Hair Dye and school

(56 Posts)
herballady Sat 03-Sep-11 20:25:17

My 13 year old daughter dyed her hair from dark blond to read in the last week of the holidays it looks great but when she went into School on Friday she was told she has to dye it brown by Monday or she will be sent home. She was also told along with another girl with read hair that she was “a waste of time”
I can’t understand why they are doing this surely it’s a personal decision what colour your hair is and as she is young it should be between me, her father and her. I made sure she thought long and hard before she decided to go-ahead and it dose look lovely.
I would like to add that she has a perfect record when it comes to behaviour all her teachers say she is a pleasure to have in there class. She has recently been on the receiving end of some pretty nasty bullying which knocked her confidence a great deal so this is the last thing she needs.
I grow up with a mother that was very strict and as a result when I was older I went completely off the rails. I want to give my own children the space to express themselves that I never had and that’s what she is doing. Is this wrong?
Also none of the girls with very bleached blond hair where pulled aside and told to change it why was that?
I would be grateful for any advice as to how to handle this with her school.

fidelma Sat 03-Sep-11 20:36:37

Wouldn't be allowed at my dcs school.I don't agree with the no hair dye policy but I would make my dc adhear to the rules.

Natzer Sat 03-Sep-11 20:39:17

I'm sorry but i'm going to be brave and say that my opinion is that the school has rules and children need to grow up knowing that rules are there for a reason. I think if the childs hair was dyed a colour that would be natural on some people, i.e blonde, brown etc, then it is slightly different as they don't look out of place.

I say that if she wants to express herself then let her use temporary dye during the holidays and make sure its gone by when term starts.

Sorry but that's my opinion...... grin

ThePosieParker Sat 03-Sep-11 20:40:54

Red hair for school? What were you thinking? The sort of impression that a child of thirteen gives about her attitude to school, authority and generally being thirteen is pretty deserving of 'waste of space' when she has red hair. She may well not be but that's not what her hair colour says......

You dye her hair brown and apologise to the school for allowing your dd to disobey school rules, you say from now on you support the school. Then you apologise to your dd for giving her no boundaries and permission to disobey the school./

FFS. I hope this is a wind up.

Nagoo Sat 03-Sep-11 20:43:12

I have pink hair, for context.

Your DD needs to obey by the rules. At 13 you shouldn't have let her dye her hair with permanent dye, IMHO. Red is a bitch to get out, and a permanent commitment is not for children.

The best thing to do would be get some dye stripper, (Colour B4) and then dye a light ash brown over the top to take the brassy-ness out. That will be less upkeep than a darker brown to cover the red.

Maisiethemorningsidecat Sat 03-Sep-11 20:49:23

If them's the rules, then you dye her hair back to its original colour and show your absolute support for the school - whether or not you agree with them. By showing that you will uphold school policy she'll have a very clear understanding of where she stands on this and in future.
However, I'd also ask for an explanation re the bleached blonde pupils - you need to be clear that they have a consistent approach to enforcing their own rules.

DilysPrice Sat 03-Sep-11 20:50:05

Assuming you mean crimson red, not chestnut or ginger then the school's response is entirely predictable (though "a waste of time" is overly harsh unless there's context you haven't told us).

Dye it a natural shade of dark brown/black and move on.

zippy539 Sat 03-Sep-11 20:54:25

Erm sorry - but how does dying your hair red make you a 'waste of space'. confused. I am a totally pedestrian rule obeyer but the reaction to this thread leaves me a bit gobsmacked. What does it matter what her hair colour is as long as she is punctual, hard-working and obedient in school. OP - it's great that the colour change has given your dd confidence and gutting that the school has taken the hump (especially when other kids have had the blonde highlights out with no consequence ). However if those are the school rules then you have to go along with them but it doesn't mean that you can't make a complaint/ask for the reasoning/explain the reasons why you and your dd thought it was a good idea. ARG - I hate petty meaningless rules (and boring blonde highlights..)

Nagoo Sat 03-Sep-11 21:16:55

It matters because a school uniform is there to show respect for and pride in the school.

If you allow red hair, then you are encouraging children to deviate from the uniform. It is a discipline issue, I see the kids from a local school in arse length skirts, black vest tops over their shirts, ties in various 'tribal' schemes and I will never let my DS go there as they look like they have no discipline at all.

Nagoo Sat 03-Sep-11 21:17:39

It also says waste of time not space. She is wasting their time by forcing them to spend time dealing with her infraction of the rules.

zippy539 Sat 03-Sep-11 21:26:12

Hair is not uniform. You can be wearing full uniform and have any hair colour in the spectrum. In my book a 'waste of space' is the same as a 'waste of time'. I honestly am shocked at this thread not least because I am possibly the most obedient person in the universe but this just seems utterly perverse and stupidly nit-picky. As personal evidence I was head-girl at my school so obviously not a major rule-breaker.

Nagoo Sat 03-Sep-11 21:30:36

Hair is uniform in loads of jobs. It is the overall impression you give.

Natzer Sat 03-Sep-11 21:32:29

Surely if they have rules to say no dyed hair then the children and parents need to respect that?

Children need to grow up learning what's right and what's wrong.

rules are rules....

zippy539 Sat 03-Sep-11 21:36:26

They're in school - not in a job. But if we want to push the analogy I'd say what is wrong with having red hair in ANY job. Genuinely - I don't see the issue. If you see a lawyer with red hair - one who has been through all the training, done the hours etc - then why would you assume that them having red hair would make them any less of a lawyer. Honestly - are we that superficial? We live in a country that is famous for its creativity - Jeez, relax.

zippy539 Sat 03-Sep-11 21:41:15

Just to be clear - I'm not suggesting that folk should defy the school rules - just the someone needs to have a long hard look at some of the utterly pointless rules and ask why they are there in the first place.

Maryz Sat 03-Sep-11 21:43:33

It depends on the school rules. In dd's school it says "hair must be the child's own natural colour". It used to say "hair must be a natural colour" until people started abusing it and saying that red/ginger/blonde/brown/black stripes like this were "natural".

School rules are there to be obeyed. If you don't want to obey the rules, find another school or HE.

Natzer Sat 03-Sep-11 21:45:05

Surely when you have a job you should then also abide by the workplace rules and policies, if they say no red hair then don't die it red. If they don't have this rule go ahead.

I'm no angel, I have been in work with red hair, eyebrow piercing etc. But there was never a rule saying I couldn't I did however respect the rules and policies that were in place.

Surely this isn't about hair colour, its about rules - all rules. Yes question rules by all means in a positive manner but respect them if the rules are not going to be changed.

zippy539 Sat 03-Sep-11 21:45:47

But WHY does hair colour even feature in school rules? I genuinely want to know.

Maryz Sat 03-Sep-11 21:49:56

Because kids will always take the piss push the boundaries, so you end up with 13 year olds with hairstyles like this and this, and they just keep pushing and pushing. You have to draw a line somewhere. And it is hard without black and white rules (if you'll forgive the pun).

Natzer Sat 03-Sep-11 21:53:38

I don't know why it would feature in the rules, but If I went to look around a school with view to sending my dd there and I went to one with lots of young children with brightly coloured hair and another school where they didn't have dyed hair then I would chose the latter.

That's my opinion and maybe I don't have a good reasoning for it. In my job I see so many children with no boundaries who are so badly behaved, I'm desperate for my daughter to grow up being respectful and happy.

zippy539 Sat 03-Sep-11 22:03:30

RODL at your first link maryz. I totally see why school insist on connect school uniform, punctuality etc - I just don't get the deal with hair. Natzerb - that's interesting. I would have the opposite reaction - if I went into a school (that was otherwise disciplined, kids in uniform etc) and some of the kids had mad hair then I would think 'This is a school that is comfortable with letting kids express their individuality' and would go for that school. Anyway, I've hijacked - OP hope your dd isn't too gutted with the school's attitude and that she can find other ways to express herself within the rules.

zippy539 Sat 03-Sep-11 22:04:07

sorry - on phone - excuse the typos.

zoe88 Sat 03-Sep-11 22:04:53

Dying your hair is against school rules??!! Pretty pathetic if u ask me. How can kids grow up to be individuals with shit like this around??What would they do if you had different coloured eyes? Wear brown contacts? My school always encouraged us to be ourselves, my mum always encouraged me as well.
I do understand the need for rules, everything would go to pot without them but I think not dying hair is a bit controlling??

Sorry for the rant just makes me a bit cross got slightly carried away there grin

Maryz Sat 03-Sep-11 22:12:54

Oh, come on, the eye comparison is ridiculous.

Of course kids can have different coloured hair - just they can only have their own coloured hair. Or if they want to dye it, have it a natural colour, so brown, or black, or blonde, or red, but not traffic light red hmm.

ThePosieParker Sun 04-Sep-11 20:27:29

Kids at 13 with bright hair or tram lines or whatever just look rough.....end of. [ironic 'end of']

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