rant about fil

[lilaclotus]

whenever we visit my fil he literally takes over and acts as though dd is his daughter, not granddaughter. i am left powerless. he lets her get away with everything, spoils her rotten etc. i try to set boundaries and rules but he ignores it, as though he's got the upper hand. i asked him to not give her a big bag of sweets, he said "ok, i'll give it you first and then you can give her a few at a time." and then next time we see him he ignores it and gives her it again without asking and of course she wants to eat the whole bag in one go. over the years i got more and more firm and have now banned him giving her sweets, which probably gets forgotten about when they babysit. he isn't very responsible with her and ignores very obvious dangers in the house and in the street. eg he lets her play with air freshners, letting her spray it all over her face. every time i say 'no' to something, he rolls his eyes says "no, because your mummy says no", makes me feel guilty and lets her carry on behind my back. no matter how much i feel a good mum at home, when we visit i can feel my strength slipping. my mil is a lot different and she respects our role as parents.

[Iklboo]

Was he a 'hands on' dad with your DH/DP? If he wasn't maybe he's using your DD to try and make up for it - and he'll be clueless as to what you should do with children and how they should be treated.
My FIL is flipping useless with our nephew - thinks he should eat whatever is put in front of him "everyone likes sausages! I eat sausages. I used to love sausages when I was your age", he should be in bed by 6pm (he's 6 and we're talking school holidays by the seaside here), he should be able to ride the too big bike he bought nephew for Xmas and be grateful, not scared etc....
I'm dreading what he'll be like with ours when it's born. I'm not too keen on FIL anyway, I could turn into a raging monster if he upsets me over junior!

[lilaclotus]

that is a very good point, iklboo! he wasn't around at all when his two kids were little. he worked nights (as does my dp) or worked very long hours. i know he loves her to bits and he wants her to have fun. but that still doesn't mean he can completely take over the parenting role when we visit or that he can act irresponsibly with my child.
i hope you will find your fil to have learned from some his mistakes by the time you have yours

[AnnaInManchester]

nightmare father in law

Can you by any chance have a word with your partner/husband and see if he can ask is father to start listening to your requests regarding your daughter?

[lilaclotus]

i have mentioned it to dp before, but he's a bit apprehensive about it. i think i might ask him to have a word though as we're trying for another baby and i don't want to go through this all again.

[Iklboo]

I know what you mean lilac. FIL can't just be 'jolly grandad' or your DD will start playing him off against everyone else when she can't get her own way.
My FIL had better learn - he's got until November! Otherwise...I think there'll be trouble