Mumsnet Talk

Hi, my Aunty and Nan have invited us over to theres for a holiday. We would love to go and see them again but the problem is, they both smoke.
I don't want my 4 year old daughter to be around smoke, but can't ask them not to in their own house. It's annoying as we'd really like to go. My daughter loves my Nan and aunty and hasn't seen them in ages.
What do you think I should do?
(BTW, I don't want to insult all the smokers on MN.)

Sorry but I think it's really not okay (and am a non-smoker).

So do you think we should'd go ?

How about you ask them whether they will be smoking in the house when you're there, rather than asking them not to.
I wouldn't want my children living in a smoky house for a day, let alone a week.

Same as Janeite

No, I know it's annoying but you can't ask or expect. They might well go outside whilst your there. I would still go.

Decide whether you and your daughter will have fun or that you will be unhappy with the smoke.

If you feel this strongly can't you have them come to your home - where they aren't allowed to smoke inside.

Ah, it's a really difficult. Seems very rude to ask, but I also wouldn't take my kids to a smoky house.

Could you say that you can't really if they smoke and see if they offer not to, or is that horribly passive-aggressive?

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I don't think you can ask them. But even if they didn't actually smoke while you were there, if they are in the habit of smoking in the house, it'd smell so bad I wouldn't want to go.

Good point Lyra, that sounds better.

i hsve this with friends and i just decline and say why in the nicest possible way and offer them to stay at my home in return, i dont ask for them to not smoke in their hoe but most will tell me that they will go outside , their choice , their decision

You can't ask someone not to smoke in their own house.

I'm quite anti smoking, but she's 4 years old and can't see the harm for a week or so? Or you could stay elsewhere?

Their house - their rules.

I would say to them that you wouldn't be happy about the smokiness, so would they like to come to you. We have relatives that smoke, and they offered not to smoke when we were there, because we were concerned about our dd who has asthma. I think it can be done sensitively and hopefully no-one will be upset.

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If it was just me and my husband I wouldn't mind, but not with our daughter.
They can't come to us as my Nan is isn't fit for travelling.

My dad is a smoker (grrr) and never smokes around the children even in his house. It's not something we ever discussed - he just goes outside to light up. I'd do as Lyra suggests if you're really bothered about it.

Sorry, but I don't think you can ask them not to smoke in their own house. Smokers have nowhere to smoke these days so their home is their last resort.

I am a non smoker btw.

their house, their choice

you could try to ask if they might smoke outside whilst you are there, but be prepared they may take offence

I have to disagree with the majority here I'm afraid (and I'm an ex smoker) I think it's always wrong to smoke around a child and I'd be really annoyed if my dad smoked around my ds because he's his grandson, why would he do something that's harmful to him? My BIL used to go outside to smoke whenever the children were around, even in his own home. It's just the right thing to do.

You wouldn't hand a 4 year old a cigarette though would you?
They both chain smoke and she would have inhailed at least one cigarette in a week.

THeir house and they themselves will stink. The chain smoking bit would put me off. Can't you stay in a b & b nearby?

As an ex smoker, I never used to smoke around non smoking visitors, I would always go and stand just outside the back door so I could still carry on a conversation and have a cigarette.

I used to smoke around a child (years ago, before we knew any different) and I still feel guilty to this day. His mum and grandma chain smoked around him all the time - I remember I used to waft the smoke away thinking that would be better than nothing !

Anyway I am sure that if you were to gently express concern your aunty and nan would happily accomodate you & smoke outside or in a dedicated room - you can but ask, they can but say no !

Mll - I would not want my dc to stay in a smokey house for a week so I sympathise. I agree you cannot ask someone not to smoke in their own house so I would simply have to decline, politely, stating my reasons for saying no. They may offer to smoke outside only for the duration of her stay, in which case, so long as you trust them, then the visit can go ahead .

It would be a shame for them if we decided not to go because of the smoke.
If we said "no thank you, because you'll be smoking in the house" I know they'd say "we'll go outside then".
If it was that or not seing us. I just don't want to sound rude or as if I wrap my daughter up in cotton wool. (they think that already).