I need HELP before I go insane please.

[LuckySalem]

My 10 month old daughter has started squealing when she doesn't get her own way/we dont give her something quick enough/we walk out of the room/she drops a toy etc etc

I am at my wits end about what to do, we've tried distracting her at the time of "tantrum", I've tried ignoring her, I've tried running to her (which I think made it worse)

I need some methods to fix this cos otherwise I seriuosly think i'm going to go insane from the constant headache I have at the moment.

An example just happened - She was playing with her toys happily so I came and sat on the computer chair, she looked at the chair where I was just sat, saw me here and SCREAMED........ I mean what?

[thenewme]

Screaming is her new talent. She isn't having a tantrum, she is making a noise.

[LuckySalem]

I understand that and there are times where she sqeals all cute and giggly but this isnt one of those. This is different - to an outsider I swear it sounds like she's being murdered.

[ephrinedaily]

Wow she's advance my 1 year old has only just started doing this! He also arches his back and tries to throw himself on the floor.

Mostly I try not to laugh and carry on with what I'm doing, i.e. if he kicks off because I'm moving him away from something dangerous, I carry on moving him and don't react. Seems to be working as he only does it quite briefly now. I think distracting them just winds them up more to be honest. Try doing one thing and sticking to it for a bit longer e.g. ignoring her. Sympathies for constant headache.

[ephrinedaily]

Oh God I know about the being murdered noise - have had total strangers banging on the door of the toilet whilst I've been changing him - he really doesn't like being changed but like i say, is starting to realise i'm just going to do it anyway!

[LuckySalem]

I've tried that but then DP isn't doing it so maybe she's getting inconsistent msgs.

PS she arches her back as well when you pick her up and move her away from something.

[thenewme]

She is asserting herself. Maybe you need to tell her not to make such a noise, in a firm but calm voice?

[Penthesileia]

I will watch this thread with interest. My nearly 25 week old DD already does this. If I take something away from her (e.g. some plastic she's managed to get hold of and is enjoying rustling and sucking), she squeals with indignation. It is definitely not just making a noise. I fear this does not bode well for the future...! I doubt there's anything to be done, though, as I seem to recall from some book or other that they don't understand instructions or prohibitions (and thus are not really teachable in any meaningful way) until they're nearly 2. At the moment, I just distract her with another toy.

[ephrinedaily]

Yes my DP wasn't getting it either! He used to laugh because tbh DS does look quite funny when he's really angry . The back arching is dangerous, I used to move him away and plant him on a big floor cushion so he could bang his head as much as he wanted. Good luck -either our ignoring is working or DS is growing out of it. As your DD seems quite advanced she'll probably grow out of it quicker than mine!

[LuckySalem]

thanks thenewme - Do I literally say "stop making so much noise" cos I've tried shhhh, and that's too loud a few times but she just gets louder!! lol

The back arching thing at the mo isn't too bad cos its only while I've got hold of her but I fear it'll get worse before it gets better.

[thenewme]

Definitely fairly quietly. It has taken a while but I have finally realised that if I shout at the kids when they are being opests, they just get louder. If I talk in a calm, quiet voice I get a better response.

When she arches, put her on the floor. It can be hard to hold on to an arching baby.

[LuckySalem]

ok i'll try that first then if she keeps screaming i'll elevate it to turning away from her (as long as shes not hurt or distressed etc)

Thanks - its really helpful to know i'm not just imagining it. My mum says shes got the Jones' temper - shes right!!

[QuintessentialShadow]

Could she be a bit confused? You are in one place one moment, the next you are somewhere else. My sons were like that at that age, actually froom 6 months of age, he got confused by change. At that time, he did not realize if I hid a toy, it was still there, just behind me. In babys opinion, it was gone, as it could not be seen.

It helped to constantly talk. I would say stuff as "mummy is going to kitchen now to fetch some water. I am opening the cupboard, getting the glass, and I am filling it now. I will be back with you in a moment" It was a little like doing a running commentary of what I was doing. If baby was in the baby gym or playing on the floor, and I next to him, I would always tell him if I moved around. "I am just going to sit in the other chair now" etc. It helped.

[thenewme]

Also 10 months is right in the middle of the separation anxiety age and it could just be that she has realised she is a separate person from Mummy and it has unnerved as well as excited her!

[bella29]

My dd did this and I wouldn't class it as a tantrum - they come later and are much worse

She can't talk so she is communicating her displeasure in the only way she can. Imagine you were gagged and people did things you didn't like - wouldn't you squeal ? I know I would!

At this age they understand more than they are able to say, so I would try just talking back to her - even if she doesn't understand the words yet she will understand the tone of your voice.

e.g. you move her away from that really fascinating but breakable ornament : 'I know you want to play with that, darling, but let's find you something better over here'.

As her vocab kicks in (and ime girls are much faster than boys) she will be less frustrated as she can verbalise her feelings more.

Good luck & HTH

[bella29]

Oh, and I definitely wouldn't ignore her. IME she will either get even more worked up, or learn that Mummy doesn't listen to her. Annoying though it is, she is communicating with you. I agree those cute baby smiles were much more fun, but this is just her another form of communication.

[LuckySalem]

Thanks Bella & QS. The only thing though is its EVERYTHING that she squeals about. I understand that she's telling us she's not happy about something but it seems lately that she's not happy about EVERYTHING... lol

I really wish she could tell us what she wanted but until she does I dont know what to do. I've tried to fix what shes trying to tell me but sometimes I can't see what started her off.

I expect i'm just a frustrated mummy but I'm so tired of it all the time.

[LuckySalem]

Bella - I understand about mummy ignoring her but if she's dropped a toy? What am I meant to do?

[LuckySalem]

Marla - I'm trying Doesn't help that I only slept for about 5 hours the last 2 nights due to toothache and the headache her screams are giving me are just the icing on the cake at the mo.

Thanks all.

[LuckySalem]

I'll admit it I did that today. She got DD STOP SCREAMING. She just grinned at me and then carried on... lol.

Hence the tear my hair out!!

[junkcollector]

I generally find that closing my eyes and imagining myself lying on a lovely sail boat on a blue blue sea with the sails flapping gently in the breeze and the clank clank of the sheets against the mast, even for a few seconds, helps to calm me down. On many occasions this has helped avoid my inner screaming banshee from coming out.

[LuckySalem]

Maybe instead of trying to work out how to "fix" DD I need to find a way to relax and "block out" the screaming? Like a sail boat. Although I used to use horse-riding along the sea so maybe i'll bring that back up.

[junkcollector]

Yeah, they seem to know when you have inner calm (not very often in my case)and react accordingly.

[LuckySalem]

ok thats a view i've never heard. I just assumed the behave as they behave and you have to work around it! lol. I'l try the inner calm then and hope she grows out of it like tomorrow!!