How do I handle this girl who is causing my ds problems

[crazedupmom]

Hi
I am getting all the more wound up by it but I am unsure on how to handle the situation.
My ds frequently plays with a group of children who live at the top of my street, they are two brothers of 9 and 7 and a girl of 7.
The four of them generally play well together but there is a girl of 9 next door to us who occasionally muscles in on them and when she does she causes nothing but problems for my ds.
She is a bit of a bullly and is very manipulative for her years.
My ds can get easily upset but she will deliberately go out of her way to push the right buttons with him by upsetting him in some way perhaps kicking one if his toys around or hiding soemthing off him.
Once my ds gets upset she will then belittle him in front of the others by saying your a moaner etc and not letting him play properly and doing whatever she can to ensure its just her and the others playing.
This girl does appear to have an edge of maturity and clever ways of manipulating things beyond her years.
How do I handle this situation as I hate to see this girl causing problems for my ds whenever he plays with friends.
I get on well with the girls mom and wouldn.t want to fall out with her.
What can I do.

[3littlefrogs]

Perhaps you could try to give him some strategies to stand up to her. How old is your ds?
The kidscape website is very good for tips and advice - they have a kids' page with all sorts of different scenarios.

I think it is better in the long run to teach children coping skills, if at all possible, because they will come up against people like this all through life.

[SammyK]

good post 3littlefrogs

[crazedupmom]

I am hopeless 3littlefrogs and a bit clueless at what I should be telling him to do.
The trouble is that the others are inclined to follow her a bit not by bullying him as well, but by just simply playing with her only whenever this happens.
I will look at that website you have suggested .

[crazedupmom]

My ds has just gone 8

[LoveMyLapTop]

If she makes fun of him for being younger/ babyish, he could say 'Why havent you got any freinds of your own age?'
I sympathise, grwoing up in our street there was a girl 2 yrs older than me who gave me hell.
Would take and hide my toys, make me run ap and down the hil to porve i wasn't a baby and was generally horrible.
Got my own back eventually ended up being half a foot taller!

[crazedupmom]

Thanks LoveMyLapTop

They have been playing out today and she has upset my ds again by kicking the contents of a game of his all over the pavement and she carried on playing ball with the others gloating at the sight of my ds crying and picking up all of the bits.
I couldn,t help myself I went out to ask what had happend and I clealry showed that I wasn,t happy with her .
My ds told me that she said that I am shit.
Obiviously she knows that I am onto her and she hates me for it.

[pointydog]

agree that it's best to carry on speaking to your ds, suggest things he could say but try to sound ambivalent towards the girl, don't show your son that she really annoys you as well. It's best he improves things for himself.

I completely understand re your frustration bubbling over. Just try to go back to being calm again.

[LoveMyLapTop]

What about when she comes out you allow DS1 and one of the other children to come in and play? That way he still gets someone to play with?

[Smee]

Well actually, though I agree with him sorting it out himself, she is bullying him, and sometimes I think you have to step in. Do you have a relationship with her at all? Couldn't you gently ask her for a chat and say if she doesn't stop it, you might have to talk to her parents. You could soften it, by saying you're surprised, as you know she's fun and a nice girl, who doesn't need to behave like that, or even say it's great to have an older girl that your son can learn from. Do you think she'd respond to that at all..?
Or if not, do you have a relationship with the other boys at all? Couldn't you ask them not to join in if she's mean to your son.

[Anifrangapani]

Roughly around the throat... not very constructive I know.

[compo]

I think you should tell your ds to shrug it off and say it doesn't bother him but also talk to her parents and tell him that he should tell you what is going on like he is now so you can keep an eye on it

[crazedupmom]

Thanks everyone.
Smee thats a good tip you have given me and I may well try that.
A while ago she was playing with a friend from around the block when we had had all of that snow and they both came and called for my ds however when she is with this particular friend she doesn,t bother with anyone else so it surprised me that they had called for him they asked my dh if my ds wanted to come out for a snowball fight

However my ds had not long come in from playing with his friends up the road and it was quite late so my dh who answered the door said he wasn,t coming out.
Today while she was being a spiteful little madame she told my ds that they only called for him because they wanted to throw a snowball in his face.
My dh said that thats probably correct because she had a snowball in her hand when they called and they both had grins on their faces.
I can,t believe that they would risk upsetting him on his own doorstep knowing that we are in the house.
I hate to see my ds been treated in such a spiteful manner.
I am so close to speaking to her mom about her.

[Smee]

I'd corner her first I really would. Unless she genuinely is a nasty piece of work, she won't like it if you tell her you're onto her. If you're gentle and give her a get out, you might find she might well curb her behaviour herself. Going to the mother first, could cause all sorts of problems - depending on the mother that is! Good luck.

[missymoo2411]

i agree with smee ive done this for my niece i pulled the little girl to one side and said u r older and should know better and i think u should go home now before i tell your mother ..she w
has en ded up being friend with my niece who is now 14 this was when sh was 7 the girl 10 i asked her y she did it she said because no one wanted to play with her ...