Do you ever wish you had stuck with one child?

(69 Posts)
OrmIrian Thu 07-Jan-10 13:54:52

I do.

Don't misunderstand. I love all my DC equally and it isn't that I want my eldest child more than any of the others - it's the idea of just having one, rather than the idea of only having him iyswim. But I do look back with fondness at the times it was just him and me. When he was little. And I often wonder what sort of relationship we'd have had -it's already very close but having other children around makes things fraught at times.

Life would have been so much calmer and easier - I seem to live in the centre of a maelstrom of noise and chaos. Nothing is straightforward and I feel we have all missed out on the calm space of a one-to-one relationship.

Does anyone else understand that at all.

snorris Thu 07-Jan-10 13:58:17

Most definitely!! There's an 8 year gap between dd1 and the dt's because I couldn't face the idea of any more children. I do wonder what it would be like if I'd stuck to that decision but I suspect it could also be very boring wink.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Thu 07-Jan-10 14:03:11

I totally understand. I feel like this sometimes too.
My life would be much easier if I only had DS. I would be able to work etc etc.

I do adore my DD though and wouldn't change her for the world.

OrmIrian Thu 07-Jan-10 14:14:39

Boring snorris! I dream of boring grin

Glad it isn't just me.

OrmIrian Fri 08-Jan-10 08:19:19

This morning I am down stairs alone with DD (like most mornings as we are both early birds). And it's lovely. SUch a luxury to spend time with just one.

Simply Fri 08-Jan-10 08:33:29

No is the (very) short answer to your question! smile

Looking at the ages of your children, I can understand a little of the maelstrom of noise and chaos you refer to although in my case it was more that each child had various after school activities and that the other child would have to put up with all the to-ing and fro-ing and waiting around that this entailed. As I only have two children (ds is 16 now and dd is 14) it was easier for me than if I had three like you.

Now, ds and dd are rarely in the same place at the same time, it seems. They are both busy with school, activities, social lives etc and I have plenty of time with them individually (if I can actually get them to tear themselves away from listening to music, being on Facebook etc etc). It does get easier, honest! smile

arabicabean Fri 08-Jan-10 08:34:20

I understand you - it is utter bliss having the one. The wonderful intimacy of it. Nothing would compel me to consider another.

QandA Fri 08-Jan-10 08:35:04

Glad you started this thread Orm, I am currently driving myself to boredom thinking about whether to try for a 2nd. Running over the pros and cons endlessly.

Will watch this thread with interest.

It is a question I can't really ask in RL!

How many children do you have?

QandA Fri 08-Jan-10 08:36:32

Sorry, just read your profile and seen that you have 3. blush

dustycups Fri 08-Jan-10 08:41:53

i only wish id stuck with one when we are stuck at home because of the snow like this because it would be alot easier to entertain one than 3 ranging from 18 months to 5

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow Fri 08-Jan-10 08:43:48

watching this thread too as we're also in the constant debate about whether to have #2.

geordieminx Fri 08-Jan-10 08:49:14

QandA - going through the same at the moment. Ds is 2.7 and at a lovely age where we can have so much fun. - Currently snuggled in bed, him watching cbeebies, me on MN, having big cuddles, drinking tea and eating biscuits blush It wouldnt be the same/possible if I had a baby too really.

Dh has said that if I want another one then we need to decide soon, as he is 45, and already thinks that he is too old. Some days I am sooooo broody for another one, and then others, I am so grateful for what I have, and really dont want to change the dynamic, or go back to the sleepless nights for another 2 years.

Id have to say no, I've got a 3yo and a 4yo and I work full time.

Admittedly childcare costs are horrendous, but I've been working from home for the last three days and both dcs have been off school/pre-school and I haven't seen the usual cat and dog fighting that I normally get at the weekend. In fact, it's been quite nice watching the two of them make up new games together (with 4y bossing 3yo around as usual!).

We usually have 1-2-1 time at bedtime, both of mines get put down seperately and we use that time for chats etc.

My friend came round with her dd yesterday (single child family) for some respite from her dd and I can honestly say I didn't feel the same way - which I found really surprising, given that I'm not usually in with them all day, with no school and no transport.

In fact we're in the process of ttc no.3...must be mad!

QandA, PureAs..., geordie - same here.

I sway daily from one decision to the other. I hate the indecision.

DS is 2.3 and it is getting sooo much easier - but I feel that we should do it soon or not at all.

Argh I don't know.

l39 Fri 08-Jan-10 08:56:36

No, I never wish I'd left it at one. I do remember wondering if my second could possibly be as wonderful as my first, but of course she was and is. I sometimes regret not fitting in more, as at 40 I think we'll have to leave it at 5, and that puts the youngest all by herself at the end of the family.

MattSmithIsNotMyLoveSlave Fri 08-Jan-10 09:01:59

I never wish I'd stuck with one, but I do appreciate that life would be a lot easier if I had.

QandA Fri 08-Jan-10 09:16:00

Lady, I too hate the indecision. PureAs it is a constant debate isn't it. Geordie, everything you said is pretty much the same situation as I am in. Perhaps we should have a completely undecided, driving ourselves mad through indecision about whether to have No2 thread (though with a snappier title!) I know I would benefit from having someone else to bore somewhere to offload.

Sorry for the thread hijack Orm.

I wouldn't have wanted just one. Although it is nice when I am with just one child at a time.

Bumblingbovine Fri 08-Jan-10 09:37:33

Having one is much more intense though. I personally long for more children to talk and quabble with each other. Then I could sort of hide in the chaos IYSWIM. With ds you have to be almost constantly "present" while you are with him.

I never understood how people could mn with dc in the room until recently (now ds is 5yrs old I can do some stuff alone) as ds just would never leave me alone to do stuff like that.

I longed for another and even now avoid "sibling" stories in books and on TV as I am still grieving what I couldn't give ds. I don't think about it every day like I used to but I still do sometimes.

So no I don't wish I only had one because I do and I would have loved more.

I appecaite though that had I had more I would probably think I should have stuck to one sometimes.

I do tend to get depressed easily though and a big part of that is a constant satisfaction with my life so I try to remember that.

Doozle Fri 08-Jan-10 09:37:34

(Sorry for another hijack). Those who are deliberating - have you visited the One Child Family topic here? Do come over . We have these convos a fair bit.

QandA Fri 08-Jan-10 09:39:40

Thanks Doozle smile

OrmIrian Fri 08-Jan-10 09:52:35

I work full-time too scottishboris. And childcare costs have been awful over the years but not now. Actually the logistics of organising 3 in childcare and/or school and simply getting them there!

For those considering it, it's odd but when it came to my second I didn't even think about if for a moment. DH wasn't sure but then I got pregnant so quickly. And no 3 was unintended hmm. I often wonder if my broodiness hasn't been so strong at time time, and if it hadn't happened so quickly, that i would have argued myself out of having another.

Doozle Fri 08-Jan-10 10:11:10

Ormirian, I find your posts here really interesting. Nobody discusses this in RL, apart from one friend who has said she sometimes wishes she'd stuck with one.

I only have one DD but everyone tells me I should have another, that I will never look back.

OrmIrian Fri 08-Jan-10 10:14:42

I probably wouldn't discuss it in RL either doozle. Because it sounds as if I don't love my younger 2 and wish they weren't here, which is not the case at all.

Doozle Fri 08-Jan-10 10:27:54

I do know what you mean Ormirian. It's not that you don't love them, it's just the logistics of it all, I guess?

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