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am I too soft?

6 replies

dalu · 02/10/2008 15:14

My dp ( we don't live together) and I are often arguing about my ds 4.5 dicipline to the point that my confidence starting to be affected. I work full time, I attend evening classes once a week (I pay babby sitter), I teach languages at home after my son goes to bed and I find time to take him swimming and karate once a week. I also make sure he does his home work and I spend quality time with him as much as possible. I wish I could afford leave full-time work and spend more time with him but I simply can't.
My ds is very active and he seems happy with his life, he have bad time when he does not listen and I have to shout or bribe and sometimes I just want to ignore badbehaviour and don't make a bid deal about it. Overhall, I guess we are doing ok. However, my dp comments are getting me down. Readin other parents comments about their own children I came to the conclusion and relief that I am not alone in the stragle of raising children. Am I too soft?

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BlueberryPancake · 02/10/2008 16:23

Is your dp the child's father?

If not, does he have children of his own?

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Twiglett · 02/10/2008 16:28

nobody can say whether you're too soft if they don't see how you react to your child.

Do you have consistent boundaries? Do you stop your child hitting, scratching, biting, pushing, shouting, not sharing? If you do this then to me you're not soft .. if you allow him to do this because it's easy then imo you are

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LittleBella · 02/10/2008 16:29

What is your DP's suggested alternative?

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dalu · 02/10/2008 19:50

No he is not the child's father, yes I do tackles bad nehaviour. We desagree in what is important to tackle or not. We are going to talk tonight so we can find a happy medium. his comment is letting me down and I need to be clear in order to find a balance. I let you all know tomorrow

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BlueberryPancake · 02/10/2008 21:35

I have a good friend who has a little girl, and her boyfriend often tells my friend that she is too soft with her child. It is very hard, but what I might say to his is that when you have a child, and you are with them all day and night, it is important to pick your battles. Some things you have to be firm and consistent, and others things you just have to let go. For a child, everything is a learning process and if you constantly say no to them, and pick on every little thing they do wrong, it will not give them the chance to develop their own judgement on what is right or wrong.

You are the mum, you make the decisions on what is important to tackle or not.

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dalu · 03/10/2008 11:19

You know what Blueberry you are so right. We didn't have the opportunity to talk about our issues last night due to one reason or onother but We will at this weekend as my ds is with his dad. My dp is a great guy and we get own very well but I guess I stragle with allowing him also to have some impute in my ds dicipline. I lived on my own for so long and now I have to learn to share/trust and it is hard. Thank you for what you said really. I feel much better