How much do you expect your 11 year old to do?

(42 Posts)
Wallace Sun 03-Feb-13 17:06:11

Dd reckons I'm so mean, and all her friends' mums don't make then do anything.

Things like putting her clean clothes in her drawers and changing her bed are ones she especially complains about.

She does a few other jobs too like walking the dog.

I reckon there is a whole lot more she should be doing.

Lilyloo Sun 03-Feb-13 17:13:45

Ds is responsible for taking recycling out and sorting, putting bins out on bin day, walking the dog before school, putting his ironing away, putting his underwear away (I sort it), cleaning his footy boots.
I will then ask for help generally as the week goes on.

BackforGood Sun 03-Feb-13 17:30:42

dd ( 11 - and in Yr6 if that matters ? But she's been doing all these for a couple of years)
Supposed to put her clean clothes away - she really hates this mind
Makes our evening meal one night a week
Gets breakfast on the 2 mornings she's not at brek club
Clears place after meal

All of them are expected to do odd random jobs when asked... eg
- make a cuppa or
- go and get the washing out the tumble drier, or
- collect the washing from the baskets, or
- collect the rubbish from bins around the house on rubbish day
- help when we have a 'splurge' on cleaning occasionally (about 4 times a year)

Takes turns (I've 3 dc, so don't all have to do every night)
- to unload dishwasher
-to load dishwasher
-to lay table
-to get everyone drinks to have with the meal

Wallace Sun 03-Feb-13 17:38:03

Thanks. She does get the wheelie bins in (once a week) and lay the table, and clear and wipe it. Always gets own breakfast, and clears place at table at mealtimes

Even the basics at the moment end with us with our horns locked. Like putting shoes away and hanging up her jacket, which she should know to do without even being asked.

BackforGood Sun 03-Feb-13 17:43:40

Ah.... you didn't ask if she was naturally tidy, without being nagged.. wink... that's a different story.

NotMostPeople Sun 03-Feb-13 17:48:02

Mine does everything that Backforgood had listed including to same dishwasher rota with her two siblings. She will also Hoover, mop, clean hob, clean windows.

None of these jobs are done because she wants to help or is naturally tidy, they're done for cold hard cash. No jobs, no pocket money.

I've also been told that other Mums don't do this, not by my Dc's but by visiting children when they see my dc's clearing the table etc. My dc's think this is wrong and although they don't like doing jobs they've all said it shouldn't all be done to Mum and Dad.

BackforGood Sun 03-Feb-13 18:02:25

Oh yes, I get the regular "Nobody else's Mum makes them......" grin

That said, ds, who is now in the 6th Form, is I think finally appreciating why we've made them all cook and clean up after themselves... he's been stunned at how incapable some of his peers are at looking after themselves, cooking in particular.

Coconutty Sun 03-Feb-13 18:05:24

Nothing at all, I really need to give our some chores. I am the one that your DCs are talking about.

Wallace Sun 03-Feb-13 18:47:19

Thanks you are cheering me up smile

I feel like a right nag most of the time. She would love to cook once a week and I probably should let her. She also asks to mop the floors, which to my shame I usually don't let her.

I think I will sit down and make a rota with her and other 3 dc.

sydlexic Sun 03-Feb-13 18:52:33

Nothing, but DS goes to school 15miles away, very long day plus homework and clubs. I don't work so I don't get him to help.

VBisme Sun 03-Feb-13 18:52:40

Lay the table and side the dishes, and help with the washing / drying (we have a rota).

Put clothes away and help with meal prep (but only if they're interested).

To be honest, it'd probably be easier not to get them to do it, as it does take some reminding / nagging, but it is important that they learn to do these things before they leave home. (11 & 13 here).

MrsTomHardy Sun 03-Feb-13 19:10:07

Oh dear
I think I need to get my 2 boys doing more sad

MrsTomHardy Sun 03-Feb-13 19:10:24

2!! Meant 3 blush

BackforGood Sun 03-Feb-13 19:34:41

grin at MrsTomHardy forgetting her 3rd child ~ thought that was just me did things like that.

I find mine are FAR more amenable when they can see the others are being made to do things as well - so when I used to just ask one of them if they'd make the tea, for example, I'd get the big (Kevin) "It's not fair... ds / dd1 / dd2 isn't doing anything", so a couple of years ago I made a decision that everyone would make a meal one evening a week.... once I've done the shopping, I stick a list on the fridge and they can sign up for what they want to cook... so might say Mon: dd2: mince / Tues: ds: chicken breast / etc. They seem to see it as being equitable as they can see that the others aren't doing any less than them. Don't know if that will help ?
An unexpected bonus of it is I no longer get the moans as the food goes on the table ~ they all appreciate that if they want something else, they are welcome to cook it on their night, and also, that it's not noce to have everyone moan when you've been slaving away preparing the meal. I'd not predicted that, but it's very nice.

Wallace Sun 03-Feb-13 19:56:15

Thank you some great ideas here. I think I will copy the meal idea.

Mine will also all do more stuff for money, dd will help with ds2's homework.

"To be honest, it'd probably be easier not to get them to do it, as it does take some reminding / nagging"

That exactly. My oldest two are 13 and 11 too.

lljkk Sun 03-Feb-13 20:08:28

Dd reckons ...all her friends' mums don't make then do anything.

I had an epiphany one day & retorted:

"That's weird. Because when I was your age all me and my friends did when we got together was moan about how awful our parents were, how they made us do all sorts of annoying chores, constantly nagged and wouldn't let us do anything fun."

By Jove that instantly shut my teen up. I can't imagine why. confused wink

Harrysmummysarah1 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:09:07

Well mine isn't eleven yet she's 7 but this is what she does.
Sweep kitchen floor.
Wipe down the kitchen table after a meal.
Put her toys away.
Make her bed.
Put her clothes in draws after I've folded them for her. She knows were they go.
Pour her and dd2 drink for dinner
Help lay table
Help wash and dry up and put things away
If like her to Hoover but the hovers the same size as her so she struggles with that one.

Andro Sun 03-Feb-13 23:40:26

Ds is 9 and doesn't have a list of jobs - I usually have more of a problem stopping him finding jobs.

His bedroom is so immaculate it would just about pass an army inspection, everything is sided as soon as he is finished with it or when placed in his room (clean clothes etc). He also sets the table and helps with anything he can get to before me...unless it involves glass (which he won't touch - includes drinking glasses, windows mirrors etc).

There's history and issues! I'd be happy with a tidy bedroom and help as requested elsewhere.

marialuisa Mon 04-Feb-13 09:06:50

Well, I'll go against the grain and say my nearly 12 year old doesn't do most of this and certainly doesn't have regular jobs.

Maryz Mon 04-Feb-13 09:10:29

You are going to get skewed answers on this thread. People will only post if their children do half the housework (willingly, unpaid and unasked), keep their rooms tidy and make cups of tea for mum and dad on a regular basis grin.

Most of us are hiding the fact that our kids are lazy so-and-sos who do as little as possible, reluctantly, and with far more effort going into the moaning and refusing that into the actual chores.

Maryz Mon 04-Feb-13 09:11:10

And just to add - mine all had (and did) jobs when they were little. It was about ten or eleven it all went pearshaped and my teenagers now do as little as they can get away with hmm.

"far more effort going into the moaning and refusing that into the actual chores"

Absolutely! I got DD to help me make risotto once (the kids were both expected to help with the cooking a couple of times a week). Oh, the moaning, "I don't much like risotto, it's not fair, why should I help make something I don't really like, whinge, whinge!"

I pointed out that I had just been sorting out the toilet that had been blocked with some unidentified person's poo, and if she cooking risotto was just too horrid I could soon find her some other job to do... Sudden silence. grin

weegiemum Mon 04-Feb-13 09:18:47

Ive got a newly (yesterday!) 11 yo ds, and also dds of 9 and 13.

They are responsible for loading and unloading the dishwasher, setting and clearing the table, bringing their laundry down, putting clean laundry away keeping rooms tidy, taking out recycling.

This is IMO just part of being in a family, we all do things for each other.

They can sometimes be bribed persuaded to do more for cash or extra screen-time. Extras they do are hoovering, hanging up wet laundry, dusting, and helping in the garden in the summer.

They're also responsible for their animals, but I always always double check on them as I wouldn't want the animals to suffer at all!

The regular jobs must take about 20 mins or so a day. All I have to do is yell "dishy" or "washing" and it's done! Well, sometimes mostly grin

HousewifeFromHeaven Mon 04-Feb-13 09:19:26

Agree maryz

shebangsthedrum Mon 04-Feb-13 09:30:08

My 10 year old dd feeds dog and cat, tidies room and makes brews for myself and her dad. Ds 12 nips to the shops for milk, pet food, sugar etc. Tidies his room and when he went through a stage of wanting to be a chef, we got our tea made a few times, that didn't last. Does anyone else find that their dcs do such a shit job of chores that you have to redo them any way?

BackforGood Mon 04-Feb-13 11:15:37

Well, this is a historic moment for me - first time ever I think I've disagreed with the very wise MaryZ!

Mine don't do half the housework. Mine are hopeless at keeping their rooms tidy although they will all make us a cuppa, and certainly they don't go through life without moaning, but they still do all the jobs they are expected to do (that I put above). Usually after being nagged reminded. Room tidying is the one that - it's their job, and if they don't do it, it doesn't get done, so for a lot of the time they live in squalor, but it's their rooms, so it's not done by anyone else. Things like clearing the table they don't think of as a job, it's what everyone does, automatically when they leave the table when it's finished. Cooking the meals, they all actually quite enjoy.

Maryz Mon 04-Feb-13 11:24:49

How old are they Back?

Mine all cook, btw, and cook very well. But seem to think that if they cook for everyone they needn't clear up which is probably my fault as I spent a lot of time when they were younger saying "I've cooked, you can clear"

Ragwort Mon 04-Feb-13 11:25:06

I'll own up and say that my DS (nearly 12) is very lazy and unhelpful grin.

I am just as guilty for not enforcing more help. (And yes shebang - I do find I used to re-do the jobs but maybe that's just part of the 'learning' process). I particularly hate the mess after DS attempts to clean muddy rugby/football boots - must admit I tend to them which I know is not helping in the long run blush).

His room is reasonably tidy, but that's not really any effort on his part, just that he is not a hoarder. I don't tidy it up myself or clean very often.

This thread has reminded me to be a lot stricter about helping around the house, I would hate him to end up like some of the DHs you read about on Mumsnet.

Skivvytomany Mon 04-Feb-13 11:31:08

My elder two have to tidy own rooms hmm
Take turns at
Doing dishes
Weekly hoovering
Emptying bin
Sweeping floor
Sometimes hang up washing
Clean bathroom sometimes.
Strip and make their own beds.

I don't think their friends help out much at home but it doesn't take them long to do and it's their mess too so I shouldn't have to clean it all [ grin]

Andro Mon 04-Feb-13 12:12:09

Maryz - in my house, whoever cooks doesn't clean up (unless they've only prepared food for his/herself for whatever reason).

purrpurr Mon 04-Feb-13 12:20:52

Hmm, how does this work with those that have partners that will not clean or tidy? Is it just the mum and the kids cleaning house whilst dad sits around picking his nose?

BackforGood Mon 04-Feb-13 17:15:21

Maryz - Mine are 16, 14, and 11 at the moment smile
Fair point about whoever cooks doesn't clean up - that's generally how we work here, but I what I mean is, if everyone takes their plate and cutlery and glass over to the dishwasher, then it's a much easier job than if one person has got to start collecting stuff, then I leave said dishwasher open, and say "You might as well put it in the dishwasher, as put it on the side - it's not further to reach" wink
purrpurr - I have no idea, I can't imagine choosing to live with a partner like that.

HousewifeFromHeaven Mon 04-Feb-13 18:31:34

I just find it easier and less sressful to do it myself. Putting their clothes away and making tea are the only enforced chores around here. They will do things if I ask beg but to be honest I can't be bothered.

They'll learn soon enough when they get their own place, and then oh how I will rejoice!!

Today DS2 (nearly 11) cleared the table after dinner, wiped the kitchen surfaces, swept the kitchen floor and fed the cat. The whole thing took him less than five minutes. He did it all to a high standard, but only because he's had so much practice! grin

NotMostPeople Mon 04-Feb-13 18:48:04

I have a very domesticated DH and I regularly thank my MIL for her part in that. I don't ask my DC's to do jobs to make my life easier, they don't always do the job well and they do sometimes have to be nagged. However I see it as much a part of raising them as teaching them to read and write.

It's now second nature to them to do a lot of jobs and whilst some of the newer ones ie. mopping aren't usually done very well, they will learn in time.

HousewifeFromHeaven Mon 04-Feb-13 18:51:36

threebee if my almost 11 year old had done that I would say

"Who are you and what have you done with my son?" grin

grin

Lilyloo Mon 04-Feb-13 21:18:22

Notmost I agree, I often have to nag, rehang clothes put away etc but I believe we should all help each other.
Dp is also of the same school of thought so the dc's are used to seeing dad doing chores to.

Wallace Thu 07-Feb-13 20:36:06

It is the skewed answers I want to show dd how everyone else does MORE housework than her grin

She cooked spaghetti bolognaise tonight smile

BackforGood Thu 07-Feb-13 21:12:15

Excellent grin

As others have said, mine don't do chores to save me doing work (it took longer to clean the kitchen after ds when he first started cooking, than it would have done for me to make the meal), but to both teach them the skills, and also to help them understand that's how any community works - by people all chipping in what they can. Not many of the population are able to afford servants after all.

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 08:56:12

Ds is 11 - he generally mucks in with what needs doing but 'his' jobs are -

dirty washing in the basket
makes bed
strips bed for the wash
puts clean clothes away
lays and clears the table
makes tea/coffee and breakfast
empties dishwasher

but really he does anything that needs doing, as we all do.

A word of advice on what not to say though - I accidentally let slip in front of my 11 year old that her "help" was not always a time-saver for us... blush

(Note to self, engage brain before opening mouth!)

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