I do think that sometimes they would be better off with a better mother. I am a shit mother, I shout too much, I expect too much and I am not tolerant of childrens behaviour.

I have been reading my new book How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk. So far an interesting read.

And the comment about depression, my doctor has just recommended I have therapy, so maybe I have (yet again).

11Plustrauma Wed 06-Feb-13 14:44:02

Seriously don't buy expensive shoes for school again. Black trainers (Cica are the clarks ones I think)

And don't beat yourself up over it. Deep breath, back straight, stomach in, tits out, tuck your bum under and carry on.

Corygal Wed 06-Feb-13 14:51:50

OP, everyone YES every human being on the planet loses it about small things now and then - don't be hard on yourself! Please?

You sound like a fine mother to me, and I'm not just saying that. 5 year olds are not vessels of pure truth, to be honest, and sometimes they panic and fib. C'est la vie, innit.

See this as a fine reason to spend less on DS's shoes and more money on something nice that will last.

CrapBag Wed 06-Feb-13 14:54:25

The school states that trainers are not allowed though. Although I have seen them on some of the other boys but I wonder if the teachers have said anything. I do prefer shoes but I also want some that won't fall apart. Its a shame they don't do like the toddler shoes that have the big rubber bit at the front like my DS always used to have. They were great and I don't know why they don't do this for school shoes.

You are right about the shoes. I need to accept that they will get scuffed and deal with it.

kicker Wed 06-Feb-13 14:56:47

Hi,
On a practical point, my DD was/is very hard on her shoes. All her shoes have toe bumpers on them (even the patent ones). So her school shoes don't wear out till they've grown out and they still look decent. Buy yourself a shoe gauge and source the style of shoe you need on the internet. These are comparable in price to Clarks if not a bit cheaper. www.amazon.co.uk/Richter-Shoes-Toddler-Waterproof-62-6732-2020/dp/B005GJ6RWK/ref=sr_1_2?s=shoes&ie=UTF8&qid=1360162517&sr=1-2

schmoodles Wed 06-Feb-13 14:57:25

Are you real?

Unbelievable.

schmoodles Wed 06-Feb-13 14:59:00

Oh OK, I have read more.

Yes, you sound depressed or that things are getting on top of you. Your son has done nothing wrong - just behaved like a little boy. I have a 6 year old.. they're a handful but you would go mad if you stressed over every little thing.

Try and relax and maybe see your doctor

PartTimeModel Wed 06-Feb-13 15:36:13

I just accept that they are school shoes. They are going to get scuffed. THAT'S THEIR JOB!!! Best I can do is choose ones that won't fall apart before DD grows out of them, which lets face it is going to happen fairly quickly.

That black 'polish' in a bottle covers all dirt and scuffs and smartens them up a bit when I remember to use it, though DD wants to do it herself now YAY!

nevergoogle Wed 06-Feb-13 16:48:26

oh dear, crapbag.
you sound very depressed and while school shoes have never been an issue, I have suffered from depression in the past so know how it feels to feel like you're really failing at everything. but, you need to know that your perspective is skewed by the depression and by what sounds like a difficult experience with your own mother. this is what kewcumber means by overreacting I'm sure. it's not nice to hear, but you do sound very sensitive at the moment.

the best parenting move you can make in my opinion is to discuss your feelings of failure, of wanting to leave with your doctor as soon as possible.

you are not a shit mother. it's just that when it comes to shoes,you're being a bit precious. although i suspect it's as a result of other worries. the shoes are not the real issue here.

can you think of all the things you know you do well as a parent? sometimes having crappy experiences as a child gives you different priorities.

please use this thread positively, there's nothing like a good flaming to help you think a little differently :D

DewDr0p Wed 06-Feb-13 18:58:50

OP on the Clarks website I can see two styles of boys school shoe with rubber toes - Stompo Day Inf and Rapto Fun Jnr. HTH

Try and be kind to yourself - we all make mistakes - parenting is hard.

How are you tonight OP?

lynniep Thu 07-Feb-13 12:10:35

sorry, I know I'm straying slightly and this is a bit more than a 'better shoes' issue for the OP, but I'm never going back to 'soft shoes' for DS1.

these have been the only pair so far to withstand his shoe wrecking capabilities.

DewDr0p Thu 07-Feb-13 12:41:48

Are you around OP? I've also been wondering how you are?

CrapBag Mon 18-Feb-13 16:42:49

Hi, only just come back on to MN, had a few days off after this thread.

I found those Clarks shoes recently thanks. They must be new as they didn't have them before. DS has the dinosaur ones in a normal shoe and I wanted a school version but couldn't get one. They will be the next pair of shoes we buy.

I have let it go with DS. Haven't even mentioned it and he has been scuffing them again. Oh well. live and learn.

I think I am terrified of failing as a parent due to my own 'mother' disowning me and I am convinced I will end up like her, don't know how as I would never leave my children then I lived with my nan and step grandad and he was very strict and I had to behave pretty much perfectly. We get on great now but he is still the same and I was very aware of how I had to behave. I have high standards of behaviour for my own children as I am so terrified of them growing up to be drop outs that I can be too hard on them. I am trying hard to change it and let the small things go. Its hard though as I had a first 4 years with a feckless mother who literally just upped and left one day, then the rest of my childhood with a very strict SGP who had extremely high standards. I am a bit mixed up really.

Waiting for the letter to come back confirming my appointment for CBT, although that isn't really for the issues raised here.

WaitingForPancakeDay Mon 18-Feb-13 20:03:57

Hi Crapbag. Welcome back! I know what you mean about letting the little things go. My DH holds on quite tight in the same way too. It's amazing the influence our parents have on the way we bring up our children. You sound like you're being a fab mummy, recognising that your feelings are not 100% of your own making. I think everything we can do to cut out the rubbish bits of our own upbringing and emulate the good bits can only be a good thing. Your DS is a lucky little boy to have you as his mummy. smile p.s love your nn!

CrapBag Fri 22-Feb-13 23:44:57

Thanks. I am feeling better recently. The day I posted this I just felt..... I'm not sure. Ragey (not really a word) but its not about the shoes, its about me feeling like a failure.

I know I am not that bad a parent. I can't actually bring myself to even read my OP. Its sounds so awful. My poor DS. He is fine though. We have had some chill time recently and the usual child attitude etc but I do feel that things are better. I do get down sometimes but it generally picks up again. I should chart it actually, I think it could be quite bad PMT. It happened after I had DS and before DD usually for 2 weeks out of the month. Could be something to look for. DH noticed last time and I was on the verge of starting medication but I got pregnant with DD and the problem went away.

Thanks, I often get comments about my NN. smile That bit still makes me laugh now "just think of a bag of crap" grin

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