How do you fit it all in?

[Winston]

Hi all, basically I am after tips/advice on how you try and fit everything in to one day. My concerns are I am trying to do too much and stressing myself out about it and having constant guilty feelings. I am a SAHM with 2 DD's aged 6 and 3. With the eldest at school I try and make the most of my time with DD2 but I am starting to feel there is no time for myself and DH. We both want to loose weight ( I need to loose a lot so need a long term plan) but cant do any exercise together as one of us needs to be home to look after DD's. DH wants to do running and I want to go back to swimming as this was a good way for me to loose weight in the past. However, my problem is DH isnt home until 5.30/5.45pm most nights so I have tea ready for us all to sit as a family each night and eat together. I had thought perhaps instead of eating together I would feed our DD's earlier the when DH got home we would take it in turns to do our exercises etc. Then my brain goes in to melt down about how it would mean we wouldnt be eating as a family hardly at all and how would that make our DD feel. I try to get out every day with DD2 walking etc and even take her swimming with me but to be honest with the amount of weight I need to loose this just doesnt do a huge amount and I need to be swimming lengths of a pool not bobbing along on the water and I need to be power walking not strolling along! These things I will always do but DH and I both need time to get in shape and be healthier. The weekends are jam packed with stuff to do. We have tried for the last three weekends to do something together but there are always appointments and chores etc that need doing. It sounds like I am making excuses to not do any exercises etc but i'm really not as I REALLY want to do something to help improve my health.I spent last night feeling guilty as our DD's were at home most of the weekend whilst we caught up with stuff around the house. My DH says they need to be able to play alone and its good for them to become imaginative without me doing it all but again the guilt kicks in if I am not playing with them 24/7. Do most parents spend huge amounts of time each day entertaining their DC or are small anounts just as important?
Blimey, sorry I am rambling a bit here. I just feel I am torn between being with my DC, playing etc with them, house hold crap (cooking, cleaning , washing) and then finding time for me to sort myself out. How does everyone do it? We dont have supportive families so having an extra pair of hands would be a massive help but not an option.
Do I need to loosen my guilt more?
Sorry if this isnt clear, I am not good at explaining things!
So guys, how do you manage to fit it all in or do you have to let something go?
TIA x

[fleacircus]

Could you all go to the pool on a weekend morning and you and DH could take it in turns week by week to swim lengths while the other entertained and played with your DC?

Is there a local gym with a creche you could use during the day? A municipal one so you don't have to pay expensive membership?

As you're eating early, DH could go for a run after the DC are in bed - or you could go for your powerwalk then.

My formerly super-sporty but since parenthood inevitably less so DP manages by going swimming at lunchtime or early on a weekend morning. He runs at weekends and sometimes to CM to pick up DD - we both work. I think finding ways to build exercise into your existing day works better for most people, although as a SAHM that may be more difficult for you. Getting more active with DD, ie playing running around type games, using lots of the equipment at the park, would set a good example for her too.

[Luxmum]

Um, actually it hurt my eyes trying to read your post, so I just skimmed it. Sounds like you need to let you kids play on their own, I'm not sure it's actually GOOD to play 24/7 with a parent, as unconsciously, parents tend to guide their childs behaviour and games, and also to mediate too much, whilst kids need to sort out things on their own, to learn this.so the child maybe needs to learn to 1, play on their own, an 2, play with just children. Can you do chores during the day, ie grocery shopping in teh evening, or during the day, so saturdays are free? get your kids to help a bit round the house, so they learn how things work, and how to do things on their own, ie sort the laundry, make their beds, lay the table, etc. Can you do your exercise with teh kids - go cycling as a family, or I find I lost tones of post baby weight by not having a car, and having to push the heavy pram round town , ie incorporate exercise in your life. Anyway, why can't you go swimming after tea? i have a class at half seven, so get home from work, feed teh kids, and go out asap once DH is back. It being such a late class works for me, can you see what times your pool stays open too? Hope you get some ideas on how to fir things in, it's criminally hard..my lost thing is housework, it's just such a drag doing it..

[Winston]

Hi Fleacircus, thanks for your reply. We do go to the pool and do the whole taking in turns thing but I do feel it need to be a bit more than what we are doing. DH is easier as he needs to tone up, not really loose weight where as I need to loose a lot of weight. The local gyms have closed all their creche facilities which is a real pain as I would have used them.

Like you said, I guess if we are eating just before 6 then that should allow enough time when the DC are in bed to do something. That will be easier with the lighter nights too.

I am trying very hard to do more with DD2 as like you said, it sets a good example. I enjoy being out with her rather than being at home but sometimes I want to just crack on with proper exercising which isnt practical with a 3 year old.

Am going to try to do this though as really want to feel different and be so much more healthier this time next year!

[milkysallgone]

Your concerns all sound totally normal to me .

I think I seem to spend far too much time worrying/feeling guilty about stuff instead of just getting on with it! Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break. The best thing you can do is better plan the time you do have available which might take some creative thinking.

How about cycling? We take out 2 and 4 yr old in seats on the back of ours.

Can you go to an evening swimming session at the pool?

What about a class like 'step' or something?

[becstarlitsea]

Hi Winston - I found 'Time Management for Manic Mums' by Allison Mitchell to be an absolute godsend - definitely worth buying.

Don't put yourself under too much pressure - it's better to lose weight slowly with a gentle sustainable programme of activity rather than aim to lose lots of weight with frantic exercising. Otherwise the weight can just pile straight back on. Also the stress of thinking that you're not doing enough unless you're pushing yourself really hard is counterproductive - if you think that way, then you think 'Well, I haven't done enough, so sod it, there's no point trying'. Strolling and splashing are good too, you're still being active and it all counts.

When you want to be really active, I find games of 'chase' in the park with my 3 year old are good because we can both run at our own pace - me running in fast spirals to 'escape' DS who is running in slower circles but I still keep running close to him so he can catch me then running in a quick spiral away... iyswim. And in the pool we play chase a lot too (I'm lucky that he can swim well, but even before he could he held onto a float or noodle and I chased him pretending to be a shark...)

[Winston]

Thank you all! I am glad it sounds normal Milky! And I think maybe I am spending too much time worrying/feeling guilty. Time which could be spent being active!

That book sounds like it could be a great help, thanks Becstarlitsea. Loving the shark thing in the pool, my girls would wet themselves if I did that!

I have checked pool timetable for the evenings and they are open until 9pm so thats plenty of time.
I am going to be more positive thinking and just crack on and stop worrying.

Thanks for letting me moan away

[minxofmancunia]

I really don't think you need to play with your dcs all the time, they need to learn to play by themselves and not get too dependent on adult attention. On my day off i spend about 2 hours playing with dd and the resy out and about with her or getting on with house work.

Me and dh both work him full time me 4 days and we do 2x exercise sesions a weeks each. I go to yag and swiming or pilates and he does the gym, although he goes at 7.00am to fit it in!

I've just emplyed a cleaner, is this something you could do? This takes the pressure off the weekend doing chores, also have our shopping delivered as i feel 1+ hours a week shleppping round a supermarket is too much time to waste.

Good luck!

[Winston]

They are getting too dependent on us Minx, they are getting better but they do find it hard to play by themselves. Again, its my guilt that makes the problem as I do feel its drummed in to us mums to make lots of time with our kids. However, now as they are getting older I am finding it more difficult.

Your life sounds busy with work Minx so its great you still make the time to fit in exercises. A cleaner isnt really an option (although I would love one!). I have left my job to become a SAHM so only living on one income so things pretty tight. However, the shopping delivered is another good idea as I do spend a good morning a week shopping and that time could be used doing other stuff. WWould probably save more money also!

Thanks for advice ladies, all seems trivial I know but sometimes its the common sense of other mums thats needed!

[BlueCowWondersAgainAndAgain]

what about an exercise dvd for you? dd can join in if she wants, or go off and do something else? A 3 yr old will be fine if you do the dvd 3x/ week for eg 45 mins.

And stop worrying!

[Winston]

Hi BlueCow, Yeh, the dvds are a good way to do things at home and I am doing those. Davina is fab and I never get bored with her dvds. However, my DD2 has started getting really ticked off when I start doing them and moans and whinges whilst I am trying to do it. She was brilliant to start with and even got my exercise matt out but the novelty wore off quick and I find myself stopping several times to sort her out with an activity so I can carry on.

I wish I wasnt a worrier, I really do. You know whats it like, you feel guilty about everything being a mum but I do think its time I stopped and started getting on with life

[BlueCowWondersAgainAndAgain]

Maybe you need to be firm - this is mummy time, I'll help you with xyz when I've finished.

A lesson she'll need to learn at pre-school or nursery soon enough.

And eating separately once or twice a week won't hurt!

There is a way!!