my toddler isn't interested in food - at my wits end. please help

[silvermum]

my 17 month old isn't interested in food. This has been going on for about three months now. i just can't understand what's wrong. he is (or at least seems) healthy and very happy with loads of energy from morning to night but just doesn't seem to like anything. he has always had a healthy, varied diet but now everything he is presented with seems to turn him off. I'm at my wits end with him refusing everything he's offered and can't see how he can go on like this surviving on a few mouthfuls each mealtime. We don't have unrealistic expectations of the amount he should eat and we don't give him lots of snacks between meals. So what's going on? is there any point taking him to a doctor? he never used to be like this! after yet another failed meal i feel like crying

[missingtheaction]

horrid isn't it - having a toddler like this completely knocked my confidence in my abilities as a parent. There my friends would be with their babies with their little mouths open going yum yum, while mine just sat there spitting out food and looking out of the window.

I wish I had said to myself -

Toddlers don't starve themselves to death. When he is hungry he will eat.
This is about him, not about me.
He is fit and healthy. It's OK.

He must be eating something sometimes. What and when? Does he eat his main meals with you (we didn't - bad move - but difficult when you are only home from work just before bedtime 4 days a week)?
Will he try new stuff?

Crucially CHILL! Unless you are concerned that he is unhealthy I would stay away from anyone whose job it might be to help you sort out a 'problem'.

[silvermum]

thanks missing - how long did it take for your toddler to emerge from this phase? we don't feed him at the same time as we're eating for all sorts of boring reasons - mostly to do with getting home from work times etc, but maybe we will have to move towards this. he eats almost nothing for breakfast (a few bites of toast; the rest then gets thrown on the floor); and then just picks at whatever he's offered for supper. it's really soul destroying. but yes, you're right - they don't starve themselves to death. i just hope this passes as i don't want him to be a really fussy eater when he's older.

[silvermum]

and picks at his lunch as well i should have said..

[NappiesGaloriaInExcelsis]

if he looks healthy and happy and active, honestly, hes doing ok.
i had this exact conversation at a kids' party earlier.
missing is saying wise things; chill. it will all come good in the end.

i think although having 3 in 3 yrs is hard work, the best thing i can take from it is to know when to let go and just not try to control everything. only through neccessity, but itrs a valuable lesson. too easy when you only have one to fret about things that really dont require it.

[goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh]

no real advice - but I have to disagree that a toddler will eat if they're hungry.

What do you think of 7 days without eating? As that's what my DS1 achieved when he was similar age to yours and we tried to get him eating a varied diet by cutting out the stuff that we'd found he "would" eat (which wasn't really very nutricious stuff). You can't tell me that he wasn't hungry with virtually nothing pasings his lips for that time except for juice???

[NappiesGaloriaInExcelsis]

and, imo, people are fussy eaters or theyre not. it has precious little to do with how they are fed as toddlers. try not to imagine all the bad is your fault and all the things that go well are just good luck - luck works both ways!

[NappiesGaloriaInExcelsis]

i guess not FAQ.
i do know that if i dont feel like eating in general or eating something in particular, no amount of coaxing or reasoning from somebody else is going to make me want it.
maybe he had a low level bug that week and food just didnt appeal.. who knows. point is, he didnt die did he?

[MegBusset]

I agree with what FAQ says. DS has a good appetite but accepts a limited variety of food -- even when really hungry he will refuse to try anything new 95% of the time (and the other 5% of the time he will try one mouthful then spit it out). If I tried to starve him into trying new stuff I think it would just be upsetting for us both. So I am hoping it will improve as he gets older!

[goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh]

no he was just incredibley stubborn (still is at 8yrs old - although now eats like a horse so don't have those worried any more), as is DS3.

He wasn't ill. I know for a fact if I'd offered him his normal (poor) diet he would have wolfed it down.

[goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh]

and no he didn't die - because I relented and went back to the crap food again until he was ready to start eating proper decent food.

[MegBusset]

FAQ when/how did his diet improve?

[goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh]

I can't remembe exactly think he must have been about 2 1/2yrs old - seem to recall it was just before I fell pg with DS2 (tis a long time ago and I've had 2 more stubborn children since then )

[ilove]

What does he drink???

[Haribolicious]

DS went totally off food from about 19 mths - tho thankfully he is starting to improve now (touch wood) For breakfast, he would only have a few mouthfuls of weetabix, then maybe a few mouthfuls of a s/wich and a yoghurt for lunch but then play/throw his dinner. I tried to cut out snacks but I got into the bad habit of allowing more snacks cos he wasn't eating...I then gave myself a stern talk as this was replacing his meals (along with extra milk)!!
FAQ - anything with calories in it will help to sustain them...juice included!
IMHO - the best test is that they are healthy and have energy...which is my DS...I really don't know where he gets his energy cos of the lack of food but I also have to remember that he's never had a big appetite.
Try not to make it a battle or let it get you down (easier said than done I know esp when you've cooked from scratch ...I ended up letting DS eat wherever he wanted (on the floor, picnic style) in front of the TV but at least he was eating and then I gradually introduced better habits ie eating at the table...first at his small table then joining us. As I said, he's loads better than he was but still no where near friends toddlers appetities - when he's had enough then he's off so I've learnt to just accept this...for now!!

[Haribolicious]

Sorry...I droned on for so long that I forgot to mention that DS is now 2.5

[goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh]

but he wasn't even drinking a lot of juice (an on going problem I've had with him since he was tiny - getting fluids into him) - he would drink one bottle of juice a day (I'm still lucky to get one glass of anything into him now). So yes I admit he was getting some calories, but no where near what was healthy for a child of his age, and I wasn't prepared to sit and let my DS survive on a bottle of juice a day any longer than that.

[mawbroon]

nappies - I had the same converstaion at a kids party this afternoon too!!!!

If it was the same party, then you will know who I am

[mawbroon]

Just had a quick nosy about some of your posts nappies.

It definitley wasn't me you were talking to about this!!

It must be a commonly held conversation amongst parents though.

[silvermum]

oh so relieved to find this is no that uncommon - haribo it all sounds too familiar, playing/throwing the food about - it's so frustrating and exhausting to deal with. a while back we tried a tough line 'take it or leave it' policy with his food - if he didn't go for what he was offered, we took it away and that was it - no coaxing, praising, battling etc, which did work for a bit, but not long.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Silvermum, until DD was 2 she ate about one teaspoon of food at every meal and STILL managed to be on the 99th percentile .

If they cotton onto it annoying you, it gets worse, time and ignoring completely the food aspect of meals and talking about anything BUT food helped us.

[ilove]

Any juice for a child that isn't eating is not a good idea. Juice is empty calories that is addictive, will curb their appetite and stop them wanting any food. Cut out all juice, switch to water and their appetite will improve

[goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh]

haha ilove - you think I don't know that?

Well it was either juice or a severely dehydrated DS. As he refused to drink milk after I stopped BF at 14 months, and wouldn't drink any water at all. Very weak squash was the only thing he would drink - although I confess on that battle of the wills I only held out for about 2/3 days before offering it to him as with his already pretty poor diet no fluids going into his body was a recipe for a sick child imo./

[goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh]

oh and I should add - the battles weren't at the same time - the water/juice battle was when I stopped BFing at 14 months as I knew I needed to get fluids into him somehow else.

[needmorecoffee]

he's obviously eating something or he wouldn't be healthy.
But you could always do what we've done. After 4 years of tiny meals with dd being off the bottom of the charts we've had a feeding tube put in her tummy. Now its easy.

[NappiesGaloriaInExcelsis]

blimey nmc, that sounds a bit drastic, what does that entail then?