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Parenting

Moving house - affect on kids?

10 replies

sleeepless · 08/02/2009 12:36

Hi, we moved house when ds was 8 months old and we're now planning another move (he will be about 20 months when we move) but would probably then need to move again before he starts school. Is all this upheaval going to be damaging for him? I'm getting really worried that he's going to miss things and feel unsettled. What are your experiences?

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MmeLindt · 08/02/2009 12:46

We moved when DD was about 18mths then again when last year when she was 6yo.

I would not worry about the coming move, DD adapted well to that move, in fact she rarely mentioned the old house.

The move last year was very unsettling, but that was more because we moved to a different country and she had to learn a new language as well.

She is now settling in here, still talks about the old house and her friends but has made a lot of new friends here.

DS was 4yo when we moved here and has settled really well.

We talked to them both before the most recent move and said that we were all going to miss our old home (I don't actually but that is another story) but that Papa had a new job somewhere new and it was important that we move with him. We stressed that it was better to be with Papa in a new house than stay in our old house.

Recently we had a chat about what we liked/dislike about our new home and one of the things mentioned was that we are all together.

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compo · 08/02/2009 12:47

It is far better to move them before they start school
Don't worry they won't be affected at that age in the long term

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phdlife · 08/02/2009 12:47

Sleeepless we just moved countries with ds at 19m. He was unsettled with the move itself - we packed ourselves so it was a long, drawn-out process - he was more curious/excited than worried, iyswim. I talked to him about it LOTS. And when it came to the actual travel/moving in at the other end he was completely hunky-dory.

My family was military so we moved lots - I guess my brother was 20m when we moved o/s the first time, then 4 when we moved back. He was confused about a few things but my mum always made sure he had lots of familiar things around - sending stuff ahead etc., and he coped.

Moving needn't be a stress on little dc's - after all so long as you're there they're ok - but it does depend on the kid, I guess.

hth

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sleeepless · 08/02/2009 12:52

Thanks so much for your replies, it feels so much better to know that you've been through similar things and survived! SOmetimes I think he'll be quite excited by it all, other times I wonder about making him feel insecure or something. But then worrying seems to be my thing at the mo...

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FairLadyRandySlut · 08/02/2009 12:55

we were moving about a lot until 3 years ago...because dh was in the armed forces...and tbh, it hasn't done the Kids any damage, tbh...

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phdlife · 08/02/2009 12:59

moving is hard on parents, no two ways about that. take it easy on yourself - your ds will be fine, so long as you talk to him and make lots of time for him. good luck with it all

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madwomanintheattic · 09/02/2009 16:54

we moved to canada when dd1 was 11 months, to scotland when dd1 was 3 and ds1 was 18 months, to wilts when dd1 was 5, ds1 was 4 and dd2 was 20 months, to hants when dd1 was 6,ds1 was 5, and dd1 was almost 3. we're moving again this year lol, back to canada.
all dcs still well balanced and friendly children dd1 is in her fourth school in yr 4 lol.
preparation is the key when they get a little bit older, until then, just make sure there are familiar things and routines available and it will be fine.

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queribus · 09/02/2009 18:35

Different perspective - I went to different schools before the age of 12. I hated it, and it affected me deeply - and still does today.

I know that children are resilient and that perhaps frequent moves help them to make new friends more easily and fit into new circumstances, they can equally have a detrimental and long-term damaging effect too.

Not saying people shouldn't this, BTW - each to their own!

Best of luck with your move. I hope all goes well for you.

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FairLadyRandySlut · 10/02/2009 14:10

queribus, I do think though that it is a whole different issue with schoolage children, compared to pre-school age Kids...

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Bumbleybee · 10/02/2009 14:31

We moved countries when DS1 was 2, and DS2 was 8 months, we then moved countries again one year later, there have been definite affects, some positive, some negative.

On the positive side we are very 'bonded' as a family, I feel that I am showing them lots of real life skills - how to establish a support network for example.

On the negative side they both miss family and friends, more than I imagined they would, and DS2 in particular gets very upset if anyone leaves.

I have huge anxieties about how this will affect them, and try to minimise the potential effects. I talk to them lots about what is going on, we have loads of pictures on the walls of family, friends, places etc. We try to stick to our routines etc etc.

Funny things affect them, I remember with the first move Ds1 being very upset about leaving our car and going in another car.

Hope this helps, good luck with your move. x

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