How do you build a child's self-esteem?

[Cornflakemum]

I worry that DS2 (6) is developing low self-esteem .

He is youngest in his year and struggled at first academically, although his teacher is happy with his progress.

I wouldn't worrry, except that he seems so very negative about things - EVERYTHING in fact. He gives up easily and says 'I'm stupid', or won't join in things 'because I'll just end up losing'.

His vocab is too full of 'can't' .

He is much loved and I think he gets a lot of attention from DH & I, but somehow I feel that we're failing him, or parenting badly for him to be like this .

We are a busy, active family, and I think sometimes we are just going 'too fast' for DS2, or that our expectations are too high.

Last night, completely out of the blue, DS2 said that I was 'always shouting at him'. I was shocked as I don't think it's true (although I do shout about things like getting ready for bed / shoes on/ switch TV off etc if he and DS1 (9) don't respond.

Has anyone gone about a process of changing their behaviour to help grow a child's confidence.
What sorts of things do you need to do to build a child's confidence??

[bellavita]

I will watch this thread with interest as DS1 (11) is exactly like this.

[mellyfriedonionsonahotdog]

thats sad....please don't feel its you though...it sounds like your lad has had a difficult time, and maybe its taking its toll now....you know how it is yourself...you can start to doubt your abilities when you are feeling down..

sometimes its just the way that things are said that have an impact...so think before you say things....its the difference between for example..."your room is a filthy pit...you never clean it" to say for example..."isn't this a messy room...shall we give it a tidy?" kind of thing...

children gain self esteem from their peers...how about inviting one or two children home for tea so that he can get some firm bonds and allies...

find stuff he is good at, and praise him tons for it.....allow him to show off his stuff to you...be it lego, drawing, forward rolls, football, reading etc...whatever..

when he talks about there being no point because he always loses, tell him he needs to get some practice in so that he can get a better chance next time....

if he says he's a rubbish runner, and that "josh" always beats him, tell him, that may be true, but josh can't wash his own hair like you can type of thing....

just thinking aloud here....there must be lots of things that he is good at...

[mellyfriedonionsonahotdog]

(hi bella...its me...mellyonion ,said in a "its me alan" type of way!...are you ok? hows our matie doing...tell her i think of her often! x)

[LoveMyGirls]

Concentrate on things you know he is really good at and praise him loads, praise him everytime he does something right, everytime he learns something new etc

My dd1 is one of the youngest in her year, she has been on various IEP's (which I put down to them expecting too much and her bring younger than her peers but I didn't mind because I'd prefer she got the extra help and caught up with the older children tbh) anyway last year she was moved up in spellings we worked really hard on them for about 45mins per night so she would get them right this year they have moved her back down when we went to parents evening we asked why this was and they said it was due to a test they had done at the start of this year group anyway the point is dd is only doing about 15mins per night and is getting them right every week which is building her confidence.

I think if you give them things to do that you know they are good at/ can do well then praise them it can really help, also start getting ready earlier than you need to so you have more time and patience for your ds to put his own shoes/ coat on etc or try a reward chart with a sticker on it for every thing he does for himself in the mornings?

[omgidbi]

'How to Talk so Kids Will Listen' is worth a read.

[bellavita]

melly - hiya, I am doing great, our mate is ok I think, maybe speak to her on msn 3/4 times a week although last night she signed in but told me she had been drinking, so she said it was best not talk , but I manage to get a few giggles out of her now and again. I will tell her you think about her.

[bellavita]

and I hope you are ok too melly