tenren - wee bit of a generalisation going on there

My mother's favourite was one of my brothers. The boy's were the definitely the ones that were favoured, waited on etc
I have 20 mo DD. As SuziSeis says I too love being the mother I never had to my DD, so well put.
I don't want any more children, I just want to do my best for my beautiful DD.

weird. never wanted a boy, and have one DD. could quite happily stay this way. baby boys are sweet - but a galumping, hormonal teenage boy is a scary thought...!

I have a brother and I always felt he was a favourite not just with my mum but pretty much with the whole family, except my maternal gran. To be fair, he was a bit of a charmer, which I certainly wasn't.

Now I have a daughter and a son of my own, history seems to be repeating itself. My boy is much easier to deal with because of his sunny, outgoing personality. Inevitably all friends and family are drawn to him more than my daughter because he'll let them interact a lot more than she will.

But I do my best to avoid comparing, because it can be truly disheartening for the "less charming" sibling.

i love being the mother i never had to my dd

MonkeyChicken you could have written my story. My Daddy died 4 years ago leaving me with bitter and jealous Mother to contend with. Horrible and unneccessary, my mother has always found ways of turning my anxiety into a character defect. Whereas when my brother cried out, she'd be there with open arms.

1st baby dd pnd took a long time to love her but absolutely do now. She's very kind and loving and clever.I love spending time alone with her she makes me laugh so much.

2nd baby ds, i really wanted another girl hadn't really thought about a boy and the he was born and it was like he was the messiah, bathed in a warm glow i adored him i spent the whole night staring at him i just thought he was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. Now he's a little monster but very independent, now its a bit like unrequited love he just bodges about with me trying to cuddle him.

I don't favour one over the other but i feel very different about them. I don't know if thats because of there gender or circumstances of their birth. DD is very needy which is probably a result on my pnd and the more attention you give her the more she wants where as ds is very self contained probably because he has always been so adored. DD is a bit of a whine where as ds just a troublemaker somedays one is easier to deal withthan the other.

LadyG I agree with you. I know lots of women who are wonderful mum's to their daughters. Mothers who resent independent daughters need their bumps felt!!

idobelieveinfaeries i get you

I do love my dd dearly and am very glad to have a girl but

ughhhhhh just so much harder work in so many ways

as for boys being' naughtier ' NO - generalisation asisde boys are more honest open and therefore life is calmer

dd can be a wee bit more conniving than the boys and therefore you do not know where you stand

I have 2 dd's and I love having girls. Don't think I could handle a boy - they seem so much busier / naughtier to me?

Hubbie was a bit dissapointed at first when no 2 was also a girl but she is the most adorable little thing that everyone loves her.

My eldest is the more responsible and looks after her little sister so well - I depend on her, so my feelings for them both are different. There is a 4.5 years age difference between them.

My mil has a boy (my dh) and a girl. She always says she feels more sorry / caring for her boy as she knows her daughter can cope as she is a woman. But I feel she loves her dd more as she still lives close by and gets loads more than dh (but we live far away).

Though if I ever had another baby I would only want a GIRL!!

I have a 7 month of DD and worry a lot about our relationship because my relationship with my mother is so cold. She has always favoured my brother and has always been very jealous of me in a very petty way. I now know that her marriage went through some really rocky patches and I was very close to my dad and I think she was jealous of that. My Dad died 4 years ago and I really miss having a loving parent who would give me a hug. I've been through some tough times, but mum never hugs me and the most I get is her cheek to kiss. I know she pereceives me as stubborn and independent, but I feel she doesn't know me at all. My Dad showed very little respect for my Mum when I was growing up and I was always expected to do better than her which must have been hard.

I would love a close relationship with my daughter, but know I am a lot like my mother. I just think as a praent I want my child to feel secure and relaxed with me. When she was CHristened recently we gave my daughter 4 godmothers!!! This is partly as I really want to make sure she has lots of positive role models as she grows up and examples of people that like her mother as I'm scared what my mother might say to her when she is older. (My mum used to frequently tell my brother she liked him best - which he found upsetting as we are very close. SHe also once told a the daughter of her friend who wwas just 15 that her mum was having an affair. This was true but that poor girl knew about it before her dad. Think my mum was jealous of her friend's relationship with her daughter and successfully damaged it. Luckily they are close again now, but treat my mum with suspicion - understandably)

Sorry for the rant this thread has obviously hit a nerve!

What are SMOGs???

I don't think I have any ideas about boys being more rowdy etc based on my observations of the boys I know. I keep looking for gender differences but can't see any obvious boy/ girl divide. They are just all individuals with individual levels of mess/ noise/ cuddliness.

Even if I did I would see it as a cause for celebration and an interesting difference rather than congratulating myself that I had a 'nice, quiet' girl.

When pregnant with my first I really really wanted a girl-DS is now 3.9 needless to say I adored him from the moment he popped- also now have DD 9 months.
I think my love for them is different perhaps more due to their different personalities than gender? DD seems more self sufficient (dream baby compared to DS) and DS more needy somehow. But it is different in quality rather than amount.
My mum definitely still favours my brothers and we had a stormy time in the teenage years but that is partly why I wanted a daughter-I wanted to be a better mother to a daughter than I felt my mum was-to sort of break the cycle.

My mum has always said she finds mums of sons irritating. I have certainly known families where the son has been privately educated and the girls have gone to a state school....and one was quite recent where the children are all now in their late teens and early 20s (a family of four and the son was the third child so not the oldest or youngest which might explain it).

But my mum only had me. I only have a son and I do find the SMOGs irritating (they always go on about how rough boys are - like all boys are the same!), so you probably do prefer what you have (and I wanted a girl). The one thing about having a boy is that everyone's expectations are so much lower - and if you have low expectations you get low achievement. We should expect all our children to aim high and achieve as well as they can for their ability, regardless of gender.

Also should say that I haven't had the easiest relationship with my Mum but neither did she with hers (who was brought up by an aunt after her Mum died when she 3 mths old ). I know there are daughters who are very close to their mums and I want to be like this with my DD.

I spoke to my Mum about it the other day (briefly) and for the first time me saying something slightly critical didn't escalate into a full scale row.

I realise as I get older that she had other things going on in her life that I didn't really know about and that it is not always possible to know the best way to deal with another person - particularly as I am so different from my sister. What I do wish is that she had not only listened but heard and acted on what I was saying rather than turning things back on me, 'Well you always do/ say/ behave etc'.

I think trying to really listen to my DD is a good start in not having a similar relationship.

My parents had one of each and i didn't percieve any favouritism at all but my brother (younger) was/is certainly a lot needier than i was/am and was quite clingy with my mum.

I must say when I was pg if asked I would have preferred a boy and was almost convinced that it was a boy - although tried to keep an open mind.

The only reason I would have chosen boy was because I have a younger brother who I am close to. Was envious of my sister when her scan showed she was having a boy. Ironically she chose to find out the sex because she would have preferred a girl.

My DH always said he would like a girl and I was nervous in case he wouldn't be able to bond with a boy. When I asked him why he would prefer a girl he said that she wouldn't have to go through things he has gone through and that he wasn't sure he could be a good male role model for a boy (I disagree- think he would be the best!).

Anyhow we had a girl and as soon as they said the words, 'It's a girl!' my very first thought was, 'My little girl!' and I loved her straight away and now could not imagine life with a little boy and slightly nervous about getting one in future. But if the first experience taught me anything it was that boy or girl I will absolutely adore them and as soon as they arrive it will be as if they were never absent.

I have 6 boys and 2 girls. I do 'get-on' better with all my boys. But then i do get on better with men that women generally.

I find girls are harder work...at all ages. But that might be just my girls.

I never felt favoritism relating to sex, but definitely feel that as the oldest I was encouraged less, and expected to 'get on with it' more than my two younger brothers. I was always very independent and, if I'm honest, not massively affectionate... That said, I've always felt that my dad favoured me a bit, not in a very mushy way, just that he let me get away with more, and was more likely to let me stay off school or not tidy my room. My mum always favours my youngest brother, although nowhere near as obviously as some of the stories in here. I was quite a bit older and always tried to favour my middle brother a bit, as a sort of compensation for not 'having' either parent.

I've also always been a lot more independent, from a very young age I'd rather spend my pocket money on bus fare or cinema tickets - stuff my parents deemed 'essentials' and would pay for than ask my them, similarly at birthdays and christmas never asked for big/expensive presents because it didn't seem fair. My brothers had no such qualms and would write lists months ahead full of expensive toys. Don't know if this is a boy/girl thing or an older/younger thing or just an I'm-odd thing!

Broodymomma I hope your son lives up to your expectations. In my experience, and lots of the girls on this thread, sons rarely take care of elderly parents - that's 'women's work' don't you know??!!

I have to say i secretly hoped for a gilr (probably cause i am one and its what i know) but now i have ds i can honestly say i would be happy if i had another boy. I love imagining him grown into a man and looking after me in my old age ( i hope!)

what a lovely and eye opening thread this is

jennymac how lovely to be the first girl after five big brothers!

so goes back to article that Titania Hardie wrote. like attracts like then! i have a 14 year old niece who is very different to me - shy and unassuming. her brother is 11 and so like me as a child - he's confident and quick to pick things up. yet the bond I have with niece has always been strong, I love her because she's a chick and I encourage her as much as I can. nephew is a hoot, and i am so proud that he has no hang ups and does well at school but his obvious kinsmanship to me doesn;t make me love him any more than her.

i had it pretty rough as a child, but i'm grateful for the experience in a strange way, for it has taught me how wrong it is to make distinctions and show favouritism between siblings.

My daughter would be very like me and my mum Angel61 while my son reminds me of my much adored youngest brother (which maybe explains why he dotes on my son so much!)

Wonder if a stay-at-home-father would insist that his sons do most of the housework and allow his daughters to go out to play???

Nice to hear a level comment from a mum who recognises the differences in personalities of her children, but who doesn't judge them by it. which one of your children is most like you jennymac?

My mum has 6 boys (and 3 girls) and never seemed to prefer the boys - although they definitely got away with doing less housework. If anything, mum and I were closest in the family and remain so even today (but then I was the first girl after 5 boys which explains it a bit!) Because of our relationship, I admit that I secretly wanted a girl and was delighted when dd (now 2.5) was born. When I got pregnant again 8 mths later I honestly didn't have any preference but was delighted when it turned out to be a boy. I can honestly say that I love both ds and dd equally but not exactly in the same way as they are completely different personalities. DD is very independent and sparky and while can be very loving, is generally too busy chatting and exploring for all the cuddly stuff. DS is very much into his mum and loves to be cuddled and kissed and doing same back to me.

And thank you for your kind words. The oldest two 6 and 4 have just been helping me hang out the washing so I truly believe in starting them early! And as I have no daughters (and won't be having any more dcs) how lovely it would be to see them partnered up in the future with lovely girls who are NOT expected to do their cleaning and ironing! x

What a lovely Mum CatchaStar! Babies are truly heaven's gifts - whatever their sex.

I heard a story yesterday where a mother delivered a daughter, but because she loved her first born son so much, she wouldn;t even look at the child til she was 6 months old. She didn;t want anything to spoil the relationship between her and son. 25 years later, the son is a waster and mother and daughter are so close. I am so happy for the daughter - could have been so very nasty.

I think that some Mothers are so desperate to be needed that they become obsessive about their sons. The boys, naturally are happy to lap all the attention up!

Its the Mothers who have the dependency really, nothing to do with their 'helpless' sons. How often do we hear of Mothers being being totally consumed by their daughters?

Oddly, I would have had a son myself. I would hope that he'd have been a well balanced modern man!!

My mum had three girls, and I have a dd. I never cared what the sex of my baby was, I would have loved a boy just as much as my dd because he would have been my baby.

When I've spoken to my mum about this in the past, I've asked her if she would have liked a boy. Her response:

"Yes, I would have loved a boy. But then I'd ask myself which one of my daughters I'd give up to have a son instead, and thought, nah, you can stuff it! I love my girls!"

She's just happy with what she was given, not because of the child's sex, but because she has three children that she loves completely. Even when the middle one turned round and said 'hey mum, I'm pregnant!' when she was 19!

Ah thank you for your empathy Verygreenlawn. I console myself with the knowledge that I am thankfully intelligent (very like Daddy) whereas she is not so in her ignorance she will never change. I don;t look for her love or approval, never did, must have learned really young that it was futile to home. Anyway, very close to Daddy most of the time (he didn;t like me having boyfriends, usual protective stuff). Miss him, he died 4 years back. Poor sod had a hell of a life with her and her family thought he was bad tempered...!

I've read the book you mention, and by God yes it is true.

Your children are very fortunate to have you as a mum x

That's so hard, ANGEL61, when no-one else can see it. Really feel for you. I know others have experienced worse than me, my sis-in-law has really suffered at the hands of her parents who blatantly favour her brother (he was privately educated, she wasn't - and is still, despite being in his 30s with a family of his own and in a good job, getting handouts and excuses made for him - she meanwhile has just got on with life and made her own way).

Afraid I definitely subscribe to the Philip Larkin description of being a parent - or rather I think it's a bit of a miracle if they DON'T f* you up!

verygreenlawn, you are so wise! I too abhore the sound of those martyred cliche's. Boys are equally as capable of housework and ironing. The old values go back to the hunter/gatherer days when men went out to kill the food whilst women stayed at home, gathered fruit and kindling, made fires and nurtured babies. The woman was so relieved to see her mate return safe with food, as it ensured the continuance of her self and family, and so she showed her appreciation by showering him with attention - the warmest spot by the fire, the best cut of the meat etc etc ... Society operated like this for centuries, but today's girls have to go out hunting for sustenance and then revert to gatherers/home makers at the end of the working day, no-one will warm slippers and put fresh linen on the bed for them, will they? No wonder we can multi-task! Girls were trained to serve historically, so thank god for pioneers like Mrs. Pankhurst or where would we be today?

My mother loves playing the victim and in so doing delights in heaping all her dissatisfaction and negativity of her life onto me. But to the outside world she is a cheerful woman (she's defo psychitsophrenic). Its not easy. It was nice to read you saying that you love your Mother, made me feel that your experience wasn't so bad as mine. I had to be responsible for my brother, and if he was naughty it was always my fault for not watching over him. And of course he was sooo lovely...! My parents lived in with her parents when I was born, where aunties lived around the corner etc. Mother returned to work when I was 8 months old so Grandma brought me up and I absolutely adored her. When I started school Mother gave up work and we had our own flat. A year later brother appeared. She was very hard on me, always angry and shouting. I think that she was struggling to cope with new baby and wanted more than she got from Dad. None of this was my fault, yet I have always carried the can for it - because I am far too much like Dad for her liking.

I wish I had been a Mum, I would have been so aware of what not to do. In my opinion its the old chestnut of nature v nurture that is important. Yes, I was well mannered, well fed, immaculately clean (well, when I left for school in the morning) etc, but I never felt loved, always bullied. My brother on the other hand had a wonderfully warm relationship with her until 18 months ago.... And now she is left with me to take her through her final journey which is defo not how she imagined it x

im expecting my 3rd son in 3 weeks and people have actually said how sorry they are to me and asking if im a bit dissapointed.
im just happy to be having a baby and if i have a 4th its because i want another baby not a boy/girl.
its the first time ive found out the sex and wouldnt next time purely because of other peoples reactions.
my 2 ds are like chalk and cheese so its hard to say which sex is easier.
they are both loving, to be honest my main worry about having a little girl is that looking back i was a right cow growing up though in my eyes it was my mum and dad being unreasonable and i really dont want a teenage version of me..

I have a son whos 11 and 2 daughters, 8 and 3 and i love them with all my heart exactly the same. At times i prefer one to the others but this is only due to how they are behaving at a particular time.They are all my life though and i would die for all 3!!

I have 2 older brothers and always thought my mother loved my middle brother more than me and he was the favourite. I now understand its not that she loved him more it was just he was much better behaved than me and my eldest brother.I was infact a little cow. But i have made up for it now and now think im my mums favourite!! hehe.

verygreen they can be

my ds makes me a hot water bottle every night!

my mum was also VERY jealous of me....still would be if i let her get near me or the dcs

oh i forgot - she doesn;t want to!!

was jealous of my dp too!

I so agree, ANGEL61 - my relationship with my mum is very complex, she always seemed so jealous about petty stuff, and I was expected to mother my brother too. I love her so much, but we have nothing in common and the thought of having a daughter terrified me. Really sad to admit how relieved I was to have boys, because I was afraid I would "ruin" a girl!

I do think things have changed a lot though, when I tell people I have three boys the overwhelming reaction I get is pity because they must be "hard work". No way - I fully intend for them to be independent and self-sufficient, none of this doing their washing and ironing for them when they are in their 20s, rolling my eyes and saying "what are they like" in a martyred voice ....

When my mum was born, her grandfather wrote to congratulate her mother (his dil) saying "though a girl, it is a grandchild nonetheless for which we must be grateful" .

I was pleased to have a girl because my dh (and lots of other men I know) is rubbish at keeping in touch with his family whereas women are often much closer. Clearly it all depends on the individuals though.

WIGGLESWORTH - want to send you personal email because your experience so similar to mine - can read all your frustrations. Can't get you through this so if you contact me on EllieRadford@aol.com we can compare more directly as it is not for this post... x

All in all, that the urban myth 'little boys are more loving' holds no weight whatsoever. It is the mindset of the mother that drives the relationship and the public persona of the child, for better or for worse ....

I will always despair when observing ignorant parents (mothers or fathers) who feel the need to favour one gender over another - whatever their rationale. Its just NOT acceptable. Children are born like blank video tapes, it is the influences of the parents and the infant's natural intelligence that shape the relationship from thereon.

I love my son best of all but then I only have him. Among my friends, there seems to be pity that I have a boy which I think is a bit weird. Anyway, here is an article from the Observer on Sunday about raising boys which basically concludes that boys are harder at children but girls are harder as teenagers!

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/12/family-sons-children

My MIL said she didn't want me to have a girl, I gave birth last year to a boy. I asked her why and she said 'cos girls can be nasty and horrible'(!) Would've loved a girl just as much - though I love my ds of course. My MIL has three grown up children, 2 sons and a daughter - who she has big issues with although the daughter is in her 40s. My husband is her favorite and she makes no bones about it. I think she plays her kids off against each other as well. The daughter says she always felt unloved. maybe Mums are more protective of their sons, and with daughters - don't want them to make the mistakes they did so are tougher - I don't know, but I think its wrong to openly favour one against the other. I have two brothers and my Mum worries about them alot more, but never sets us apart.

BTW, I couldn't care less if he is ginger and left-handed, but it seemed like quite an odd thing to divine.

PMSL at your mum's comment rosebud

Angel how right you are. My DB is 5 years older than me and is like my Mum, I am closer to my Dad and my attitudes are more like his. I just clash with my Mum she is a very different person to me, I love her dearly she just gets on my nerves. I see how she has treated us totally differently throughout our lives and unfair and hard she was on me, although she firmly denies it. My DB is a lazy fucker but still gets treated like a king.

This is an interesting thread. I've got a dd and am expecting her little brother reasonably soon. I've noticed that mothers of daughters who've asked me 'what I'm having' (and whom I've told, although am I alone in thinking this is quite a personal question for a complete stranger on the bus to ask?), tend to respond with a sort of 'never mind' expression on their face or say 'oh, well'. My own mother (who is one of 11 - 5 boys and 6 girls, I think - and had 2 girls) said 'He'll be ginger and left-handed'. (No-one in either of our immediate families are ginger or left-handed btw). Though she is rather odd at the best of times.

Wigglesworth you should read Titania Hardie's article. She wrote that she favoured her older daughter purely because she was more akin to her whereas the younger child was like her father. Who has the right to judge a child just because it failed to become a mirror image (physically or mentally) of the woman that carried it???

wigglesworth as a mum of 'lotsa' boys i used to asked the lovely old ladies in my dear Nanny's care home - who visited most

they said SONS

gunnerbean i agree

my boys are poles apart BUT (generalisation warning) i think boys are on the whole a little easier...

a revolting teen is hell to live with but my daughter scraped my soul with her hurtfulness

my eldest son has been a dream

My Mum DEFO prefers my DB to me, she gets along better with him and is more tolerant of him. I think she is bitter towards me and a bit jealous (long story). I only have DS, although I have to admit I really wanted a boy, boys always love their Mummy's

well done SuziSeis - hope the moulds continue to be broken! x

I think the relationship you will have with children at different ages and stages affects your view too.

As far as I can see now with an older primary aged child, boys seem to be far less complicated than girls. I have a friend with an 11 year old (yr 6) DS and he is inundated with text messages from girls who wnat to spend time with him and are analysing the behaviour of their peers towards him (i.e, "I don't know why X won't kiss you, I would" and "you can come around to my house and X need never find out about it"). It all seems so full on and I would add that these are what you would term "nice little girls" with very respectable parents too.

Girls seem to mature far more quickly than boys and it is quite scary. Boys seem to stay as children for longer than girls and I think that the whole culture around raising girls and the way that society seems to encourage them to become "little women" in terms of the way they act, think, behave and dress is not always that healthy.

I blame High School Musical.

my daughter is the idle one in our house

left alone for the day the house would be a dump when i got back

the boys would leave it tidy

yes my teens cook and clean and they are boys as well!

So true Stephanotis, my brother (The Golden Balled One) has not visited Mother for 18 months because she told him she was not impressed with his treatment of his kids from his previous marriage. He couldn;t take the criticism and turned all pouty and domineering on his 73 year old terminal mother (oh yes, the monster that she created!). And yes, it was me who took her for radion therapy 15 days in a row and roled with all the body blows she had/has a mind to throw at me.

Only today she said "you haven;t got much time for me".... little wonder eh?

My mother was the second child, her elder brother being the apple of her mother's eye. An intelligent woman would make sure history does not repeat itself.... x

bumper that phrase not popular on mumsnet

many a tale over the years also shows it to be not true

Im one of 5 (two girls and three boys.My mother always prefered our brothers, babying them, making loads of excuses why they cant do things, being very affectionate even when they were not very nice to her. Needless to say, the two youngest severely spoilt ones can just about make a cup of tea for themselves , the oldest only totally toilet trained at age 11 and even then getting his behing wiped!(shocking) and are completely useless. After that experience, when i was pregnant i prayed for a girl and i have a dd. I think my mothers treatment of clearly prefering boys to the extreme of disabling them, has always stuck in my mind that girls are more capable. Not true i know, my own dp can deal with all sorts of things, but a thought i find hard to shift because of childhood.

I always wanted a girl (and had one, my only DC so far) as I thought and still think that girls remain closer to their mum's later in life, boys grow up and marry girls who take them away! What's that saying? A daughter's a daughter for life, a son is a son until he takes a wife!

Of course that is a sweeping generalisation but that was my reasoning, though now I have a girl I wouldn't care what else I had, whereas if I had a boy I would probably always want a girl. I know it's 'wrong' to want one or the other, but it's just human nature based on all kinds of stereotypes. I would hate to diminish anyone's relationships with their son, I'm just going on my experience/preconceptions. We are on a whole much closer and make more effort with my family than DH's. But then DH is the baby of 6 and has several sisters who live close to his elderly mother which takes the burden off him. I'm afraid that as the eldest and most responsible girl in my family my mother is going to be living with us when she's old!

Too true Thebody!! My ds1 is super affectionate and still very cuddly and he's 17 FGS.

He is only like that cos i have been affectionate with him (and the other 3)

My lot are equally cuddly so this boya are more affectionate than girls is bullshit IMO.

I have 3 kids, 2 boys, well old teens and a dd of 10. I love them all equally, nag all equally, hug all equally and row with all equally... It always makes me sad when mothers say that boys are more loving.. if thats the case then I wonder how much more loving the stupid cow is to her boys that her girls.
sorry sweetkitty but your mum should be ashamed to make that comment to you.. how bloody sad..

I have a DS aged 8 and DD aged 17 months. They are both very loving and affectionate, but out of the pair of them DD is a million times easier then DS ever was at this age. She is calm, sleeps well and is generally a very chilled baby. Her brother, while lovely, has never been chilled in his life!
Still cant say that I prefer one over the other though!

I have one of each, I always wanted a girl, and got her first but although I always knew I wanted more children I didn't mind what sex they were.

DD has been far easier than DS so far so I always say I want another girl but really I wouldn't mind.

I do baby ds more than I did dd but that isn't really a gender thing but a second child thing, and also down to their different personalities. DD was always very independent wheras ds is clingy, and by the time dd was ds' age I was already 7 months pregnant so there was already a sibling on the horizon whereas ds is still my baby.

I have a boy and want another one. I don't want a girl. Of course, if i had one - i'd love her the same - WOULDNT I?????

I don't think it's so much a question of gender as of preferential treatment - and am still shocked by how boys are babied by their mothers to a later age. Did you see the Channel 4 programme where they left the kids alone - and the boys could hardly make toast but all the girls could cook?? That's not down to the boys - it's us mums!! We owe it to our sons as future husbands and partners not to be sexist, and to have the same expectations of sons as of daughters in terms of caring for other people and their capabilities around the house!

Also in my family experience, daughters have taken the lions share of caring for elderly relatives.. IE the spoilt son doesn't come back to wipe his mum's bum when she needs it! My mum did the lot - her 'golden boy' brother next to nothing when his mum was ill.

On that note, I am wondering if all those mums who prefer sons have been reading or contributing to the mother in law debate! I have a good relationship with my MIL, she's lovely, but as a mother of sons myself would be worried about them getting together with some of those MIL-haters and effectively 'losing' them in a way I wouldn't worry about so much with a daughter.

In response to Jakesmum05's remark about her Grandmother telling her mother she was an accident; well I have had that one thrown at me all my life. Born 1yr 5days post marriage, my mother has regularly told me how she didn;t want to be pregnant so early,lived in with parents; so she downed copious quantities of gin and took hot baths. She insists my father wanted a son, Stephen they would call him - alas I was wrong sex. What on earth shall we call HER?? All my life she has told me of having to be induced because I didn;t want to come out, the horrific 12 hr labour and the excruciating birth with resulting 30 stitches. Unfortunately for her, I immediately became the ultimate Daddy's Girl, the absolute image of him too, and that clearly annoyed her while she struggled to keep Dad at home... 6 years later, along comes little brother, planned of course because apparently I was becoming too spoilt. Think she hoped my brothers arrival would take the shine off me from my Dad's affection - here is the boy that you originally wanted, much better than your daughter. Thankfully the father/daughter bond had been cast in granite and oddly enough the boy seemed only to irritate him!!??

In my experience, where the mother is overly critical of the daughter is is spawn of that dreaded disease called JEALOUSY. Its so easy to love your little son, he's helpless and absolutely no competition at all.

The favoured son is very much an older mum generation thing, and thankfully from reading your posts, it is clearly a dying bad habit! It is true that it depends upon the family dynamics and the relationship between the parents, but thankfully mothers today are much more educated and they are proud of their girls!

I'm an only child and my dad was determined I would be a girl - luckily I was - and we had the close relationship, sorry mum! My mum was the elder sister to a favourite brother - not fun at all for her.

I have an only child (so far anyway!). And dp and I both really wanted a girl. And we got one!

But now I have my girl, I think I would be ok about a boy if I had another. Tho' think it is easier to imagine life with two girls.

I know people say boys are more affectionate, but my dd is a lovely, happy, affectionate girl so far!

Very interesting topic, as i have noticed often that in a family where the child is an only they are more likely to be boys! Wonder if there are any statistics.

I am an only child and both my parents were the younger of two (both same sex siblings) and both of them were very aware that they were not the favourite (my mum's mum actually told her she was an accident and it was even more disappointing that she was a girl!!! Bye bye my mum's confidence and self worth!) I often felt that my dad would have given more of a shit about me if I had been boy but that was the least of my worries with him....

As for me my DS is wonderful and we were both glad he was a boy, we are currently trying for number 2 (not as i type like...!) and we don't mind what it is. I always had a thing against girls as I was/am hormonal monthly and dread that clash with a daughter! And i also fall for the girls are nastier bit - but that's to do with parenting (obviously). I now work in a school and can say that when i was working with 6/7 year olds as many girls were wonderful as the boys. Now i work with 4 year olds and i must say (in my class) the boys are, in general, more likable than the girls. The other TA in the class said she finds that boys are easy to read and obvious while girls often give the impression that there's something going on in their heads that you don't know about.

I live next door to 2 children - him we never hear anything from while she was throwing mud in my garden the other day (she is 2 years older at about 11!) then in the other direction there is a horrid tweenage girl who shouts rude things at you from behind her net curtain but all the boys of the same age will ride their bikes around you so as not to get in your way!!!

This is just my personal dealings with other people's children. As i said though, if we are luckily enough to have another baby we don't mind either way. I'd just worry when teenage arrives!!

My MIL (who is actually a lovely MIL) used to go on about sons being so much easier, they're straightforward and open, girls are bitchy bla bla bla. I make sure she gets plenty of exposure to my little drama queen of a son...

I don't think she really would have favoured her sons if she'd actually had any daughters, it was just her way of being contented with what she had.

She also used to go on a lot about how good and hardworking her youngest (my ds) was. To dd's great delight we found his school reports when we were clearing out her house last month...

No malice in her, she is just a person who tells the same story over and over again.

I have 2 of each.

First was ds - i have a really great bond with him and we are close.

DD as a bady was a dream - hence ds2 only 17months later. He was a nightmare and really hard to bond with.

Surprise 6 years later another dd (the only thing that kept me going through the pregnancy as i didnt want another horrid ds).

As they have grown up i am still very close ot ds1 (but that may be because he is pfb), and have a good relationship with dd1.

I still find my ds2 hard work and my dd2 is just so hyper and needs all my attention so it is hard.

I had a great relationship with my dad but not with my mum.

I think why it is seen as a gender thing is that i 'know' how girls think but i find it facinating talking to ds1 as he really does think in a different way, iyswim.

what i meant to conclude with that illustration of my family life - is that - it can seem that boys are easier to love when they are smaller - but i think girls come into their own later

dd - she was a horrible child. I think a couple of things factor here. I was a young mum of 3 under 5, two of which were twins. So DDs twin was a perfect baby. DD went in SCBU, was ill and demanding for the first part of her life. She continued to be demanding and ill through her toddler years and through infant school. It became easier in junior school and i eventually came to like her around that time.

So as i have got older -i have chilled out a bit and as she has got older, she is able to communicate and reason and converse in an intelligent manner.

out of my 3 chilren - 2 boys and one girl - all at the moment teenagers.

I really really really like my girl.

When younger - the boys would run off - climb a tree , ride a bike and generally be independant - i liked that - the way they weren't clinging to me leeching my very lifes BLOOD ( it felt that way with her sometimes)

Now DDs twin is in a 'prat' phase - he is 16 but acts like he is 8 - and it is beginning to piss me off.

My eldest - is a constant worry for many different reasons.

DD - is usually nice. easy to like.

A friend of mine who had 2 dds and then a ds recently said to me "It's true - it is different with boys - you are closer to them".

Obviously this is how she feels but I felt a bit sorry for her dds. I have 1 dd and I felt a bit as if she was suggesting her love for her ds was greater than mine for my dd. Maybe I was being a bit oversensitive to her comment.

I have one DS who I love to bits, but can honestly say that if he's been a DD, I would have felt exactly the same. I'm just thrilled to have a healthy beautiful child. People exaggerate gender differences and quote stereotypes about little boys being wild or teenage girls being nightmares, but I reckon that if you expect problems, that is what you may get, as you could be subconsciously moulding the child to behave in that way.

My mother-in-law came over from Ireland to see my new DS and announced (in front of my hubby!) that girls are better than boys. However, I also know of two different mothers who have produced one of each, but have totally and blatantly favoured the boy in thoughts, words and actions well into adulthood, to the detriment of their poor DDs.

People are strange. What can you do about it?

I dont think he is having foresight

i think in time he will see he loves you all the same

they are his babies right now but when they are men he will see that you are his baby too.....

Shitty parents are rubbish aren't they x

My bro's are 10 and 11, so about 17 years difference. My dad and I always had a crap relationship having not known each other when I was younger, so it's all in a context. I'm over it now, I just have to accept him for who he is and not have any expectations of him, that's when it was always upsetting, expecting to have the same relationship as other people had with their dad's. You can't force it. C'est la vie.

Bumper at your post

I agree with what you say though...

Are your dads younger sons much younger than you I wonder?

I am shocked that anyone would openly admit to having a favourite, and not think it hurtful? I have 3 younger half-brothers, (mum&dad split up & remarried) my dad told me once that I was and always would be his favourite as I was his 'little girl'. Now as nice as that was to hear imagine if my brothers knew, surely you can't admit things like that!

Interesting thread. I think whoever said that birth order was significant is right. My situation is quite fortunate in that I am the eldest, bro in the middle and sis the youngest, so we all have our place, I'm 'special' as I am the first born (also the the most 'successful academically etc.), my bro was always the 'man of the house' (the 'fathers' in our lives were all twats and not around for long) and my sister is the baby and the most like my mum so she indulges her. She was also always the worst behaved.

However I always felt hard done by for being the eldest, I babysat day and night while my mum worked from the age of 13 and it caused a horrible relationship with my bro and sis that we are only just reparing. Also my dad has 2 little boys a lot younger than me who he has actually bought up (rather than me who he didn't see between the ages of 2 and 11 for reasons that were partly his fault and partly not). A few years ago I said to him that I felt he loved them more than me and he said of course he did, it was different

Basically I think there is often more going on than just gender. I do worry that DD and I might clash in personality as she gets older, or what if I have another child who I like more than her . I never thought that before I had a child. When I heard people worrying about not loving a subsequent child I thought it was ridiculous. But now I have had a child I worry about it more.

I think it is important to be honest with each other as mothers. We are only human and it is natural to prefer different children and find some easier. We shouldn't feel guilty about it and for those who say it is imcomprehensible, well, I imagine that makes those who do struggle with it feel even worse. You have to accept differences in children. The myth is that because we are parents we should be perfect and not even dream about treating our children differently. I have had to accept that for reasons beyond his control my dad loves his sons more than me. He is only human and can't help how he feels. It's important that we treat our children with equal respect and love though.

Sorry, that was a bit of a ramble

the tables have turned i think

it is all 'princess' on board now

I think it's really sad that so many women of our generation seem to have suffered from their brothers being preferred to them

I had 2 older brothers and must admit that i never felt that i was any less well thought of then them, but that could be down to me being the long awaited daughter!

The older generation piss me off with their "boys tend to be more loving" and "girls tend to me more bitchy" argument....maybe that's cos of the way they favoured their boys!

God no. I have 2 boys and 1 girl and can say hand on heart I love all of them exactly the same.

They all have their own different faults and lovely qualities (like we all have) and can all drive me totally insane but there is no way I love 1 even a fraction more.

I don't think any of my friends who have both genders favour one either. Having said that maybe they wouldn't discuss it if they did.

I wonder if this is the reason that so many women have self esteem issues. There seems to be so much 'boy favouritism' from the older generation. (DPs parents included!)

Equally, I'm sure being worshipped like little gods does men no favours

lol hassled

this is an interesting thread.. my sister was really annoyed when i had ds as she had had the only boy in the family, everyone else having girls. my mum used to make my sister run about after her and pops and oler bro as "boys don;t do housework" massive age gap between me and older siblings so ws bought up as only child. i didn;t have to do any housework, was 17 before could use washing machine.
my dh has 2 brothers and the first one is favoured. his parents are seem to resent my dh when he is successful and think that the favourite son should have all the luck, its a family joke but it really makes me angry, to see dh trying to make them proud and them blanking him.

My mother has always adored my younger brother, complimented his looks and good nature and she always passed me off as being 'just like your Dad'. I grew up feeling like an ugly freak, not fitting in to her family mould of housework obsessed plain women.. She still insists that little boys are more loving, which is a mockery really when her Golden Son has not spoken or visited for 18 months because she dared to criticise his actions.... I read a great article by Titania Hardie who wrote The Rose Labyrinth and she has brave enough to say that of her two daughters she favours the one who's characterists more parellel her own which I thought was closer to the mark. Little boys are too whiney (well, my little brother was and I resented having to pander to him every whim!!)

I have 2 sons so no problem with sexist favouritism. unfortunately i think i'm closer to youngest as oldest was prem and i struggled emotionally for ages. we are close but oldest is very like me. i am oldest of 4, with the youngest being only boy and i know how you automatically make the older one grow up quicker. youngest is more confident as we are more confident parents. as for boys shining, i find a lot of negative talk of boys being lazy when it comes to potty training. people would never say girls are lazy!

At the moment I dislike mine all equally. No favouritism in this house.

I work with a 62 year old woman who has 3 gown up kids - 1 boy and 2 dsughters. She adores them all, but openly admits to loving her ds that little bit more. She glows when she talks about him.

*parents

I'm really not surprised by the whole education inequality thing. I've met a lot of people of my parents' generation who've lacked the funds to send all the children to private (public) schools and sent the boy instead.

I've tried to be scrupulously fair with mine. I just hope that they feel fairly and equally treated when they are adults.

Yes they should be treated equally but you cant help your feelings sometimes. some arents feel more love for a child but get along more with another child.

My parents took out a term assurance thing for my brother which matured when he was 18, I think. They didn't do one for me.

I aim to treat my kids equally.

aGal - I felt very uncomfortable about it at the time and have thought about it many times over the years. My Mum & Dad now frequently help both my sisters out financially and with quite a lot of money and I have never had a penny since leaving school. I have absolutely no problem with that.

I also made a very concious decision when I was a teeneager to work full time for my Dad in the holidays 10 hours a day on his farm and not get paid at all. I told him directly that I wanted to pay my school fees by working for him. I felt I did not want to 'owing' or getting something for nothing.

I certainly would not do that to my children - both go to private school and both have been told that they are equal and will be for ever in my eyes although both are sons. I would feel the same if I had a son and daughter.

I think it is definitely possible to have a more easy and comfortable relationship with one particular child at different points in time. And I think this can be (mis)interpreted as favouritism unless the parent is really very careful.

What do your sisters think about you getting a "better" education than you ABetaDad?

As a sister stuff like that really piss me off. My mum would help my bro out in a heartbeat without him having to ask but she wouldn't offer for me. I would have to go cap in hand.

Would you send one of your dc to private school and not the other?

maamajullah - yes I think you are right. I think you expressed it a lot better than I did earlier.

Interesting that we have a lot of women on here saying they were favoured less well than their brothers. I wonder what men would say about their sisters? I wonder if they would agree?

Erm ... OK I am a man so what do I think?

Well, I have to admit my parents paid for my private education and my sisters went to state school. I also get on better with my Mum than my Dad because we seem to connect intellectualy in a different way.

Maybe sons are favoured.

Favouritism is vile. My DP is the golden boy in his family- I think it just makes a child spoilt and gives them a false sense of entitlement.

I love my DS, I am 3mths pregnant, I would like a girl purely because one of each will be nice- however, I will be just as thrilled with another little boy. I will never have favouritism- I will love them both equally and try to treat them the same.

My DS is also the clear favourite of the great grandchildren in DP's family.

Public perception is that Mums prefer sons- just watch the latest PERSIL advert. Did any of us realise that ALL these adverts over the years only featured mums and sons? I think it is hysterical that they obviously realised this and stuck a girl in at the end! No really...watch it!

Thank you Trout

<yey! trout's noticed me...... skips>

This is a very interesting thread. I was told by both my parents that they knew that I had struggled as a teenager, but that they had concentrated on my brother as they knew that I would cope but were worried about him. I suppose that they were right, as I am OK, but those years were a nightmare and I felt as though I was dealing with them completely alone. And I didn't have to - my parents could have acknowledged what I was going through. At the time I thought that they didn't know. It was quite a shock to find out that they had made a concious choice to ignore it.

aww @ daffodingles post

Yes a majority of the women i know prefer their sons and the men prefer their daughters. "daddy's girl" "mummy's boy".
I have one of each and i love them both. i love dd v.v.much and ds too but there's something different about the way i feel about ds. So maybe its not the love, maybe most moms tend to get along more with their sons and dads with their daughters.

I'm delighted to read this thread because (as a mother to 3 boys) it has never seemed to me that boys are favoured over girls- quite the reverse.

I was lucky in that my brother and I were treated completely equally when growing up and still are.

But I can see a really extreme example of the girl preference thing with my MIL/SIL. SIL is in her mid 30s but has never had a lasting job or any type of relationship in all the years I've known her. Every time she walks out of a job (because someone has been "mean" to her or such like) she has her mum running around complaining on her behalf or paying off her mortgage for her,so that she remains totally childlike and needy which MIL seems to relish. So its not just boys who can be useless as adults. My MIL seems so obsessed with her "best friends" relationship with SIL, that I honestly think she'd prefer to SIL to use a sperm donor for children rather than find a partner, because it would reduce MIL's control and dominance in her life. Very selfish imo.

I would like a little girl as well, but would be extremely careful not allow her to become the "princess". And if I don't have any more children, my boys will never hear from me that I might have wanted a girl as I think this could be very damaging to their self esteem, especially the youngest one (who I utterly adore and could not be more loving and affectionate towards me).

oh dear, i'm sorry... k = l mostly!


damn Pinot!

amd yes, from all experience adn all that friends tell me, girks are easier as children, but evil as teenagers. Boys are difficukt and hell-bent on bashing into furniturem, but better as teenagers

boys are useless for longer... (by useless I mean no self sufficient)

Girls are easier to leave than boys because you know they can handle it.

Sorry, but even at 32, boys need some kind of guidance!

miggsie

that university thing very true of me..

that woman did no give two hoots

dont know why she came anyway she had buggered off out of the family home four years previous but turns up for an occasion

dd's one and two she virtually wrote their degrees for them

DD's Granma openly prefers boys to girls. I think she finds girls ''cold''. Her absolute favourite is her first born grandson.

I absolutely adore my DD. She runs around in princess shoes .We go out for coffee and cake (she has juice).

My mum cried when they left him at university for the first time.
When they drove off after leaving me they didn't even look back.

and he got all the financial bail outs when he ended up in massive debts...ho hum.

I think my mum just assumed I'd "be all right" but that my brother needed "looking after" which is such a weird attitude when you think traditionally men were supposed to be strong and earn the money and keep a family.

dont feel guilty

Feeling guilty about my posts earlier now (about my Mum prefering my brother). I think the thing is, she has done the right thing and denied it, but to my eyes it is just obvious. Ho hum. She has tried her best and admittedly I was the 'difficult one as a child.

I have 3 DS and 2 DD. I also lost 2 DD late in pregnancy. Each time I didn't care what sex I had. MIL wanted me to have a boy. I had 3 DDs first, lost DD3 at 23wks. Then I had twin DS. It was hard when people said 'ah a boy for DH at last' as it felt a betrayal of DD3. I love having DS and DD, both are fabby and it's nice experiencing both. I really couldn't say either gender are better or nicer. I notice, though, that lots of people are more negative about boys and many of the friends I have with boys are desperate for girls 'next time'. It's hard for me to hear comments as I feel they are lucky to have living children whatever the sex!

Well I certainly do but then I only have one dc and he is a boy so I would wouldn't I?

Mum did. My Dad's mum did.

I feel more comfortable with my sons because they don't challenge me. My big son is alike a teddy bear. I love him uncritically (well almost) and he reciprocates. My dd is so beautiful and clever and confident that she scares me a little. I look at her like some amazing work of art that I can claim no credit for. I wish I didn't.

My mum preferred my brothers (had 3 of each) but my oldest sister died when young so I think she never really got over that and found it hard to bond with us girls - fear of losing us maybe. I don't know. She did her best but it was noticeable

i do love having a daughter and would dearly love more daughters

I think children go in phases and in my book its naive or a bit of kiddology to believe that you wont favour one over another de temps en temps

my eldest was a pita for years and now at 16 I adore him..I love his company and am dreading him going to college when he is 18.....for a few years back there I really longed for the day....

it is good to be honest with ourselves about who we 'gel' with the best

when you choose to have a baby and get pregnant you chooose to do your best by and love that child no matter what who or how bad it looks!

I have loved some really munty babies!!!!

I have a big daughter preference. I always wanted a daughter, and now I have two, which is fine for me. I know this sounds awful, but if I had 2 sons now and no daughter, I would be devastated. I would definately try for a little girl.

I have three ds, no daughter to compare to - no sister for me either! I definitely longed for boys, although I found that many people found this difficult to accept - lots of "but SURELY you want a girl this time?"

Someone said earlier that they were fearful of being a role model to a daughter, I would agree - my mum was very hard on me compared to my brother, her expectations were so hard to live up to.

But then you can trace a lot back to her experiences, too. Youngest of four girls, her parents devastated by never having a son - I think she felt determined to "prove" through me that girls could do whatever they wanted. Or in her case, what she wanted for me!

My MIL was devastated by the birth of each of my boys - she constantly harps on about what a disappointment it was to have boys, which is sad for my DH and his boys. But then again - she was the youngest of five girls before the much longed for only boy arrived, so I can see how that happened. Apparently, her own father blamed her mother for the lack of a son and said that "at last" she'd done what she was bloody well meant to do when the boy was born.

Just be aware - you reap what you sow in terms of the messages you send your dcs, and sometimes making up for the prejudices you experienced could have unforeseen consequences!

I had exactly what my Mum had, a girl first and then a boy. So although I clearly feel the way my Mum felt, I have a sort of heads up to avoid making it quite so obvious how I feel.

My Mum always used to 'punish' my younger brother if he pulled my hair or broke my things. Supposedly he was to get no pocket money, but I swear there was never, ever one Saturday when he didn't GET his pocket money. She always let him off!!!!

If I did something naughty, and my pocket money was docked, the 'dock' still stood on Saturday.

I was very aware of this injustice!

I know that things don't have to be a complete re-run of my childhood though. The age gap between my two is bigger and my DD is ahead and my son behind, so it's more like five years, so they aren't so competitive. They definitely fight less than my brother and I did thank GOD! My brother and I were hideous monsters. He used to draw an invisible line in the back of the car and tell me not to let my elbow stray into his airspace!! If the car went roudn the bend and I accidentally went into his half of the car, he'd clobber me, I'd cry and Mum would dock my pocket money for whinging.

i can larf about it now!

PSML Goober

I have 2 DS's and 1 DD.
I dislike them all equally.

My Mum definitely had a better relationship with my brother than me. It was a question of personalities though - she has a very "big" personality and it swamped me a bit but didn't bother him at all. So it was harder for me to be myself around her. I don't think that there was any difference in the love though, just the ease of relating to each other.

I have had two girls and am very happy with that. I wonder if that is because we won't have to deal with gender differences, even though DH reckons that DD1 is a Daddy's girl and DD2 a Mummy's girl. I think that they're both Daddy's girls and that DD2 sees me as the convenient snack bar!

Dandy is right Margot, the birth order has a lot to do with it.
But be reassured I'm exactly the same as you.
ds1 is extremely bright and confident he doesn't need me to smother him, but I am fiercely proud of him.
ds2 is much less confident and needs help academically, I feel much more tender towards him.
Even though the love I feel for them is different, it's equal iyswim and it does change depending on their needs at the time. Overall though I adore both. Have a look at your dc's sleeping tonight and tell me you don't too.

My mum kept having dc util she had 'her boy'. She had 4 girls first!

He has always been her favourite, no hiding it from anyone. We were discussing her will recently after my dad passed away and she told me that she has left everything to be split between the 5 of us, but she has an extra insurance policy/pension of some sort that is just for my brother. I feel that is proof that he is her preferred child- it's legally binding

I have 2dds and am pregnant again and I really hope this baby is another girl- equal pegging!

ItsMargot I really appreciate and admire your honesty and wish more people could be as honest. By being aware of you feel and behave you'll be able to address it - as it sounds you are.

I do think that the birth order can have a lot to do with it. If you only have two children and the son is second then he's going to be the perpetual baby. And I do think that daughters probably challenge their mothers more - I mean literally challenge them, argue with them, point stuff out to them, pick them up on things, don't let them get away with stuff. Speaking VERY generally, maybe boys just don't question things so much (and I'm talking about boys under 11 here, I think this changes when they're adults).

I also wonder if you're more patient with your son because he's your second child and by already having one who's doing stuff, you feel you can relax more about him, IFYKWIM?

Thanks daffodingles, I'd never, ever confess it in rl, I'm as sure as I can be (with regular name changes) that I am anonymous here.

LIke Troutpout a few posts back, my mother also babied my brother 'til his 30s really, and expected me to just get on with things.

I find myself expecting more from my dd now. I did recently make a point of telling her though that I was so lucky to have had her first, as she did everything early, and it was so delightfully 'easy' to be her Mummy, and just Mummy to her alone.

Her brother does everything late, you name it, sit up/walk/talk... and I know he'll be late to read and write too!, everything comes late for him! But yet I'm more patient with him. It isn't fair. I know she notices it. She often says to me "you love Richie more". I always do things on my own with her. I am taking just her to a hotel for one night away soon. I hope she doesn't hate me for it when she's older. I do love her. And you're right, if an alien did appear and threaten to take one of my children, I'd still fight like a lioness to prevent it.

Maybe it's not about love. Maybe it's about how easy the relationship is.

no Margot, I'm sure you're not the only one. I think it's really common.
I've found it changes all the time as well. one dc will be lovely whilst the other goes through a bad patch, then they swap over and so do your feelings.
If some random zombie alien dropped down one night and wanted to take one of your dc's, I'm sure you'd fight to keep both

I feel guilty now, you are all so certain that it's impossible to love one more than the other.

i don't know about love full stop, but I feel more loving and more patient with one child rather than the other.

Am I really the only one?

Well, I do. Both my sons . PS: only have sons.

Shambolic i agree with what you have written - it def does appear to me that society is more down on boys.

NO!! Can't believe any mother could favour one of their children over another, no matter what the sex or for any other reason!

This is just something to throw into the mix but perhaps their is a perception that boys love their mothers somehow more unconditionally than girls do because of the way this whole "mother and son relationship is special thing" is portrayed.

Although I love my mum to bits, as a woman too we obviously work on the same wavelength to a certain extenet and we do argue like cat and dog and we ca be very critical of one another on occasion and tend to over analyse one anothers behaviour too.

Do men do this or does this all wash over them leading them to just love their mums for what they are?

I'm sure sons don't bicker with their dads like daughters bicker with their mothers either.

So interesting, this. My mum definitely preferred boys (I'm youngest of four with two brothers and one sister) and I think her parents always made her feel a bit inferior to her brothers. Whoever said it passes from one generation to the next really struck a chord with me.

So having suffered somewhat from this dynamic, I really struggled with my own feelings both pregnancies that deep down I really wanted boys. (they both were, btw!) I felt like such a traitor to my own sex! But I think it's because I panicked because my relationship with my mum wasn't as loving as I would have liked so I don't really know how to do loving relationships between mothers and daughters. Whereas I've solid experience of how to dote on sons.

Also I was terrified of having daughters because the responsibility of having to be someone's female role model (you want me to show you how to be a woman?!) felt like a job that was a bit beyond me, not being the girliest of girls.

I was having a 'grown up' conversation with my mother not so long ago when I was reflecting on how other mothers of male pre-schoolers comment on how boys are generally 'harder' at this stage. She said, oh no, that wasn't my experience at all, boys were much easier, it was girls being bitchy that I found difficult Said so much more about her than the children me and my sister were at the time, I think.

So, it seems that there really is something in this theory then...?

We always wanted just one child and always wanted a son. Luckily we got what we wanted and had our wish for just one child. Had we had a daughter things could have been different and I think we may have been sorely tempted to try again for a son. The thought of a daughter never appealed to me, don't know why, and although I have a wonderful neice I never ever wish I had a daughter of my own.

This is a very pertinent topic for me.

My mum cleary favoured my brother. Was physically and emotionally abusive towards me but never to him. I think ultimately there were two reasons for this: 1. I was the eldest child by 3 years and 2. I was a girl. She had/has issues about many things, including looks and the role of women in the world. My father and her had very traditional roles in the household. When serving meals, my mother would always serve my father first, then my brother, then me, then her - she would even serve my brother before me on my birthday.

Like other posters have said, my mother would 'mother' my brothe a lot more, and protect him a lot more, and do a lot more for him. At 20-odd she was still buying his clothes when I'd left home at 17.

Because of my experiences, I was irrationally worried about having a girl first then a boy. Go figure, that's what I have (my second child, a boy, is due to be born next month). But I've thought about it a lot, had counselling, and know that I will not favour my son over my daughter or v.v. They will be different children, and I will no doubt value different things about them, but that's OK. I adore my 4 yr old DD and want us to have the best relationship possible. I don't have the same emotional issues as my mother and will not be competing with my daughter for DH's attention. I also want a great relationship with my son and want to encourage him to, like his sister, be independent and do things for himself. Unlike me and my brother with my father, DS will have a great role model in DH who cooks more than I do and does his fair share of stuff around the house. There is no obvious 'person in charge' in our relationship based purely on gender - which is very different from my parents' relationship.

I have a bit of a diff experience in this regard. My parents treat my bro and I pretty much the same. However, my MIL is rather pro-girl. She is constantly fretting about daughters (she has 3) and isn't really concerned with her sons' (has 2) issues. In fact, when speaking to DH she prioritises how I am, and what he's doing for me, rather than asking about him. FFS, I have my own mother to worry about me!

my mum did..and still does
She says that she expects her daughters just to get on with things 'because they are women'. She ran (and continues to run around after her youngest son) like a blue-arsed fly. She still does loads for the other boys.I think she loves to be so 'needed' by them..and they in turn are very needy. She also says that she would have brought up 10 boys to each of her 2 girls because they were so much easier.

All the boys are very emotionally dependent on her..they also worship the ground she walks on.There is a bond there that i don't see with my sister or myself

I have one of each gender. My boy is by far my most challenging child as far as parenting goes....but then he also has sn. My girl (nt) is easier...but is quite errrm feisty ...I'm guessing she will be hard work (as i was) as a teenager.

i prefer neither...they are both utterly lovely

Adore my DD, always thought I'd find a girl harder 'cos I generally prefer males, but DD and I are tight

My mums parents were a little over happy when the had a son and she felt really rejected from it. Funny thing is, she did the same thing with me. That's the cycle though, right? I freaked out a bit when I had DD for that reason, but then made a conscious decision that the bullshit ends here. That there's no goddamned reason why mothers and daughters can't have loving, respectful friendships, and I was going to try hard to maintain one. So far, it's all going to plan. Slightly dreading teen years though...

My mother, who had two younger brothers was made to feel very much second best by her Edwardian grandmother and great aunts. And her father, although I think her mother was supportive as far as she was able. As a result, I and my two sisters were very much brought up to believe that we had just as much to offer as any man, and not to take any crap of this sort from anyone. She was also fairly cool to various nephews when I was growing up. As a grandmother to grandsons, she has mellowed a lot (thank goodness), and is even quite protective of one of my nephews, who has mild sn.

After this upbringing, I was not at all sure how I would cope with a boy (I knew from 16 weeks, having had an amnio). Naturally, I adored my ds from day one. Haven't a daughter to compare with, but am sure I would have appreciated one just as much.

A lot of mums like their girls though don't they?

I always find it odd that so many women express a preference for girls and are disappointed if they have boys.

It does cut both ways, I really believe that.

i LOVE them equally, but my son is more cuddly and cute and lets me cuddle him. Doesn't mean i love my dd less. I'd like if she were a bit more affectionate to ME!!

SuziSeis - that's quite sad - you think that your other children don't realise, but they will. Children are very perceptive. Not trying to be horrible here, but my Mum always does a stirling job of pretending to love us both the same but it is blatantly obvious to anyone half perceptive and it can be quite damaging to the old ego.

Good God, my Mother does, yes [bitter twisted icon] .

The sun shines from golden boy and despite being a total nob at times, and being married to an utter witch, they can do no wrong.

She goes all girly when he is on the phone.

This brings us back to another thread recently - how boys and young men are demonised in the press etc and everyone is always gong on about their behaviour and comparatively poor exam results etc. If anything our society is more pro girl at the moment I think...

maybe it goes in cycles? or will from this point in time?

Emily, I think you are right that it's partly a generational thing. Was very obvious when I was a small child in the 70s, even though I had no brothers so didn't affect me personally. My grandparents said openly my younger sister 'should have been a boy', other adults clearly preferred boys, it was apparent that boys were favoured by society at large - in books/on TV/everywhere you could see that boys were routinely treated as more important. You'd overhear people commiserating with women who had newborn girls and reassuring the dad that they could try for a boy next time...

I have one ds so obviously I prefer him to the rest of the whole wide world. But if I was ever lucky enough to have another, I'd defy anyone to treat her as second best.

It seems that by and large this a a generation thing then?

I think my mothers prefence for boys hurt me far more than my friends comments about DS finally arriving.

Sadly I can remember my elder DD accusing me of preferring DS because he was a boy. It later transpired that it was "other people" preferring him to the girls rather than me.

I'm sure a lot of women who have more than one child of the same sex get annoyed with comments that assume they want a 3rd child becaause they're trying for the other sex.

My ds1 (now 17.6) was the PFB on my side and was the favourite obviously being the only one.

As soon as db started having his dc it all went tits up.

My ds's have no time for my parents now and the dd's will eventually figure it out too.

We did have a massive fall out 2 New Years ago and i no longer see my bro or his dc which i am very sad about. But i no longer have the stress of bailing him out or having to listen to endless stories of how perfect him and his dc are.

aGal that worries me too Dp never mentions the favouritism to them or calls them up on things but I couldn't stand it and stay quiet if sil's children get favoured over mine. I can't imagine this yet though as ds is the only grandchild on both sides so gets spoilt rotten by everyone so far.

Thats tough for you chocolate. I used to run around after my mum (has been ill for years) but have made myself stop. I couldn't cope emotionally anymore.

I know when she gets ill again my dad and bro will not bother to call the doc or look after her but she made har choice imo.

I cope with it better now thta i have distanced myself from the 3 of them.

their shopping.

My mum always favoured my younger brother. He got away with loads and I didn't. They took out loans for him which he never repaid. I've always repaid even a £1 that I've owed them and have only ever borrowed from Dad twice. I currently owe him £2k and he never mentions it, but knows that I find that a priority.
Dad is terminally ill now and after the initial extra phone calls my brother made to them, he is back to not bothering much, whereas I am always phoning(as usual)and am round there often(3~5 times a week), I do all there shopping and errands, running around etc...they(especially mum)now realise who is the best.

I don't favour either of my two. There is an 8 year gap between them and my expectations are different for the two of them. I hope they are equally good to me in my old age.

What really fucking annoys me is the way that my db's dc are automatically favourites by assocation and

My mum babysits for weeks at a time (during long hols etc) and now only visits us once a fortnight for an hour or 2 on a weekday when the ds's are at school.

This has destroyed any feelings i had for my family and ruined any relationship my dc would have had with her.

I do but then I've only got the one and I was relieved not to have to deal with pink!

This is interesting. I don't think my parents ever showed more affection for my brother or me.

My MIL on the other hand seems to have a soft spot for SIL. She always tells me how mothers are always so much closer to daughters. Its very strange, they really baby her, buy her loads of things they refused to buy dp and both PIL go on about how much 'closer' they are to her than DP in front of him. He finds this very hard sometimes. I don't know if it is because she is younger (by four years), a girl or because she was 'planned' but its all a bit

I know!! He interestingly has gone for yes women like my mother.
He is only 36 and i dread to think how many other women he may impregnate by the time he's done

I did warn the 2nd gf about him but she obviously didn't listen,silly bint.

I wanted a girl, never considered that dd could be a boy....she was the first female born in 50 yrs on his side and his mother was horrified that I was sullying the macho line.

aGal- that's quite some skill your brother has, meeting all these women who are able to replicate asexually.

My bro and his 1st had 4 dc together. My mum blamed her for getting herself pg each time. WTF???

Got 2nd gf pg and guess what? All her fault too.

Apparently has another gf (who is half his age) pg and again all her fault.

But he has gone back to 2nd gf. Still lives with my mum tho and goes to visit gf.

What a catch eh?

My mum did.

Yep, sounds like my mum. My bro is getting a divorce, and it is all ex-sil's fault.

Purpleduck my mil is the same. She actually blamed posh spice when Beckham had his alleged affair
She fusses around my fil and he is always right.
Now that her eldest son is going through a divorce (for the 4th time!!!) she blames his wife entirely.
Likewise her 2 dds had to do the dishes, clean up etc while sons sat around.

Funny thing is, I favoured my (late) Grandfather anyway....

Oh an either in my previous post.

Lizzy my GPs had a terrible problem, especially my v old fashioned GP.

Naturally boys were superior in his eyes.

Unfortunately his boy GC was into bird-spotting, music, art, never learnt to drive (an essential male art) and never moved out of home.

While his female GC drove, liked a drink, had a decent job, was independent and could beat him at complicated card games.

He found it all terribly difficult

My late Grandmother openly admitted to preferring my brother over all her other GC, which was galling as I was the one who looked after her/drove her everywhere etc.
My other Grandmother favours (and admits to it) my eldest half-brother as he looks most like my Father (an only).
I am the only girl, so am neither very unlikeable or simply the wrong sex, I am preferring the latter option

I have two boys, and will never let anyone openly express a preference for either of them, it is very hurtful

"I have said it before but a DS eventually finds a life partner like his mother."

That's a very dangerous course of action. My DP did just that when he was young and naïve. By 35 he was desperate to get away from both his mother and his wife...

BTW, my Mum thinks ALL males are superior.
Last time she came to visit (from Canada) all we heard from her was "oooh, lets do whatever Mr. Purpleduck wants to do / what ever is easiest for him", and "Oooh, Mr Purpleduck, what do YOU think?"

He got teased just a bit by the rest of us

My parents favoured my brothers so much - it has caused alot of bad feelings in my family.

I have one of each, and I do worry that I favour my ds. Thing is, he has been much easier. But I relate to my dd better.
Its tricky.

I do know that I seem to expect more from my ds, and I don't know if this is because he is the eldest, or because he is male.

My mum does. Always has. Been a rolly-eye joke between myself and my sisters that it's sooooo obvious.
We were out at a family meal for my mum's birthday last night and it was a surprise to her that my bro was there (he lives far away).
As we sat down she reached for his hand and was gazing adoringly at him and i said (half jokingly) 'If i'm ever like that with my ds please shoot me!' as it was just so soppy and gushy and she is NEVER like that with anyone else.
She just turned to me and said 'oh you will be - it's just mothers and sons'
I just answered that i have 2 children (1 boy 1 girl) and would never treat them with so much obvous favouritism but was actually quite offended that she just thinks it's inevitable and the norm really.

Ach well at least we know we will never behave like the daft mums eh?

I always felt my mum had the son favouring thing going on - when my brother left home to live with his girlfriend i heard her crying at night and she went out and bought a pet budgie (really!) - when i said i was moving in with dh my mum was chuffed and helped me move out asap !

I actually feel very sorry for my brother. He has no life skills,no life really....

My mum likes it because she hates living alone with my dad She buys his love/time etc with a new motorbike or looks after his dc in order to keep in with him iyswim?

I am nothing like my parents thank god. I will never have favourites.

I have two sons and two daughters. I feel blessed everyday and love them all the same. There are times you love them and not like them but how anyone could decide who to give more loving to I dont understand. They are grown up now and waiting for grandchildren. Remember they are only your's on loan for a very short time. Enjoy while you can

I have one of each and certainly dont prefer one over the other - i prefer certain stages some days like yesterday i was not liking my dd whos 6's teenage stage but loving my ds toddler needyness as he keeps asking for kisses and cuddles and hes so darn cute. Today i also love my dd who wants to be grown up and do stuff for me. I am a bit oober soppy with my ds but its odd times as i know hes my last baby and hes growing up so quick plus we never thought we would have another and then it happened and hes here (wrecking everything in sight lol!)

My mother does. Her four daughters are as nothing alongside her one son (last born, they kept going until they got a boy).

I adore my son and daughters equally.

agal very true.

And all the siblings married people like their parents as well

No, my dh is nothing life my father, at all. Couldn't be more different tbh.

My parents definitely expressed a preference for my brother too ABetaDad so that's wrong too.

You obviously grew up in a home where there was no blatent favouritism by either parent.

Disagree with abetadad.

abetadad is going to be in for a shocker when his DD starts bringing her boyfriends home I suspect

I mean my dad is very nice, but he is a bit alpha-male and although a good earner (supposedly something women look for) he can have a bit of a short fuse and has a tendancy to think that everything should go his way and that he is always right. I later found out that he had had affairs when we were young as well.

DH is definitely not a high earning alpha type, he has something I value more, he is kind and loving and faithful and a committed, patient and loving father. <wells up >

KingRolo my mum still does everything for my brother too and he is 36 She loves him running home to mummy when he can't cope with life. Sad way to live imo.

Well, my mum definitely prefers her only son but that may be because he is so much younger than my sister and I. He is 20 and it annoys me that she does everything for him (inc. buying his clothes!) while at that age I had left home and was supporting myself.

Don't agree with that at all ABetaDad.

I picked someone soooo unlike my dad and DH picked me and i am nothing like his mother thank god.

It was a deliberate act on my part.

Crikey abetadad my DH is nothing like my dad!

Interesting theory but...

I expect it only works if you think the parent of the opposite sex is fabbo. If you see them as a flawed individual then maybe you look for a partner who doesn't display the same flaws...

I definitely wanted a girl, not a boy. Always did, since childhood.

But I am glad that my DD has (step)brothers!

I think a DS relates to a mother in a different way to the way he relates to the father. I also think a DD relates in a different way to mother and father.

I think the relationship and how it works is driven by the child and not the parent.

I have said it before but a DS eventually finds a life partner like his mother and I suspect a DD finds a life partner like her Dad.

I do not tink parents really express a preference for DD or DS. However I think DD prefers Dad and DS prefers Mum.

No evidence but just my feeling.

I adore both my DD and my DS BUT i have to admit my DD is too much like me and i can see conflict in the years ahead! I dreaded having a daughter for this reason! I know mine and my mums relationship struggled because we were so similar!

I don't know. I think my brother has always felt I was preferred child. I always thought my younger brother was the preferred child.

I have 2 boys so I kinda have to prefer boys. I would love a little girl but am now too old for sleepless nights etc and also I am unsure how I would cope with the "teenage years".

My mum preferred and still prefers my brother to me. I am not making the same mistakes as her.

I have 2 of each sex.

My mum prefers her son.

But then their personalities are much more smiliar, they understand each other.

And I was always daddy's girl...

My oddball extended family said how sorry they felt when I had my dd.
Sons are seen as being the bees knees in their eyes and were favoured over the girls. I can't be doing with that.

My mother certainly preferred her son, and her mother blatantly and openly preferred her own son too. We are a very damaged family because of it.

I had a DD then 3x DSs and at various times in their lives I've preferred one over the other, just because of the dynamics at the time. I get DS2 more than the others but I wouldn't go so far as to say he is my favourite.

I went on to have a late DD2 and at the moment she is the love of my life, because she is only 2. I'm sure it will pass.

I grew up with sister and girl cousins, went to girls school, sister has 3 girls, most of my friends that have more than one child have at least 1 girl.

It never occurred to me that I would have anything other than a girl. Little boys make me feel out of my comfort zone, I am not used to being around them and I hate doing lots of the things they like doing, it worries me that I am not going to be able to support them properly.

When I discovered I was having a boy it just made me feel like a failure, like I have fallen into some sort of weird parallel universe. It hasn't been helped that I am the only person I know of all my friends and family that has managed to have just boys.

I now have 2 ds, both of whom I love dearly. BUT - and it is a big but - Chances are that I won't have another baby and will never get the little girl that I had grown up assuming I would have. Whilst I love my boys, I hate the fact that I don't have a girl and have boys instead IYSWIM. Not sure what's worse, that or the guilt that I feel about feeling that.

i had an very deep-seated feeling that i only wanted a girl. in fact i was terrified of having a boy. i can't say why i felt that way, i have lovely brothers and lots of lovely male friends as well as female. but needless to say i had a son first, and later a daughter. i definitely find i 'get' her much more than him, but i love them both the same.

DH's mum prefers her four daughters without a doubt - in fact the sun shines out of their backsides.

I have three girls and a boy.
At the moment I love them all equally but yet oh so differently, they are all individuals so have different characters and each of those need love and give love differently.
An outsider having a momentary glance at our family might well assume I love ds more because at the moment he needs the most obvious cuddly , attentiony love.

Blimey. Awful to have a favourite of any kind.
I think people sometimes feel that their sibling was the favourite, but for a parent to openly say so is pure evil. It must have serious consequences for the child.
How would they feel if their boss told them that a collegue was their fave and would be receiving a bigger pay rise for no other reason than they liked them the best!

awww but

the evil bint is welcome to the evil sister

suzi, that is so sad

I love all mine the same.

the one who does have a special place would be DS1, but only because he fought so hard to be here (was a twin pregnancy, lost his twin, then almost him in a car accident that almost killed us both!!)

other than that tho............I just could never ever choose, and serioulsyhope none of mine ever would state that I have favourites.

Not in our family from what I can gater.

I hate favouritism of any ilk TBH. Favouritism concerning children and grandchilden is horrible really, and very little good can come of it.

my mum loathed girls

her favourite daughter was the one that looked like a boy

I have three girls, two boys, and I honestly cannot choose between them.

If I were to have another baby tho, and could choose, I would opt for a girl. simply because I find them easier and probably also because of my upbringing..............altho at the moment with the hormones etc, girls can be very horrid!

I seriously could never ever say that I prefer one child over another tho......and find is sad when a mother would say so

sk because aren't they just soooooo squashy atm!!!

My Granny has always openly favoured boys. She had my mum then my uncle and he was treated like a little prince (and is now a deeply unpleasant shit of a man). I had the first grandchild (dd) then my sister had a son and Granny thanked her for giving her a great-mgrandson .

The dreadful thing is that when I had ds I could feel myself going the same way. I fell head over heels in love and started shutting out poor dd. I love dd to bits but if I am brutally honest I feel differently about ds. It's not that I love him more but he is my golden boy. I hope that the fact I'm very aware of how I feel and try really hard to treat both children the same means I won't project any of this on to the pair of them. My mum has so many unresolved issues about her chilhood and I'd hate to make the same ballsup as my granny.

I definitely love DD3 the most at the moment, that's because she cannot talk

in my personal experience - no, I cant think of anyone that does.

But I know a few ppl who have 'younger sibling issues' eg they were a younger sibling themselves always picked on by their older siblings - fast forward years and they tend to 'side' with their youngest and always perceive their oldest to be in the wrong.

i have six and love them ll the same

I am super soppy over one dc (secretly) but that is because he was result of fertility issues

not closer to sons than dd though - all the same

allowing for human nature mums may indeed 'get on' better with one dc

my mum did - I always wondered if it was because there is an element of competition with daughters that isn't there with sons, especially if the mum has low self-esteem ishoos (mine did)

People often do have firm ideas about preferring boys or girls, or whether they would 'cope' better with girls or boys.

But when you have a child, that's when you straighten out your head and realise that all children are fabulous regardless of sex.

And if you don't straighten out your head at that point, you are a bit bonkers

I've got one of each DS is 5 and DD nearly 3...must admit i do have a special bond with DS and DD is a real daddy's girl

BUT

how many threads do u read on the pregnancy page where people are disappointed when they find out what they're having????? i'd say 9 out of 10 of those ppl are having boys

I remember my mum telling me she preferred my brother once when I was about 14. I was terribly upset and angry with her and it get resolved for a long time. Now, I think both my parents love us both but in different ways. My brother is younger and I think they baby him and he needs them more whereas I think they are proud of me but feel less needed.

I have a daughter and then a son with the same age gap as me and my DB. I was terribly worried everyone would lose interest in my lovely DD when a DS arrived and I was a bit anti boys for that reason. Now, I just see that all our families love them both and appreciate them equally for their differences. It has kind of laid a few ghosts for me really, seeing it from a different perspective.

I love mine all the same ...They have different personalities ...gender never has and never will be an issue...sorry don't understand how it can

Well I've only got one DS who I love unreservedly. But years ago, before I had children (and before I decided I wasn't going to have any) I always thought I would want a DD.
If I do have any more DC I think I will just love whatever I get as s/he will be my darling child, though.

I haven't had a son so don't know but I love having an all girly gang.

My Mother definitely wanted boys, she said if my brother had been first then there would have been no others. He is her golden boy thats for sure

Do I know you EmilyTE?

I've always thought my mum preferred my big bro. She would deny.

I think it is a generational thing. I don't think my friends prefer their sons over their daughters.

I have 2 boys so have nothing to compare it with.

Never wanted girls.

Have 2 boys.

<phew>

An acquaintance (with a ds and a dd) said to me recently 'oh yes, I am closest to ds and dd is closest to dh' as if that was perfectly fine and exzactly how it shouldbe. I thought, 'nob'

Some friends are very open about the fact that girls are yuck, girls are bitchy, girls are a nightmare. Just makes me a little sad that's all

Most definitely no.

But then I am one of two girls and have 3 daughters of my own so have no basis for comparison

I work with a woman who has two grown-up children (a son and a daughter). The other day I overheard her telling other colleages "the sun rises and sets over my son, he can do no wrong in my eyes". She seems to be quite close to both of them so I was quite shocked that she didn't qualify what she's said by saying something along the lines of "my daugther means just as much to me too, of course" but she didn't.

I have another work colleage who has three grown-up children, two daughers and a son and she always describes the relationship she has with her son as being special and different to the ones she has with her daughters. She says she rows with her duaghters but never with her son.

Come to think of it, throughout my life Ive encountered a few people who'e made a quite unashamed distinction between thier daughter(s) and son(s).

My own father was his mother's very obvious favourite child out of 5 (3 boys and 2 girls) - he was her second child (he had an odler brother who died as a baby so it was always put down to the fact that as he was the first to come along after his brother died, she gave him his dead brothers love too. He was never particularly nice to his mother but he steadfastly remained her favourite until she died.

I have one DS so I can't relate to it but it is an interesting subject to ponder on.

haven't

My mother never wanted boys and got three daughters. i always wanted a brother (you always want what you have got eh!). I always presumed i would have girls. i have 2 boys - love them to pieces but would love a girl too but its not gonna happen.

I only have one DS but if I think of my own family, the relationships were different.

Whereas my dad could be quite stern with my brother, expect him to live up to certain standards, my mom would always 'mother' him (the only word I can think of) e.g. after he had left home still do his washing for him.

In turn if I ever needed a favour (mainly to borrow money) I would always go to my dad as my mom would be more strict with me.

My Mum does, without a doubt.

I love my two (DS and DD) both the same, but at the minute DS is being a normal toddler and incredibly hard work, but DD is a lovely, happy, funny 14mo.

if they do, they shouldn't and are likely to be a bit bonkers

I have 2 DDs then after a big gap had a DS...the world went mad when it was a boy, and in front of my DDS!!! So I think that has made me slightly defensive! So many mummy friends of mine went on about how "..ah but boys are great!.." "..oh but emily now you have a boy you'll find out what motherhood is really like" "boys are so loving" etc etc

Something else goes back to childhood - i remember being out with my heavily pregnant with twins mother and my 2 little brothers - a complete stranger said to her "oh I expect you'll be wanting girls to even the numbers up" to which my mother replied "gosh no, we're hoping for boys!" - Fast forward a couple of weeks to 2 more little brothers arriving and nobody could have been happier than my mother! Has kind of stuck in my throat I suppose

I have 2 dd's and although I'm not planning on having any more I wouldn't love a boy any more than a girl if I had one.

My granny however seems to favour boys over girls. She had a son and a daughter, my mum, and she always seemed more lenient to her son. And between my brother and I she always favours him, lends him money, feeds him when he is at her house, makes excuses for him etc. Oh and she once told me that she would have preferred my dd2 to have been a boy!

I felt more confident when my first child was born (boy) as I have 2 younger brothers and felt like I knew what to do with boys.

My Mum has had 5 boys and 2 girls, she says girls are best and easiest from birth to 13. Then all hell breaks out and until the girls are 20ish they are horrible generally. After that there is no difference.

I currently have 2girls and 1 boy can honestly say I don't prefer either sex.

my mum does too

I think you prefer what you've got... why do you ask?

My mum did. I don't.

My dh has 3 sisters and is golden boy. He got away with and gets away with much more with his mother than his sisters.

I have dd 10 and ds 7 and I can't say there is a huge difference at the mo

I prefer my son.

I have 2 DDs and 1 Ds ...love em all the same

why do you ask?

A few things have happened in my life and recently that makes me wonder??