dd massive earring dilemma!!(107 Posts)
Dd2 is 7 and had her ears pierced 7 weeks ago after much begging and pleading. Last week they were meant to come out. School need her to take them out for pe. Anyway she flatly refuses to let anyone touch them and cannot get them out herself. I have spent countless hours over the last week pleading and bribing but nothing has worked. I simply cannot just leave them in any longer. She has missed weeks of pe so far and school will not accept plasters over them. Short of pinning her down does anyone have any suggestions? We are getting desperate!
I think I would tell her that either she allows me to take them out or I will have to take her to the doctors & have them removed and let them close up.
You let her miss weeks of PE because she refused to take them out?
What hanging said or just pin her down.
Pin her down, take them out, let them close over until she is old enough to take them out and care for the holes herself.
She's 7, not 17. Pin her down and say they're coming out.
She shouldn't have been allowed to take it to this stage, alowing crappy behaviour like this is basically saying to her she can do whatever she likes, as you cannot make her do anything.
Sorry if that came across as judgy, it's easy for me to sit here and comdemn you, it's a pain but you have to be firm.
What DorsetKnob said. She's clearly not old enough to take responsibility for them.
I'd stop pleading and tell her. They need to come out until she is old enough to cope with pierced ears.
I can't believe you or the school have allowed her to miss PE for weeks!
I have threatened her with pinning down but she's begged me not to and I would feel so mean. She would scream!When we had them pierced I was wrongly advised she could cover them with plasters for pe but was then told no. She had to miss it as you can't remove earrings in first six weeks. She is not being naughty but is scared they will hurt. I have threatened her with hospital but to no avail!
Without wishing to sound rude, she's ruling the roost somewhat. Sounds like you've given in after constant begging in the first place so she's now in control.
She's 7, you're the adult in this situation and you've got to wrest control back. She either allows you to take the earrings out NOW or she hears you making that call to the doctors to get the practice nurse to take them out.
You have to be mean on this one I'm afraid. She cannot miss lessons because of pierced ears.
She WILL get over it, even if you have a melt down for a few hours
You need to crack this behaviour now, it's only going to get worse as she becomes older!!
My 7 year old won't let me take her earrings out either. She screams the place down when I tried. They are studs and very hard to pull apart. So you have my sympathy.
It's not a problem for PE though, nor swimming or dancing or roller skating (all the activities she does). I am surprised if a school insists a pair of small studs are taken out.
As far as I'm concerned, if my dd doesn't want me to take them out, she can wear the same pair forever.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
So what if she screams? Take them out.
Her choice time:
1. She allows you to remove them every day it is PE before school.
2. You take her back to place she had them done, they are removed and she has no earrings til she is much older.
No ifs and buys. She makes the choice right now and you follow it up ASAP. If she chooses 1 then the first time she refuses she then you do option 2.
It is fear not naughtiness. She has tried so hard herself. Yes she does try and rule the roost to some extent. That's probably my fault!
Lots of schools have no earrings for pe rule. I agree with it entirely.
If they are screaming about having them removed then they are not old enough or mature enough for earrings. So they come out now and stay out til they are old enough. It's that simple.
You need to be the boss!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Tbh lots of primary schools have a complete ban on earrings. Not a bad idea. Certainly avoids this kind of issue anyway.
jolly your post doesn't make sense - it' fear but she tools the roost?
Take them out and keep them out - clearly not old enough. IF you like I will come and do it, I'd have them out in 2 seconds felt
Like I said before I was under the impression a small pair of studs could be covered for pe. Did not think it would be an issue!
Our middle school has a complete ban.
If she is scared then she is not ready to have pierced ears.
My youngest is 18, had her ears pierced at 8 and I'm pretty sure they allowed studs to be kept in for PE? Have things changed in 10 years or was my DD's school an exception to the rule? Anyway, that's irrelevant. They need to come out.
Even if it is through 'fear', they still need taking out. Just do it.
Take them out. Tell her if she screams when you do it she obviously isn't old enough to have her ears pierced so won't be having them back again.
Your the adult and she has to do what she is told.
She's going to have to learn to deal with fear some time. If you are sure that is at the root of it, talk about different techniques for managing fear and get her to choose the one she is going to use.
Yes in either ways she does try to rule. She is very strong willed but the earring saga has upset her. With hindsight I wouldn't have let her have it done and once out they are staying out.
Putting the "ruling the roost" thing aside, has she been turning them? because if she hasnt they might be a bit sore and stuck to the flesh and this would hurt.
I'm a podiatrist and we were told kids will play up in front of parents but behave for HCP better. Perhaps the nurse could take them out?.
But that would be my offer to her, either mum takes them out you wear them at the weekend or the Dr's does it and they seal over till you leave home missy!
I bet a no telly until they are out would result in quick removal
Not sure if I would bother a doctor or nurse's time with it tbh.
Op you are unlikely to get much sympathy on mumsnet. Mumsnetters are notoriously anti earring for anyone under 18.
Yes she has been turning them regularly. She has spent a good part of the day trying to get them out herself. They are first studs so are quite firmly attached to the backs. Think I will get Dh and ds to pin down and take out. Don't think I could bring myself to.
Will she let you take the backs off and then she can pull the ear ring out?
It's not about being anti earrings lady I'm not but the issue here isn't the earrings it's about an adult who is allowing her dd to miss PE lessons rather than risk her screaming.
My sister did that as a young child and they got left in. One of the little butterflys got stuck in her ear eventually and had to be removed in A&E. She never got over the trauma of it all enough to have them redone. As suggested above tell her that if she cannot care for them herself GP will have to take them out and leave them to heal.
Does she have a friend with pierced ears who could come round and encourage her? Or let her take yours out for practice and to show her it won't hurt?
For all the posters saying just take them out I'm not sure how you physically would? DS split his head open at a similar age and needed stitching. He just would not stay still for this to happen. In the end he was wrapped in a blanket and held down whilst it was done but it was incredibly distressing and 7 nurses were involved. A friend in a similar positions child ended up having a GA.
The GP can do the authoritarian thing though.
I had mine at 7 but that was 28 years ago and the school wasnt bothered as long as you didnt have hoops.
See my earlier post mystery
I feel so sorry for your DD. You wimped out and let her have them done, wimped out of taking them out when you found they couldn't be covered for games and now you're wimping out of taking them out when she can't.
I would have assumed that taping over them was fine - that's what we all did at both primary and secondary.
At least if you take them out now, they should heal over fairly quickly. I think the summer between primary and secondary is a good age for getting them done (but I'm biased as that's when me and all my friends had it!) - kind of a rite of passage
When I'd had mine done, they were pretty much fine, but on one side the stud (a small gold ball) somehow got pushed in while I slept on that side - the ball basically disappeared into it, it really really hurt and wasn't pleasant trying to fix it!
BTW when it came to taking them out for the first time, I was a bit worried too, and my mum took me back to the chemist and they changed them for me.
I don't care what age earrings are done at as long as the child is able to consent (so 7ish upwards), but they must follow rules. And that means taking them out when told.
Have you got a small pair of pliers? The backs are really awful to get off for the first time, it could genuinely be quite painful (Not that that's an excuse)
Dd1 had hers done and coped fine with it but Dd2 is another story. She won't let anyone near them so they will have to be forceably removed. Nothing else for it. Think I'll have to warn the neighbours!
Just tell her they're coming out and that's it till she's 18. She's no choice in the matter, they have to come out for PE.
Why anyone allows their child to have their ears pierced without checking it's ok with school first is beyond me.
Rub some teething gel on first to numb the ear?
Pliers may be helpful. Thanks
Is there a reason why the school won't allow plasters over them? Our school has a plasters over studs policy but tbh mine always forget and they do pe anyway. Perhaps if you spoke to the teacher and explained the situation they'd let her wear plasters for a bit until she's ready to change them?
It's not very helpful to criticise the op for having them pierced, it's done now. And I find the thought of pinning down a terrified child for something that's not of critical importance a bit disturbing.
At our school you are sent home if you have earrings - they are VERY strict.
Thank goodness someone else finds pinning down distasteful. I was pinned down to take medicine when younger and remember how awful it was to this day. School wont relent on plasters. I asked last week!
Have you tried cleaning them with cotton wool buds and saline solution. Will help with any stickiness caused by scabbing/blood.
My friends got her dd's earrings out by giving her calpol for the 'pain'. Then removing them.
I had my ears done when I was five and they went septic. I can clearly remember running about the house screaming before my mum and auntie pinned me down and removed them. It's not the way to do it
Teething gel is another helpful suggestion. I came here looking for good ideas to help Dd so thank you to those that are trying to help.
Why does the school not allow stud earrings? I have never heard of that before, certainly no school I know of insists on that. I have a 6 yr old and I have every sympathy for you, I can only imagine how horrendous it would be trying to pin her down, I would better luck pinning down my cat
I wouldn't pin down, but I would go for removing all treats/priveleges until she allows you to do it (TV, sweets, going out, whatever else). Then I agree that I would remove them and not let her have them again until she is quite a lot older.
I would worry about pinning down - firstly a very bad example and, more importantly, I would worry about her trashing about and ripping off half of her ear in the process...
So if you wouldn't take medicine how else were your parents meant to get it down you OP? Medicine is non negotiable.
It's health and safety apparently. I can understand if they were rings but find it a bit silly as they are only little studs.
elah all the school in my area are have a no earring rule - I thought it was standard now.
Little studs can get knocked out/ripped out aswell it only takes a small knock for the back of an ear ring to get stuck in the ear. No jewellery rules are in place for a reason.
Studs can get caught on jumpers too <ow!>
There are some good ideas here to try. She has said she will let me try and get them out after tea so we shall see.
With regards to the pinning down for medicine, when a child won't take it what else do you suggest parents do?
DS has to take inhalers and oral medication every day. If he won't take it nicely then he has to be pinned down. the medicine keeps him alive and I am not compromising on that.
It is a recent thing. When I was at school most girls had studs. I don't recall there ever being a problem. Most sports people wear earrings.
Good luck. Let us know how you get on.
The rules in Sussex are now that the earrings have to be removed for PE after the 6 weeks grace period. Or no PE.
Studs can get caught and the butterfly backs can get forced into the flesh of the ear and need to be removed by a doctor.
Well I started school in 1988 and ear rings were banned from my school then so not really that recent.
Surely its common sense anyway?
Pinning down IS distasteful. The alternative is worse.
Why not work on ways to ensure she is more able to control her feelings in the future so you never have to pin her down again. But that also involves you modelling self-control for her - so fair enough for her to know you really hate doing something but do it because it is necessary! Like pinning down a hysterical child.
They need 8 weeks to heal ideally - that's why people get their children's ers pierced at the end of the Summer term.
OP, you must have known what the school policy was, did you check?
The earrings need to come out and you really need to decide if she's old enough to cope with them.
She can have them redone when she's a teenager and more able to make an informed choice.
Why would you take the piercer's word fr what the school would allow, rather than asking the school? they weren't done at Claire's by any chance were they? They are terrible at piercing and can't seem to get the holes straight, I wonder if that's the issue here and it's making it harder to get them out. Is she able to turn them easily? Just wondering if they may have got infected after all the fiddling and that's made them crusty and harder to remove. Or are the backs embedded in her ear?
Lots of things are very different than when we were at school... (especially all matters "health and safety" and "child protection"). But then I am 38
(so ancient )
If the earrings did get caught on something and hurt your DD then many parents would then be complaining to school about it all, etc. Hence schools take action to remove all risks entirely.
Plus having seen a friend of mine - when were 9 or 1oy get her stud caught whilst playing in the playground and it ripping out, then yes - I agree with a ban on them for PE (and ideally for primary school full stop) - made a huge mess, there was a lot of blood, girl was in a lot of pain and it left a fair bit of scarring too .
Feel mean? Are u crazy?
Don't be such a wet lettuce and sort it out. Pin her down and take them out.
Earrings were discouraged when I was at primary school and had to be removed for PE - I am 39y. It's not that new. Oh, and that was just your average council estate primary school too - not some posh prep or anything.
You say she tries to rule the roost and you're probably to blame? No 'probably' about it!
Yes, it's likely to hurt, especially if you or she has not bathed or turned them regularly, they're gonna be gummed up.
Bathe them with warm salty water with a cotton wool pad and turn them to loosen them. Then pull.
We have a no-jewellery policy at my (state secondary) school that is rigidly enforced. Pupils are told to get piercings done at the start of the summer hols so that come Sept they can be removed during the day. Rare non-compliance means parents are called in to remove the child and to send back once piercing is removed.
Do it when she is not overtired - it will be worse if she is overwrought.
The first time I took my studs out and tried to put them back in - my God - I still remember it. I did it the evening after a family funeral when we were all exhausted - I remember alternately being a weepy mess, snarling at anyone who came near my ears and having a huge fight with my mum about having chosen a stupid time to do it
I was 13.
When you've got them out, let them heal up. She doesn't sound ready for it.
Did you try as someone else suggested and do it while she is asleep?
Errrr....who is the parent here, op?
So you are happy to pay a complete stranger to put holes in your daughters skin at 7 years old, yet you feel mean pinning her down and try to help her
My dd is 6 and had her ears done for her birthday in dec last year. We did start by removing when PE or swimming but have now purchased some hinged hoops which she can take out herself and put back in. She has a small lidded tub in her bag to store them in.
You need to get tough. If she is not happy about taking in and out then you need to get them out and leave them.
During the first six weeks we did take the earrings out cleaned them and ears and put back in ...... This meant dd wasn't scared but obviously this is too late for you now.
Take them out when she is asleep and don't let her have them in again. She needs take a certain responsibility if she isn't grown up enough to cope with then she can't have earrings.
I am in Ireland and its certainly not standard or common practice here to ban earrings for PE, as I say I don't know of any school that does it. Also have to say I have never heard of an earring related sports injury but I am sure there will be lots of people on to say its a well known phenomenon . Unfortunately if its the school rule you just have to suck it up and take them out, maybe try bribery?
I know what you mean, Elah.
Sorry you're getting such a hard time, OP.
Good luck. Sorry to say that DD's ears didn't settle until she'd been pierced at least 9 months.
Where did she get them done? By daughter had her ears pierced last year (at 6.5), her school has no issue with studs being worn for PE. After the initial 6 weeks we had a nosy at getting them out, my daughter was a bit "No, No you can't" etc but we did it together but there was a knack to doing it. It wasn't as simple as I remembered - you didn't just push them the back in then pull it out. The front and back had to be twisted in opposite direction and then pulled. She couldn't have done it herself. Have to say she's had no bother since we learned how to take them out.
I would say that she sits nicely and has them out now and she can have them back in again. She refuses/plays up in any way then they come out anyway and stay out.
If you won't pin her down, then remove all privileges until she consents or do it while she is asleep.
If she lets you the first time but plays up again, then then come out and stay out.
We weren't allowed earrings till we turned 16 - my father is a surgeon and did a lot of repair work on young girls who got their earrings ripped out - often simple things like taking a jumper off too fast did it, as well as sports and messing about in the playground. I remember him showing us pictures when my sister and I were whinging about not being allowed them...
OP, why not ask the GP for a prescription for EMLA cream - she won't feel a thing then. My DH has it as he's needle phobic. Stick it on an hour before and bingo.
Could you take her to where she had tjem done for them to take them out, would she be less likely to scream for them to do it, then by some studs that come out easily so se can remove them easier on her own? Plus the thought of getting new ones may be an incentive?
My friends daughter had the ones that click shut on and she was playing and it got ripped out as the back didn't come off and now she has a split in her ear.
To be fair, they can hurt when you first take the studs out.
I let my mum do one and then screamed the place down (age 14) she tried to pull the back off without holdin the front.
In those days you were advised to go back to the piercer to have them removed the first time.
Tell her it might hurt, but not for long. They have to come out. They need to be cleaned, as does her ear lobe.
Give her some calpol first and then take them out.
I'm horrified at how harsh some people have been in their replies. I got my ears pierced at 20 and still found it really hard taking them out the first time as they were so stiff and hard to get hold of, and when I tried doing it myself I came over all faint, though I'm not normally squeamish. My boyfriend had to help (with 2 pairs of pliers in the end!). I think you'll have to be honest and say the first pair can be hard to get out, but that you'll get some that are easier to put in next. Maybe you could both go to the place that pierced her ears as others suggested, and see if they're able to help? And if she has a friend with pierced ears see if they can lend some moral support? Once the initial trauma is over and she sees that new earrings are easier all will probably be fine and she'll get the hang of taking them out. I think those who have suggested withdrawing privileges and pinning her down are cruel - it's perfectly reasonable for her to be freaked out and she needs encouragement now, not punishment.
Those first studs that are put in with a gun are a bugger to get out as the backs kind of need twisting at the same time as pulling.
I too would hate pinning her down but if you can't negotiate with her the n that's what needs to be done.
I would start by giving her a spoonful of Calpol as a placebo and then apply some bonjela or Emla cream. You need to be quite forceful taking the studs apart though and have another pair that are easier to get apart ready to put straight in (give the lobes a wipe with surgical spirit first though).
I think if you can do it with her as calm as possible it has to be better than when she is hysterical - it could hurt her more otherwise. It seems shame to let the holes close up only to be redone later so find a way round it.
My dd's school have banned earrings on PE days altogether so yours is not unusual. I remember getting the top of my ear pierced as a teenager then getting pulled into a bear hug by a huge lad
that I fancied and the back of the earring got pushed into my head. That hurt. A lot. I got a kiss off him though as an apology
Thanks for the kind replies. I was a bit scared to look on here after yesterday! I tried to be firm last night but she is genuinely scared. I cannot pin her down, much as I'd like to as that approach feels really wrong to me. I tried while she was asleep with no luck. We are now down to withrdrawing ALL privileges, TV, pudding, WII, absolutely EVERYTHING until they come out. Thing is she really does want them out herself. She is adamant she will sit calmly tonight while I do it. Next PE lesson is Wednesday so they will have to come out by then. She is aware of this and I have told her that we will be straight down to the ear piercing place on Tuesday if not out by today. She does have some new earrings to put in which are much easier to remove but I am reluctant to put any more in. Thanks again for the kind words.
I do feel mean withdrawing privileges but do feel that may be the incentive needed.
I'm guessing that the ones that are currently in her ears are the type that click into place, rather than you just pushing them as far on as you need to. The second type would be much easier to get in and out, if you don't have to pull hard to remove the back. Do you think it would be easier to get them off if they were lubricated somehow? maybe while she was washing her hair, the shampoo might help them come apart.
I had a bit of a drama with my DD this summer getting her earrings out for the first time. She had tried a few times herself and couldn't do it, then got herself into a bit of a panic.
It turned out that there is a bit of a knack to getting the first ones out, you had to kind of push and twist at the same time, which we didn't realise at first. Once we did it correctly they came out quite easily, but it was tricky to get right at first.
Once she changed to normal earrings there was no problem at all. Could this maybe be the case with your DD? Were they done at Claire's?
Hi, no they weren't done at claires but look very similar to those that are. DD1 had hers done at the same place and managed to remove them fine. I've advised dd2 to pull and twist not push and twist. Is pushing and twisting the way to go then? I'd be so much happier if she could get them out herself!
Why would they not come out when she was asleep, its concerning that they don't come out easily I think, have they healed properly.
I think with DD's she had to push (not too much) and twist until they sort of clicked. They came with an instruction booklet, they were quite tricky!
With my daughters you twisted the back and front in opposite directions and pulled. She could do it herself fine after the first few times.
I found it really hard to get my dd's first earrings out and my dd was also quite scared of it hurting, but the backs seemed firmly attatched. So what i did was, you know the the bit on the backs that curves round to hold onto the earring post? I pushed my fingernail between the curvy bit and the post on both curvy sides so that it didn't hold the post so tightly. Then it was really easy to get the back off. Does that make sense?
How completely weird.
A parent and a school that thinks missing seven weeks of pe in favour of twinkly ears is the way to go and entirely appropriate.
<I thought everyone in the sane world got their ears pierced on the first Saturday of the summer holidays?>
You live and learn.
Hope you get them out op.
I am a head of year. Earrings can cause injury to others or be ripped out of ears no matter what the size and that's why many schools ban them. Most schools publish their policy on earrings and it's no difficulty for a parent to check with school before letting kids have ears pierced. I have had my fair share of girls in my office refusing to take newly pierced earrings out. We had a fab school nurse who took no nonsense and had them whipped out in no time! If you can't face doing it your self then go to the school nurse, nurse at your gp or some other gutsy professional. Your daughter is playing on your anxiety and your reluctance is only feeding her fear.
My daughter was 5 when I got her ears pierced. I had to wait 8 weeks before she'd let me near them. Even then, it took me two nights of loosening them and taking them out (whilst she was asleep). It was no fun. But like you say op, it's more the fact that it hurts them rather than playing up. I do agree with other posters though, that you will have to stand firm in the end if she is missing so much PE because of it. My daughters school were fine with pierced ears, so thankfully I had less pressure to take them out.
Just to add, I had to hold the head of the stud firmly while I twisted and gently pulled the butterfly clip at the back.
If they hurt then they are not healing well. More reason to get them out and not put them back in.
Ears are quite sensitive. I gave up wearing earrings for pierced ears years ago as they hurt sometimes. I think the best solution out of all these is to take her back to the place that did the piercings and get them to remove the earrings and leave them out till she is 21.
OP, the first earrings have really thick posts and can be much more stiff to take the butterflies off
Some thoughts :
Give her another pair of studs to practice with the butterfly on and off - it's hard to visualize what's going on in your ear lobe / round the back
If you help or do it for her, let her hold a mirror to see what you are doing
Have another, new pair of studs ready to put in straight away
Consider buying a new pair as bribery
Try an ice cube in a hankie to numb her lobe (probably just be a distraction but worth a try!)
If at all possible, have someone trusted but not you to have a go - only because we tend to respond better to someone less 'close' in situations like this (eg driving lessons from your parents...)
Have something intensely distracting on tv while you have a go at getting them out
Explain that if they don't come out she's obviously not ready for earrings etc etc.
When I read posts like this, I realise how different parenting styles can be.
This is very very different from mine. There would have been no peirced ears in the first place, but that is not the issue.
Missing p.e. for weeks
I can confidently say that it would never have got this far, but if it for some bizarre reason it had got this far, I would limit every treat going, everything. There would be no tv, no playdates, no sweets, no after school activities, no treats whatsoever in any form or fashion at all.. until those bloody earring are out. Added to which, I would say, if I take them out before the end of the day, then she can get her ears peirced when she is 13. Otherwise it will be much later.
As for ruling the roost? It makes me feel anxious even thinking of that ever happening in my house. Just like my parents, they were most parents rather than friends. My goodness, you did not play around with them. On the other hand, they were the most wonderful, loving, consistent,msupportive parents I could have hoped for. Don't get bogged down in thinking that your daughter will love you more if you don't discipline her firmly. As my mother used to say, I am your mother first and foremost, your friend a distant second.
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