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Parenting

Feels like it is going wrong

14 replies

imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 12/11/2008 14:09

DS1 is 7
DD is 5
DS2 is 3

The boys are very naughty at the moment. DS2 pushed a boy at playschool this morning and wouldn't say sorry. I had to make him when I picked him up. He had also pushed DS1's teacher this morning and later was pushed by someone else at playschool.

I have been too soft I guess thinking he is still really young but I guess that is where I have gone wrong. Again.

DS1 back chats every time I speak to him. He gets stroppy when I ask him to do his homework, won't do it carefully and then gets mad when I make him do it again. I feel almost like I have given up as this has been going on for a while and I can not get them to just do as I ask without a big fight (not literally).

I have recently got a higher dose of AD's and feel better except for all this.

They have no respect for me, walk all over me and it is no fun.

I sent DS1 to bed at 5.45 yesterday and just kept telling him to go to bed when he was trying to show me things, argue, etc, as I needed him to see I was being serious. I just find it hard to know what is fair consequences and keep some kind of control.

They could get away with stuff if the rest of the time they were behaving but when one never gets any good behaviour it is hard.

Treats/withdrawal of things doesn't work as they don't remember and it just carries on again.

DS1 is an angel at school.

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GivePeasAChance · 12/11/2008 14:13

Know exactly how you feel. Just had to drag DS2 home after turning Psycho with a friend and hitting her.

Tomorrow has GOT to be better

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imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 12/11/2008 14:34

How old is your DS2?

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anyfucker · 12/11/2008 15:01

INMGBSLM, I answered your other thread about the kids moaning when you walk to school.

With all respect, are you giving them too many choices? Decide what you will accept, state your case and stick to it, follow through any consequences immediately and don't be swayed by tears/moaning etc.

Your children are young at the moment, but believe me, as they get older, your role as mother will get more and more eroded if you don't make the boundaries very clear (that manipulation of us starts very young IME)

I know it is no fun. I seem to spend 90% of my time being "stern mummy", but my DD is a teenager now and I dread to think what she could be like if I had not instilled some respect into her during the earlier years

And before anyone jumps on me and calls me overly-controlling, no physical, emotional or mental cruelty is involved

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imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 12/11/2008 16:13

I know you are right.

I find it so very hard.

I never had a mum and had a rotten childhood so find it very hard to know what to do for the best.

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anyfucker · 12/11/2008 17:11

It is hard, I know that from experience. It is much easier to just let them do what they want. I can see it must be really difficult without a good role model to follow. I do find myself saying/doing things my mum used to do with me, even though I swore I wouldn't.

I am sorry if my post came over a bit preachy, wasn't meant that way. My usual style of posting is short and direct, so that was a bit of an essay for me

There is a lot of varied and sensible advice on these boards on just about any topic you can think of. Whatever behaviours we think our kids are throwing at us, someone has already been there and got the t-shirt.

From what you posted, your kids shenanigans seem perfectly normal to me. They all try to push the boundaries, and three so close in age must be exhausting. (My two are 5 yrs apart, so thankfully not going through similar stages at the same time).

Are you single and/or do you get much family support?

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imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 12/11/2008 17:35

Didn't feel preached at.

Lots of times I get told my children are just doing what normal children do, but that is the point. I don't know what is normal having never had a normal upbringing.

My hubby is fab and my PIL occasionally have the kids but I can't ring them for advice over behaviour. I don't have any family.

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anyfucker · 12/11/2008 17:42

You and hubby stick together and always show a united front and you will not go far wrong. Ask his (and MN's) advice if you are not sure what is acceptable behaviour.

Show me any child that is perfect all the time! Parentng is the hardest job in the world.

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imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 12/11/2008 17:47

Just a few minutes would do!

DS2 sent to his room for hitting his siblings with his pans.

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anyfucker · 12/11/2008 18:00

with his pans ? I think children are genetically programmed to beat the shit out of each other. Survival of the fittest and all that !

< suppresses laugh >

you gotta laugh, or you would cry

and I frequently have cried, with frustration, with temper, with love, very occasionally with joy

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imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 12/11/2008 18:02

LOL!!!

Yep, his pans, which are actually real ones bought for him so he would leave mine alone.............

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GivePeasAChance · 12/11/2008 18:10

You sound like you are actually doing great to me. I actually am always very suspicious of always good children - it ain't natural and sometimes have some extreme people pleasing motive which is equally as dangerous!

Don't be paranoid that because you have not had a role model you can't do it. You can and you are!

Make your family rules and stick to them the best you can ! ( although I always think things inevitably change with time - and maybe that is all that has happened at the moment - transition period due to age, different cicumstances (new class etc), which thankfully will lead onto period of stability, and so on !)

(My DSs are 6 and 3 - 3 is an 'interesting' age )

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imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 12/11/2008 18:23

I agree. Was always very good as a child.

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anyfucker · 12/11/2008 21:18

INMGBSLM, I have an inkling why you may have beeen a "good" child

So sorry

If I am right, you may find it difficult to set firm but fair boundaries, but you can do it and it is possible to do it with the support of your dh and PIL's

And you sound like you are doing more than fine

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imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 13/11/2008 13:18

Do you know me?

The chances are you are right.

I was so determined to give them a good childhood and I remember giving in when my eldest was 2 and crying as I didn't want him to cry and I felt uncomfortable that he was crying.

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