what to do about 8 yr old ds who isn,t bothered about having friends from school

[tevion]

Hi
I have one ds of 8 who I have been a bit worried about but don,t know whether its me with the problem and I should just stop worrying about it.

Anyway the only opportunity he does have to play with other children his age is through school, for a while he did play with some children in the neighbourhood which didn,t work out due to cliques and some nastiness.
He can be quite fussy about freinds and he is a little sensitive and wants a bit of his own way with what they play.
He was always very popular at infant school and did on occasions have a mate home from school, he still sees one or two of these old freinds now during holidays etc.
I can,t understand why he never seems to want anybody from his new junior school which he has been at since september 08 he was the only new boy in class and I have worried over whether he is making friends properly.
I am still unsure as to whether he does have any real good friends there like at his old infant school.
I have tried to encourage playdates but most of the time he doesn,t seem that bothered about having anyone despite him telling me he plays with alot of people and is happy at his new school.
However me been the loon that I am thinks that he doesn,t want anyone because he hasn,t really made any close friends.
I worry about him not having children his own age to play with except on the occasions that he has the odd one or two mates from his old infant school.
Most of the time he is coming home from school and is happy to play on his ds or play with his dog.
Sometimes he wants me to play with him which can become a bit of a strain at times.
Please am I worrying over nothing and should just leave him to it if he seems happy.

[tevion]

Should I just lay off trying to enforce playdates and leave him to his thing.

[Flyonthewindscreen]

Have you asked his teacher how he is doing socially and who in particular he plays with?
Perhaps your DS plays with a variety of people (I have a DS of 7 who claims to spend school playtimes in football games, etc with a crowd of boys), but hasn't made close friends yet due to the others being in existing friendship groups?

Are there clubs (cubs, sports teams, etc)that his school friends belong to that he could join? This would build on school friendships and also give you a rest from entertaining him...

I do sympathise, I moved my DS when he was in reception and still worry sometimes about friendship issues even though he is now well into yr 2.

[minxpinx]

I was just the same at school and I wasn't unhappy. I really enjoyed doing stuff on my own (I was a real bookworm as well). I felt that I needed a break from it all during the holidays. My mum was always on at me about it and I see now that it could be worrying, but there really was nothing wrong.

[mrsmaidamess]

My 8 year old ds never wants a friend round and never gets invited anywhere either! partly I think its due to the fact I am neverat the school gate to meet the other parents, but also he just likes being with us. He is never short of friends at playtime

For his 8th birthday I offered to invite some friends to a resatuarant for tea and he said he only wanted his family there. Which I think is rather sweet.

[Flowertop]

I posted about this recently and it is good to hear there are people in the same situation. Sorry if this sounds awful but I think as there are others in the same situation it is obviously quite normal - iyswim! DS2 started a new school 18 months ago having been very popular at old school. He has found it so difficult to get in with the 'in crowd' and never wants the kids home from school and is never asked to theirs either and is left out of party invites. I have been heartbroken at times but have decided to let it go. He is happy to be with us and his brother and is such a happy little boy that feel it is my problem more than his. We so want our kids to be popular but it doesn't always happen. We also offered him a party on his 8th birthday but he refused. I think if they are happy that's a positive and you can't make them have friends around. XX