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Am I the only one?

10 replies

Frasersmum123 · 25/01/2009 22:06

Because I feel closer to my ds2 than I do my other children?

I love all my children dearly, but I have a different relationship with DS2, and we have a stronger bond than my other two.

Am I the only one?

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oneyummymummy · 25/01/2009 22:40

Is there a reason for this? Did you have traumatic births/PND or no bonding time?

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Frasersmum123 · 26/01/2009 07:20

I had PND with DS1, and because DS2 and DD are so close together I suppose we dont get much one-on-one time, whereas DS2 and I spent alot of time together.

I feel really terrible for saying it outloud, you must all think im a horrid Mummy.

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oneyummymummy · 26/01/2009 09:34

No, not at all. Im sure you love all your children. Maybe you should try to find reasons behind these feelings and then go from there, to try to resolve this issue.

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lingle · 26/01/2009 20:04

You are not the only one. Dig out Vicky Iovine's books (ignore the awful prose which her British editors have imposed). She writes well about how there is one child that speaks to your heart.

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missymoo2411 · 26/01/2009 20:56

all 4 of mine have a different place in my heart ds1 firstborn,ds2 was ill at birth can melt me ,ds3 my baby boy ,and dd my only little girl and last so the reason y i love them all different .

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roddersb · 27/01/2009 20:55

You are not the only one.

I have twin girls of 5 and a son of 11. I have always struggled with showing my son affection or accepting it from him and I try not to let it show by overcompensating at times. I know this is due to not only a very traumatic relationship when I was pregnant but also a traumatic birth and a series of serious illness for both my son and myself before he was two years old. He is very clingy to me and used to follow me round like a puppy and I had to reassure him all the time of my presence.

My twins are so confident and happy to play and are not anxious at all. The pregnancy with them was calm and settled and my parenting of them has been far more consistent and less guilt ridden.

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MrsFreud · 27/01/2009 20:58

don't worry - children have their own personalities, and you can find yourself drawn to one type of personality if it matches yours. But am sure you still love them both as much!

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Hulababy · 27/01/2009 21:08

So long as you don't favour your DS2 over the other children, then to feel you have a different, or even stronger, bond with one is fine I think.

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kittywise · 27/01/2009 21:09

Glad you have brought this up.

I have 6 and find it very difficult to relate to my third.

She's was my first girl , first vag birth, easy birth, easy baby, smiley, contented etc, no pnd.

She is 7 and I don't really 'like' her.

I don't understand why. She is not difficult, naughty etc.

It's a feeling. I don't where it comes from or why. I feel very guilty. I really try my hardest not to show it. She gets lots of attention, kisses, cuddles. But inside I feel;' nothing' and I wish I did

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Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 11:47

Thanks ever so much everyone, its nice to know that I am not the only one.

I think my problem stems from the fact that I had DS when I was only 17, so we have always had a very brother/sister relationship rather than a mother/son. Sometimes we get on fine, and other times he annoys the heck out of me, just like a younger brother.

I spoke to my DH about it last night, and we are going to try and spend some more time together as a twosome, which we did alot before I had DS2 and DD.

Kittywise - im sorry you feel like that, its so hard isnt it, and especially if there is no reasoning as to why.