Feeling guilty and sad for my dd... help/advice/sympathy/miracle answers please?

[imoverhere]

SLightly long ramble here, sorry...

I have a 3yr old dd (nearly 3 and half) and a 9 wk old ds. DD loves DS and all is tickety boo with their relationship (so far!).

The trouble is me. My dd is a very lively (and I mean VERY lively) little girl, on the go all the time. I'm having broken nights with ds obviously (as only 9wks old) and am really tired. I'm finding it hard to cope with dd and feel like I'm letting her down.

I'm constantly telling her off when all she is being is 3 and lively (and I'm telling her off for things that wouldn't have bothered me before). Then I feel bad and say sorry and cuddle her telling her I love her, but that feels really weak to me and is surely giving her confusing messages. She has been crying quite a lot lately, but I think that is about getting attention. I feel like all she is seeing is me with ds getting looked after and fed (he is a v good baby) and she is getting the opposite.

She goes to nursery 2 and half days a week and I'm thinking of putting her up to 3 days (which is what she did before I had ds and was working) because she tells me she is bored and doesn't want to play on her own, which makes me feel terrible (she does love nursery btw)

All in all I'm feeling guilty and sad for my dd and don't know what to do for the best.

[BiscuitStuffer]

It sounds like you're actually doing really well. This is the absolute worst bit in terms of tiredness and it will get better quite quickly and you will also start to get used to the broken nights oddly a bit more too.

I personally would put her up to 3 days at nursery without batting an eyelid and then lean on DH heavily at the weekends and try and do some one to one time with her at home even - just half an hour in the day will make a huge difference and he can take baby out in the buggy or something.

Also - it's all going to be hugely different again in 3-4 weeks, so i really wouldn't worry to much.

She will also be feeling a bit thrown with the new dynamics in the house but time will fix that as she gets used to it. it's still early days for all of you.

Are you able to build some park time in to every day to burn some of her energy off? If it's any consolation, I'm another tired mummy with a rather short fuse

[BiscuitStuffer]

Also - when you're trying to jiggle 2, some things that were acceptable pre no.2 arriving, just aren't for various reasons. It is absolutely fine to change the rules so that the new 'pack' can operate as smoothly as possible. It happens in the wild too....!!

[onepieceofcremeegg]

You had a similar age gap to my two (mine both dds).

I completly agree with what BiscuitStuffer says, particularly the bit about one to one time. We found that just half an hour with me leaving the baby with dh and taking dd1 out was enough. (don't put pressure on yourself to take her out for hours). I used to take dd1 to the local supermarket cafe (5 minutes travel each way). 2o minutes in the cafe with a cake piece of fruit and a fruit shoot carton of organic juice. It was cheap in Morrisons cafe.

I also kept her in nursery for the same days (2.5) that she had been in when I was working. In fact I increased her half day so that dh could collect her after lunch rather than me collecting her before.

[imoverhere]

Biscuitstuffer I'm glad you said that about the 3 days. It feels like it's waht I need to do, but I can't help feeling guilty about it. I feel like I should be able to look after my own children on my own (or at least with dh).

Also, hadn't really thought that about the change in rules.

[BiscuitStuffer]

The rule changing is a big one I think. DH thinks I'm far too hard on DD with certain things but I have to be. When he's not there, it is the difference between a calm bed time and carnage, or safety issues etc. I am consistent with it though whether he's there or not so she doesn't get confused. It does make me feel mean but I've sussed out what works and what doesn't (well, sort of!).

[BiscuitStuffer]

Oh and my older one went to nursery 3 days all through my maternity leave and until i went back to work and is still on her 3 days.

[plimple]

Can you go to a playgroup or friends house with another child so she gets to have fun but you can relax?

[imoverhere]

I do take her out to friends houses and various soft play areas when I can but most of my friends have older children or are working.

I've had quite a hard couple of weeks with her (the continuing broken nights really kicking in at the moment, along with dh only having had 1 day off in 9 days so not much help lately) and am feeling quite stressed about it all.

I think I will put her back up to 3 days at nursery, it'll probably make us all feel happier.

[BiscuitStuffer]

Yes do it and don't feel guilty. Not for a second. She loves nursery, her friends are there, as DS gets a bit older he will sleep for a bit longer in the day and you can sleep at the same time. Do NOT do chores unless DS is awake and settled (and that's an order!!).

[imoverhere]

Consider it done (well, who am I to disobey a direct order).