I have a DS aged 3 and DD 8 weeks
My DD is an easy baby (although I am a bit sleep deprived from broken nights), I am enjoying her and really don't think I have PND. I did have PND when my DS was born though
However I cannot cope with my DS or my feelings towards him. At first I felt sorry for him and mourned the loss of our time alone together. Now I just feel anger and resentment. His behaviour has become more challenging (understandably) and I am not dealing with it. It has come to such a low point that I am lashing out at him and saying horrible things
I don't want to be this kind of mummy. I have read the books e.g. How to Talk, Raising Boys and Unconditional Parenting. I stay patient and use the techniques in these books, as I don't believe in punishments and hitting, but then a silly thing makes me snap. When I snap it is awful. Last week it ended up with me yanking his hair . He yanked my hair back and was shocked and upset. I have pushed him over and today the absolute low point, I smacked him hard on the bottom and said horrible things.
This was in response to him doing a poo and a wee on his bedroom carpet, one of the ways in which his behaviour has regressed. I know I should be patient and kind about this.
It isn't always like this. I laugh with him, read to him and try and spend time alone with him. I don't agree with my behaviour and try to reason, talk and understand. But I am so low because I worry I am ruining my beautiful little boy with these outbursts. Yes he can be challeninging but he is bright, loving and fun. Everyone comments on what a lovely boy he is and he is lovely with his new sister. It is despite of me he is like this, not because of me I am sure.
I am so low about this and riddled with guilt (as I should be) but I don't know how to improve things. I do get help (although not always enough) and I have a loving and supportive husband who is a tower of strength and a great role model for my DS.
It has got to the point where I feel like I love my DD more and it has affected our once strong bond. I have always found my DS challening but I do adore him.
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At an all time low, please talk to me
27 replies
8217 · 12/08/2009 15:24
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