How on earth do normal people do this? New babies and school run

(80 Posts)
RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 10:00:54

I feel like I'm about to admit defeat. Ds3 is 4 weeks old. He's a proper screamer - by that I mean high demand baby, I suppose - he has to be held and jiggled and fed and rocked along my arm, all day and all night. Sometimes he will sleep between about 9pm and 11.30pm and then that's about it for the night - a few short bursts and waking roughly every hour or so, staying awake for well, about an hour at a time! smile

He isn't like my others. He hates the car seat (it's a Pebble - by God I hate it, it looks so uncomfortable) and screams nearly every time I drive anywhere - even the 5-10 minute journey to school.

So we've taken to walking most days. It's about 1.7 miles, we're up a long hill, but that's Ok - it's better to be able to stop and get him out, or carry him when he starts to cry.

So this morning it's raining. Took boys to school - not too bad, apart from getting wet, and horrid trafficky roads but anyway, we got there. I went in to sign up for parent meetings and came out 3 minutes later and he was crying. He's wearing a sleepsuit and a big blanket and a hat which has fallen off.

I take him out, we go out of the playground and sit on a doorstep in an alleyway, I feed him for a few minutes while covering with blanket.

Put him back in pram - he manages 10 minutes, have to buy mousetraps in wilkinsons so we go in there. He cries. I lift him and put him on my arm as he's having wind. He's Ok, get the traps, queue up, he still won't go back in the pram.

Tempted to sit and feed him on bench in wilks but too embarrassed as huge audience of old ladies/rtandom blokes and feel too vulnerable, also not sure he wants a feed.

So we leave and I end up feeding him crouched in a doorway of a restaurant, trying to keep us both dry, in the pouring rain, hoping no one goes past and wonders what I'm doing on the ground.

Finish feed, almost, as someone is coming and we walk, me carrying him along my arm still, he's getting wet, then we encounter a load of wheelie bins which mean I can't get the pram up the pavement.

Manage to find his hat with one hand and shove it on haphazardly as his tiny wet head is making me want to cry. He does not protest miraculously.

Walk home with baby along arm, in the middle of the road, past the bin lorry, and a load of cars. At last he goes in the pram again and we make it, drenched, unhappy, and finish his feed at home.

Where am I going wrong, this is horrendous sad

sad have you tried a dummy?

Trazzletoes Fri 01-Feb-13 10:04:01

Oh god! Sounds like a nightmare!

I'm mean though and would just have him scream in the car seat for 10 mins and drive.

TaggieCampbellBlack Fri 01-Feb-13 10:05:19

Sling? Takes some practice but you can feed and walk at the same time.

cheddarcheeselover Fri 01-Feb-13 10:06:29

I had similar with DD2, she lived in a stretchy wrap sling - a moby - and sucked on my little finger ALOT. she wouldn't have a dummy, it was finger or boob. I did also manage to feed her in the sling sometimes too, but that was a bit fiddly, but needs must!
I quite honestly do not know how I would have coped with out my moby. it's a bit of fabric that you tie around you and then baby can pop in and out. I used to put it on at 7am, and take it off when DH got in.

TigerFeet Fri 01-Feb-13 10:09:32

If you're walking with him could you try a sling? SOunds like he just wants to be close to you and it will remove the problem of navigating a pram around obstacles one handed.

I know it's easy to say but please don't feel you have to hide away when feeding him. Find somewhere comfortable and try not to rush the feed.

He's still very tiny, things should hopefully start improving soon.

BLess you, the early days can be really difficult. Could you feed him at school before setting off home? I did this a couple of times with dd2, when the weather was bad (snowy 2009 winter) I was allowed in the staffroom.

TigerFeet Fri 01-Feb-13 10:11:52

Trazzletoes we did the screaming in the car thing too - unavoidable for us as it's a 7 mile round trip to school.

Can be heartbreaking and stressful but needs indeed must at times and it's all over far more quickly

OP is there anyone who can help with the school run?

IsThatTrue Fri 01-Feb-13 10:14:19

I suggest a sling too. Ds2 is 8 weeks and has been in his buggy 4 times in total. He was in the sling on the school run at 36 hrs old. It's just so easy.

I feel for you though, these early weeks are hard!

littleducks Fri 01-Feb-13 10:16:30

You have a few options to choose from (or work your way through in order of preference until you get to one that works)

Make sure that he is fed, clean, burped wrap him up (I would swaddle but thats controversial nowadays) and march along with buggy jiggling a bit ignoring any noise until he settles

As above but drive for 5 minutes if you think that you can save ignore any crying and concentrate on driving. I never could, dh found it simple.

Try a sling

Try a dummy

Try a ticking clock (in/next to buggy/carseat) or one of those speciallly designed toys that make a rythmic sound. Or a portable mobile.

Walk hunched over buggy with a finger in his mouth

I could never bear to leave dd to cry. Ds was left to cry, mainly due to toddler dd rather than a huge change in parenting strategy. It was then I realised that he liked to have a little cry, a little whinge then a long nap (buggy jiggling essential to drop off) and would wake in a muc better mood. Who knows if it was the same thing for dd and I was just overstimulating her or if her complete inability to settle was personality based.

HDee Fri 01-Feb-13 10:17:48

He sounds miserable. Have you considered he may have reflux which is why he cries so much of he isn't upright?

MolotovCocktail Fri 01-Feb-13 10:19:04

Poor you! That sounds horrible sad I agree with what has been said upthread: baby sling and a nummy-num-num smile Tuck him in nice and close and help to enable him fit in with your routine by making him feel as comfortable and secure a possible.

Indith Fri 01-Feb-13 10:20:04

Sling. Definitely a sling. It gets easier though.

When ds2 was newborn I'd wake him early regardless of how he'd slept (he doesn't sleep well!) and delay feeding him. I'd jiggle him and distract him and get ds1 and dd dressed and ready then stick them in front of TV and feed ds2 right before leaving then stick him in the sling and go. Usually that meant he'd actually sleep for most of the school run though sometimes I'd find myself feeding him on the way home/ have him wake up and shout at me for 5 mins on the way home. Having a sling means you can walk along and feed either in the sling if you get teh hang of it or with him in your arms because you don't then have the pushchair to push.

Gradually gradually though ther feeds space a little more and he will get used to the school run times and his feeds will kind of fall into place around it.

forevergreek Fri 01-Feb-13 10:21:42

I would take him in a sling. That way you can feed him in it, keep him close, and use an umbrella to keep to both dry!

TheProvincialLady Fri 01-Feb-13 10:22:55

I think letting him cry in the car for 5-10 minutes - whilst very hard (my DS1 was exactly the same and I hated it so much), is essential for you.

Definitely try a Moby stretchy wrap or similar. You may even be able to feed him in it, which would mean you never have to sit in an alleyway againgrin They are easy to use and not very expensive. I bet your DS would sleep well in there. Mine did.

Moby

PostBellumBugsy Fri 01-Feb-13 10:22:56

First of all it will get better. I know it feels like an enduring nightmare, but it will not be like this forever.

I gritted my teeth & endured screaming. It was unpleasant, but was only about 15 minutes each way. I would also walk on dry days, but on wet days I just put up with the screaming. I'm ashamed to say, I used to turn the radio up fairly high in an effort to make it less teeth-grindingly awful.

Pascha Fri 01-Feb-13 10:23:24

DS2 4wks is like this, but without the carseat screaming. He just doesn't want to be put down. Ever. Unfortunately he has little choice as I have DS1 to deal with and a day to get on with. The sling (a Connecta, he likes being upright best) is my saviour. By the end of the day I'm frazzled and short tempered which is never good.

I would have been inclined to get the car out on rainy days to save the whole feeding while wet crouched in doorway dilemma.

marthabear Fri 01-Feb-13 10:23:28

Oh.. sounds just like my DD this time last year. Babies are supposed to go off to sleep in the car aren't they? My DD just cried for the entire length of any car journey while she was very little. But that phase passed just like every other.
Another vote for a stretchy wrap sling ( I had a Moby too). I got so much use out of mine...made life with a newborn so much easier, especially with other children to care for. I think you may find that when your baby is cosy warm attached to you, he'll be more likely to sleep through the school run. Not a problem with pavement obstacles either. Oh, and I eventually breastfed in all sorts of odd places as i couldn't bear my little one crying, and her contentment ( and therefore my sanity) was more important than my slight embarrassment.

Arithmeticulous Fri 01-Feb-13 10:25:00

Car fpr speed and sling. And dummy/cuddly toy/blanket.

does white noise help? i.e. your phone held next to him with a white noise app?

littlecrystal Fri 01-Feb-13 10:25:15

Although my DC are now older, but I still remember taking my then 3 weeks DS2 in a sling on a slippery-snowy conditions in order to take DS1 to pre-school. It was tough but I just carried DS2 along everywhere. You will get used to it. Your baby will get used to it. Time flies quickly. Do not worry, relax and have a nice cup of tea brew

DomesticCEO Fri 01-Feb-13 10:25:49

I would also go for a sling and try swaddling - my mum taught me to swaddle DS2 and it made me such a difference. Even now at 3.4yrs he's a very tactile child and loves to be cuddled really tightly. As a baby he hated being put down so I really sympathise.

Gingersnap88 Fri 01-Feb-13 10:28:17

I also recommend a sling. DD was a high needs baby and the sling saved my sanity. I even got a weather cover for it so we can go out despite the rain. She never liked her pram. Takes a few tries to get used to but well worth it. I have an ergo, but a soft stretchy wrap would be good too (try to avoid baby Bjorne types where baby is facing out, it's not very comfy for them or good for their hips). They are also great to wear at home so that you can get stuff done and with a little practise you feed easily in them. I still do and DD is 10 months.

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 10:28:59

Thanks everyone, sorry, I'm useless and some of these ideas are brilliant. I've taken him in the sling a couple of times and he did sleep, mostly, like you say Indith he'll wake and need a feed or something but less frequently than in the pram. I think that's the way to go isn't it.
I have got a stretchy one but it seems to go all saggy/he gets upset in it sometimes/I get backache so I got an Ergo - but I'm not sure if i'm doing it right, once it's on, round my waist I mean, getting him into it and low down enough so his head isn't poking out is really tricky, also getting it on and off is hard. But once he's in it he seems happy.

Tried dummy - he won't have it, but he does like sucking our fingers! Thankyou - I hadn't thought of doing that when he is in the pram.

hDee, yes, asked HV about reflux on Weds and she said no, he doesn't sound like he has that. Probably just wind I think, often he'll have a feed before we go out then he can't/won't burp before we go, so he needs to not be lying down as that hurts his tummy. I think that's the problem. So sling might really help with that.

As for the feeding - I am very un confident about it due to past experiences of people tutting, commenting, staring etc. I loathe feeding in public. I just don't have enough fight in me to ignore the negativity, so I try and find somewhere hidden.
They might have let me at school but the pram is enormous so I didn't even consider asking - I'd have felt like a right nuisance.

I just hope it gradually gets easier and he gets used to longer timeswithout feeds/is able to go in the car for a bit etc.

Thankyou for all the help and sympathy, I am a soggy wreck this morning.

TheProvincialLady Fri 01-Feb-13 10:31:16

Oh yes - I bought a special coat to keep us both dry whilst DS2 was in the sling. I'd forgotten that!

seeker Fri 01-Feb-13 10:33:15

Can you ask at school if you can sit in a corner of the staff room and give him a feed before you set off for home? I used to do this with ds. It was particularly good if we's had a flurried and stressful morning- we could get calmed down and sorted out before the journey home.

TheProvincialLady Fri 01-Feb-13 10:35:01

I had an ergo that I had used with DS1 and bought the newborn insert (do you have that?) but found it too unwieldly and DS2 was much, much happier in the Moby I bought on someone's recommendation. The Ergo was definitely brilliant once he outgrew the Moby though. Being upright is likely to help your son's wind issues and if he does have any reflux he will feel so much more comfortable.

HDee Fri 01-Feb-13 10:35:41

I'm not sure that 'just wind' makes a baby cry for most of the day. I'd ignore your HV and ask your GP if you can try medication. It won't do any harm if he doesn't have reflux, and possibly prevent him being in pain.

Imagine having constant heartburn and not being ale to help yourself? I'm sure many more babies are reflux-y than are ever diagnosed.

HDee Fri 01-Feb-13 10:36:55

And personally, rather than go through that hell, I'd be putting him in the carseat, dropping and running at school, and getting him back home ASAP.

TheProvincialLady Fri 01-Feb-13 10:37:20

Have you got a friend who knows about slings who can check if you are doing the stretchy wrap properly? Or is there a slingmeet near you?

spiderlight Fri 01-Feb-13 10:41:24

I was going to suggest a slingmeet too, so you can try out a few types and get someone to check that you've got it on tight enough - it shouldn't go saggy.

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 10:42:00

thankyou...not sure if we have a sling meet, I'll have a look into it - I think I'm getting the wrap right (have got a Close/Caboo one) as sometimes it works really well, but I'm finding the Ergo really tricky - yes, we've got the insert but I gave up trying to get him into it in that the other day and just put him in without! which worked fine, oddly - so I must be getting it wrong as hes only little (10lb now, up from 7lb 1 but still - you're meant to need the insert for months aren't you?

Thanks HDee, yes I can imagine it all too well and I hate the thought of him in pain, but I've asked both HVs so far and both just say, Oh he's only little, he'll grow out of it - that's not good enough, if it's hurting him I want to help sad
I've had a really happy baby so I know it isn't just one of those things all babies do. Might make appt with gP and see what they suggest in terms of meds.

Fairylea Fri 01-Feb-13 10:42:00

I think your gp might be wrong and it may be silent reflux. Have a Google. I'd go back and ask for another opinion and to try some medications. They won't do any harm and it's worth a try. This would also explain some of the needing to suck constantly and the not wanting to lie down flat (although confusinglythis is also quite common for a lot of babies anyway)!

I think timing a school run is really bloody difficult. I have dd aged 9 to take to school and ds 7 months to take with us and I still find it really stressful! I find that ds waking at 5 is actually a godsend during the week as he wants a nap at 7 which means I can have a shower etc....!

I second the sling idea. But failing that I think I'd just let him cry and keep going. All the stopping and feeding is just prolonging the stress for you both.

ScrambledSmegs Fri 01-Feb-13 10:42:04

I assume you have the infant insert? There are videos on youtube on how to use it properly. DD2 is much more comfy now I know how to position her correctly.

This is the video I watched.

And if you're not confident about feeding in public, have you tried using a large cotton scarf/wrap to cover yourself?

How is he positioned in the car seat? Mine has a wedge for the newborn phase so they're not completely scrunched up.

And I sympathise, really. DD2 is 8 weeks and has her moments. I just have to ignore the screaming for 5-10 minutes sometimes, just to get things done.

MN044 Fri 01-Feb-13 10:44:16

It will get easier smile I think 4 weeks old is too young for the Ergo, my ds could only pop his head out the top at about 5 months. With a stretchy wrap, you have to put it on tight. Far far tighter than you'd think, you don't have to leave any 'gap' for the baby as the fabric will just stretch around him. If you leave any kind of looseness then the sling will quickly sag and baby will be round your knees (voice of experience blush). You're doing a fab job, it's so so different when it's not your first baby and you actually have to be somewhere at a certain time, which you really don't comprehend when it's your first. I always took a muslin to pop over my shoulder when feeding and I just brazen it out. A wrap will actually give you great coverage for feeding too. What kind of sling is it? I found a Kari Me better at a very young age since it's so stretchy, then moved onto a Moby before using our Ergo. I've given away the Kari Me but I'm more than happy to post you the Moby if it'd be useful smile

cheddarcheeselover Fri 01-Feb-13 10:44:37

The stretchy wrap needs to be tied around you quite tightly and high on your body, then it stretches when you but the baby in. You should be able to kiss the tp of their head easily.
Then pull out all the bits of fabric so they spread all over you almost - across your back.
I didn't tie mine tight enough to start with.

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 10:45:50

Fairy, thankyou - and ikwym about the 7am nap! If only...I have to hand him to ds1, same age as your dd, so I can put on my socks/shoes/run a brush through my hair!

I did look up reflux the other day but because he's putting on so much weight, I think that was the thing that made theHV say he's not got it? I can't remember now. He keeps most feeds down, though - which I guess is good.

I will go back and ask for some more help with it, I think something is wrong, just not sure what or how to alleviate it so he ends up face down along my arm for most of the day and night - that really calms him down. And I am massaging his back and tummy as well.

MN044 Fri 01-Feb-13 10:46:29

X post. I found the Close not so good actually. I felt I had to hold onto him all the time, it never felt secure enough. If you think he's screaming or in pain, have you tried cutting things out of your diet? My ds has a cows milk protein intolerance and it's only by chance that a friend mentioned trying to cut it out. The difference in my ds was amazing, and it's really not as intimidating a diet as it sounds. Caffine is another one worth trying to give up (I know.....)

Poor you! I really sympathise DS1 was like this, and I had the feeding in public thing as well, always felt people were staring even though they probably weren't.
It isn't anything you are doing wrong, and you aren't useless! These first weeks are hard, and it does get easier. Would expressing into a bottle help with feeding in public? No idea about the slings, but ask your HV for some baby massage techniques to help get rid of wind, there are tummy rubs (think it's clockwise, but check) and bending knees up gently to the chest used to help my DS who didn't seem to be able to wind properly.
And have a cup of tea and big rest when you've done all that walking.

IsThatTrue Fri 01-Feb-13 10:47:20

The sling is great for ds2s wind so may help your ds with his tummy pain.

Good luck!

littleducks Fri 01-Feb-13 10:48:32

How are you winding him? Some babies respond better to less traditional (over your shoulder) methods. Like lying face down on one arm and patting on th back with the other. Or lying baby on back and bringing their knees up to their chest (learnt that in surestart baby yoga/massage class lots of babies farting in tune!)

IsThatTrue Fri 01-Feb-13 10:49:13

Oh and there is such a thing as silent reflux where they get the pain but not the vomitting. I think it's definitely worth a trip to the gp.

Gumps Fri 01-Feb-13 10:50:07

Ds1 liked sucking my finger and I used to sit by the cot until he fell asleep as I was so anti dummy. I realised this was ridiculous and got a dummy shaped like your finger which goes up at the end. Cherry tests are also good. The orthodontic ones don't give the same satisfaction (well not to my babies anyway). If he is reflux the dummy will help with this too as the saliva production helps neutralise the acid.
Poor you what an awful morning. Hope things get better soon.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 01-Feb-13 10:51:21

Honestly in your situation I would just stick him in the car and have done with it.
Yes he will yell, but he will get used to it and you can't go through that hell every day.

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 10:51:46

Scrambled, thanks for the link - will watch in a moment, and hopefully find out where I am going wrong!

The car seat makes him sort of recumbent, and I try and make him more upright in it but the straps are positioned really low so he slides down again - also it's stupid as his feet are too short to go round the bottom strap/clip thing, so I'm not sure it would even be safe in an accident. Rubbish thing.
I've dragged out our Concord Ultimax and am going to try that as it is so much nicer when he is in it - it seems to fit around him properly. But it doesn't lift out so if he's sleeping that's tricky - not that he ever does!

MN - thankyou so much for that offer. You're super kind, what I'll do is try the Close again but tie it much tighter like everyone is saying, and see if it is better. If not then I might take you up smile

You're right about needing to be somewhere. I thought it would be very simple and basic - just, to school, then back from school, two journeys a day - ha! It's never quite the right time is it grin

I am feeling a bit more cheered up now - he's asleep over my left arm and I can still type, so all is not lost : ) He's been sick all down my jeans though smile <sigh>

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 01-Feb-13 10:53:21

I never got on with my Close, it was too stretchy and never held mine securely. I had a Kari-Me with DS2 which was infinitely better and I did actually use quite a bit.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb Fri 01-Feb-13 10:55:12

You poor thing, that sounds like an horrendous morning for both of you. I have a half hour walk to nursery (and another half hour back) with my DS and new baby. I have walked her in a sling before which has worked well but at that distance you need to get the right sling for you.
On a rainy day I think I would ate the car if it was an option and would put up with the screaming, having said that though I think I would have just gone straight home after the school run and gone out to the shops again if I could be bothered when we had both calmed down a bit. It's all easier said than done though.
Do you think it's the style of carseat he doesn't like? Are you able to try a different, more comfortable one?

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 10:56:49

Oh lots of cross posts - I will definitely pursue the reflux thing and I wondered about dairy intolerance. I don't have caffeine, only in chocolate, but not in tea or coffee or cola so probably not that.
I will try cutting down on milk and see if that helps.
Thankyou for all these ideas, also I could really do with a dummy that was more like a finger - Gumps, where did you get yours? I looked everywhere for something that was the right sort of shape.

Littleducks, I tend to wind him over my arm - face down really helps him, he often stops crying when I position him like that. I'll try the knees to chest thing too. Prams should accommodate babies who need to be sideways smile

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb Fri 01-Feb-13 10:57:29

Sorry, I've just read your other post and noticed that you're already trying a different car seat, that teach me not to skim read the thread blush

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 01-Feb-13 10:59:09

Rooney I used to put DS2 in the pram on his side. If you roll up a couple of towels you can wedge him between and he should stay put.

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 10:59:29

Artemisia no worries! It's been such a fast thread to keep up with - I'm so grateful to everyone, I really needed some help this morning and have got it in spades.

Not tried the Concord yet, it's sitting in the hall but once I can put himself down for a few minutes I'll stick it in the car...and see how we go!

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 11:01:09

Alibaba - thankyou! I will give that a try too - have been trying to wedge him upright with a big blanket but hadn't thought about towels.

I'd have driven today in this weather, but needed mousetraps as we seem to have a mouse just to add to the fun...

WipsGlitter Fri 01-Feb-13 11:01:33

Agree with sling. Or just wait until you get home and feed him (I bottle fed so have no idea if that's feasible with ebf). Go to a cafe and sit down for a bit and feed there and have a big bun

MN044 Fri 01-Feb-13 11:08:01

With our Close, I used to tie the dangly side bits underneath his bum, it kept them out if the way and it seemed to give a little extra support.

MN044 Fri 01-Feb-13 11:09:51

Also, my ds was a newborn last year when we had all that hideous rain. I went to a charity shop, bought a cheap waterprroof a few sizes too big and wore ds underneath it. It actually kept me drier than if I'd been pushing a buggy and it kept ds happy.

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 11:22:29

Cool idea about the big coat! I actually got one of the winter covers for the ergo - I'm a bit scared of it, as it's so tricky but you guys have persuaded me, I'm going to really go for it and get the hang of it whatever it takes. I think it will make a big difference if I know I can at least do school without him kicking off.

Wips - grin at bun. I did think about going in starbucks, but I knew I didn't really want a drink and didn't have much time as we have an agents inspection today. But I will definitely do that next time, if I can, as it might solve the problem of trying to find somewhere discreet and dry. Can't believe I sat in a doorway. I think when you've had no sleep, things get out of perspective and you end up doing things you never normally would, out of tiredness/desperation.

domesticslattern Fri 01-Feb-13 11:22:57

Poor you. Some great advice here re slings.
I found my child's nursery immensely accommodating when I asked if I could feed my new baby somewhere. It is simply bonkers that you find yourself on a doorstep in an alleyway in this weather! Please ask the school office for a corner where you can feed. Especially if the person you ask has ever had kids, you'll find them leaping to help you. even if it is a chair in the cleaner's cupboard.

forevergreek Fri 01-Feb-13 11:27:30

I think also with a sling, as you say there's no huge pram in the way so it's easier to ask the school if you can just sit on say a chair in reception area and feed as your not in anyone's way at all.

Often reflux only lasts until 12 weeks approx so it's the perfect time to spend a few months upright in sling and close and then as they get older the use of pram etc can be used more when they have settled

domesticslattern Fri 01-Feb-13 11:29:08

I hear you sister on the perspective thing!
I once sat on the curb to bf DD2, and a lovely woman took pity on me and actually took me into her house! You can get a kids hot chocolate in Starbucks for £1.80. Look on it as £1.80 to get your tits out somewhere warm and dry. Bargain!

Duritzfan Fri 01-Feb-13 11:35:06

Sounds mad but have you heard Harvey Karps happiest baby on the block theories ?
I had a ds with reflux, screamed all day and most of the night but "karping" helped him out no end
Google him

ShephardsDelight Fri 01-Feb-13 11:51:15

A dummy perhaps??

or could be crossing a line here , but making up a FF just for the school run?

Indith Fri 01-Feb-13 12:41:40

smile You will get better at it. Both sling using and feeding out and about!

If he does have reflux then a sling is definitely going to be better than a pram as he will much prefer being upright. If the feeding while out thing still scares you then if he is happier for longer in a sling then you get that bit closer to home before he starts screaming. Plus you can walk along with a finger in his mouth which you can't do with the pram so you might be able to distract him for long enough to get home rather than having to stop.

Shepherds I'm not sure a bottle of formula or ebm would help here really as the op would still have to find somewhere to stop to feed him.

Chickpeas2 Fri 01-Feb-13 13:01:33

Hi op
Have skimmed your thread, loads of great advice, just wanted to add that my DC2 was v similar, will never forget the horrendous car journeys,many of which I had to abandon half way through and turn around usually in tears myself...

I wondered what your labour/delivery were like? My DC2 had the cord around her neck and was drlivered very fast which the osteopath thought caused some trauma that triggered her silent reflux. Was very sceptical about osteopath but after one treatment DC2 stopped crying for the first time in her 6 week old life.She too gained weight fast as fed constantly I think for comfort from the silent reflux. A Kari me sling was my lifesaver and then a bouncy seat in as upright a position as I could find. Also wedges for her cot to raise the head end. Also I tried to keep her more upright when feeding and shoved a towel under her head & shoulders for nappy changes. Good luck!

JollyRedGiant Fri 01-Feb-13 13:06:27

Do you have the insert for the pebble car seat? If not it might help.

cheddarcheeselover Fri 01-Feb-13 13:55:54

Just want to agree with the others who've said the close carrier was a bit rubbish. Moby is infinitely better.

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 14:01:58

Gosh so so many great ideas. Thankyou all so much.

I like the idea of the kids' hot chocolate - I think I had one once, it was lovely and the right size for me as I don't drink much! Thankyou for reminding me. It would be well worth doing smile

It's a thought about the bottle thing but I don't dare - I've never had a child who would accept a bottle before about 16 months, and have got some in case I need them but for the time being I'm a bit scared to introduce formula in case it has an impact on the bF. I'll bear it in mind though as would be easier for me than getting boobs out.

I didn't know the Pebble had an insert - does it? I've been using it as it came - but with a sheepskin too.

I never knew reflux can stop after 12 weeks -we're a third of the way there then if it is that. I do change him face down on my lap, often he curls up like a little snail, bottom in the air. Or upright on my lap once the main bit is done. He always sighs with relief when he's sat up. Poor little thing.

Chickpeas thankyou for the suggestion, do you know, he's been so worried looking since the day he was born, that I did wonder if something had caused it - my having had an epidural perhaps, or the way he was born - pretty quick, too, with the cord around his neack like yours and the mW shouting at me to push really hard as he needed to come out NOW. I was traumatised so I don't know if he was too - wouldn't be surprised.

I will try and find out if there's a good osteopath round here. I'm sure someone at school will have used one. I want to do whatever I can to help the poor wee lad.

Thanks again for everything - I've managed to sort out the Ergo thanks to that You tube vid and a few others on there, so he's currently asleep in that- looked up the Karp thing too, and thinking about ordering it. MN is great, Indith I shall think of you while I'm walking to school with my finger in his mouth smile

mummy2benji Fri 01-Feb-13 14:19:14

Try a nursing cover like this for feeding, this one is really well-priced

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Brand-New-Baby-Breastfeeding-Cover-Nursing-Apron-100-Cotton-/150952020858?pt=UK_Baby_Baby_Feeding_Breast_Pads_Pumps_LE&var=&hash=item2325710b7a

Poor you, your school run experience sounds hideous! I have a 3mo dd and 4yo ds and getting him to school while trying to time her feeds (she has reflux and will vomit if moved about too soon after a feed) is very tricky. She frequently is only allowed half a feed or just has to wait while we go fetch ds and then I feed her when we get home. I have a BabyBjorn carrier which I got secondhand from eBay and works just great, and although she hates it if we are just in the house and when initially put in it, after half a minute of my power-walking down the road towards school she will settle.

I hope it gets easier for you soon. x

TheMaskedHorror Fri 01-Feb-13 14:58:42

Have you tried giving up dairy in your diet?

My dc3 (3 months) was very similar til I gave up dairy.

ScrambledSmegs Fri 01-Feb-13 16:09:35

I've got a Medela Calma teat for times when DD2 needs to be bottle fed. It is damn expensive but DD gets on far better with it than the Tommee Tippee ones and she doesn't seem to learn bad habits on it. I took the view that we wouldn't need more than 1 as she's bf, and I intend to keep doing so as long as possible - at least to a year.

Medela Calma

On Amazon - So damn expensive

Duritzfan Fri 01-Feb-13 18:07:46

Wow .. My ds with reflux was a crash c section after he nearly died .. He had cord wrapped around his neck too ...

JollyRedGiant Fri 01-Feb-13 18:17:16

The maxi cosi pebble comes with a wedge that goes in the bottom. This should be used until baby is about 4 months I think. It makes the seat much more lying back and less bucket like. It is very easy to remove so you should be able to see if you have it or not smile

FrameyMcFrame Fri 01-Feb-13 18:17:39

Try a sling but if you don't get on with that then he will just have to cry until you get home in the buggy. Don't feel like you should be huddling in rainy shop doorways feeding him, he can wait until you both get home and dry!
It's hard but 2nd and subsequent children have to get used to waiting for things pretty quickly in a way our pfb babies didn't have to.

RooneyMara Fri 01-Feb-13 18:27:05

Thankyou...Duritz, wow, maybe there is something in it then. I will definitely ask around for an osteopath. When you've had a super happy baby, well I just can't feel Ok about this sort! There must be something hurting him.

Framey, I know what you mean but I can't do it. It's horrible when he cries, I just can't bear it. He does have to wait more than the others did, already - but walking for 20 minutes or more with a crying baby isn't something I could stand!

Thankyou for the link for the nursing cover, also for the Medela bottle which looks excellent.

I'm going to try cutting down on dairy - do you have to cut out everything including hidden stuff in ingredients? Or just basic milk?

Jolly - thanks - you're right, it does have a wedge. I am such a dufus - I put it together many months ago and had forgotten, it's definitely in there but he still seems to find it very awkward. His feet always end up froggy style, soles together, way above the bottom strap! smile I'm sure it'll be better once he's bigger but at the moment (and when he was just born) it's a bit daft.

I took him to school in the Ergo this afternoon. All great until we got to the gate - hestarted waking and rooting about, then crying so I had to find somewhere to feed him, take off the ergo, (after taking off my coat, handbag, etc) and sit on a cold bench feeding him in his sleepsuit again - can't put a coat on him in the sling, it'd be too warm.

It was really hard especially as I couldn't get the darn thing off quickly - the back strap is so difficult to reach. I got very frustrated and so did he.

But he was fine on the way home, thank goodness.

Back to square one in a sense - and just keep winging it, and trying the other things. <collapses in heap>

MN044 Fri 01-Feb-13 20:29:55

Quick tip to take off the Ergo, though I don't knwo if it'd work with the insert. I never undo the clip at the back, I simply can't reach it. I do it up after I put on the waist belt, then feed my arms through over my head, a bit like a jumper if that makes sense. To get ds out, I just loosen the straps and pull him out of the top. With the milk thing, I've cut out anything that lists milk on the allergy information. It really sounds far more daunting that it is in practice so don't worry. My ds has consistently put on weight despite me cutting out the milk for me, but even then we were referred to a specialist who talked me through weaning which was helpful. The difference in my ds was immediate when I cut it out. I only ever thoguht of dairy being a problem when it clicked that the 2 times he'd really, truly screamed and screamed were times my parents had visited when he was really small, and I'd served us all clotted cream scones. Even now if I slip up, I can tell by his reaction. Milk seems to get to my milk, if that makes sense, very quickly. I made and ate a pie that had loads of cream in it a few months ago, ate it and thought nothing of it, fed ds an hour later and he howled sad I've found health visitors and doctors much more clued up than I expected about the cows milk protein intolerance, it's the most common one in babies, I think my consultant said about 4% of under ones have a problem, but most of them grow out of it by about 2 years old.
I do think that a lot of a problem is how you percieve it as well. If you're stressing about gettign out and about, you're going to start setting yourself up to fail. Have confidence in your ability to get out every day. Ds will cry sometimes. There's really no need to get flustered, though I know that's far easier said than done. If none of the suggestions help, make sure you keep talking. Ds is my 3rd dc, I had terrible PND after my second, percisely because I felt very much liek you do now- a bit overwhelmed by the mechanics of having more than one, and a baby who just was never happy. It's my one huge regret actually that noone suggested altering my diet with ds1, who knows if that would have helped.

Indith Fri 01-Feb-13 22:29:17

Well your school run this afternoon seems to have been better anyway even though it involved a feed smile Thing is the length of it means that you will often need to feed in these early weeks, in is fairly inevitable but will change in a matter of weeks as he starts going a little longer and you all settle into a feed/sleep pattern based around your school runs. You will get there, these first weeks are just a bitch. Good luck discussing osteopath and dairy stuff, well worth a try. If you try to cut dairy remember it takes a good 4-6 weeks for your body top be clear of it so give it time to work. Also a lot of people sensitive to CMP also react to soya.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 01-Feb-13 22:32:50

I had one of these. I used to have to do a 45 min round trip twice a day to take DS1 to nursery when DS2 was tiny. He used to scream from a certain point until we got home. I coped by enlisting as much help as I could with drop offs and pick ups inc getting our cleaner to look after DS2 once a week while I dropped DS1 off.

It was a nightmare and so I feel your pain!

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 01-Feb-13 22:36:14

I think in my DS2's case it was just over stimulation. DS1 was never like that and I think mainly because the house was quiet and I didn't have to do anything with him if I didn't want to. DS2 was and is very easily overstimulated, he was and is a very alert child <sigh>

domesticslattern Fri 01-Feb-13 22:39:48

Ah, it all sounds so so familiar. But please promise me you'll ask the school to give you somewhere to feed tomorrow? Cold benches in this weather= Not Good.

MN044 Fri 01-Feb-13 22:43:30

school on saturday = even less ideal wink

domesticslattern Sat 02-Feb-13 08:26:59

blush
I need more sleep.

imip Sat 02-Feb-13 08:44:54

I feel your pain op! You've received some brilliant advice here, I probably cannot offer you that much more, just a sympathetic ear! I have 4 dds - 6,4,2 and 12 months. My school run for the past year or so has been HELL!

The sling has been a lifesaver, but like you, I do not get on well with the ergo til the baby is about five or so months. I have also never, ever received any negative comments for breastfeeding in public, and I am very confident at doing so. If the baby needs to be fed, ESP in winter, I do not hesitate to get myself a coffee and find the best seat in the house. I also usually have had one or two toddlers with me, it is not easy. But I can placate them with a baby chino (free at Starbucks, up to a pound at other independent retailers!). For modesty and warmth, I have taken to wearing a scarf, like the mumsnet scarf, around my neck. I find it much better than any other mode of coverage. Then I can pull my top down (much preferred to pulling my top up and exposing my belly).

You really have my sympathy. Last night it took me an hour to walk home from gymnastics with 12 month old in ergo screaming, 2 year old holding onto my hand being pulled in scooter, me pushing the buggy with NO child in it, and 4 and 6 year old scooting and complaining about being tired. <disclaimer: we could normally drive this but car is broken down and girls wanted to go to gymnastics>.

MrsHoarder Mon 04-Feb-13 01:13:53

Feeding in Ergo tip: wear a button top and leave it around your waist (so just slip shoulder straps off). Much quicker than taking it off entirely and having to get it straight again.

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