Anyone tell themselves they'd never have another baby but then did?

(39 Posts)
SuperDuperTrooper Sun 09-Dec-12 19:42:05

So my DS turns 1 this month and I've found it to be the hardest year of my life. Over the course of the year I have told myself many, many times that I don't think I could face doing the newborn bit (and then some) again. Not to mention the fact that I would then also have another child to be looking after. Anyway, for some reason, I've been putting the things he has grown out of into storage in the loft and keep wondering why on earth I'm doing this! I guess there is a very very small part of me that wonders if I might change my mind one day - although at 37 years old age time isn't exactly on my side.

So, just wondering really, has anyone else has felt the same but ended up having another or should I just go ahead and give away his old things to someone that needs them?!

Nevercan Sun 09-Dec-12 19:59:43

They always say that you are done having babies when you give everything away or sell the baby bits. But if it is in the loft you are not done yet smile

I did! DD was a high-needs baby. Wanted to be held all the time, to the extent that I had her in a baby carrier most of the time so I could get stuff done. She didn't sleep through til she was 14 months. For ages I said I couldn't do it again. Then started thinking I would like to experience being pregnant again and doing the baby bit.
After DS it was like a switch had been turned off. I have sold everything, no pangs of regret when I see other people's babies. I don't even have the overwhelming desire for newborn cuddles that I did before I had DS.

Hassled Sun 09-Dec-12 20:05:23

I was always going to have two, but no more than two. I've ended up with four. You change, your life changes, memories fade - keep your options open while you're clearly not 100% sure.

Would agree with Nevercan, after DS1 I said I'd rather eat my own foot than have another baby, but all his things were put in bags in the attic as I just couldn't part with them. DS2 is 6m now and I'm parting with his things willingly, without a pang, even with some relief! I look at pregnant women now and all I think is 'thank God thats not me'!

Fairylea Sun 09-Dec-12 20:10:21

Me.

I had dd ten years ago with a very traumatic early induced birth... horrible long labour. Severe pnd afterwards. Went back to work when dd was 3 months old just to get away...

Always said never ever again.

Ermmm. Ds 6 months old is snoring his head off as we speak.

I don't know what changed... partly the fact the nice guidelines changed and I went for an elective section which was amazing. Partly something just switched and I felt desperately broody as I turned 30....

So yes. Total change of mind.

I find the age gap hard but I love them both dearly.

Overreactionoftheweek Sun 09-Dec-12 20:15:15

I'm in the same position as you op - still not convinced I'll go through it all again, but everything is up in the loft! I have a ds and everyone round me keeps having dds so I haven't had to test whether I could part with his stuff yet.

Hang on to it, you can always pass it on in another year or so if you've made a decision by then.

For me, I'm going to wait and see if I get the burning desire for a second that I had for my first. If I don't, then no more kids. Good luck with whatever you decide

SledsImOn Sun 09-Dec-12 20:16:18

I did the same as you - kept everything, 'just in case', for 5 years. And now I'm expecting my third in January, wish I hadn't done it, but it's too late! And I'm 39.
It's definitely my last and I didn't say that last time. I still had that inkling it might happen again. This time I want to be sterilised blush as there's no way on earth I can go through pregnancy again, it's been hellish.

I will miss the pushchairs though...seem to have rather an attachment to those blush Everything else will be going as soon as we don't need it any more!

I initially said no more, but now that ds2 is 2, I am truly struggling with the idea of never again! Actually, I am actively seeking a window of opportunity.
It was 'when I get a permanent contract'. Now I have one it's 'wait until ds1 is at school'. Hoping I don't find an excuse after that...would very dearly love a third.

NinthWavingAtTheSnowman Sun 09-Dec-12 20:52:08

I gave all DS1's baby stuff away, absolutely certain there'd be no more. Then had to buy it all again when DS2 turned up three years later!

SledsImOn Mon 10-Dec-12 07:31:49

Oh golly, this is why I need to be totally unable to have any more. I couldn't handle it if it happened by accident - and I used to spend my time wishing it would.

The excitement of conception is quite compelling, to me - or it was, anyway - and I am terrible at being pregnant, it makes me really unwell.

If I could do pregnancy without the sickness and pain and uselessness, I'd have had about 6 by now as I love babies. I just need to remember how dreadful it is, and stop myself getting carried away!

SuperDuperTrooper Mon 10-Dec-12 10:12:09

Interesting to hear your stories! Thank you.

What worries me the most is what if the next baby was even more high needs than my first. Despite being quite high needs my DS has always been a good sleeper but an early riser and that in itself has all but destroyed me! I have always needed my sleep and really really suffer without it. I've become rather horrible and ridiculously emotional at times!

My main reason now for having another now would be to have a sibling for my DS. I grew up in a large family and have always appreciated that. Not sure it's a good enough reason to ever go for it though. If I really wanted another for myself I feel that'd help me get through those really hard times but without that perhaps it would be even more difficult.

TheSecondComing Mon 10-Dec-12 22:34:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetkitty Mon 10-Dec-12 22:40:46

After DD2 I said I couldn't cope with another horrific SPD pregnancy, I've had two more.

But I know DS is my last, four is enough. I've got rid of everything apart from a few sentimental bits. The thought of being pregnant again terrifies me.

BadRoly Mon 10-Dec-12 22:43:56

After dc2 dh and I both said never again. We gave away loads of stuff. Then it seemed like a good idea to have dc3 and subsequently dc4...

We are definitely done now though. I don't really get broody when I cuddle babies and dc4 is a 3yo nightmare!

extracrunchy Tue 11-Dec-12 14:54:58

I sold/gave away EVERYTHING in the first year of ds's life, determined I wouldn't have another one. Here we are at 20 months, and I'm desperate to have another one and now faced with having to buy everything again!

If you're not absolutely sure and dc is under 18 months I'd give it some time and see if you change your mind!

Yes, me! I had a terrible pregnancy with DD. In and out of hospital. Whilst pregnant DH and I said we could never go through it again. I then had an horrendous labour. Definitely wasn't having anymore.

The actual baby bit was ok for me. It was easy compared to being pregnant but I felt scarred and that I would never do it again. Got rid of all the baby stuff.

When DD just turned 3 we suddenly both just felt we didn't want her to be the only one. I was pregnant again within a month and now have 7 month old DS (and had to buy all the baby stuff again!). Everything was a lot easier second time. This time round I feel like I might even have a third! not that DH will agree

AcidTurkishBath Tue 11-Dec-12 15:02:14

I said never again after DS. I hated being pregnant and didn't really like the newborn bit. Plus I had two teenage DSDs. I became pregnant with DD when DS was just 1 (planned pregnancy). I enjoyed it a lot more the second time and still haven't given much away just in case we decide to have another!

extracrunchy Tue 11-Dec-12 15:04:16

mrschristmas makes a good point about not wanting dc1 to be the only one. That's basically our reasoning for now changing our minds! I'd love another one but could cope if it didn't happen, but I don't like the idea of ds1 not having a little partner in crime.

ThePoppyAndTheIvy Tue 11-Dec-12 15:08:06

Oh yes grin. I had DS1 & DS2 and was absolutely certain that there would be no more babies. I sold, passed on or threw away absolutely everything baby related, cuddled friends' newborns without getting broody - everything.

10 years later DD arrived grin. She's lovely but DEFINITELY the last!!

OwlLady Tue 11-Dec-12 15:08:48

I gave away all my stuff, got the oldest two off to school
went back to uni
had a surprise pregnancy hmm

larry5 Tue 11-Dec-12 15:14:16

I had ds1 and ds2 and gave everything away as we were not going to have any more. Fast forward 14 years and I thought I might be pregnant but I wasn't and both of us were very disappointed so with a 15 gap I now have dd.

Even though I didn't want anymore after dd it wasn't until I had a hysterectomy when she was 4 that it hit me that there would be no more children.

Chandon Tue 11-Dec-12 15:15:33

After a vaery hard 18 months with DS1 who was high needs ( cried about 4 hours a day) with reflux, and refusing to be held, refusing to take bottle, and me ending up with PND....

I still wanted another baby. Somehow, deep inside me, I wanted another baby.

As despite all the hard stuff, it was also the most amazing thing. and despite him being "difficult" I loved him so much it was overwhelming.

Had baby 2, who happened to be easygoing and rarely cried.

I get so much pleasure out of their bond, seeing them as brothers, seeing DS1 being so kind to his baby brother. The whole sibling dynamic.

If anything, I wish we had had more babies! I am 40 now, so feel too old and decripit ( seriously bad back mainly) to start again. But I sometimes wish I had had 3 or 4!

Then again, I would never say anyone else should go for more than 1. Do what suits you, an only child fits in wonderfully into the parents lifes.I think a lot of " onlies" like being an only child.

Usually a second child is much easier than the first one though, as the parents now have the benfit of experience. So it will never be as hard as it was that first time!

I gave absolutely everything away when ds3 was 11 months old. I was 100% sure I was never having another baby. I had split from exp and didn't want anymore children.

A month later I found out I was 3 months pregnant. Ds4 is due in January and I am having to buy everything all over again.

katykuns Tue 11-Dec-12 15:49:29

I did... and after a 5 year age gap, had my DD2 hehe.

Absolutely no regrets smile

QueenofNightmares Tue 11-Dec-12 16:00:09

I did I had DD at 17 I wasn't ready for her and was so sure she'd be my last I told DH to book an appointment to have the snip which he did. 2 weeks before that appointment I broke down and told him he couldn't have it as I needed another baby blush I'm now 21 weeks pregnant with DS.

dontmixthecolours Tue 11-Dec-12 16:07:08

I'm really struggling with this just now. I have 2 DDs, 6 and 3. We always thought we'd have 3 but I had 3 mc's in 14 months and we said no more. I've just had a mirena fitted and now feel like I might want to try again.

In my head I know I shouldn't because of the heartache and the chance of another loss but in my heart I'm really broody.

BikeRunSki Tue 11-Dec-12 16:09:45

In first pg,in darkest depths of Hyperemisis I said no more. He was an emcs and a difficult newborn and I still meant it. By the time he was 2 I'd got rid of all the baby stuff. Then we spent Christmas with my nephew and niece who adore each other and DD was born 10 months later... deliberately . Hyperemisis again and crash section.

A v good friend has just had her third baby and SIL has announced her third pg. My only thoughts have been "thank goodness it's not me". DD is 14 months old and I have been getting rid of her stuff as I go along. I am struggling enough with the two I have got.

We have two sons aged 10 and 8. We both agreed to not having anymore children as both boys were premature, and I suffered bad pnd with my 8 yr old. I didn't think I could handle another child.
However, as the years went by and the youngest got older, i felt like something was missing. We now have a healthy, happy 21 week old daughter called Daisy!
The boys adore her, we adore her and she fills the gap very well.
That's it though- no more children for us.
I am one of three, my husband should have been one of three (MIL had an ectopic pregnancy), three seems just right for us (four if you count the dog)

emmyloo2 Wed 12-Dec-12 08:05:00

I spent last year and half of this year saying I would never have another baby. My DS was not a particularly difficult baby but I found the whole thing overwhelming and was very anxious. The no sleep, the absolute lack of control, the crying, the reflux.....AAAHH!!

Then he hit 20 months and he started to sleep properly, he started to talk and communicate. We could take him out for lunch. He was easy to put to bed. So I relented and agreed with my husband that we could have a second. I kid you not - that night I got pregnant and I am expecting DC2 in May of next year. I am terrified, I will be honest, of having a baby again because I really just feel like my life is becoming bearable again. The only thing keeping me sane is the hope that number 2 will be easier because I will know what to expect and will be prepared. I will have just over 2.5 years between them. However, I am quite sure I will be counting down until the second hits the magic 2 age.

All that aside, I always knew deep down I wanted more than one. It wouldn't have felt complete with just one for me. However, there will not be a third. That I know for sure. I have only ever wanted two.

SuperDuperTrooper Wed 12-Dec-12 11:23:58

Wow it's amazing how many people had a change of heart. It must be true about how the memories fade. When my sister asked me if I'd have anymore my response was "only if someone rips my memory out"!

Emmyloo2 your experience sounds just the same as mine. My baby wasn't typical high needs but was difficult to keep content. I however realise that much of the distress was caused by my own anxieties and over reactions. Oh, and sleep deprivation is a terribly cruel thing. I haven't handled that well at all! Perhaps the 2nd would be easier because of having an idea of what to expect. You have definitely got me thinking...

JesusInTheCabbageVan Wed 12-Dec-12 13:39:36

Every time I give something away, I feel a huge sense of relief. DH is having the snip next week grin One feels right, and I don't want to miss any of DS's childhood through being knackered and stressed out dealing with another bloody newborn. I think it helps make your mind up if you're not a big fan of the baby stage.

SuperDuperTrooper Wed 12-Dec-12 13:41:31

JesusInTheCabbageVan - may I ask how old your DS is?

JesusInTheCabbageVan Wed 12-Dec-12 13:57:23

Hi Super, he'll be 1yo tomorrow.

I know the 'sibling' argument. Sometimes I do wonder if he'll think when he's older that we've been terribly selfish, but I'm also very, very sure that he wouldn't get the best of me if I were to have another baby.

Have you read the Wikipedia entry on only children? Well worth a look as it dispels some of the myths about onlies vs siblings.

SuperDuperTrooper Wed 12-Dec-12 15:19:27

Your DS is just a week older than mine! No I've not read that wiki page. I'll take a look, sounds interesting. Thanks.

I said I wasn't having another one for almost 3 years after DS was born. He had colic, didn't sleep much and was very clingy. I was exhausted. When he turned 3, I thought that I didn't want him to be an only like me and that a sibling would benefit him. I really wanted another baby, which surprised me.
DH and I didn't agree on the matter because of financial reasons but a few months later we took a risk and hey presto DS2 was made.

Up until DS1 was 3, I was adamant that I didn't want another one, I felt I couldn't cope etc. Having a gap really helped. I think it's normal not to feel ready for anotherone so soon.
Give yourself some time.

Haven't read all replies but after dd born 4 years ago (dc3) I got rid of everything. Swore there would be no more as I've found pregnancy hard and I was so relieved it was over and I had my lovely family.

Fast forward to now I am 34 weeks pg with no4 and have had to replace all I got rid of! Still hate being pg and as soon as this is over plan to get sterilised.

As somone already said give yourself time as you ds is only little and I think bigger age gaps might be easier (ill let you know as only 2 years between the others)

ArkadyRose Wed 12-Dec-12 20:52:05

I had 2 daughters with my late ex (he died 6 years ago following a motorbike accident 2 weeks before DD1's 14th birthday). I was content to leave it that for the most part, except OH (who was adopted at birth) had always made it clear he really, really wanted to have kids. I got to 35 and decided that if I was going to have any more kids, it had to be then or never really, so we decided to go ahead and try for a baby. DD3 was entirely planned. I was 10 weeks pregnant when ex-h died, and DD1 & DD2 didn't really take it too well, particularly DD2.

They came around a couple of years later after their stepmother remarried and then kicked them out; they rather enjoyed living with their little sister. I felt very strongly that DD3 was going to be my last though - having reproduced my DNA, ex-h's DNA and then OH's DNA, that was it - I didn't need any more!

Fast forward to this year, age 39, DD3 happily in school - and suddenly out of nowhere I found myself getting really broody. It didn't help that OH was also very broody & constantly asking if we couldn't have another - he even started donating sperm, the drive was so strong. (He's most disappointed you don't get a little badge when you reach your first gallon as you do with blood donation! grin) I've felt a little guilty too that with such a big age gap between DD3 and her big sisters, she's effectively been an only child. So I finally caved and I'm now 8 weeks' pregnant with number 4. I did miscarry on the first try back in September (my 3rd mc) and I did find myself afterwards wondering if the mc was a sign perhaps I'm not as into having a 4th child as I thought. I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about this pregnancy, and I do wonder if I've made a mistake. I'm 40 this month; do I really want to be setting myself up for sleepless nights all over again and another 3 years of nappies at my age? I guess doubts are only normal though.

This one will definitely be the last though. 4 children is the utter limit, and I am definitely not going over it. With any luck it won't be long until I hit menopause after this one's born, so it won't be an concern any longer.

claireb85 Wed 12-Dec-12 22:16:25

i have a 12 week old boy and since 3 weeks he has been in and out of hospital which has slowly took its toll on me plus the sleepless nights to add to it. i habe foind the first three months to be very hard. i keep saying im not having anothet one i cant go through this again but now hes settlong into a routine another baby doesnt sound too bad ( well in a few years haha)

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