How would you react in these scenarios? (Behaviour and expectations of a 2.6 year old)

[BroccoliSpears]

(a) She notices her 6-month-old brother is sleeping, races over and leaps on him (full body slam) and ROAAAAAARS to wake him up. She does this every time you drop the ball and accidentally give her the briefest opportunity to get access to her sleeping brother.

(b) She is sitting at the table chatting to you while you get breakfast. She picks up a piece of paper and asks what it is. You say it's your shopping list, and it's important. She looks you straight in the eye and screws it up and throws it on the floor, just to see what you'll do.

(c) She refuses to let her brother have any toys. The second your attention wanders for a moment she snatches all his toys from him and throws them out of his reach, before cheerfully getting on with whatever she was doing.

[WowOoo]

NOt sure, but I would certainly start talking to her about sharing, kindness etc as I'm sure you do.

Would think some warnings and consequences are in order like taking her fave toy away if she wakes him as that one would annoy me the most (and little brother)

It must be jealousy? try to give her loads of attention...sure you do this and have no real advice. Sorry! Must be tough..

[moopymoo]

Hmm sounds like my ds2 12 months ago. Ok , so I failed to find a magic wand for this sort of behaviour but we used a combination of time out and the 1-2-3 magic book (find on amazon) for behaviour that they can stop and undo eg return toys to brother in 1..2..3... What I wouldnt do is worry that i this behaviour is particularly unusual or means she will continue to be hard work - ds2 is a star these days though he still has his moments.

[moopymoo]

i vividly remember trying not to let ds realise that the piece of paper he was holding in his hand was a cheque that needed paying in as if he had realised that it was important to me he would have ripped it into pieces. He really could be a bit phsycopathic between 2.5 and 3.5

[Scootergrrrl]

Try to reinforce good behaviour maybe with sticker charts eg, Look, little brother is fast asleep. If you can play quietly until he wakes up, you can get a sticker etc etc.

The shopping list thing is absolutely just for attention, in my opinion. Next time, just walk straight out of the room and ignore it completely.

Chin up - it's just a phase (isn't everything!)

[AbbeyA]

I would say that she has jealously issues.
I would give her the position of helpful older sister and a lot of attention.

a. You need to stop.
Sit her down, look her in the eye and tell her that when he is asleep she is to leave him asleep and then you will have time to do x,y or z with her or she can help you and give her some jobs. Give her a suitable consequence if she does wake him.

b. I would ignore. Just pick it up and tell her it was a bit silly and leave it at that. Make sure you don't leave something very important in reach.

c. Sort out some toys that she thinks are suitable for him to play with and agree that he is free to play with those. Ask her which ones she doesn't want him to touch and keep them out of the way. If she then takes one that she has agreed, I would take one that she is playing with and give it back if she gives his back.

She is very young, a baby herself really so it is difficult. I would try and give her attention when he is asleep so that it is in her interests for him to remain asleep.

[ledodgy]

It sounds to me like it's all for attention. Maybe some one on one time when ds is asleep were she gets all of your attention.

[Umlellala]

Hmmm, I am sure you have done all the 'aw, aren't you sweet and gentle with your brother' bla bla.
My dd is 2.5 and has 4 month old brother and I am just waiting for the nastiness (while taking advantage of his current 'novelty factor)
Giving you exactly what I would do if dd did these today (after never having done them before).
a) Hurting him: I would pick her up, look her in the eye and hiss 'don't you EVER do that again, it will really really hurt him!' - if did it again, 'dd, if you do that again I will xyz'
waking him: 'ohhhhh dd , he's woken up... never mind'
b) probably ignore it and pick it up. a minute later give her lots of positive attention for something else (this worked for us with dd's drawing on the walls a month or so ago)
c) Silently pick them up and give them back to ds.If she did it again 'Dd, what can ds play with?' if still not complying 'Dd, if you take ds's toys again, I will xyz' (take ds and go to another room/move you to another room/take your toy away)

Don't know if that helps - it's all an experiment though, isn't it?

[neolara]

Ah, the joys of a 2.6 year old with a younger brother - I remember it well! My previously angelic dd turned into a complete monster at about 2.6 when her brother was born. Actually, all of her friends all turned into little devil-children at around the same age. By 3.5 they were all back to their lovely normal selves.

I think it is perfectly normal, but hideously to live through. I found Toddler Taming by Christopher Green a very pragmatic book, although I know some don't like it. His main ideas are: ignore when possible, distract when you can, praise the good and if all else fails give a quick time out.

[BroccoliSpears]

Very good to hear it's normal and probably a phase. I mean, I know it is, but it's very good to hear it.

I am finding it difficult to know how to deal with dd's behaviour. Everything that used to work, doesn't. It's all good boundry pushing stuff.

She doesn't actually want to be 'good' I think. For example, she knows that while ds is asleep we can do lovely fun dd and mummy things together, but wakes him up anyway and then gets cross when I have to comfort him / change his nappy. I do feel huge sympathy for her because, as someone said earlier, she is just a baby herself and it's all so confusing and difficult for her.

There are LOTS of reasons to go really easy on her at the moment (Daddy has just gone away for a few months, all her toys are in transit to our new house, 6-month-old baby brother, me doing everything by myself so don't have the time I used to etc etc) but at the same time, some of her behaviour is absolute, out-and-out, deliberate 'naughty' behaviour. She is challenging me to see how I'll react. She knows and understands that she shouldn't do X, so she waits until I'm looking and does X. I suppose I'm rambling towards the idea that boundaries are GOOD, and if she is feeling insecure and unsettled, then a firm, reliable, definite Mummy would be a GOOD thing. But I've never had to get cross in the past and what with everything else I'm not confident I'm doing it right.

All I really want to do is wrap her in an enormous cuddle and say "Dd of course you can eat Haribo sweeties for breakfast and kick the television when you're cross and not share any of your toys and never have to wear clothes and scribble on the walls", but instead I have to be at loggerheads with her all day long over all of the above and a million other things too.

[AbbeyA]

She would be testing the boundries even if there wasn't a lot going on-it is 2 yr old behaviour and healthy.
You are her Mum and she won't love you any less if you say 'no'.
I don't expect she has any idea whether she wants to be 'good' or 'bad', she just wants attention and doing the wrong thing gets it.

Umblellala's response was good. Some things are an absolute 'no way -ever', some things aren't worth a reaction, as in the shopping list, and there is a sliding scale between.

Give her the attention when she is good. The baby is getting to the age where he is taking notice and she can probably get him to laugh-e.g. playing peep po which might help.