So, I am trying to pick my battles. But what do you do when your DH sees it as giving in?

[theresonlyme]

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wannaBe]

depends what battles it is you are picking.

[MrsBadger]

talk to him

if he understands why you are doing it he is more liekly to be sympathetic and co-operative

[OrmIrian]

You need to talk to him after the event. And explain why you did what you did, and he needs to tell you why he had a problem with it. DH is much stricter with me. Too strict sometimes IMO. He tries to make the DC do things 'on principle' which I think is sometimes pointless and stupid. And overtired child (for example) isn't going to respond as they would under normal circs and it is essential to cut some slack. I also pick my battles - DH gets into a sort of battle-frenzy when everyone around him (me incl sometimes ) gets shouted at and told off. DCs end up in tears, I end up boiling with rage at him, and he wonders why the DC aren't all that affectionate with him afterwards.

But I have started to swallow my anger and tackle him on it afterwards. And explain why it was so upsetting for everyone.

Don't argue with him at the time. I have done that before and it's not good. Everything escalates. He had been very angry with me for not backing him up - I told him that in a way I was, by not arguing with him, if I'd been honest I'd have told him he was being a twat! Just to add that DH has never hit a child, if he ever did I'd intervene immediately and he's be out the door.

[theresonlyme]

He knows why. Still thinks he is right.

Maybe he is.

[theresonlyme]

OrmI - missed your post.

I will try and explain again and maybe see if we can come to a comprimise.

The DC in question is being particulary challenging atm.

[Pitchounette]

Message withdrawn

[Pitchounette]

Message withdrawn

[theresonlyme]

He sometimes has time alone with the kids at the weekend but is only here until 7.45am on a school day and home about 6.15pm. They go to bed at 7.

We have just talked and are going to go back to how things were before and also I am going to put DS2 to bed which is the problem at the moment.

[Pitchounette]

Message withdrawn

[theresonlyme]

The problem is that DS2 just wants me at bedtime. He always did and he especially does now Daddy doesn't do what DS2 wants. (the door shut with no sound, socks on) Sounds daft written down but so not wirth getting DS2 upset over. DH sees it as pandering to him if he closes the door with noise and doesn't check if he wants socks on that night.

[Pitchounette]

Message withdrawn

[theresonlyme]

I have been putting him down for the last couple of nights and it is so much better. DH reads to him first.