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If you are not 'allowed' any more do you think your DH/P knows how you feel?

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peppapighastakenovermylife · 31/08/2009 20:19

DH has categorically said no more babies. Very adament about it. I have accepted what he says and his reasons behind it but not come to terms with it if that makes sense.

I am not trying to change his mind but just wish he could understand how I feel. There are often posts about this on here and I was wondering if anyone else managed to get through to their partners what having another baby / not having another baby really meant to them.

It doesnt help that my DH is possibly a bit Asperger's. He doesnt really understand when other people have emotions he doesnt. I know he doesnt 'get' how I feel and is being very insensitive about the whole matter. For example when I cuddle a friends baby I get a stern 'dont think you are having any more' or when I see a gorgeous baby gro ' you wont be needing that will you'. He is trying to get me to give away all the baby stuff (DD is nearly 1 and I just cant).

He isnt a horrible person - he isnt trying to make me upset and seems confused when I then get upset . He doesnt really get sentimental or emotional about things - which is great in a panic (as he doesnt) but bad when you need understanding. Any ideas how I could get him to understand how much it upsets me? Don't get me wrong - I have two gorgeous children who mean the world to me and I know I am extrmely lucky and that some people feel a lot lot worse than me. He wants a vasectomy which I have talked him out of for now as it would be so final .

Any ideas? And on the topic, how did you come to terms with a definite no? I am only 27 - all my friends are starting to have children and as DH and I are both only children (I am an only child of only children) there are no other babies or possible babies in the family for me to be a fab aunty to. We have no family at all close by and I am only just starting to realise how important they are (after only really having my parents growing up).

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robino · 31/08/2009 20:35

Watching with interest Peppa but no answer for you either.

After DD1 OH wanted 3 (or more), when pregnant with DD2 he was still saying he'd have more while I said " let's see how two go" (but suspected I'd want another).

DD2 is now 14 months and we're rapidly approaching the time I'd like to conceive no. 3 (in an ideal world, obviously) because there's only 18 months between DD1 and 2 and I wouldn't want a much bigger gap between 2 and 3 and OH has turned into a categoric NO.

I thought I'd be fine with this, know that I should be fine with this but really don't think I am going to be . I keep welling up at the thought that this is it - and this so unlike me that I almost don't feel "like me" at the moment. I don't think he quite gets it but I'm not entirely sure I get his "no" either. Although will accept it, obviously. At a bit of a loss at the moment to be honest...

Hope you get some more constructive help but thought you should know you're not alone.