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Doea anyone else have an emotionally draining and demanding older child

4 replies

Saltire · 26/02/2009 19:06

I am at the end of my tether. I ahve been for a few days anyway, i feel like I'm teetering on teh edge, there is a thread Is tarted in mental health aobut it.
DH is away for 4 months.
DS2 has always been quite demanding of our my attention. Because I ahve Fibromaylgai it is someitmes eaiser for me to giv ein to him, i.e when he starts his "I ahve a really sore head and no one else ahs a headache like it" routine, I say "ok here's some calpol, off to bed" and make a huge fuss of him.
But he has cried and wailed and carried on for 3 hours now. My head is pounding. He has been going ona bout how much he misses his dad, no one at school likes him, the teacher doesn't like him, someone kicked a football at him, his friend told him he wasn't a prpoer Man utd fan, his friend doens't like him,he misses our dogs which dies 3 years ago, etc etc on and on and on.
When I started speaking to Ds1 about something Ds2 interuppted, "his tummy isn't as sore as my head".

I just can't take 4 months of this, not the way I'm feeling just now

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Saltire · 26/02/2009 19:07

He's 9 BTW

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sowhatis · 27/02/2009 09:31

Nothing to help, but hang on in there, and sorry you are going through a tough time xx

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cory · 27/02/2009 09:36

Sounds exactly like my dd. Ever since she was born I have felt she sucks emotional energy out of me.

She has got underlying insecurities to do with disability/ill health and when she was younger seemed to have a permanent need to reassure herself that Mummy was able to cope. It started before we knew she was disabled and was a great drain. Noone else was allowed to be ill or upset because she needed reassurance and was terrified at the thought of it being taken from her.

The good news is, with puberty she is becoming a lot more independent and I think eventually will emerge a stronger person. But it's been a long haul

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JudyA · 27/02/2009 11:41

It sounds to me like one big cry for love and attention - which isn't to say you don't give him love and attention of course - I have fibromyalgia too so know how demanding it can be.

Without knowing how much of this you already do, is it possible you can make some more 'special' time with him? By which I mean things like snuggling up on the sofa together, letting him tell you about things and really listening, or watching TV together. This will give you a chance to rest and stop you doing all those little chores that maybe aren't absolutely essential. Don't think of it as giving in to him, think of it as giving him something he seems to need at the moment.

Your son may be feeling insecure because he knows you're struggling. Look after yourself as much as you possibly can - cut back on housework, keep food very simple (sandwiches can be as healthy as a 'proper' cooked meal), maybe have takeaways, and accept any help you can from friends & relations.

Hang on in there!

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