name changed for this. Been hectic summer as moved house, new school, DH away alot and there have been a few times when up to eyes in stress, whining kids, new house hassles and admin when have lost it and shouted. And said not nice things like I just wanted to walk out the door (true at the time), I regreted having kids (I know worst thing to say but true at time too) and just being a horrible shouty frustrated mum.
I do have a short fuse for whining/kids arguing etc and do try hard to diffuse situations before they start etc.
But this seems to have had a huge impact on DD1 (7) who now has a massive anxiety that I am going to leave. If I go out to the garage she watches from the window, she checks I am in house constantly, I have to be the school gate as it opens or she starts to panic. She has told me she is worried she will wake up at night and find me not there. She is starting to border on obbsession and I am so upset/ashamed it has probably been my temper/problems which has started this.
I have tried reassuring her, telling her how much I love her and I didn't mean it, apologising but she seems to be in a state of permanent alert to my presence. Even in bed she is shouting down 'mummy' to check I am still here and I have been up twice in 20 minutes to look in on her to reassure her.
OK so I know I am to blame but how do I help her to rebuild her confidence in me and how do I stop myself blurting out all this stuff because (new house,area etc) she may be the only person I talk to all day. Am working on new mum friends but this takes time too. I do not want to say such things but just so wound up by kids bickering,lack of help,lack of DH's presence, too many things to do I just reach a point where I snap.
How can I make DD trust me again? Just for info I have never left her alone, except maybe in the car for two mins when ran into pharmacy etc.
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shoutymum · 13/09/2008 21:02
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