I am just so cross with dh. Help me to let it go.

[Pinkjenny]

Dh came in from work last night at 7.30pm, at which point I left him downstairs with 2.5yo dd and went to run her bath.

All of a sudden, the lights all went off and I heard her screaming. I ran downstairs, took her off him, and asked him what had happened. She had put her hand in the toaster. He had been making crumpets and let her sit on the worktop. I can only assume that he moved or turned away from her and she put her hand in the toaster, which then shorted out all the lights in the house.

I ran to the front door with her, to look at her hand under the streetlights. She is/was fine, she must have literally put her hand in there for a millisecond. She has not burned her hand, and she was fine two minutes later.

Now, I know we all make mistakes, and I know accidents happen, but what p*ssed (sorry, I'm in work) me off was dh's reaction. He went on and on about how much I overreacted, and how I scared her even more etc etc, then we had all the 'you're such a perfect mother' sarky comments. At one point he even said, "Well the pain of that is nothing compared to the pain you will inflict on her by putting her in her own room" - we have coslept since she was 4mo, and we are expecting dc2 in December, dh takes any opportunity to snipe at me over her 'sleeping problems'.

I am so, so cross. Even now. Especially after listening to my colleagues and their "SHE COULD HAVE DIED" comments.

I know the way he reacted could have just been out of guilt that he obviously wasn't watching her, but the way he turned the whole situation around onto me really hacked me off.

Because it's not about me. Or him. It's about a 2.5yo putting her hand in the BLOODY TOASTER!!!!!!!!!



I need to let it go. But how? Or should I just divorce him instead

[MamaG]

spit in his dinner tonight and then serenely move on

[Pinkjenny]

Do you know what MamaG, that's a great idea. Am I being a bit harsh?

[Ronaldinhio]

holy God

nothing happened, mistakes happen I guess he won't do it again

your colleagues sound mental by the way

[Pinkjenny]

Thanks Ronaldinhio, they just wound me up even more!

[OrmIrian]

Yes pink I think you are.

[Pinkjenny]

I am so PFB. I know I am.

[BitOfFun]

Divorce him!

Seriously, he is just being defensive because he feels so stupid and awful but is a man and can't admit it.

My ex slammed a door shut on dd2's hand once and said much the same, as I howled in rage and upset for the rest of the day and cried my eyes out at A&E for longer than she did

I did divorce him though.

[Tee2072]

I can understand why you were so upset. But its time to let it go. It was an accident, accidents happen.

Granted, he shouldn't keep harping on you either, but you can only control your own behaviour.

Go kill him with kindness tonight. He'll never know what hit him.

And I'm glad your DD is fine.

[weebleswobble]

lol at MamaG! I think the thing is that most of the time we're just more tuned in to the safety side of things, and I'm only speaking from my experience of my exh and friends' dh/dp, so don't yell at me....I'm sure there's some very safety conscious men out there . The good news is he probably won't do it again.

Divorce him if he's very rich and you'll do well out of it

[vbusymum1]

I'm sure its a terrible shock for for all of you but it was just an accident and one that could probably have happened whoever had been watching your dd. I would be really annoyed like you are but secretly would accept that I could have let the same thing happen.
I'm not an electrician but I'd be surprised if you could get electricuted - a small burn maybe.
Live and learn I guess.

[Pinkjenny]

[OrmIrian]

I once let DS#1 get hold of a carving knife. I was busy in the kitchen, he was pottering about and found it on the worktop. It was heavy and he dropped it point down - about 1 inch from his bare foot. I screamed and gibbered incoherently (I'd know better now of course ). Dh came running, and hugged us both - I needed it as much as DS (who was only crying because I was). If DH had berated me at that moment for being a twat I'd have been in pieces.

[Pinkjenny]

It's a good point Orm. He did say, "How do you think you're making me feel?" and I wailed a bit about how I didn't care how he felt, my daughter could have been electrocuted.

I am quite a dramatic person, really.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

Pink, she's not just your daughter though is she. I agree, spit in his dinner.

[cory]

I let dd fall on her head onto the pavement when she was 3 months old through failing to secure the carrycot properly onto the undercarriage. It took two midwives and an entire First Mother's group to calm me down and feed me cups of tea (and no, they didn't spit in it). If the only person on the scene had burst into recriminations I don't know how I could have coped.

Pinkjenny, if your dd spends most of her time in your care, it is extremely likely that one day she will have an accident when you take your eyes off her. Very few children get through childhood without the occasional trip to A&E. Would you want your dh to be supportive and comfort you when that happens or do you want him to upbraid you for letting "his" daughter get hurt?

Yes, he was stupid. Yes, he was irresponsible. But it happens to us all. It is safer for your dd if you don't put him too much on the defensive.