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Parenting

What would you do - DH and I differ

12 replies

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 31/08/2009 14:02

DD has been hitting. She was sent to cool down.

Later DS1 hit her and she came up crying. I went down and DS1 was playing and grinning in the garden. I sent him in.

Asked DH why he didn't do anything and he said they were both as bad as each other.

Not disciplining ds1 for hitting dd might teach dd that both are as bad as each other but ds1 would feel he got away with it, maybe.

Ds1 is now full of attitude, dd is okay and I am fed up.

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MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 14:05

How old are they?

Same rules for both DC. Why should she be punished and he get away with it?

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FabBakerGirlIsBack · 31/08/2009 14:07

DD is 6 and DS1 is 8.

I don't think DH was consciously letting him get away with it but was just fed up with it all.

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meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 31/08/2009 14:15

He should have said something to DS1 but it
sounds like he slipped up on the consistency because he was fed up with them both.

I think if you generally agree on parenting and he understands that this was a slip up, I would just let it go. You have done your bit by sending DS1 in.

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MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 14:17

So, both old enough to know better.

My two are similar ages (but DD is the older one) and I do admit that sometimes I now say "Sort it out yourselves" as I get tired refereeing.

Problem with that is DS is, despite being the younger one, physically dominant and could really hurt DD. And things tend to escalate.

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FabBakerGirlIsBack · 31/08/2009 14:22

I have started saying to sort it out but this physically hurting each other has become a recent thing and they are getting hurt.

ds2 knocked out 2 of ds1's teeth, 1 on one day and one another.

dd threw a ball at ds1 head and really hurt him.

ds1 hit dd with a part of the toy hoover.

dd has started grabbing and pulling at ds1 tshirt.

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MrsMerryHenry · 31/08/2009 14:28

"I don't think DH was consciously letting him get away with it but was just fed up with it all." Tough. He's their dad. We all get fed up with it all at times, and it's so easy to slide into letting things slip once in a while, which is okay with non-serious matters like whether or not DCs have cake before dinner if their badgering you. But hitting? I'd be really pissed off if my DH couldn't be arsed to discipline one of our kids for hitting.

Have you tried How To Talk So Kids Will Listen? It is a fantastic, thoughtful book full of brilliant tips (that work!) for dealing with conflict between parent and child/ child and child, etc. Highly recommend it. It also works with DPs!

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FabBakerGirlIsBack · 31/08/2009 14:30

Thanks MMH. I am quite surprised I am not all defensive at someone calling my hubby but it is because I know you are right .

I feel so tired at the moment, more emotionally than anything as have had/and do have lots on my mind and tbh the kids are wanting to go back to school and are probably bored.

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MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 14:33

Ok, well if it serious hitting and not just a jab in the ribs then you do have to be very constant in telling them off. And your DH will have to back you up, whether it is wearying or not.

Could he take them to the park to let off some steam?

The last weeks of the holidays are hard, aren't they? I was pulling my hair out by the time they went back to school.

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MrsMerryHenry · 31/08/2009 14:38

D'oh: I meant "they're" (says the ex-English teacher )

Glad to be of use, FabBaker.

Could you set them a challenge, something they have to work on together, e.g. Build A Town? They can use all their toys plus any materials that you give them. Mark out a wide area of the garden which they have to stay within. Give them a set time limit (mmm, 6 hours? and certain criteria which they have to fulfil - e.g they must have a children's play area and a dump, which can't be next to each other, they must have abcdefg anything else you can think of.

My friends' kids did this with just wooden blocks (boy and girl, same ages as yours) and they came up with something utterly brilliant. Then at the end they can have fun knocking it all down again!

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Tortington · 31/08/2009 14:52

i used to make mine give each other a love and say sorry

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meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 31/08/2009 15:00

I agree with custardo. Get them to apologise and try to make them remorseful for what they've done, by seeing that they've hurt their sibling.

It sounds like they've got into a horrible recent habit of hurting each other for kicks (pardon the pun ).

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FabBakerGirlIsBack · 31/08/2009 15:17

I make them say sorry and do try and get them to cuddle but they are not keen on that bit..

They are okay at the moment but I will be making notes as well as trying to be a better parent.

Thank you all.

Much appreciates, blueberry and almond cake on its way.