Two under two, how hard is it really?

[Salleroo]

My dd is 11 months old and I am 5 weeks pg with no 2. We planned to have them close together but now that I'm actually pg I'm wondering just what I'm letting myself in for.

Any tips advice would be really welcome.

[Anna8888]

Hard , but try to plan ahead and get some help.

But not harder than three under one - my sister's friend just gave birth to twins and her DC1 is 11 months.

[Fadge]

I didn't find it hard with 2 under two honestly! I think the worry of it was far far far worse than the reality, so take heart

[lou031205]

The first 6 months are easy to be honest, if you breast feed especially. Then it does get trickier. Can't be that bad, because DD1 is 2.10, DD2 is almost 14 months, and I am 12 weeks pregnant with DC3, so will have 3 under 3½. DD1 also has 1:1 at pre-school and is being assessed for SN for behaviour and development, so I am going to be busy!

[Salleroo]

Yikes, all my help is in Ireland. If it turned out to be twins I'd be in trouble. I am sure it will be fine, busy but fine. I've just started a course that is going to last for the next 5 years, just to throw something else into the equation

Lou, good luck iwth the assessment.

[ohdearwhatamess]

21 month gap between mine. Ds1 now 2.5 years.

Tbh, although I was dreading it (ds1 having been a 'difficult' baby to say the least), the first few months were a walk in the park - far easier than being pg with a toddler. Ds2 just had to go along with what ds1 and I were doing, and was generallyhappy to sit and watch.

However, I've started to find things really tough in the last couple of months (about the time ds2 hit 6 months). Now ds2 is active, wanting to play with things (ds1's toys), getting frustrated at only being able to crawl backwards, etc, and I find it utterly exhausting. It is now that dh comes home to me saying 'I can't do this', 'I'm not cut out for this'!

The thing that keeps me going is knowing that it will get easier in a few months time, as ds2 gets properly mobile (and ds1 starts pre-school). It will be lovely when they start to play together too.

[emmaj1045]

I would agree that it is not as bad as I imagined beforehand. Mine are 14 months apart and it meant that there were no jelousy issues. Now DD is 10 months it is slightly harder as she wants DS toys etc.

Best advice that I can give is to get the nap times at the same time. I manage to have 1 - 2 hours to myself each day which is a lifesaver!

[makeminealargeoneplease]

My two are 21 months apart, DD 3.5 and DS 21 months

Pros - less jealously issues (DD can't remember life without DS)adored him from day 1, they play brilliantly together now, into similarish things eg park, music groups, soft play etc, you can time it so that they have naps at the same time, its tough but you don't have chance to stop and think about it!

Cons - apart from being tough going some most days not sure there are any really, I love having my two close together, when I watched them playing outside together in the garden today it made me stop and think how pleased I am that we did it that way. Sure its really tough (speaking as one that had no family help whatsoever) but once the first 12 months are out of the way its a much easier ride.......good luck.

[more]

There is 20 months between mine, and I found it really hard the first year or so. Then again I had absolutely no help, and we moved abroad 1 month after giving birth.
My parents way of helping is also pointing out everything that you do wrong.
However it is totally worth it after that.
We never had a problem with jealousy. Big sister was involved though right from the beginning.

Also prepare yourself for the next arrival to be the complete opposite of your dd. Not just physically.

[jeanjeannie]

Mine are 18mths apart and I find it hard.

I second what more says...prepare yourself for a completely different experiece wth DC2. DD1 was a lovely, easy natured baby who would babble quietly and amuse herself. I even did some work when she was ten weeks old...it was a cinch! DD2...ahem, is a screamy, needy baby who is so demanding I can barely get dressed without her crying so much that she vomits cos I'm not holding her !!

Everybody tells me it'll get easier - so I'm choosing to believe them!

[Nemoandthefishes]

depends on the days. when my 3rd dc was born dd1 was 12mths and ds was 3.2yrs and some days it has been horrendous and others it has been delightful.
One thing is trying to be organised and have some days planned activities bit nothing that cant be thrown aside for a PJ day...we rarely get pj days now as Ds my eldest is 5 on friday so in school all day which means we 'have' to go out

[DeJaVous]

Interesting to read this, I'm expecting DC2 and there will be an 18 1/2 month age gap. It was planned but I'm still pleased and terrified in equal measure.

Like you more I will have no support, I've done it all on my own with DD so I'm trying to believe I can handle this too. My still live in the UK, DPs family are a long way away too. DP works really long hours setting up a new business.

I hope think in long the long term the benefits will be well worth a year or two of hell

[Nemoandthefishes]

it will be worth it..we dont have family who help out and dh used to work 13hr days..although now he works 8-6 so not as bad. It is hard and somedays are awful[am having a bad day today even though dds are 2.9yrs and 21mths]

[Kaybeeand2boys]

Hi Salleroo
my ds's are 17 months apart, now age 22mo and 5 mo.
I think as long as you are going in to it with your eyes open, not thinking that it will be easy and nothing will change, then you will be fine . Just takes some organisation!
I think there are +'s and -'s about any age gap, though people always seem to think they can comment on small ones which is annoying!

It is well worth it when I see ds2 giggling over something ds1 is doing to entertain him

there is a 2 under 3 thread over here

[Highlander]

DS1 was 20 months when DS1 was born, and had just started having awful tantrums.

It was awful until DS2 was about 6 months, but TBH it was more hard work than misery. Some days I felt suicidal, others I just felt knackered.

It was a bit of a gamble, but I'm very glad they are close in age. DS2 is now 2 and I finally feel as if I'm getting my life back!

[crokky]

Mine are 24 months apart - I think how hard it is depends particularly on the nature of your new baby, so just luck really.

[Salleroo]

Right, so it seems the closer the better. The longer gap betweeen babies posts seem to say it's more difficult. My brother and I are the same age for a day and my younger brother is 2 years behind us so I am under no illusions. My mother tells me it's hell for a few years but then we all grew up together.

I'll work on the synchronised napping and just try to enjoy one as much as possible. DD was/is a good little baby so am expecting a terror second time round

Off to read that other post now.

[TheMadHouse]

Mine two are 15 months apart and it can be hard at times and very easy at times too.

I am sure that any age gap brings different challenges.

Pros

They now play together (3.6 and 2.2)
They dont mind doing or watching the same things
The toys and clothes havnt even visited the loft
They know no different

Cons

They fight
They can be a handfull when out

I love them both dearly and we deal with each of the times as they come.

At the moment they are ganging up together and will both push me.

[PetitFilou1]

Ummm you asked so I'll tell you .......hard. I had a 19 month age gap and personally I wouldn't recommend it. But I am a neurotic perfectionist so even if you are a bit more relaxed that me you will find it easier I have just had ds2 and am finding the gap much easier without what was essentially two babies to deal with. But, having said that, ds1 and dd do love each other and sometimes get on brilliantly. If we're out fine. But in the house ....hmmm they fight a lot.

I survived through having ds1 in nursery some of the time. If you can I would get your mum or mil if you get on to come and stay for the first week or so and take the strain so that you can physically recover. I had very little help that time compared to having ds2 where for a couple of weeks I was allowed just to rest and look after ds2 most of the time. It made a huge difference. Also I'd say you need to spend some one to one time every day with your first lo when the baby is sleeping and make sure they still feel valued.

Every age gap has its pros and cons so you will be fine! And having more than one is lovely. I love having three (when I'm not hating it iykwim!)

[ohdearwhatamess]

It is the constant nappies and the fact that I often have 2 screaming and wailing when we're out and about that I find frustrating.

If you can, try to get them to nap at the same time. An hour or two break from the madness is a lifesaver.

[ellenjames]

i have 14 month gap between my two and its not hard at all when they're little but does get more testing as they get older! am now 16 weeks pregnant with dc3 and will have dd 3.10 ds 2.8 plus newborn haha some of us love pushing ourselves!! but its all worth it

[nowwearefour]

depends on personalities of the two littluns! i had 22 month gap. found it ok at the beginning then REALLY hard for a bout a year but now is ok again. in fact now is positively great. you'll get through it! first yyear def the hardest.....

[diddle]

it can be hard at times, but if you're organised, its better. Its actually not as difficult as i ever thought it would be. I have a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old, there is 15 months between them, and i'm 14 wks pregnant with number 3. which means for 2 months i'll have 3 under 2!!!!! can't be bad or o wouldn't be doing it.
you'll be fine

[EnchantedWithEdwardCullen]

I didn't think it was hard.

DS2 was born when DS1 was exactly 18 months old.

Lets se how I cope this time with a just turned 4, 2 and newborn!

[Bridie3]

Mine are 20 months apart. In some ways they were both still babies and their needs dovetailed. Life was pretty simple in many ways.

We used real nappies, so it can't have been that bad.

The day was fairly routine-led once the youngest was about a month. We always went for a long walk with the dogs. That would get them both to sleep and there was just enough time for me to get lunch until one of them bawled.