How can I stop myself from interfering and taking over ?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I have a 4 year old daughter and I'd love to do as much as I can with her during her holidays that she'll find fun and interesting.
I tried making cakes with her but realised I'd basically done it all for her. I thought afterwards, she could've cracked the eggs, used the whisk etc. She soon lost interest and when I called her to ice the cakes, she wasn't that keen.
We planted some bulbs in her little garden but again I took over as I wanted them to be spread out well, so she lost interest.
I seem to take over everything, from getting her dressed to activities. I really need to stop doing it as I'd love to see her achieve things on her own, it'd boost her confidence. Do you have any advice for me, how can I stop doing this?

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

I know what you mean. I find that doing my own thing in parallel makes me less anal, eg if I am cutting out biscuits, I have my own lump and dough so at least some of them will come out perfect and then she can mess hers up as much as she likes! This also means she can learn by imitating you which is more natural than you telling her what to do.

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

lump of dough that should say

[mummyloveslucy]

Thanks, that's a good idea.

[LIZS]

She'd probably lose interest anyway, mine still do at 7 and 11 . Keep it really simple - sunflower seeds in a small pot, put toppings on a pizza(you cna make the dough much earlier). I did ds a chart for dressing , a sort of outline where we coloured in each item as he was able to do it by himself. She won't do things as you would, so perhaps have her do something in parallel, copying , rather than together, or buy toys with picture instructions to follow like Lego.

[LIZS]

ooh posts crossed !

[mummyloveslucy]

The dressing chart sounds good. She likes to dress herself, she can do her nursery t-shirt, and her trousers but the waist band ends up rolled up and she dosn't tuck her t shirt in. I have to tuck her in afterwards but she gets a bit upset saying "I did it Mummy".

[LIZS]

Does it matter if it isn't tucked in - she 'd have more satisfaction if you left it tbh.

[mummyloveslucy]

She has a fuzzy felt faces game that she likes. If I'm not there, she will make her own fuzzy face picture (usually using every last bit of felt) Lol but if I'm around, she'll wait for instruction.

[mummyloveslucy]

I know, but it irritates me seing her untucked I don't know why. When she comes home from nursery, she's always untucked because they let her do it all herself.
The nursery teacher has said to let her do as much as possible by her self.
I know she's right.

[mummyloveslucy]

I am always amazed by what she does on her own at nursery. She goes to the toilet by herself and washes her hands etc. She dresses herself for ballet, usually with a bit of help as she always poots her legs in the arm holes.
At home, she wets herself usually once a day, and refuses to do a pooh on the toilet.
To be honest though, she dosn't pooh on the toilet at nursery either. She holds on untill she comes home.

[snice]

You need to start letting her mess up.

I understand what you mean as I find it very hard to see things done badly (controlling, me ). However I have a friend with similar issues is who is now faced with an 8 year old who is, to all intents and purposes, helpless. She recently cried when she was asked to butter her own toast, cannot eat her dinner unless it is cut up for her, can't switch on TV/CD player, do up own coat etc.

[Ivykaty44]

Get a pack of digestive biscuits and an icing pack/box from a supermarket - you get them in the baking section. You can get glitter tubes and they have a little nozzel on the end.

Put down newspaper and all the things your little girl needs in thekitchen and tell her she can decorate them however she likes for easter.

Then come on MN whilst she does it

[mummyloveslucy]

snice- I know, you are right. I don't want her to be like that 8 year old.
I get her to lay the table, which she enjoys. She loves helping and cleaning. When I'm doing the dishes, I give her a damp cloth and she'll clean the cupboard doors for me. I'm really going to have to be aware that I can't keep taking over though.

IvyKaty44- That's a great idea. She'd love that. We are having a little easter party soon.

[OhBling]

It's really hard but I think you have to start letting her have her clothes untucked (or unmatched, or untied or whatever it is that she'll do left to her own devices). And when she does achieve things, praise her, even if they're not the way you would do them. Otherwise you're teaching her that her efforts are never good enough.

[stealthsquiggle]

I am a complete perfectionist when it comes to 'creative' stuff, and DS has ishoos with setting himself unrealistic standards which I suspect know are related.

The doing it in parallel approach Kathy suggests is a good idea - I made little sugarpaste figures alongside DS to decorate Christmas cakes one year - he copied step by step as I made a snowman - and his was great. I also tried giving DD(2.5) a lump of biscuit dough to keep her busy while DS and I cut out 'perfect' ones - they both ended up suprising me as once we had finished, DD let DS help her, and between them (with no) interference help from me, and no squabbling, they made some pretty good biscuits!

Pizzas also good as you can do the same thing - you put toppings on yours whilst studiously ignoring what she is doing, and she does her own.

[mummyloveslucy]

That's very true.

I sometimes let her chose her own clothes but she usually choses her fairy dress and lots of beads.
I did let her wear it when we went out one day, as I thought oh well, why not?
I was supprised that no one looked at her funny, if anything people thought it was sweet.
I want to let her develop her own sence of style.

[mummyloveslucy]

I've just noticed all The I's at the beginning of every line. That wasn't intentional.