How to deal with tantrums and moaning almost 2 year old?

[FeelingLucky]

I don;t know if the tantrums and moaning is related, but if anyone could shed some light, I'd be most grateful:

TANTRUMS: DD tends to be really grumpy when she wakes from afternoon nap and this grumpiness can sometimes escalate to tantrumming when she starts thrashing around. I don;t know what she wants (and I'm not sure she does either) - if I knew, I'd give it to her.
So far, I've dealt with the tantrums by sitting with her and going through a list of things I think she might want (ie milk, story, biscuit, etc.) and hope that she will say yes to one of them, otherwise we just sit it out.
Today, I tried a different tactic and just walked out of the room and carried on with doing chores. This actually seems to have helped - she came to me for a cuddle and calmed down after almost 10 minutes. then, she was lovely for the rest of afternoon.
I'd been resisting the ignoring tactic because I was worried about her being insecure (see below). Was this the right thing to do?

INSECURITY: Although very confident at nursery, DD can get a bit insecure around large family gatherings and sometimes in toddler groups. What I mean is, she doesn't want to participate, clings to me and moans non-stop.
I'm reluctant to stop going because I'm not convinced that she enjoys it. Sometimes DD loves the dance class, and she does all the actions and talks about it at home. When I ask her if she wants to go, she says YES and drags me out of the house.
So, any ideas why she moans all the time when she's there?

Can anyone enlighten me please?
DD is an only child, and I really have no experience of this. I'm just worried I should be doing something to help her feel secure and happy.

[pinkyp]

i'm in the exact same position as you! i'm mum of 1 who is 2 in July and he has tantrums after nap time and during dinner time - ignoring him for a few mins helps then i'll distract him with a cuddle or a snack once he realises he's getting no attention by having a tantrum

[pinkyp]

i'm in the exact same position as you! i'm mum of 1 who is 2 in July and he has tantrums after nap time and during dinner time - ignoring him for a few mins helps then i'll distract him with a cuddle or a snack once he realises he's getting no attention by having a tantrum

[Othersideofthechannel]

I think quite a lot of children wake up grumpy from their afternoon nap. DS did.

She probably can't cope with a list of things to choose from when she has just woken. It's probably all too much.

The thing I found that worked to snap DS out of it was looking at photographs of himself! I just sat there looking at them next to him and he came over and joined in so then it became part of our routine for a while.

Eventually he started waking up happy.

If you are uncomfortable with leaving her because of the insecurity thing, how about doing chores in the same room as her?

[FairyLightsForever]

I think I read somewhere that grumpiness after nap time is possibly due to slightly low blood sugar and can be cured with a snack (pref something with carbohydrates), so maybe pinkyp's approach of ignoring and just puting a drink and biscuit or something out for when she's ready.

[FeelingLucky]

Thanks - good to know I'm not alone (or rather, DD is not alone).
Othersideofthechannel - I only start going through list of things I think she might want when tantrumming begins.
I always offer DD milk and biscuit when she wakes up but it doesn't always help.
It's all so hit and miss.

Anyway, in desperation, DH and I started reading the "What to Expect ... TOddler Years" book and have got a few tips from there.
We're also wondering if our attempts to speak to DD in different languages is part of the problem? I speak to DD in Chinese and DH speaks to her in French, and DH and I speak to each other in English. We've noticed that Dd tends to moan / whine when DH and I are talking to each other as she knows we're not talking to her ?
Anyway, we've started to make a conscious effort to talk about DD in English, not mentioning negative behaviour and talking up her positive behaviour as a way of growing her self-esteem.

God, all this does sound like a load of bllcks, doesn't it? But I'm feeling a bit down about it all.

[Mumwhensdinnerready]

Sorry but I would never respond to a tantrum by going through a list of what the child might want. Whinging and tantrums are quite normal at this age but if you give a positive response to them she will learn that this behaviour is rewarded by lots of loving attention from mum.

I think you did just the right thing by leaving her.
Try to ignore and if you can't ignore PRETEND to ignore the tantrum. Leave the room and carry on with what you are doing. You can say quietly and calmly that you will will have a big hug once she has finished screaming. Remind her that she will never get what she wants by having a paddy, and stick to that rule.

My DS2 is 11 now but he still remembers that it was a waste of time having a strop.

[FeelingLucky]

Mumwhensdinnerready - I know, I know, but it's soooo hard to ignore. I suppose I'm just adjusting to the fact that DD is no longer a baby can actually speak, and if she wants milk, book, whatever, she can ask for it.

Today I asked nursery whether she tantrums and they said not really, and if so they ignore it and it's very short-lived.
No tantrums with me today, but next time it happens, I will take a deep breath and just walk away.

[Othersideofthechannel]

I wouldn't have thought that the language thing has anything to do with this.

All children make attempts to grab attention when their parents are speaking to each other and not to the child.

We are raising bilingual children. DD was always cheerful on waking and DS was always grumpy.

[FeelingLucky]

Othersideofthechannel - that's good to know
I was a very tantrummy as a child, so maybe DD just takes after me.