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I got called into school to see ds class teacher - advice please.

8 replies

tummytickler · 12/05/2009 19:19

Hi all
My ds and i have had a bit of an ongoing problem with 'bad' language - not really swearing but just inappropriate, he gets angry very easily and tells people to shut up a lot, that kind of thing.
Dh has always sworn a lot and i have major issues with it - i really dont like how aggressive it sounds and dh has made an effort to stop, but still does swear quite a lot, so ds will clearly be picking this up, although he knows it is wrong and hasnt tried it yet.
he really upset his friend today by calling her a 'flipping hell', I know it doesnt make sense, and isnt really name calling but she was very upset.
teacher says it is getting worse and caan she have our support (of course!), and he is making himself unpopular because of his rough and sweary manner!
He is quite new at the school has been ther about 3 months so still settling in, and he was really unhappy at his old school and he seems to come on leaps and bounds adn is happy to go to school.
DH and i were also commenting on how many more friends he has at htis school as he goes to play at friends houses and we have people back a lot too.
i helped on a school trip last week and was really pleased with what i saw of his relationships with others.

Sorry it is so rambly - i feel like such a failure - he is often cross and shouty, but also sweet and kind and loving. He has a really good heart, but is very easily upset or frustrated.

What shall i do?
He is 6 btw, in Year 1, not great academically but we have made a lot of progress since moving schools.
Thanks if you madde it to the end!

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tummytickler · 12/05/2009 20:33

I just re read that and it doesnt seem to be that clear. How can i stop shouty behaviour, and 'bad' language, name calling etyc - telling him to stop does not work, taking away priviledges doesnt work, shouting at him - obviously not a good idea.

How can i stop this behaviour?

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mrsmaidamess · 12/05/2009 20:37

Dh must stop swearing in front of your ds for starters. I hate hearing children swear, and teachers are very quick to pick up on it too.

You say he gets angry very easily, in what kinds of situations? Is it losing at games, or not getting what he wants, etc?

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mrsmaidamess · 12/05/2009 20:39

You can praise him for making the right choice in a situation, but he needs to know what other options he has got apart from lsoing his rag. Ask him what makes him cross and angry and talk about possible alternatives that he could choose. At age 6 he should be able to take this on.

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cory · 12/05/2009 20:39

I am afraid there is no two ways about it: you and your dh will have to model the behaviour that you want to see in him.

Or alternatively, go in and explain to the teacher that he can't really be expected to behave differently "because this is the way we speak at home" (suggest that one to your dh ).

Point out to your dh that the only reason he stays out of trouble is that he is old enough to gauge exactly when you can't use shouty or sweary language, but this is too much for your ds. He is clearly too little to cope with two different ways of expressing himself, so if he doesn't learn the socially acceptable way, he will get into trouble.

We have a swear kitty in our house and it works well. 50 p in the kitty every time you use a bad word. Whoever does it. The kitty has been empty for a long time now.

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cory · 12/05/2009 20:41

You can also help him a lot by modelling ways of coping with stressful situations; show him that you are stressed but that you are making a joke of it, or counting to ten or whatever.

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tummytickler · 12/05/2009 20:43

He gets angry if something is not how he wants it - so Lego breaking, supper ready when he was playing outside, if he has to do anyhting when he wants to do something else, if you ask him to do something more than once (despite him forgetting to brush his teeth the first time and he NEEDS to be asked again).
I have begged and pleaded with dh on so many occasions to stop swearing, and calm down his language, and he has got better, but does not seem to be able to do it. He blames it on being Scottish .
It is the source of so many rows, because i can see it rubbing off on ds, but he just turns it all on me and my 'constant nagging' (i.e trying to get him to be more polite and stop swearing!)
Surely i dont need to end my marriage over his swearing, but it is so frustrating and he thinks i am mad for finding it so offensive.

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tummytickler · 12/05/2009 20:46

Hi, thanks
i really dp try and modell the right way to behave - i am not much of a sweare myself, and use a ' jolly them along' approach to parenting most of the time.
i feel llike all my hard work is being undone by dh.
I have explained that if he is cross he needs to tell someone before he starts shouting, and he does for half a dday and then forgets.
Crikey - i sound like a right moaney old bag!

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tummytickler · 12/05/2009 20:48

Oh - and i got him to make a sorry card to his friend and explained that even if he thought he was joking, she was very upset, and he must think more about other peoples feelings befoer he acts. He will be apologising to the friend and mother in the morning and giving the card.
Shall i get him to apologise to his teacher too?

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