Advice and support please, I think ds is driving me demented

[claireybeemine]

As a new baby he screamed non stop and I couldn't put him down. I had the odd stressy moment where I just had to leave him to it for a few minutes but on the whole coped with it quite well.

He gradually improved and can be a happy smiley cheeky little boy but the last few weeks he seems to have regressed again.

Seriously, I can't do anything without him crying and asking to be picked up. I go for a wee-he follows me crying, I try to open the post-he cries, I get his dinner ready-he screams...If I cuddle dd or even if she sits next to me he pulls her off me or pushes her away.

When I pick him up he just wants to feed non stop but will latch on and off and cry if I cover myself up again. He has also developed a very irritating habit of wanting to be fiddling with my boobs all day and I can't stand it! When I move his hand he cries.

It is making me want to stop breastfeeding but tbh I think that will probably make him worse, at the moment it is the only way I have of shutting him up. (sorry I know it isn't nice but I do feel like I want him to shut up when all I hear is crying and whinging all day)

I just don't feel like I am able to deal with it as well as I used to be, now when he starts crying when I'm trying to do something I'm starting to think "oh here we go" rather than feeling sympathetic towards him. When he just keeps on and on I can feel my blood rising and a couple of times I've consciously had to stop myself from pushing him away.

I really don't want to think of him as a grumpy baby but increasingly I find myself thinking of him in a negative light which I know is wrong, he is just a baby and if I think of him that way it is more likely to make him that way. I don't doubt my love for him and I am still affectionate with him and still laugh and have fun with him but when he starts crying as soon as I try to focus on something else for 2 seconds it drives me mad.

Poor dd is suffering too, I've snapped at her for just asking for a drink when I was washing up because her request came on top of ds' screaming

Oh and he doesn't sleep (recently waking more frequently again) and wakes for the day at 5am so I am knackered too.

Anyone got any tips on the above?
Specifically
a) How to cut down his constant feeding/fiddling without upsetting him
b) How to get small things done without him crying as soon as I start
c) How to stop myself reacting in a negative way

[claireybeemine]

Sorry he is 14 months now

[claireybeemine]

Shamelessly bumping in the hope I get a reply before he wakes up

[missingtheaction]

This is hideous - brings it all flooding back to me...

Is he hungry? thirsty?

If not then you may have some tough love ahead. At the moment his strategy is working. He cries, he gets your nipple. he cries, you come running. etc etc.

Can you put aside two weeks to break the habit? instill some 'this is nipple time, this isn't' stuff. You would need support from DP and to have very low expectations of what was going to get done round the house but boy it would be liberating.

[Aranea]

Do you think he might be teething or coming down with something?

[claireybeemine]

Missingtheaction, do you mean giving him set feed times? He has meals and naps (usually though not today!) at roughly the same time each day so in theory I should be able to manage that. I just don't know how to do tough love really .

Aranea, he has just got over a cold. Could be teething but if he is anything like dd then I still have a lot of teething ahead and I can't cope with him being like this until he is 3!

[hunkermunker]

Do you ever give him attention before he asks?

How about if you have a mad tickling session with him, lots of giggling and chasing, before you want to eg open the post?

It can get so you're running away from him to do stuff and he's chasing after you (sort of!).

[claireybeemine]

Yes I try to play with him, give him lots of attention then set him up doing something wherever I want to be (so I'm not leaving him to do it) but as soon as I divert attention from him he cries

[Horton]

My daughter was and is like this, too. She's 2.5. I can't imagine how awful it would have been with an older child to take care of, too. I have no helpful advice at all but you have my utmost sympathy.

[claireybeemine]

Horton pleeeeeeease tell me it has got better with time

[Horton]

It has got better with time. I personally advocate CBeebies or similar, although this is prob v irresponsible or something. Switch it on, ask the child 'do you want to come in the kitchen where it is boring or stay here'. The answer will come - 'stay here'.

[Horton]

Also, sometimes, maybe you just have to be mean, if you know he is really okay. Just say, 'I am going to do such and such. You can follow me (under your own steam) and I will do whatever it is. Or you can stay here. Up to you.' Then just get on with it. But be sympathetic. I always said 'I'm sorry you're sad but it doesn't mean that I can stay here because I HAVE to put the chicken in the oven or whatever'. It is really hard, though. I really feel for you.

[LaTrucha]

I think DD 13 months is going this way so I'm watching this with interest.

She won't let me put her down at all any more.I play and play with her but I have a sneaking feeling it's just making it worse. At home, she used to sit peacefully on the carpet with her toys for ages on end. Complete change on that front.

She won't stop putting her hand in my bra either. Even when she's feeding, se'll be playing withthe other breadst. She'll stop doing most other things I ask her to but not this.

She doesn't like going in the pram anymore either.

I'm putting it down to the fact we've temporarily moved country and DH is coming and going (plus teeth etc), but maybe some babies just get like this? I don't know and I don't know the answer either.

I'm a bit worried as we're trying for another baby. I can't lug her around if I'm pregnant, particularly if I get hyperemesis again, like last time.

How long has he been like this?

So, even though she's not unbearable as yet, you have some company....

[claireybeemine]

LaT he has always been like it to some extent but did get better before getting worse again a month or so back.

I know dd did go through a brief phase of seperation anxiety when she was around 13/14 months so I am hoping it is that but I'm finding the constant crying really hard to deal with.

DH has bathed and bedded them tonight though so at least I've had a bit of a break

[LaTrucha]

Enjoy .

I suppose DD might have extra-extra separation anxiety because of the new place etc,

I've been putting her int he sling and not making her go in the pushchair. I'm really not sure if this is a good idea long-term because she is HEAVY!

[Aranea]

Glad to hear you've had a bit of time off this evening. Good luck with tomorrow!

[bloss]

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[kalo12]

claireybeemine - what a relief! i was beginning to think i was not cut out for motherhood. my ds is exactly like this. it must be a phase for bf babes (if indeed not all)

oh god. its horrible isn't it?

i'm going to try dr jay gordon's sleep advice for night weaning (soz can't link)

[Horton]

No offence, but if your baby is asking for the breast a lot, do you really think night weaning and therefore removing what he or she wants is likely to improve the daytime situation?

My daughter always fed way more often than she was 'supposed' to. But it was right for her and we got out the other side of it with our sanity intact, more or less, and she self-weaned at about 14 months with no fuss at all.

[kalo12]

yes horton, I know and I haven't decided yet but its just that i feel this is a better solution than feeling fed up with my baby, or doing any kind of leaving to cry, or stopping bf - ing.

I wasn't suggesting this to OP I was sympathising and saying what i might do.

My ds feeds all night and all day but then doesn't want any solids so I have otyher issues.

how much was your dd feeding at 13 moths? cos my ds feeds about 15 times in 24 hours

[Horton]

My DD was feeding about ten times a day at 13 months, maybe twice or three times at night. She just lost interest all of a sudden and stopped needing it. I was quite sad, tbh, but she was happy so it was best for all of us.

Totally agree that if it's making you feel fed up then you should consider weaning to a bottle or cup. No point in you feeling resentful at all.

[kalo12]

Thanks horton, theres hope then! Was she eating alot of solids?

I want to continue breastfeeding but just not every hour in the night. I just don't know how to stop it.

[claireybeemine]

Bloss I do think a lot of it is overtiredness, even as a newborn he couldn't just drop off to sleep and would often only sleep for 10-20 minutes at a time. On the days where I can get him back to sleep after his 5am wakeup (or the ones where he wakes later) he is much better and tends to nap better and sleep better the following night.

He still needs 2 naps a day most days, it seems late for him to still be having two but maybe he is preparing to drop to one and that is part of the problem...

Kalo I have also seen the Jay Gordon stuff and have bookmarked it for future use. I don't feel ds is ready for it yet though, I do think you get a feel for when they are tbh-dd wasn't bf at this age but still had milk every night and I tried to stop it when I was pregnant and knackered (and scared about being up all night with 2 children!)but she wasn't ready. When she was 2 I felt that she was and tried again and it worked instantly.

Really I think I just need to stop getting stressed out by his crying, it's probably making him worse isn't it?

[bloss]

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[bloss]

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[claireybeemine]

Thanks Bloss. He has had a good nap today so hopefully that will make a difference. Last night wasn't great and he was really clingy and grizzly all morning but seems ok since he has woken up.