Mumsnet Talk

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I would go ahead with the swimming plan even if only to show your dd that we don't let people down.

Let your dd know that you are not entirely happy with this and are definitely not happy with her behaviour but given the circumstances you are waiving the punishment for this time.

do the swimming and ground her for sunday instead.

you could be really mean and let her go and spectate while her friend is swimming

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Say she is still grounded, if she wants to go swimming she will have to do something to compensate, preferably related to the original crime or have an extra day of being grounded AT YOUR DISCREATION, so not necessarily continuous.

depending on how bad the behaviour was, I would be temoted to take friend and make her watch!

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Sounds as though you are being plenty harsh enough even without cancelling the swim
As you say, keep the heavy artillery in hand for when it might really be needed

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This is interesting. I am surprised to hear of grounding being used as a punishment for a pre-teen tbh. Is it quite common then? Not sure I quite approve tbh but am open to hearing why people choose to use it.

Not wanting to judge or argue - just interested.

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I was grounded a lot in my teens and before and it works! Nothing worse than not being able to go out with friends and it makes you think twice before you misbehave in the future.

I thought that grounding was a pretty run of the mill punishment? What other punishments are used.

OP - I think you did the right thing BTW

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Thanks Trefusis.

My dds are 14 and 12 and I have never used it. We tend to just use time-out followed by an apology if they are pains. Very, very occasionally, we have taken away their CD player for a few hours, or banned TV time.

On the rare occasion that we have grounded any of our children it has been when they have been out and not come home on time/not contacted us to discuss new time home. So we have said that if we can't trust them to stay safe then they have to stay in.

I would give her some extra, horrid but not too many, chores before she can go.

You sound like you get it right, tbh.