Using cutlery the wrong way round...

(56 Posts)
Gravitygirl Mon 29-Mar-10 18:11:07

H and I had a huge row at the weekend over our dc eating with the cutlery.
H eats with his fork in the left hand and knife in the right, I hate it and now the kids have started copying.He says he has eaten like that for most of his life, despite dinners being withold and being banished to his room for not eating correctly, he is adament he could not use the knife and fork the other way round.
I dont want my children eating like that, he called me a snob, Im not , I just dont want them to get picked on for eating the wrong way round.
Does anyone think it is a physical impossibility or something that needs perserverance or should I just let them eat how they like incase they cant eat the correct way, is there a correct way? or is it ettiquette?

Help!

Gravitygirl Mon 29-Mar-10 18:11:45

Sory that should be fork in right hand and knife in left... doh!

TheArmadillo Mon 29-Mar-10 18:16:34

I think your dh is an adult and should be able to choose how he eats ffs.

Why do you care so much if the kids copy? Most people wouldn't notice.

good lord

I am hereby applying a big fat 4

Gravitygirl Mon 29-Mar-10 18:19:25

My h is entitled to eat how he wants, I never once said he could'nt, I just was pondering on what the general consensus is on which way to hold your knife and fork and if I do need to worry about teaching my children a 'correct' way.

BigTillyMint Mon 29-Mar-10 18:23:12

DS does that, and is right-handed.

DD is left-handed, but eats like a right-hander!

DH generally only uses a fork, in his right hand.

I am the only one with any manners in my house, but my mother is Hyacinth Bouquet blush

ToffeeAddict Mon 29-Mar-10 18:24:00

Haha I do this, I'm always teasing my mum for not bringing me up properly but she is adamant that as a child I point blank refused to use the cutlery any other way desite her best endeavours.

I don't know why I use them the wrong way round but I do know that when I make the effort to use them properly it all just feels extremely clumsy for some reason and I feel that I am drawing more attention to myself than just using my knife and fork in a way that I am comfortable with.

FWIW I'm 28 now, and very rarely does anyone notice, and when they do it's hardly a big deal, just something that I laugh about.

Gravitygirl Mon 29-Mar-10 18:27:49

Interesting, thankyou for your insight, fwiw Im left handed but have always eaten the so called 'correct' way. I am intersted to know wether it is a brain thing though, only allowing the combination one way....
I am slightly anxious people wll think its bad manners but hey ho what can you do, Im certainly not going down the road dh mum did, thats just cruelty!

Choccyfan Mon 29-Mar-10 19:21:05

I am left handed and also eat the 'wrong' way. I never really thought about it until I had a waitressing job and would lay out the cutlery the 'wrong' way, which of course led to some confusion for the customers....

bloss Mon 29-Mar-10 19:57:03

Message withdrawn

feedthegoat Mon 29-Mar-10 20:00:12

I do this and can honestly say no one else has ever mentioned it. I have can't say I have faced a lifetime of being picked on for it!

I do this and I too can honestly say I don't think anyone has ever noticed let alone picked on me. Who really do you think is going to pick on your children over this? Do people really care about this?

And who made up the frigging rule about how you should eat anyway? Ridiculous. Eat whichever way is comfortable.

Really, what do you think will happen to your children if they eat the other (I will not say wrong) way?

mamasunshine Mon 29-Mar-10 20:57:30

My sister and I both do this and it has never been a problem for us or anyone eating with us! I think you should just let them get on with it!

emsyj Mon 29-Mar-10 21:03:23

I don't understand what your problem is if they eat with cutlery in opposite hands, but in answer to your question.... I ate this way around as a child and no longer do. I can't remember when I changed, but it wasn't as a result of being trained/forced to change, it was just a natural thing.

I still can't tie shoelaces in the 'correct' way though, I would bring shame on your household if I was your child!

Clowance Mon 29-Mar-10 21:25:26

Oh dear, I fear I come across as having no manners or as being very odd.

I often eat with my fork in my right hand, but if i need to cut something i swap them over so the knife is in my right hand. Then often swap back to use the fork to pick up the piece i've cut. Don't know why hmm

My mum did teach me manners, honest grin

usualsuspect Mon 29-Mar-10 21:27:57

Do people really worry about stuff like this ......

Clowance, isn't that very common (as in ubiquitous - not 'common') in the States?

ToccataAndFudge Mon 29-Mar-10 22:09:48

I am left handed and can only use a fork and spoon in my left hand, I can however use a knife in either (if it's choping vegetables I use my left, cutting up my dinner use right - otherwise I'll chuck food everywhere trying to use my other hand for the fork )

My Great Great Aunt used to work in one of the big Bristol Hotels (the one over looking the Suspension bridge) they were very very well to do. Even SHE (and her DD - my Great Aunt( had no issues with me eating that way - they said it was better to hold my knife and fork that way round than to make a mess when eating.

Of course I come unstuck when it comes to eating something with spoon and desert fork.........

seeker Mon 29-Mar-10 22:15:01

Why on earth does it matter which hand they hold their knives and forks in? So long as they eat tidily and DON"T HOLD THE KNIFE LIKE A PEN it really doesn't matter. I was brought up with very very old fashioned proper manners and I hold my knife in my left hand.

TabithaTwitchet Mon 29-Mar-10 22:24:32

I used to use my cutlery the wrong way round, despite all parental attempts to make me eat correctly. When I was 18, I started worrying people would notice and laugh, so I switched to the right way. I had a couple of weeks of scattering peas everywhere and making hard to cut food jump off my plate while I got used to cutting with my other hand. But now you couldn't tell at all wink

fuzzypicklehead Mon 29-Mar-10 22:25:13

There's a right and wrong hand for your knife & fork? Seriously, I never knew that. I was taught to chew with my mouth closed and pass to the left, but nobody ever mentioned which hand went with which utensil.

'Of course I come unstuck when it comes to eating something with spoon and desert fork.........'

Surely you'd just use one at a time. I can't imagine eating pudding with two pieces of cutlery at the same time, like a main meal grin. Not about rules, just would feel weird to me.

Meglet Mon 29-Mar-10 22:32:42

I'm right-handed but hold my cutlery the 'wrong' way round.

The world won't come to an end because of it.

Debs75 Mon 29-Mar-10 22:34:33

I am right handed and often used to pick up my knife and fork and swop them around before eating. I can however eat with both hands so sometimes I do, I think it depends on where I am and what I am eating. I always eat soup and cereal with my right hand. I can't use fork and spoon with pudding it just seems weird.

What does make me wonder is why do some people have their fork upside down? With the prongs curving over not under. Someone told me that it is 'posher' but my mum's old bosses, relatives of the Queen, ate with their forks curving under.

I hold my cutlery 'wrong'. I'm ambidextrous so in theory I should be able to use either hand, but I can't.

When I'm preparing food, I can use a knife in either hand. But when eating, the knife-in-right, fork-in-left just feels so wrong. I end up making 'sawing' motions with the fork, trying to cut my food!

I'm not fussed about the 'proper' way of eating, surely that's being a bit Victorian!

I only come unstuck in restaurants where they give you a fish knife. I have to ask for a normal one. I always switch my cutlery around as soon as I sit down at a table.

I was in a REALLY posh restaurant once, and the waiter came up and tut-tutted and apologised to me and started switching the cutlery back to the 'right' side; I said it was fine, I was left-handed (it's easier that way!) and he put everything right back. I did order fish, and they actually brought me a left-handed fish knife! I was well impressed grin

ooosabeauta Mon 29-Mar-10 22:47:11

I eat this (wrong) way round, and it has only been picked up on a few times. I mix in polite enough company, but no one's been offended by it (that I know of!) and I've actually been told it looks quite graceful because the knife is used more gently and with less sawing if it's not in your stronger hand. I'm not arguing the case that it's 'right', but I can't regret eating that way and it hasn't held me back grin.

CocoChantelle Mon 29-Mar-10 22:54:18

Message deleted

smackapacka Mon 29-Mar-10 23:02:09

I'm right handed and eat wrong - no-one has every 'picked on me' or even noticed as far as I'm aware. Of all the parenting battles to pick, this wouldn't be one of mine.

seeker Tue 30-Mar-10 06:55:10

As I said - knife in either hand so long as it's not held like a pen.

puppie Tue 30-Mar-10 08:22:03

I do this. I am 31 and it has made no difference to my life in any way, shape or form!I would leave it, I honestly don't hink it is bad manners which way round...there are many other things I consider bad table manners but that isnt one of them.

Gravitygirl Tue 30-Mar-10 08:32:20

Thankyou once again for your insight, its good to know I can relax and not worry about it being a heinous crime...

BigTillyMint Tue 30-Mar-10 09:24:21

Seeker, that's what I keep telling DH.

I am turning into my mother sad

Firawla Tue 30-Mar-10 12:52:35

if it makes you feel any better, a lot of ppl consider ur dh and dc way as the "correct" one so i dont think people will think bad of your dc eating that way round. in a lot of cultures its rude to eat with your left hand, so fork should be in the right

onesouffle Tue 30-Mar-10 21:26:53

You are a weirdo.

I eat the 'wrong' way round and I am right handed. Variety is the spice of life!

Get a grip.

IMoveTheStars Tue 30-Mar-10 21:29:27

OP, I'm with you - I get irrationally irritated by this.

My Sister holds her cutlery in the wrong hands, AND she holds them like a pen. all wrong grin

Hulababy Tue 30-Mar-10 21:41:00

My 7y DD does this. We do try to stop it and she is trying to do it the other way round. She is generally right handed but does some things, including this, left handed. She knows it is the "wrong" way and we are working on it, but it is something that we have been working on since she was a toddler. She really does find it very difficult to eat right handed for some reason.

We mainly try to get her to swap as it is frustrating for us when she lays the table and the cutlery is all the wrong way round, lol! And how on earth will she cope at big posh meals when she is all grown up? wink

We will perserve to an extent, although without making it a big issue, but never realised anyone would thing to judge her about it.

seeker Tue 30-Mar-10 22:02:46

There is no "right" hand to hold a knife in. I have eaten in lots of very grand places in my time, and the fact that I hold my knife in my left hand has never been the slightest problem. I defy anyone to find anything in any etiquette book about it.

Don't hold it like a pen.
Don't wave it around.
Put it on your plate rather than holding it if you are pausing between mouthfuls.
Put your knife and fork neatly together vertically on the plate with the prongs of the fork up and the blade of the knife turned in when you have finished.
Don't use your fork like a shovel.
Don't ever put your knife near your mouth.
Don't scrape your knife against your fork
BUT IT DOESN"T MATTER WHAT HAND YOU HOLD IT IN!!!!!

mamas12 Tue 30-Mar-10 23:11:35

Hear hear seeker!

bloss Wed 31-Mar-10 08:24:13

Message withdrawn

mingler Wed 31-Mar-10 12:31:56

I do this. My mother was left handed and I learnt to eat and write left handed. The writing got drummed out of me at school but I still have to switch the cutlery around whenever I go out for dinner.

slowshow Wed 31-Mar-10 13:33:37

I am right handed and use my cutlery the "wrong" way round. No one ever notices, and I've never been picked on about it hmm I doubt I'll be invited for a dinner at Buckingham Palace anytime soon, so I don't have to worry about committing a heinous social faux pas.

bruffin Wed 31-Mar-10 14:25:08

My right handed mum eats left handed, so does my DS but my left handed DD has started eating right handed- I think we are just confused.

Acinonyx Thu 01-Apr-10 18:44:08

I do this and I have no idea how it came about. It has been mentioned many times, in many posh places, and I care not. I also favour the use of a spoon whenever possible.

Dh is American - makes my use of cutlery look like the Queen hmm

Personally, I would be more concerned that my dc might be so insecure that they could feel remotely threatened or ashamed by such a trivial violation of social norms.

pinkycheesy Thu 01-Apr-10 20:09:44

I am a bit of a Victorian with table manners and cutlery and I try to instill them into my kids. We were at a restaurant recently and my DS1 actually did comment to me about the appalling cutlery manners of a man on a nearby table, DS1 said "that looks awful, I'm glad I dont eat like that". To be fair, the man was holding both knife and fork in his fists, like he was going to cut down trees with them! I have to say I have never seen anyone eating the 'wrong' way round but maybe I wouldnt notice if they were holding them 'correctly' (not like a pen...aaaargh!!).

hihihi Wed 30-Nov-11 20:17:53

Holding a knife and fork the wrong way around is a common trait found in most people with dyspraxia. It might be a good idea to have him tested to see if this is the case. www.dyspraxicteens.org.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=6941

needanewname Wed 30-Nov-11 20:23:20

OMG - at least they hold a knife and fork!

DH is right handed but eats left handed (note not the wrong way!) both DD's also eat this way, not copied from their dad, jsut how they feel more comfortable and they have tried both ways.

workshy Wed 30-Nov-11 20:28:35

jeeez as long as they don't make a mess let them use which hands they want

my dd uses the 'wrong hands' but when we tried to get her to use them the other way round we ended up with yorkshire puddings and sausages being flung across the table

this went on for weeks until we let her do it her way and she now cuts things up beautifully and people have only ever commented on her lovely manner, not that she has her knife and fork in the wrong hands

smackapacca Wed 30-Nov-11 20:31:20

I'm 33. I hold my knife and fork the 'wrong' way round.

I can't tell you the ways it has held me back... The bullying, name calling, the utter humiliation in restaurants.

I hate my Mum for allowing me to grow up like this.

It's no life I tell you!!!

Oh wait - no that's not right. Nobody has noticed, nobody gives a shit.

usualsuspect Wed 30-Nov-11 20:35:42

Ah ,this is an old thread ,I'm sure I must have already had an opinion grin

smackapacca Wed 30-Nov-11 20:36:00

OMG - this thread is from over a year ago and I ALREADY REPLIED!!!!!

usualsuspect Wed 30-Nov-11 20:39:03

grin you still feel the same then smaka grin

smackapacca Wed 30-Nov-11 20:52:20

Apparently so!

I'm no troll - at least my story is straight. grin

Methe Wed 30-Nov-11 20:57:03

I know this is an old post but DH uses his knife and fork the wrong way round and it pisses me the fuck off.

I wont let the DC do it the way I tell them too. Practise makes perfect and it need to be perfect for when they have tea with the Queen. Innit.

needanewname Wed 30-Nov-11 20:57:28

Smaca gringringringrin

mumeeee Thu 01-Dec-11 09:11:12

A lot of people use their cutlery that way round. One of my nieces does. Your children will not get laughed at.

2kidsintow Sat 03-Dec-11 09:48:14

My DH holds his cutlery opposite to what I was taught to do.
(Mind you, he also lifts his plate right up to his chin if not eating at the table, or ducks his head down for each mouthful if we are and persists with eating with only his fork if he can get away with it. It is an improvement though, because when I first got together with him he would have slices of bread with every meal specifically so he could make a sandwich out of my lovingly cooked meal and therefore eat without any cutlery at all. )

My DCs are now copying him and he is being an arse about it adamant that they can eat whatever way they wish. If they used them well then it wouldn't bother me, but both of mine are right handed. They copy him, then end up trying to hold the food still with their knife and pulling a mouthful off with their fork instead of holding the food with their fork and cutting with their knife.

I wasn't brought up to particularly believe that cutlery should go a certain way, but I believe that kids find it easier if they hold their knife in their dominant hand.

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