Planning for an only child over the Easter Holidays

[mammasoprano]

I keep reading that there are millions of families who have 'only children' but when I go out I never see them. Where are all the parents of only children? I would love to have a thread just about having an only child. I really thought it was what was right for us but am having a phase of really regretting not considering having more children. Feel really sad at the moment and as if I've been in some way unfair to my ds. I know this isn't positive thinking but it's just how I feel at the moment.
Would love to hear from other mothers of only children, feel lonely with it at the moment.

[KarenThirl]

I have an only child, my dh is an only child, my mother is an only child. Nothing wrong with being an only child! Sometimes it's harder work because they often need an adult to orchestrate the entertainment as there isn't another child constantly around to bounce off, but then it's up to you to make sure your child has a social life by mixing with othe people. Is your ds at school/playgroup? Encourage after-school visits to friend's houses and have them to yours, to encourage sociability. Encourage your ds to have the confidence to go up to a group of children and ask to play. Let him join groups and clubs to widen his circle of friends.

It's not a bad deal having just the one. It's a lot quieter and there are fewer toys to trip over!

I'm a bit confused as to why it makes YOU feel lonely though. Why is that?

[sis]

Our son is an only child and we often go out with him but I know what you mean about always seeing families with more than one child especially if one of the children is more than about four years old. Mumsnetters with only children include Batters and Blu and we (only half) joke about having a club for parents of only children!

How old is your child? and where do you live? maybe we should meet up?

My son is very shy and found it difficult to makr friends so it is only now, at the age of six and a half that he has friends whom we can invite to join us on outings etc. Other parents with only children may have been able to do this when their children were younger so it may look like they are in a family of four instead of three plus friend.

[mammasoprano]

I'd love to join that club! Thanks for your responses Karen and sis, I really do all of those things for ds (4) but just everyone had other plans today and I felt so rubbish for not having organised a week of excitement etc etc. but we ended up seeing one of his little friends and the day improved a lot.
Karen, I do identify with ds too much and imagine that he's lonely when he probably isn't, we get on really well and have a great time together, it's just sometimes I feel guilty about this 'choice' we sort of made. Also I do actually get lonely, am gregarious and am often happier in a group.
sis I live in NE London, where are you? I've often thought an only child thread would be a good idea because there are unique aspects to this kind of parenting don't you think? I was in a big central park on Sat and I swear every couple had two children about a year apart, I wondered if there was a door policy I'd missed!
I'm sure you're right about friends and maybe some of the families I've seen are parents with a child's friends. He does have friends it's just he doesn't have enough for there to be one around every time he'd like. I think things are getting better as he gets older though.

[posyhairdresser]

Has your child started school yet? This opened a lot of new doors to our family. There are a lot of other parents of 1 in my daughter's reception class. It is easier to arrange outings/ visits with them than with parents of 2 or more as plans can be age specific, with no little ones limiting what can be done and when!

Only children get a bigger share of attention, time and family resources. They normally have more and closer friendships than other children and have less conflict to deal with at home. It is hard for a child to have a sad mother, but being an only child is not a bad deal in life IMO.

[sis]

You are in! as is everyone else who has an only child (I've made an executive decision in the absence of the other fouding members). I live in North west London so we must arrange a central london meet-up with the kids. I work part-time (mon, tue and wed) so Thursdays and Fridays over the holidays or weekends are best for me. If the weather is crap we can go for pizza/pasta and/or movie and if the weather is good, we can go to the princess Diana memorial park.

Just had another thought, in the summer, as a treat, I take my son from one end of the jubilee line to the other and then we get on the docklands light railway and go to Canary Wharf (or is it Canada Water?)where we have a pizza at the pizza express and on the tube back home. My son loves it and it has been the highlight of his summer holiday in the last two years so you may want to try it or a different version of it. We'd love to have company this summer if you and your son want to join us!

[mammasoprano]

thanks for msgs, it is good to hear such positive things.
posy, wise words and I'm sure you're right about the school thing.
sis I would really like to meet up with you and ds, we love the park you mention (I was talking about that park when I mentioned the door policy!) and it's perfect in the summer when all the locals are away. Let's keep in touch and go for a meet in the summer, good idea. I've never CAT'd another mnetter, shall I do that so I can email you?

[sis]

yes, CAT me and I am glad you seem to be less upset now.

[sis]

I am unlikely to get your message until tomorrow and as I will be at work all day and have a PTA meeting at my house in the evening, I may not be able to get back to you for a couple of days but it won't be because i am ignoring you, I promise!

[mammasoprano]

thanks sis I'll email you soon.