How do you handle it when your DCs don't stop doing something you've asked them to stop?

[BiscuitStuffer]

Or rather, handle yourself? It really makes the red mist descend with me and I need to learn how to handle it better. At the moment, I say it once, they look at me and laugh and carry on doing it with the look on their face that looks as if they're doing it on purpose. I say once more and then I hit the roof.

Please help

DD is nearly 3 and the 16 monther is obviously way to young to twig though he's showing signs of stubborness worse than mine.

[bigchris]

have you tried the naughty step?

[BiscuitStuffer]

Yes.
Doesn't make a blind bit of difference. The same action is repeated several times a day whether it be snatching toys from the baby, banging plates at the table.....all the usual stuff.

[colditz]

If my three year old doesn't obey me the first time II get up and physically stop him, either by removing whatever it is he is using, or removing him from the situation.

Ie "Ds2, don't hit the Tv with that brick!"



I get up, and take brick. I don't allow him to have it back.

If he does it again with anything else, I put it in the bin and make him watch.

Harsh but effective.

[colditz]

If banging plates at the table I would physically remove him from the table and the room. People who sit at the table in my house behave like people, please. or they eat after everyone else, like a dog.

(this doesn't apply to under threes, and is loosely applied to under fives)

[BiscuitStuffer]

But how do you do it without feeling a rage bigger than a volcano and growling at them?

[colditz]

I don't need to feeel enraged, I'm in charge, not them. they aren't doing anything bad to me, they can't.

[BiscuitStuffer]

I do exactly as you do colditz and I'm sure people think that I'm OTT but I am sure that they are old enough to understand basic things. I consistently remove items and people from the table and still they do it.

[BiscuitStuffer]

I don't know why it winds me up so much - it's the flat refusal to stop doing something DRIVES ME CRAZY!!

[colditz]

It's because they are small. ANd small people are genetically programmed to be annoying.

They grow out of it. My 6 year old generally stops when he is told to.

[mumof2222222222222222boys]

I find that simply saying stop doesn't tend to work very well. I follow the Colditz school of removal - if they can't share the car, I take the car. I also put them on the naughty step / ignore them for 5 or 2 mins.

However, with such young children, isn't it better (within reason) to use distraction? When mine are climbing the walls, a trip to the park usually improves tempers all round.

[IBlameThePMT]

When I got exasperated I found that the ideas from 123 Magic (a book I read) worked for me. The basic idea is that you warn them, then count them from 1 each time they repeat the behaviour/dont do what you ask. Getting to 3 means time out. They are removed physically from the situation and put in another room for the same no of minutes as their age ie 3 minutes in your DDs case. There is no need to argue/shout since everyone knows the score. Nor do you have to talk about it after (unless it was a major misdemeanour eg violence) since the idea is simply to snap the child out of what was going on, no more, no less. Its just really easy and requires minimal thinking, which is good if I feel I am getting cross! Mine generally stop at 2 now, so its a great fall back. (One DS is 3 and a half and the other is nearly 2.) It is nice to then welcome child back in a cheerful manner like nothing ever happened since once time out has been done, that should be it (unless they carry on, in which case repeat for as long as you need to. They soon learn!)Its a sort of child-friendlier naughty step idea in some ways.

[BiscuitStuffer]

You are all very good at this!
I have to say - we do have a 1,2,3 thing in our house and it's basically either you choose x,y, or z or by the count of 3, I will choose. That slows dithering down considerably .

There is a black and white stop doing x or it will get taken away but it's the look I get given while she carries on and the fact that we have to have this conversation every time that gets me!

[BiscuitStuffer]

oh I know. I'm just crap and feel too tired to be bothered with the constant pre-empting and finding things to distract with. I think I may be feeling a bit worn out

[applepudding]

I normally count to 5 as in 'if you don't stop doing by the count of 5 then I will *' which normally works. Occasionally I will raise my voice and say 'I want you to do this NOW' - and at my raised voice DS is shocked into acting 'now' - as I don't normally get cross.

Agree also with distraction for young children.