I don't think I can do this anymore.

(53 Posts)
Jennyrosity Wed 12-Dec-12 13:41:03

At the end of my rope with my 10 month old daughter, I just don't know how much longer I can keep going. She's just so intense, always has been, needs my constant attention and physical presence.

She doesn't nap unless I hold her and even then she breastfeeds throughout, so I feel stranded, unable to move, unable to use the time to get anything done. She barely sleeps at night, wakes up hourly, can't self-settle, wants to breastfeed, screams if her Dad goes to her instead of me.

I want to stop breast feeding but don't know how because its the only thing that always calms her. But she's so aggressive - I know she's not really, but she bites and pinches me, pulls away with the boob still in her mouth, climbs all over whilst still trying to feed.

She screams and has full on tantrums whenever I leave her alone - I just left her cot for 4 and a half minutes (I timed it) while I washed my face and brushed my teeth (can never manage to have a shower except when her Dad's home) and she screamed the whole time. When I went back she had tears streaming down her face, was pulling at her hair and had marks on her face from pulling at her skin. She howls whenever I leave her alone, it's a struggle to even make meals for us.

It takes all morning just to get us both fed, cleaned and dressed, by which time it's lunchtime and I have to start all over again so it feels never ending and I never get to go out and see anyone so I feel lonely and isolated. She physically fights me on everything - bathing, putting clothes on, nappy changes, getting her into her pram, all become screaming wrestling matches and I worry she'll hurt herself. She quite often deliberately headbuts things if she thinks she's not getting my full attention.

My DH does his best but he works really long days - usually leaves the house at 7am and isn't home till after 9pm so I'm on my own with her the whole time.

I can't bear it, I don't know what to do anymore. Please help.

TeaBrick Wed 12-Dec-12 13:43:13

That sounds really difficult. Do you ever take her to baby groups or anything like that? Maybe if she had something interesting to distract her from you that would help. And it might tire her out too.

TeaBrick Wed 12-Dec-12 13:44:10

You need to get out even if she's throwing a tantrum at the time, just put her in the pram and get out.

TeaBrick Wed 12-Dec-12 13:47:05

Have you had her checked out by your GP by the way, just to make sure there's no physical cause for her distress?

jinglebellyalltheway Wed 12-Dec-12 13:47:51

sounds really hard!

have you tried dummies, and can you afford a couple of hours mother's help a week?

definitely get out even if she's fighting in the buggy - being alone indoors with a non verbal child all the time is not good for anyone x

jinglebellyalltheway Wed 12-Dec-12 13:48:25

or home start?

I'm so sorry. I don't have any good advice but I'm so sorry you're going through this, it sounds dreadful.

I think somewhere on here there is a high needs baby thread, have you seen it?

Normally I would suggest weaning, perhaps some version of controlled crying, or starting some nursery time so you have a break -- but tbh if she is physically hurting herself when you leave her, that sounds quite extreme. I wonder if the ladies on the high needs thread would have more useful advice.

Is there a health visitor or sure start centre or anywhere you could get some advice? Is there a chance there is something physically troubling her?

TeaBrick Wed 12-Dec-12 13:50:50

Just read your op again and I think you should definitely get her checked by the GP, it sounds really extreme. Could she have silent reflux for example? The GP should see you today as she's so young.

Jennyrosity Wed 12-Dec-12 13:52:47

Yes, took her to our GP, she says she physically very healthy. Was sympathetic but couldn't offer much in the way of advice.

Try to get out but it's hard when just getting us both dressed is such a struggle. Try taking her to baby groups but she seems to hate them, won't interact with the other babies, just screams and flings herself about. We go swimming once a week which she loves but everything else seems to result in a meltdown. I feel so embarrassed about the way other mums look me, feel like it's my fault even though I do everything I can to prevent it/stop it.

She can be lovely - a happy, smiley, lively little girl. But then she flips so suddenly.

WLmum Wed 12-Dec-12 13:55:16

Poor you, that sounds utterly exhausting. I'm not surprised you can't do it any more. Have you tried talking to your health visitor? I know some of them are a bit useless but there are some good ones who might be able to offer a bit if support.

With self settling, unfortunately I had to resort to controlled crying with both of mine - not easy but changed my life! My hv was actually quite supportive. With dd2 it was also tied up with stopping bfing. She refused all other milk including expressed from all other bottles, cups etc. In the end I just said no more and regularly offered her bottles. Having had nothing all day (she was having other weaning foods) by 5pm she accepted a bottle. In the night, I started by sitting on a chair in her room just holding her after she woke but refusing to leave the room (she wanted to get in our bed and be bfed). Offered bottle but she always refused. Eventually she would fall asleep and I'd put her down. Progressed to refusing to get her out of the cot, just patting/stroking/shushing. Then to just putting my head round the door and shushing. Then the allusive peaceful nights started!

I did feel awful but was at the point of no return, and we were all alot happier in the end.

Good luck with whatever path you choose.

jinglebellyalltheway Wed 12-Dec-12 13:55:22

OP when the other mums look at yours having a meltdown, 90% of them are thinking "oh thank god its someone else's kicking off for a change, it's usually mine!" - I promise!

10month olds don't really interract with each other, the best you can hope for is "parrallel play", playing together/interracting comes later so don't worry, its good for YOU to go to things

swimming twice a week maybe?

Try to remember it's not your fault, it sounds like you're doing everything you can!

Has she been checked specifically for reflux? Perhaps take her to another GP?

As I understand it, if babies have reflux or other digestive issues, they will try to feed a lot as it provides temporary relief but then it fades and they end up feeling even worse.

There are also loads of reflux threads on here, perhaps you might recognise your DD's symptoms on some of them?

sipper Wed 12-Dec-12 13:58:12

Poor you and your daughter. Heart breaking and hard for both of you. Have you tried cranial treatment? I've found cranial chiropractic to be the best. Can you see who's in your area that has lots of experiences with babies and toddlers? I found it to be really calming and had a powerful effect on mood. Also worth taking a look at this book (I couldn't get it from Amazon, I found it on a web shop called Evergreen). Really interesting and v useful: www.theyarewhatyoufeedthem.com/

Did you specifically address silent reflux with the GP? The extreme lack of settling, distressed screaming etc, esp if it suddenly happens, does sound as if there's some kind of discomfort going on.

Babies can appear physically healthy on quick GP check, but have other physical stuff going on. IMHO, worth pushing, and poss seeing another GP, too. Sounds quite extreme, partic by 10 months.

Good luck!

speculationisrife Wed 12-Dec-12 14:07:06

You poor thing, it sounds as if you're having an extremely hard time of it - you must be exhausted. I know the GP has said perfectly healthy, but they are not specialists and they wouldn't necessarily be able to spot something a paediatrician might. I'm not for a minute trying to say there is anything physically (or otherwise) wrong, but as far as I can tell you are at the end of your tether and you need to start somewhere.

Absolutely agree with the others about getting to groups (and not worrying about your daughter kicking off), as well as checking out the high-needs threads. Also, I wonder if you've considered cranial osteopathy - depending on the cause of the 'problem' it can have an extraordinarily calming effect.

Hope you find some way to get some relief - life with a small baby can feel relentless at the best of times!

Jennyrosity Wed 12-Dec-12 14:12:34

The GP is also a paediatrician, it's why I took her to her. I will look into silent reflux but a quick google suggests she doesn't have the common symptoms. Will look into cranial osteopathy, there's a place I've seen locally that does it.

MammyKaz Wed 12-Dec-12 14:16:47

jenny you need a break hun. I know it sounds impossible but as I was told when my dd was being challenging a stressed out and unhappy mummy does baby no good.

She loves you but has gotten way too dependent on just you. Really easy for her to do if its just you caring for her - I'm in same situation & it can be very difficult to cope with. But biting & pulling whilst feeding was where I drew the line, immediately she did it I took her off. She did learn but I had to move to bottle as she'd cluster feed from 5.30 till 8!!

Dont tackle it all at once, chose what you feel you can cope with first to build your confidence. Do you have any family that can come & occupy her in the house for a while? even if you don't go out but keep leaving the room so she can get used to being with others & know you'll come back. If not then I'm sorry but DH is going to have to take over on days off. DD may throw a total strop but believe me she will get used to it eventually, maybe try it with a new toy. Stock up on tissues for yourself it's going to be hard. IMO she's old enough to start getting it, you won't be hurting her in any way & you need it.

Definitely speak with HV, they often have good advice or can point you in another direction.

Be brave, round up your support & you can tackle it. Your dd will still love you just as much. Good luck!

Ps my dd sometimes went to baby group in pjs & no one cared grin

Carmeleen Wed 12-Dec-12 14:17:00

Have you considered taking her to a homeopath. They can work wonders.

Is it possible she has some kind of allergy, that's giving her stomach pains?

I just think it's unusual for a 10 month old to have that much distress unless there is something really physically bothering her.

orchidee Wed 12-Dec-12 14:22:30

Do you think she is a high needs baby? There's loads if info in the internet about thius,see Dr Sears' website and this thread www.sugardoodle.net/Jokes/True%20preparation%20for%20parenthood.shtml

MammyKaz Wed 12-Dec-12 14:23:40

Just spotted the mention of cranial osteopathy. Can be brilliant, we used successfully for colic. If you want a Recommendation the osteopathic centre for children http://occ.uk.com/. Have trained osteos based all over the country. They're London based.

Agree with jinglebelly everyone is thankful it's not their kid that time!

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Wed 12-Dec-12 14:23:42

"I feel so embarrassed about the way other mums look me, feel like it's my fault even though I do everything I can to prevent it/stop it."

That look is sympathy. Nobody is judging you. smile

orchidee Wed 12-Dec-12 14:25:51
sipper Wed 12-Dec-12 14:29:15

Fab - glad you are going to try cranial. Also look out for chiropractor who does cranial - I found chiro cranial more effective than cranial osteo (can of course depend on the practitioner and perhaps your local cranial osteo is amazing, but just wanted to say I've had both and chiro has been much more effective). Whether it's silent reflux, colic or other digestive settling discomfort, the treatment should be able to address the prob. Best wishes for getting sorted and hope your little girl is comfy and happy very soon.

QTPie Wed 12-Dec-12 14:30:37

Oh honey.

Never ever get embarrassed about what other mums/people think at baby groups.

You do need a break (easier said than done). If you are at the end of your tether (anay hurt yourself or her), then getting out (at the weekend, when your husband is home) is a much better option. He can cope (will have to) and you can get some sanity.

Financially is some part-time help an option? A couple of mornings a week? A professional who can help out and maybe give ideas. Initially work with you in the house, but in time maybe give you a few hours to get out if the house?

Do you have any mummy friends? So you can go visit them (with DD) and them visit you? Might be easier going than baby groups. Where abouts in the UK are you?

How do you sleep? Co-sleep or have you tried sleeping on a mattress on her floor (we did that when DS was teething).

Has she always been like this? Or could it be teething?

What do you do when she hurts herself? How do you react?

I would definitelyl

QTPie Wed 12-Dec-12 14:33:14

I would definitely look at weaning off the breastfeeding (if it makes you miserable): try replacing a feed at a time with a bottle. You may well need to be firm. They do adapt, but may be rough along the way (although sounds like things are very rough anyway...).

Agree with trying Cranial Osteopathy - cant hurt and may very well help smile


Phineyj Wed 12-Dec-12 14:39:33

This sounds awful, poor you. If swimming helps (and am presuming that it's still difficult to get her there) can you take baths with her, possibly even set up a paddling pool/birthing pool indoors to go in with her? If the water's helping, I'd be inclined to use that as much as possible.

TheProvincialLady Wed 12-Dec-12 14:47:16

My son was very high needs as a baby and I used to feel like you often, especially the bit where other mothers seem to look on (they're hardly ever unsupportive). Sorry to tell but he was bottle fed, and making up bottles just added to my burden, so don't think that stopping BF will necessarily solve your problems.

My son turned out to have a lactose intolerance, so he felt uncomfortable all the time and no wonder he wanted to be held constantly etc. Is there any chance of any kind of allergy/intolerance? How is your daughter's eating and how are her poos?

ImNotCute Wed 12-Dec-12 14:48:15

My dd was a bit like this, although maybe not as extreme as you describe.

You don't mention if you are going to be returning to work at all? I went back 3 days a week when she was 12months and found my days with her were much better for also having time apart. She was in nursery and although I had thought they would struggle to settle her as she mostly fed to sleep they managed just fine and soon had her taking much longer naps than at home! She often seemed happier there than she would have been at home.

Maybe you're planning on staying home full time, but if not you're on the home straight to the end of maternity leave.

xlatia Wed 12-Dec-12 15:04:09

oh poor you, that sounds miserable.

just adding to the good ideas already mentioned: if she bites/scratches while bf, immedately take her off and tell her no. that's what i did with my DS around the same time and although in the beginning i thought he was too young to understand it got a lot better fairly quickly. also, co-sleeping if that's an option for you. she can feed to her little heart's content while you get some sleep.

if preparing meals/getting things done round the house is a struggle, have you tried a sling? i used to carry DS on my back and then cook/do the washing/tiding up/hoovering.

i realise these are quite small things and probably your DD needs medical help for allergies/reflux as suggested by others but they may be worth a try.

good luck!

Jennyrosity Wed 12-Dec-12 15:41:04

We have relocated to a cafe to eat food I don't have to cook to a background of screaming, and I'm feeling a bit calmer. DD is also happier, chomping away on a sandwich.

She's a good eater. We did BLW and that and breastfeeding are the two things that just seemed to work for us - till recently at least breastfeeding was a joy.

She has always been like this. Our first night in hospital the day she was born she screamed all night. Eventually when I was reduced to tears a lovely male midwife came and took her off me to give me a break and just had to walk the floor with her while she screamed. When he gave her back I thanked him and he said "don't worry, she's not my first difficult baby", and I felt so sad that she was already being labelled as "difficult". But she hasn't got any easier.

Co-sleeping used to work for us but now she claws and pinches and grabs at me whilst kicking DH so none of us get any sleep.

I'm not going back to work - both mine and DH's job involved a lot of travel and long hours, and as he earns three times what I do, it didn't make sense for me to go back. Most of the mum friends I had have now gone back which doesn't help.

We are moving to a new town in 6 weeks so l will look into whether we can afford some help then. Till then I am trying to tell myself that I've just got to make it till Christmas and I'll have some help then. But this has been a particularly tough week and every day seems to get a bit harder.

ImNotCute Wed 12-Dec-12 16:19:05

IMO a lot of what you have to do with a demanding baby is manage your expectations and just ride it out. Eg what are you trying to cook while she screams? I now have dc2 who is 11 months old and I only do really simple things eg beans on toast/ pasta with pesto, and often do things one handed while carrying him on my hip.

Also getting stuff done around the house- don't set your heart on getting much done, just the absolute essentials, and resign yourself to having dd in tow while you do. Will dd come in the shower with you or sit on bathroom floor playing?

Btw, I really do know how frustrating it is feeling pinned to the sofa by a sleeping child, but looking back I wish I'd just chilled out and enjoyed the quiet time! You don't get much time to sit down when you have a non-napping toddler and/or a 2nd child.

You will get through it, but it is tough!

cloudhands Wed 12-Dec-12 19:36:27

hey there Jenny, sorry to hear it's so hard, have a look at these articles from the Hand in Hand Parenting website just scroll down to the ones that say 'for parents of infant's, and there they have a couple of useful articles, one about breastfeeding and a whole set of amazing podcasts. Parenting was such a puzzle and confusion, before i read this stuff from Hand in Hand it makes so much sense, and will help you find a way to parent your daughter, that will be easier on both of you.

Hand in Hand Parenting

helping young children sleep

IndigoBelle Wed 12-Dec-12 19:43:01

I agree with lots of the others - there is a reason she's so miserable.

Could be an allergy / food intolerance. Could you and her both go dairy free for a few weeks to see if that helps?

Although she could be intolerant of gluten or eggs or heaps of other things. But dairy's a good first thing to try.

Cranial Osteopath or Homeopath might also help.

I would try all of these sorts of things. And I have.

And all of them have helped my kids at various stages.

But going gluten free / diary free stopped my 3 kids being in pain and feeling sick the whole time, and is probably the best thing I did for them.

Echoing IndigoBelle's advice - the difference I've seen in both my children when taken off dairy, soya and gluten has been unbelievable.

Not to say that's the cause with your DD, at all, but just to highlight that children don't tend to be this distressed for no reason, and that there can be underlying causes that can massively affect their sleep/settling/clinginess/mood, because they have no other way of expressing their discomfort.

TheProvincialLady Wed 12-Dec-12 20:48:38

Another thing I want to say is that the way your daughter currently is is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is not because you have 'allowed' her to get the upper hand or to 'need you too much' or anything like that. You have been responding to your daughter in the only way you could. If your baby screams after a very short time on her own, it't not because you have cosseted her and not made her spend time on her own. It's because your daughter is like this that you have not been able to put her down.

I also want to tell you that she won't necessarily stay like this. My son is not at all high needs now and hasn't been since he was 2 and we finally got to the bottom of his dairy issues. Hopefully you will find out what is causing your daughter to be like this and you can both move on. In the meantime, though it is hard, you are doing a good job and I think you should be told thatsmile

kaysnutch Wed 12-Dec-12 22:12:25

it sounds like separation anxiety. Try putting her in her cot and staying in her room talking to her. sometimes they get really anxious if they can't see you and need reassuring that you will return. You could also try playing peek-a-boo, where you just step outside the room for a little bit - just out of her sight and then coming back in so she can see that it's not so awful that you are not there all the time.
And when she does things like biting you and pinching you, she needs to learn that it's not ok to do that, so try putting her down so she realises she doesn't get attention for those things, even if she full on screams when she is down, and then when she is nice reward her with lots of praise and play. i know it's hard, i have had problems with my daughter since she has been born and she is 6 next month and still have major problems. But also if she senses your down or stressed she will pick up on it and react too. You need to have some you time aswell and even if you put her in her cot (even if she screams the whole time) and go and do what you need to do, you know she is safe and not being harmed, you can keep going in every few minutes to start with settle her down and return her to her cot and then gradually increase the time between visits. Hopefully something works for you. Good luck and keep persevering.

wouldratherbeonthebeach Wed 12-Dec-12 22:16:36

Try cranial osteopathy, i tried it on a my friend's recommendation with ds1 as a baby and it really helped. It's so draining, good luck wink

WLmum Wed 12-Dec-12 22:16:57

Have you tried phoning crysis - org that specialises in supporting parents of babies that cry a lot. They may be able to offer some support.

Like others have said, you are doing the absolute best you can and are being an amazing mummy by responding to her needs, so please don't ever be hard on yourself. But it does sound like it is time for something to change for your sake and hers.

Good luck and a big hug.

aimzbub22 Wed 12-Dec-12 23:39:02

My little girl was 80 per cent tongue tied. By the time it was spotted I felt like I was permenantly sitting on the sofa feeding and she woke hourly in the night for feeds. With my LO being my first one I felt like I was doing something wrong and judged myself too. Don't. They say you follow your babies queues. I got to the point I was still feeding her more than she was supposed to be feeding, so I started to feed her milk in bottles and started to drop feeds when I knew she was having more than she was supposed to. She didn't like it at first but you have to persevere, especially if you do want to stop breast feeding. I noticed with mine that when I started to put her on formula, she started to settle better and was calmer and I can only assume that was because formula keeps them fuller. I started by just doing one bottle of formula a day for a couple of days and the rest breast milk, give it a few days and then add another bottle. This will prevent them getting constipated as formula is heavier and takes longer to digest.

You say he/she doesn't sleep at night, maybe try co sleeping, I did it with mine just so I could get a decent nights sleep, if mine didn't sleep properly in the night I found she would be harder to nap in the day

This may sound silly but if you want someone to talk to, comment on here I could always give you my email if you want someone to talk to :-)

preemiemummy26 Thu 13-Dec-12 07:09:28

This sounds very, very similar to my daughter! As soon as she could sit up shed bang her head off the floor, pull her hair out etc. she actually would bruise herself and she'd scream for hours at a time... I was beside myself too! The health visitor wasn't much help till she managed to walk in on it one day. Then I had a behaviour therapist, family support worker and nursery nurse (to try and get her to sleep at night) brought in. None of it made much difference but the company was nice!

She's now almost 5, still has meltdowns, they can still last hours... But there's a child in there now (you'll probably understand that!). And I love her to bits. She still struggles to communicate with other children, she started school in September and they've called in an educational psychologist (suspected aspergers/autism) to assess her.

A lot of it may be that she's frustrated that she can't talk and relay her problems and wants and needs to you. But I honestly just leave my daughter when she's having meltdowns, trying to comfort her stimulates her too much and makes it worse! I'm not saying your little girl is autistic by any means, but if shes not your best to leave her to her tantrums or they will just get worse as she's getting attention from it now. Ill put my daughter I'm another (carpeted) room and try and make myself a cuppa so I don't break down when she's bad x

On top of whatever other issues are going on your DD sounds like she is overtired/exhausted. If she is barely sleeping at night I am unsure how either of you are even coping.

How do you get simple tasks done during the day? Would you consider a play pen or similar where she can play and watch you while you can get on with cooking etc?

IndigoBelle Thu 13-Dec-12 07:37:59

Preemie - have you tried putting your DD on a gluten free dairy free diet?

It really is one of the first things you should try if you suspect / know your child has autism.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 13-Dec-12 08:38:49

My DD was like this. The day she was born, she was taken off the ward and put in the Nursery because she was 'upsetting' the other babies.

She would scream every time I picked her up to feed her, and scream if I put her down. She didn't want to be held, but she didn't want to be put down either.

She has Autism.

It was sooooo difficult to cope with, I felt like I could not do anything right. I was only 16 when I had her, and the difficult behaviour made me feel like a failure, because I looked at other people with their happy, smiling babies, and wondered where I was going wrong.

I wasn't. Going wrong that is.

On the plus side, as DD has got older, her personality has developed. She is now cheeky, kind and lovable around 50% of the time. It's taken a long hard slog, but I can see that underneath the high needs and the meltdowns, there is a lovely girl trying to get out!

DD is 14 now, she still melts down a lot, but I have learnt little tricks to divert her.

She was first able to be left in a room alone for short periods (while I went to the loo or to put something in a cupboard) at about 4yo.

I was so thankful of the ability to poo in peace by that point! grin

It's hard. The one thing that I found was that her screams never sounded so loud outside! That sounds awful now! I used to have a coat that was easy to put on, and I all but face up with clothes by 10 months, I just used to shove a best and a fleecy sleepsuit with a zip to make it less time that I had to struggle with her for.

I gave up on daily baths and just whipped a flannel over her twice a day top to toe.

waterrat Thu 13-Dec-12 09:25:53

It sounds bloody tiring OP - particularly that you are on your own looking after her for such a long stretch - do you think that is part of the issue? My partner is out of the house from 9am until 1830 and I find that a long day - but he is there in the morning and often for bedtime too...it must be tough doing both morning and night routine alone.

If you think about how humans evolved - it's only in the last hundred years that women would have spent so much time alone with a child - we are designed over thousands of years to bring up children in groups. Women would have always been with other mothers and lots of small children - working collecting food etc while the childcare was just something that happened as they got on with life. The model we all follow now - woman alone 'caring' for child full time is completely unnatural to our natures. You would have had support constantly - being able to hand your baby over to someone else while you rest or cook - and she would have been used to sharing your company with others.

Sorry - bit of a ramble, but I often read about how hard someones day is and think what a burden modern society puts on us.

I think you and her both need a break - could you find someone to come a couple of hours a day - perhaps start off playing with her in your home while you potter nearby, so she gets used to being left - also find ways to encourage independent play....

I would focus on having friends round and making sure you are in company of others as much as possible...to relax you both and give you moral support.

preemiemummy26 Thu 13-Dec-12 09:37:56

Yup, she's dairy free already smile thanks. Gluten made no difference, she's been tested for cealiacs too x

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 13-Dec-12 14:15:01

If she's on a dairy free diet, is she eating soy to replace the dairy? My DS3 is allergic to dairy, that allergy showed first, but after a while he became allergic to the soy replacements I had been using.

It might be worth keeping an eye on her food intake, as up to 80% of people that are allergic to dairy also become allergic to soy, as the proteins are very similar.

Soy can be called soy, soya, soy lecithin, it's what tofu is made from, all the Alpro stuff is soy based too.

Just a suggestion.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 13-Dec-12 14:18:00

Also, speak to your Health Visitor about HomeStart. They have been a godsend to me when I was in your position, OP.

preemiemummy26 Thu 13-Dec-12 14:24:42

I know smile as she's CMPI rather than lactose intolerant we were dairy and soya free for a while too, but eliminating and reintroducing soya made no difference. She has problems with severe constipation so we've tried that food elimination diet. None of it made a difference to her behaviour. But I don't believe diet and autism/aspergers are linked personally. She rarely gets sweets/E numbers also. Plenty of salmon as it contains the right fats that some studies have shown decrease ADHD... Also no difference. I've introduced written timetables of the exact steps for everything we do (getting ready, bedtime, school run) etc and she's been much improved at these times since. Although I can't control the world unfortunately sad. Nor can I make sure that books/program's/documentaries draw the dinosaurs to the exact specifications... Which also causes meltdowns. Dinosaurs and reptiles are her life, she can't talk about anything else. She also has highly advanced language (secondary school level). Bless her the other kids can't understand her even if they did want to hear about how Terasaurs are not actually dinosaurs etc... X

sipper Fri 14-Dec-12 00:52:06

On the diet and autism subject, some children with autism, ADHD, and a host of other things, have been found to have gut dysbiosis or leaky gut - i.e. various gut probs - making them susceptible to all sorts of triggers from even the most innocent-seeming food or stuff in the environment. The idea then being that by fixing the gut probs these foods will no longer act as triggers/exacerbate things. Sorry if bad explanation - bit tired - and apologies if you know all this already. Just would hate the diet link to be dismissed because of something being lost in translation. The books I mentioned earlier in the thread really are very informative. Maybe local library can get them?

fryingpanalley Fri 14-Dec-12 13:47:45

Hello Jenyrosity
I hope you're still returning to this thread because I have been thinking about you loads. I have a 10 month old DD as well and I totally know how you can feel stranded, lonely, at the end of your rope, like you can't get anything done, like she demands your constant attention and won't have anyone else. It's exhausting, isn't it? I counted yesterday all the things which happened- having to leave a cafe because she wouldn't feed only for her to scream for food outside so I had to pay to get a drink in another cafe <aaargh>, she was up four or five times in the night, she yelled during my shower, she hates getting dressed and we missed getting off the train because I couldn't get her buggy straps done up because she was protesting so much! Had to get off at the next stop and walk back!
The difference is that my DD is my second child so I knew to expect all of this. I didn't expect it with my first child, didn't know that other mothers were going through the same and thought either I had done something wrong or that she was ill. Either way, I had rollicking PND. This time I have been very careful to rest whenever possible, to make mum friends, to see people as much as possible, to eat properly, exercise and- most important for me- to make that separation from her by leaving her with DH whenever I can for a couple of hours to go off shopping, hair dressers, MN blogging conference, whatever. I had real problems separating from DD1, feeling both like she was living in my hair and demanding every cell of my body, but also feeling like I couldn't possibly leave her with someone else. Of course I do with DD2 and she is fine, and it is so important for my own mental health.
I wonder whether it would be useful for you to do the Edinburgh test online to see if you have PND (google it), and to look at ways in which you can address your own social isolation, especially with a DP who travels and with no prospect of a return to work. Tiny things like arrange to hook up with an old friend and leave DD with your DP for the afternoon this weekend while you go shopping or to the cinema or something that the Old You used to enjoy. Honestly your DD and your DP will cope and it will help her to understand that the boob is not always there. Also, do you have a good sling? My DD naps well in a sling while we're out and about, feels close to me but I can get things done. If you post under sleep I am sure people will have ideas about how to get her to nap in her cot.
I also want to recommend a really great book called 'What Mothers Do: Especially when it seems like nothing' by Naomi Stadlen, as the only book which really seemed to get the experience of being a mother and totally devoted to your baby but also finding yourself feeling like you just can't do it anymore.
You are doing a hard job and it sounds like you're giving it your all. Please PM me if I can help any more.

sipper Fri 14-Dec-12 15:14:27

fryingpanalley what a lovely message xx

henrysmama2012 Fri 14-Dec-12 19:22:20

Poor you! I know how it feels to be on your own long hours as my husband has a similar schedule...my solution was basically to head out of the house immediately when my LO was being difficult - actually I went through a few weeks / months of that - heading out in the morning and not coming back til late afternoon/early evening. It was really nice actually - Id plan day trips out, and hed be really tired by the time we got back. He loved being out and about...but if he stayed indoors it felt for some reason 100% harder. He's a lovely smily little boy but always needs stimulation so thats why I think getting out of the house was a good plan.... good luck and I hope it gets better x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now