DS gets left out, I know he does.

[MrsSnape]

I feel sorry for DS2. He's so hyper and 'in your face' 24/7 that he gets left out of alot of stuff because it's just easier tonight DS1 passed his grading at karate so everyone was praising him and I said I'd get him a treat for doing so well but DS2 got really sad and said "why do you never get ME anything?". I had to stop him from going to karate because he messed around so much and just kept getting into trouble.

He wanted to join a tennis club, I paid for him to start but his behaviour was terrible and the other parents started complaining so I had to stop him from going same with beavers.

I know he feels left out and he's too young to realise WHY but I don't want him to feel sad and I want a way to solve it.

He's 7.

[dustystar]

Thats so sad mrssnape. My ds is 8 and has AS and ADHD so can be a real handful but his karate teachers are great and manage his behaviour really well. I generally stay for the lesson just in case he has a meltdown but I very rarely need to say anything at all. He has 1:1 drumming lessons and his teacher for that also deals with his hyperactivity really well. Perhaps its worth ringing around and finding a class where they feel they could cope with that sort of behaviour. Does he have SN?

[LIZS]

He is old enough to know why he may be excluded and modify his behaviour accordingly. Maybe not all the time every time but enough to be accepted. He may want to do these things but it could simply be too much to expect him to conform after a day of doing so at school. Can he do something at the weekend instead? He obviously knows how to play to your sense of guilt though!

[MrsSnape]

he doesn't conform at school Lizs, he's worse there and often has to be seperated from the other kids to stop him climbing the walls.

He has dyspraxia and suspected ADHD. He is interested in drumming lessons but money is really tight at the moment.

[dustystar]

Ring around then mrssnape - thats what I did. I warned each of the people I spoke to of how difficult ds behaviour can be and chose the ones who seemed most confident they could cope and had some experience.

DD is bright and well behaved - the model student. She achieves on a daily basis and is always getting awards etc at school. DS is never going to achieve like this and so we have to make a big deal out of the stuff he can do. E.G. Even as recently as lst year (yr3) he got praise for sitting still and quietly on the carpet at school - something that most children don't get outside of reception.

I'm sure we've talked before mrssanpe but I can't remember - does your ds have a statement at all?

[Boyswillbeboys]

I agree with dustystar, it can depend so much on the teacher/group leaders. My DS2 is only 5 but can be quite uncooperative, his Judo teachers are great and can deal with it but we have had to give up swimming because the instructor couldn't handle him. I am so sorry you (and he) are feeling sad. Is there anything cheaper you can do together to help him feel a sense of achievement? Like maybe renting time on a tennis court and teaching him the basics, then rewarding him with proper lessons again if he perseveres?

[Tryharder]

Mrs Snape,

If your son has a medical condition, can you not take him to the activities of his choice and then explain very politely to any parent that complains, that your son has A, B and C and therefore you will not tolerate him being discriminated against (underlying message "so f*ck off")

I feel so sorry for him not being able to do stuff because of other people's expectations.

I say this, because my son attended a gym class at one point and there was an autistic girl there who was a bit disruptive. However, the mother went round to each parent and explained about her daughter's condition and so everyone was really nice and didnt mind the disruption (not that I would mind anyway as Im not like that but you know what I mean)