Do small kids really need that much socialisation?

[Fleurlechaunte]

I struggle a bit with the whole todder group thing and I don't know anyone else with children let alone of the same age as mine.

I take my dc to the park daily, whatever the weather and they see other kids there. I very, very occasionally make myself do the toddler group thing.

Worrying a bit that this is not enough. Anyone got any thoughts or ideas about this? Should I make more effort to do the toddler group thing. I really do find it difficult as find social situations quite taxing.

[PinkTulips]

how old are they?

[Fleurlechaunte]

Well it doesn't apply to ds now, because he is at school. Dd is 2.

[tankie]

I don't think they really get that much out of "socialisation" til they're about three anyway, and at that point you can send them to nursery.

[ChasingSquirrels]

do you feel your ds suffered because of it?

[pavlovthecat]

I think some regular socialisation is crucial. How often is very occasionally going to the toddler groups? Could you do something less involved for you like toddler swimming lessons, children's library where you can put your own nose in a book? How about nursery for a morning or two a week? (obv cost is a factor)

[pavlovthecat]

Tankie - I disagree. DD is 2.5 and has been going to nursery 2 days a week for almost 2 years. She loves it. She also does swimming lessons, a it haphazard and DH takes her to the library from time to time. She also plays with our friends children (3, and 6) and gets so so so excited when she plays with them, she has a lot of fun with them and I really beleive her good social skills are vastly improved because she is socialised.

(and not every day, I also did not get on with toddler groups, bit cliquey for me, but at least once a week she does something that involves being with other children and us, and also nursery).

[Fleurlechaunte]

We do library, actually, forgot about that.

Ds has High Functioning Autism, he found toddler groups and library story times quite stressful so we ended up avoiding, although there is a tiny little guilty part of me that wonders if I made his autism worse by doing that.

Think I will just have to bite the bullet and get on the toddler group thing. Once or twice a week should be doable.

[Smithagain]

I think both mine (now 3 and 6) have benefitted from the toddler group circuit, in terms of getting used to be in busy environments with other kids. Makes the transition to nursery/school less of a big step.

But if you genuinely find those groups stressful, I don't think it's a big deal. Park every day sounds great to me. And ask lots of questions about settling-in systems when you get onto looking for a nursery/playgroup, to make sure the staff are good at helping the children figure out how to play alongside each other.

[pavlovthecat]

Fleur - once a week doing something, and library too would be fine I am sure. It does not have to be intense, just regular, imo.

[Smithagain]

Cross-posted. I can't believe you made DS's autism worse - quite reasonable to avoid situations he found stressful at that sort of age.

And I wouldn't worry about doing more than one group a week if you're also going to the park and library. That's plenty!

[ScummyMummy]

I think it's quite important as they edge nearer to 3. I think lots of younger kids aren't necessarily developmentally ready, though some are. Anyway, once they are ready, they can do a couple of hours at playgroup while you have a break.

[Fleurlechaunte]

Thanks, there is baby gym at our local drop in centre on a Friday and that is ok. You don't have to talk to anyone because you are too busy preventing your child from falling off benches and mini trampolines. I sound really sad don't I? Sometimes think I must have a socialisation disorder and thats where ds gets it from.

[ChasingSquirrels]

I took ds1 to a toddler group, and a music group. He then started pre-school at 2y8m.
I have to say that the toddler/music group was for me not him - I needed to get out of the house and have adult company.
I didn't take ds2 to anything, he had just turned 3 and also started pre-school at 2y8m.
Both of them went to a cm for one day a week and saw other children there.
ds2 also has all of ds1's friends, and their younger siblings.
Personally I feel that upto 2 they don't get much out of formal settings that they couldn't get out of doing the same stuff one-on-one with a parent or other carer, i.e. the other children aren't that relevant.

[AliceTheCamelHasGotTheHump]

If you don't fancy a toddler group you'd probably be happier doing an activity group such as Tumbletots (or your cheaper council run equivalent) or a music group or a messy play group. Your dd will get the benefit of playing with the other children, but you won't have to sit around drinking weak tea and chatting to the other mums because you'll be involved with what your dd is doing.

Or... how about starting her at a ballet class or something? My 2-year-old recently started ballet and just loves it. She's a bit limited in chances to socialise and she just races off with the other little girls when we go.

[PinkTulips]

until dd was 2 i didn't really do the toddler group thing and had no friends with kids and she did seem to have problems interacting when she started playschool as she wasn't used to other kids at all

ds on the other hand has been dragged to these things from a few months old and is 2 now and a very social little boy, no shyness at all and very good at playing with other kids, even older ones.

i know some of it is personality but i'm convinced if i'd been better about bring dd to play with other kids she mightn't have reacted so strongly when she started playschool.

she didn't talk to he teachers for months, was chronically shy and has only now in the last few months started playing confidently with the other kids and chattering away to them. she's just turned 4

[Fleurlechaunte]

That is why I worry about ds's autism PinkTulips. He is very high on the spectrum and I can't help but wonder if the lack of socialisation made it worse.

Thanks for saying it didn't Smithagain but I have been beating myself up with this for too long to just let it go.

[lilimama]

DS's development is markedly improved from socialisation (he's 12 months) he comes home with new skills, words and moves every time and when he goes to playgroup he goes round and gives everyone a hug and a kiss (if they'll have it). I rate socialisation as very important.

[BonsoirAnna]

I don't think children really need to see their peers much until they are 2 and a half or so. However, they can gain a lot from being with older siblings/cousins/friends children right from birth.

From about 2 and a half (when they begin to be intelligible to other children) they can enjoy group play.

[dietstartstomorrow]

I think it's really important, but you need to be happy too.

Can you get her involved in some sort of tumble tots type thing?

[Gateau]

I think time with Mummy is the only CRUCIAL things at this stage. There is far too much emphasis on "socialisation" these days for toddlers. It's socialisation for the mothers IMO. When I was a child there were no "classes" for toddlers and I didn't go to toddler groups at this age either. Didn't do me any harm whatsoever.
Think about it when she's three.

[Gateau]

Fleur,
Do you spend a lot of one-to-one time with DD then? What do you do with her? Just interested, as I'm always looking for ideas.
I enjoy my one-to-one time with my DS (21 months) and sometimes feel that when I meet with other mothers I don't spend as much time WITH him. And I don;t like that, so I don't meet up with other mothers all that often. Maybe once a week on average.

[lilimama]

Gateau...(hmmm) at:
"There is far too much emphasis on "socialisation" these days for toddlers. It's socialisation for the mothers IMO."

Eh???? Sounds like you spend too much time on your own to me. Really off the wall comment... many mothers I know have to really work on going to the playgroups coz they can't identify with doing social mumsniness but they do it because they can see that having friends is healthy. But if they do enjoy the social life what the hell is wrong with that? you think the child is suffering because mummy is talking to other people? Get a grip. Self sacrificial parenting never did anything for a child. And how the hell would you know, if you don't socialise more than once a week?

[Gateau]

"how the hell would you know?" Calm down lilimama, it's not worth getting that worked up about, really.
You know NOTHING about me, so keep your ignorant comments about my lifestyle and life choices to yourself.
That said,comments from anyone who "rates socialisation as very important" for a 12 motnth old are laughable anyway.

[lilimama]

Heee heee now who looks silly?
That said,comments from anyone who "rates socialisation as very important" for a 12 motnth old are laughable anyway.

Now feeling really sorry for yours....

[MrsMattie]

I really think not.

Children don't learnt to play with other children, share, take turns etc really until pre-school age. Of course it's nice for them to be around other children now and then,. but I really truly don't think that you are doing any harm to them by not going to M&T groups or arranging constant play dates. The most important relationship/s for a small child - as borne out by experience for me and backed up by almost all known research - is the relationship a child has with his or her main carer/s.