DS turning good days into bad days

[NogginOfRum]

My DS (3) loves going out and doing things and we're often out at the park, beach, toddler group, school, playgrounds etc, and we always have a lovely time.

But when it's time to go home again he always makes a fuss and cries and shouts, saying he doesn't want to go, which in turn makes me grumpy and fed up with him, and that sets the mood for the rest of the day.

I've tried talking to him about hometime and how he must not make a fuss and he always says he won't, but then does!

Anyone got any suggestions of what i can do to stop this and stop it ruining all the fun we have together?

[HonoriaGlossop]

what do you do/say to him at the moment when it's time to leave?

[CalmCalmCalm]

Just wanted to post a message of solidarity. My DD, also just turned 3, is exactly the same. The only way we can leave anywhere without a scene is if we've been there ages and she's really physically exhausted. Needless to say, this happens rarely.

[Weegle]

Do you give a 10 minute warning, then 5 minutes, then 2 that you are leaving?

When you first arrive at a place do you say "we will be leaving before lunchtime?"

Can you also big up the next thing that's happening. e.g. "we need to leave now so that we have time for lunch before going to the playground, and I'm doing yummy cheese on toast for lunch" etc etc

If you're not doing some of those things they can be worth a go? DS hates change and so I really have to prepare him when we're moving from one thing to another or he'll ruin it as you say.

[NogginOfRum]

Thanks for the replies.

I always tell him that we will be leaving in 10 mins or to pick one thing to have one last go on, but the first doesn't work because he seems to have no concept of time, and with the second he'll pick something, play with it and when he stops i say time to go but he'll say 'one more thing' etc. When i then say no, all hell breaks loose!

I try distracting him by talking about what we can do when we get home, and this does work sometimes but more often than not i still get the fussing.

I often hear other mums saying things like 'come on, lets go home and see daddy/ daddy will be home from work' and they are always so excited, but i can't say this and i feel there is nothing exciting waiting for DS at home.

Sorry for going on a bit there

[HonoriaGlossop]

I think one key thing is just to keep calm and see it as less of a problem. At the moment it's making you 'grumpy and fed up with him' and it's setting the mood for the whole day

Don't let it!

He's behaving totally normally. You're doing pretty much all you can already, he just is the age he is and finds change difficult. Keep calm! Don't let it ruin the day for you, it's just a kid sounding off!
It's annoying, yes, but it is just one of those things. Use a bit of bribery if you want to, I did as in a snack in the car on the way home. I think an immediate reward is easier for them to process rather than lets go home and do this or that.

Also if possible don't plan too many things in one day at this stage then he doesn't have too many changes to cope with.

[NogginOfRum]

I know, I really should just keep calm and let it wash over me....think calming thoughts.....ahhhhhh

I do resort to bribery at times but i would like other things to try first

CalmCalmCalm thank god i'm not the only one with this problem. I hope you're gaining some good advice as well

[Countingthegreyhairs]

Agree with Honoria about bribery

Also, counting - in a fun way - not a forceful way ie (in falsely excited voice) can you race to the gate in under 10, I'm going to start counting now ...one, two, three etc ...race you there etc etc sometimes works.

When dd did this, I told her we were going soon and she was allowed to go on three more pieces of playground apparatus ... then I'm afraid I got strict ...not because I'm skilled at this stuff... far from it ... but because I find that "oh just one more routine" tantamount to sticking pins in my eyes ... ... so I'm usually running out of patience .... I'm usually running late too....

I can really understand your frustration - it's still work in progress for me and dd - and she's 5!! Most of the time she comes happily now but not always. So there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I think at 3 though he's still too young to make an agreement in advance and then stick to it ... as it's all about being in "the moment" at that age ...

BTW one thing I am working on (not always successfully) was something I discovered by chance recently when we were visiting lots of new and exciting play areas on holiday. If I called dd in with the expectation that she wasn't going to comply - and I was tense/with face like a prune etc - then in general it didn't happen. If on the other hand (NOT easy this) I expected her to behave well (had to FORCE myself to believe this at times) and called her in a relaxed and confident way ... with a smile on my face - then - amazingly - she usually did come back to us without too much whinging!! (I did prime her in advance of course and at 5 it's much easier) I honestly couldn't believe it!!

One other suggestion, which might be worth a try, take a timer with you (one that you wear around your neck). Set it to the time you want to leave. Tell ds that as soon as the "bell" goes, you have to leave. When you know it is about to go off, stand beside him and count the seconds out together ...some dc tend to respond quite well to this ...

Just realise I sound like a dog trainer ..

Good luck though, it is a pain in the backside when you have made efforts to give them a lovely day out and your only reward is a tantrum !!

Keep strong!! xxx

[Countingthegreyhairs]

sorry, just re-read that and meant to say agree with all of Honoria's post - not just the bit about bribery - particularly bit about not scheduling too much in one day ... sometimes helpful to stick to a fairly solid routine so ds knows what is happening next ...good luck

[mrsbabookaloo]

Thanks for these: I've been having real trouble with 2 year old dd like this recently, and as the OP said, you feel like it starts to ruin a good day.

Had used some of these methods, but I had forgotten the timer one, and it's good to remember not to be bothered if they cry, it's just one of those things. Also good to remember not to expect things to go badly.

[RaggedRobin]

i've been watching this thread as we have the same problem!!

when i was heavily pregnant with dc2, i was desperate to find a solution, because the tantrum + a big belly was not a good combo!

i did find that if i gave my ds a carton of juice just as it was time to make our way to the car, he was usually too preoccupied with the juice to realise that we were heading off. not sure if this will work for anyone else, but if they are running around a lot, they might have built up enough of a thirst to take their mind off leaving.