Tomboy - would you ignore, encourage or worry???

[mrsgreedy]

Since the arrival of our twin boys 7 months ago my daughter, age 6, has turned from the girliest girl (who used to refuse to wear trousers, was the stereotypical fairy princess, cried when the twins were boys not girls) into the biggest tomboy I have ever met.

At first I can't say that I was sorry as personally I think it's good for girls to play with lego and I actively encourage an interest in an active lifestyle.

But lately I think things may have gone a bit too far. Her brothers were christened recently and she refused point blank to wear anything other than boys clothes (which I relented to eventually). Although the clothes issue got me down a little I went along with it because I have found it so hard dealing with the boys that sometimes I gave in rather than argue.

This week she has tied a skipping rope round her waist and said that the handle is her willy!!! She refuses to take it off and says she is a boy!!! Should I be amused or concerned? My mother in law thinks she should see a child psychologist!!

[Yurtgirl]

Congratulations on the birth of your twins

Was dd your only child until the twins were born?

I supsect she feels left out etc
I would give her lots of time, as much as possible on her own - obviously tricky with baby twins though

Also give her jobs to do around the house/kitchen/babycare so that she feels important and needed.

If you let her wear whatever for now she will probably forget all about wanting a willy

HTH

[Tortington]

i think the odd comment like " gosh, its so nice to have another girl around to talk to, boys can get on my nervs sometimes - do they get on yours?" and explore how its ok to not totally like your siblings, perhaps recounts a story about your siblings. but tell her you love her and that you are so very glad you have a little girl.

i think spending some quality girl time together could also help

when my twins were born i made a point of letting my then 3 year old boy stay up later on a friday night and have some treats.

to lots of people, especially family, no matter how much they say that they wouldn't treat them differently everyones tongue is awash with twin talk - even strangers on the street ime - "oooh twins, how lovley" and i think she just needs to be reminded of how very special she is to you

becuase of course this is all done because she wants you to notice her - and you are doing becuase its odd - but she doesn't think that - i bet shes thinking that you love her more and pay more attention to her now she is pretending to be a boy.

so girly evenings with mum and treats - the odd remark about how lucky you are to have such a beautiful girl, the odd very light scathing remarks about the twins - won't turn her into sibling phsycho killer

i remember quite clearly that with ds1 i said things like " those babies cry a lot don't they? i'm so glad i have you to help me" and thing like that.

[Niftyblue]

I would`nt be too concerned

My dd was much the same obsessed(sp) with having a willy like her older brother
She calls herself a tomboy and she really is

Try not to make to much out of it
Its a phase that will pass

[ScummyMummy]

Wise words from custardo and others. I wouldn't worry about it per se- tomboys are cool- but as custardo says, maybe tell her straight how much you love having a special fab older girl rather a lot in case she's feeling a bit dethroned.

[DottyDot]

I know this might seem not at all the same, but we just got two 6 week old kittens a few weeks ago and ds2 (aged 5) has since decided he's a kitten...

He's been crawling around, purring on our knees and telling us he's our kitten as well.

Honestly...

So I think it's probably just a jealousy/not being the baby any more thing. I being telling ds2 that of course he's still our kitten as well and in the last few days he's stopped being a kitten . I'm sure the tomboy thing will pass and at least you get a short period of time off from all things pink/barbie-ish!

[Gemzooks]

just to lighten the tone, I remember being caught by my mum aged about 6-7 with a plasticine willy I'd made, trying to stick it on! She didn't say anything but I'm sure she had a few worries at the time...

[mrsgreedy]

Thankyou all for your comments. It's especially interesting to receive comments from somebody else in my situation of having an older child then twins.

I agree that the whole general public seems to go mad when they see the twins, even though they are not identical!! I really did try not to make my daughter feel left out, I read all the books, tried to prepare her. But nothing could have prepared me for the tiredness.

I don't think it helps that my husband was so delighted to have boys and couldn't contain his excitement when they arrived!

[Heated]

Given your last comment, very important for dh still to do things with dd that she likes doing. My father was delighted when my brother morphed into a little lad and they spent whole sporting weekends together - I was very

[mrsgreedy]

If she'd always been a tomboy I don't think I'd be questionning it. But it's the fact that this has all happened since the boys' arrival. I'm not totally convinced she really wants to be a boy - does she just think we love boys more?

I grew up with 2 brothers, both younger. I was a bit peeved when little sibling number 2 was born with a willy. But more because I was the odd one out etc. I certainly never felt my parents preferred my brothers though, if anything I felt special. Where have I gone wrong?

[dizietsma]

"Since the arrival of our twin boys 7 months ago my daughter, age 6, has turned from the girliest girl (who used to refuse to wear trousers, was the stereotypical fairy princess, cried when the twins were boys not girls) into the biggest tomboy I have ever met."

Well, you weren't worried when she was a girly girl, so why does one extreme worry you and not the other?

"But lately I think things may have gone a bit too far. Her brothers were christened recently and she refused point blank to wear anything other than boys clothes"

If she'd insisited on wearing a pink frilly tutu with spangles on to their Christening, would you have "let" her?

"This week she has tied a skipping rope round her waist and said that the handle is her willy!!! She refuses to take it off and says she is a boy!!! Should I be amused or concerned? My mother in law thinks she should see a child psychologist!!"

LOL, amused, for sure. Your MIL is just being a fuddy duddy.

Look, clothes are just clothes. Feminine or masculine, she's a girl, she knows it and is most likely just trying to identify with her new brothers. Hence the willy incident. I imagine she's seeing a lot of their willies during nappy changes etc, and you have to admit, they're weird fascinating things to a little girl with limited experience of them! It's all painfully normal, nothing to fuss about.

[EachPeachPearMum]

I was a tomboy when younger- and it was entirely due to jealousy of my younger brother who was a high needs baby and very ill for the first 2 years of his life, and therefore garnered all of my parents' attention. I can still remember how I felt

I was never a pink fluffy frilly dolls type girl anyway (never will be) and always preferred reading and lego to anything else.

Once he ceased to have so much attention I grew out of it.

He got less attention when older because we got a new baby sibling....