Baby name finder
We live in a cul de sac, with many children my sons age. At the moment, there are only 2 other children here as the others are on holiday.
One child, Eric, seem to enjoy excluding my son. This is especially frustrating now as Eric has "hogged" the other child in the street which my son plays with, Alice. (They are in the same class in school).
Today all three children went home from school together. My son came in to say hi, and goes over to Erics house to ask if he comes out to play. Eric and Alice are there, they are eating ice cream, and Eric has put a film on. He tells my son "You cant come in, we are eating ice cream and watching a film, but you cant come in".
My son came home crying.
Just the other day the three of them were building a play house in the woods next to our house. With planks from us. There was a special passcode to enter the site, and while my son had gone to fetch more planks, Eric promptly changed the passcode (and wrote it on a piece of paper hidden high up a tree) and as my son did not know the new passcode, he was not allowed to play.
Eric is 8.
If my son is the only kid in the street, then Eric is very pleasant company, but as soon as there are other children there, Eric is setting them up against my son. We are new to the neighbourhood, we just moved here in January.
I need help dealing with the situation, I have never come across anything like this before. His parents seems to be pretty oblivious, just saying "yes, well, they argue, they make up, there are good days there are bad days, and poor your son seem to be on the receiveing end more than seem fair, but alas such is life".
I am being a particularly bad parent about this, as I dont know how to advice my son, I just get frustrated because my son is so sensitive and just burst out crying. I think this is part of the problem. My son does not speak up against him, he just bows his head and start crying. I find myself getting angry with my son for not holding his head up high, at least for long enough to get out of earshot of Eric.
Any advice?
Mumsnet Talk
"The country's most popular meeting point for parents"
The Times
X Factor - making the song their own?
Not just an M&S ad - it's a sexist ad?
Wotsits or wine - home delivery substitutes?
Corsa? Yaris? - car-inspired baby names?
Cheesed off - with pregnancy food advice?
Mumsnet latest
- Next live webchat: Charlie Brooker, Mon 23 Nov at noon
- Talk Round-up: highlights of the past week's discussions
- Read our discussion with Gabrielle Palmer, author of The Politics of Breastfeeding
- Missed the webchat with David Cameron? Catch up here
- Attention! Book of the month is Mrs Tim of the Regiment - join us on Mon 7 Dec
MEMBER DISCOUNTS Get a 10% discount from Boden (inc free delivery and returns). To see all member discounts, click here. Not a member yet? Join Mumsnet for free here.
Recipe of the week
penguinmum's creamy fish pie: smoky, seasonal fish in a creamy white sauce with grated, rather than mashed, tatties on top - a meal of the highest comfort-food order.
MN Local
Please login or join Mumsnet first.
Follow mumsnet on...
Mumsnet Talk
Talk:
Topics |
Customise |
Unanswered messages |
Getting started |
Acronyms |
Useful stuff
Threads: Active | I'm on | I'm watching | I started | Last 15 minutes | Last hour | Last Day
Threads: Active | I'm on | I'm watching | I started | Last 15 minutes | Last hour | Last Day
| Start new thread within this topic | Watch this thread | Flip this thread | |
| Add a message |
How can I help my 7 year old deal with being excluded by his friends? |
(24 Posts) |
DS1 is in similar situation with another lad -- only it's worse because DS1 ends up fighting other boy at school & I have stopped speaking to other lad's parents as a spinoff of the conflict.
All very depressing
.
I hope that it goes better for you, Quint.
All very depressing
.I hope that it goes better for you, Quint.
Eric sounds truly awful. why do you want them to be mates? Your poor soon. try and get him to assert himself.
oh that's a shame. is your ds ok? have you got something fun and different you can do with him this afternoon?
as for next week - can you get organised in advance with having a couple of the other kids over to yours for a day / half day, for an organised play date + lunch / tea? Fix up two different days and have some great stuff planned, or activities like things to make obstacle courses, water pistols etc available for raucous garden play (if it's hot where you are that is!). Make your son's house the cool place to be (chuck in some ice cream just for old fashioned bribery's sake).
Then your son is sorted out for at least a couple of days and doesn't have to have Eric there at all and can forget about him - must be stressful for your ds always wondering if he's going to be "allowed" to join in or not.
Can you also fix up with parents of kids that come to yours that your ds could go back to theirs the following week - do a mutual trade-off of giving each other time off whilst it's holidays and no school activities available. So again your ds is sorted with ready made stuff to do on at least a couple of days each week that don't have to involve Eric, or are not on Eric's turf?
as for next week - can you get organised in advance with having a couple of the other kids over to yours for a day / half day, for an organised play date + lunch / tea? Fix up two different days and have some great stuff planned, or activities like things to make obstacle courses, water pistols etc available for raucous garden play (if it's hot where you are that is!). Make your son's house the cool place to be (chuck in some ice cream just for old fashioned bribery's sake).
Then your son is sorted out for at least a couple of days and doesn't have to have Eric there at all and can forget about him - must be stressful for your ds always wondering if he's going to be "allowed" to join in or not.
Can you also fix up with parents of kids that come to yours that your ds could go back to theirs the following week - do a mutual trade-off of giving each other time off whilst it's holidays and no school activities available. So again your ds is sorted with ready made stuff to do on at least a couple of days each week that don't have to involve Eric, or are not on Eric's turf?
I think I shall mention about it next time I talk to his parents.
My son came home alone, as Alice had gone home with Eric. I think what is happening is that Erics parents are taking Alice after school this week, as Alices parents cant finnish work so early as 2pm. Alices mum was home early last week, but not Erics parents. I think there is some sort of cooperation as both families have long working hours. Alice is going to Erics every morning, and Erics father drops them both off to school.
I had positive response regards the boy I invited home tomorrow. So fingers crossed that goes well.
Then, next week, there is no school or holiday club for the next month.... All kids (not on holiday) will be home all day.
<dread>
My son came home alone, as Alice had gone home with Eric. I think what is happening is that Erics parents are taking Alice after school this week, as Alices parents cant finnish work so early as 2pm. Alices mum was home early last week, but not Erics parents. I think there is some sort of cooperation as both families have long working hours. Alice is going to Erics every morning, and Erics father drops them both off to school.
I had positive response regards the boy I invited home tomorrow. So fingers crossed that goes well.
Then, next week, there is no school or holiday club for the next month.... All kids (not on holiday) will be home all day.
<dread>
Hi QS. Let us know how things go today when they get back. You can definitely lay down the law a bit more with Eric if he's in your house - eg "we don't speak to each other like that here," or if he tries to exclude your ds "I'm sure you'd all like to play nicely together, unless you want to go home and play by yourself Eric?"
Wouldn't do his parents any harm to have their ds come home on his own and wonder why no-one wanted to play with him. I do think parents of this sort of child need to talk through how to play nicely with other children rather than dismiss it as normal behaviour. My ds is a bit little for this sort of thing yet, but I'd be mortified if I found out that he behaved in the way that Eric does when he gets to this age.
Wouldn't do his parents any harm to have their ds come home on his own and wonder why no-one wanted to play with him. I do think parents of this sort of child need to talk through how to play nicely with other children rather than dismiss it as normal behaviour. My ds is a bit little for this sort of thing yet, but I'd be mortified if I found out that he behaved in the way that Eric does when he gets to this age.
I think a lot of children can be just like Eric, but most have parents/teachers overseeing the behaviour and correcting it. It's very upsetting but part of life, a child's life anyway.
I agree with swift responses from your DS may well work. Or could you play with him in the street, something brilliant.
When this happens to my DCS we talk about how it feels and comfort but a little bit of never mind, it's not the end of the world assists them not blaming themselves and puts things into perspective.
I agree with swift responses from your DS may well work. Or could you play with him in the street, something brilliant.
When this happens to my DCS we talk about how it feels and comfort but a little bit of never mind, it's not the end of the world assists them not blaming themselves and puts things into perspective.
buy1get1free - does it matter? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but it is easier to hold onto Eric and Alice, than child a, child b and child c. 
I agree with not being so scary he runs home to tell his parents about the mean whitch next door...
I agree with not being so scary he runs home to tell his parents about the mean whitch next door...
Is Eric his real name ?
QS no advice, but I could have written your post about my dd and a supposed friend at school, they are 7 (well dd's "friend" has just turned 8)... I just don't get the horrible manipulative behaviour, and I am at a loss, to find the best way to help dd hold onto her confidence.
Eric sounds like a little shit - some kids are just mean. I find the best thing to do is have a "word" with the offending child - just try not to be too scary or Eric will run home to parents upset.
perhaps something like "fine Eric - if you can't play nicely then you won't be invited to our house when we have a tea-party when ds's friend comes home from holiday"
perhaps something like "fine Eric - if you can't play nicely then you won't be invited to our house when we have a tea-party when ds's friend comes home from holiday"
Shortcuts
Product reviews
- Baby slings
- Buggies and strollers
- Car seats from birth
- Car seats from 9 months
- Car seats from 4 years
- Double pushchairs
- Highchairs
- Holidays - Long haul
- Holidays - Short haul
- Holidays - Skiing
- Holidays - UK and Ireland
- Holidays - UK Camping
- Parenting books
- Pushchairs from birth
- Three wheelers
- Toys and gifts
- Travel systems
Help | Spread the word | Contact us | Contact a member | Webguide | Advertising | Mumsnet in the news | About us | Terms of use
Mumsnet Limited. Registered in England and Wales. Registration No 03951486
Registered Office: Studio 6, Deane House Studios, Greenwood Place, Highgate Road, London NW5 1LB
Registered Office: Studio 6, Deane House Studios, Greenwood Place, Highgate Road, London NW5 1LB