Coping with other toddlers (help)

[Soprana]

I'm a SAHM with a DD aged 15 months. I'm not much of a joiner, so we haven't done much joint socialising. We've been to Tumbletots for a term, and we occasionally see other toddlers (about once every 6 weeks). Other than that, DD sees other babies in the park once or twice a week.

For her sake I'm taking her to a mother and toddler group (oh god) next week for the first time. Not sure how I'll cope. I don't like it when other toddlers do that naturally toddlery thing of pushing, shoving, grabbing toys, trampling other babies etc.

Can other more experienced mums advise on how to behave? I don't want to alienate other mothers, traumatise my dd or get myself arrested for grasping other people's precious offspring warmly by the throat (ok, I'm joking, right, but only just) and flinging them against the nearest wall for daring to touch my darling DD..

All advice warmly welcomed. :-)

[Anifrangapani]

I found the best way was to ignore dc and let them get on with it and chat to the nearest person to me that seemed to know what they were doing. Kids have a wonderful way of just getting on with things and most of the parents are there for the social side of things. I have some great frinds from titch and bitch sessions.

[Soprana]

titch and bitch? Doesn't seem such a gruesome idea with that moniker.

Thanks, that helped... I'll try to think of it that way...

Ignore her you say.. hmm.. Could be easier said than done but I'll give it a go. Will report back on how I did. Ta Anifrangapani!

[Soprana]

bumpety bump bump!

[PinkTulips]

i find it best to focus on conforting my own child if they're upset after a confrontation and just ignore the other child completely. the other mother will either deal with it or not, just reassure your own dc and it'll be fine. as you get to know the other mothers you'll learn who's ok with you saying something to their child and who's really not. and if your child doesn't react or deals with it themselves do not get involved!!!

and remember, it's just as likely to be your PFB doing the whacking so don't be too quick to get on that high horse, it's a long drop down with all those mommies watching when it's you darling trying to sit on another toddlers head

the point is for you and your baby to socialise and make friends, so just go in and do that and relax, it'll be fine as long as you can be a bit chilled out about it.

even if she gets in scraps she's not going to be any the worse for wear for it so unless it's one child continuously causing strife just laugh it off.

[WheresTheAuPair]

hmm just keep visits short to begin with until you both get used to it. Accept the biscuit and the polystyrene tea as a nice distraction. It will get much easier once you meet some kindred spirits

[suzywong]

you live in London and you see other toddlers once every six weeks? Do you live in a basement?

I appreciate you anticipate having a stressful reaction to other people's children behaving age appropriately but it really does sound like you need to get out more for your sake and your dd's.

Deep breath, bull by the horns, nothing ventured nothing gained and all that and get yourselves out there weekly.

Agree totally about the kindred spirits making it easier.

[Soprana]

Thanks a lot suzywong that makes me feel a lot better. Not. I didn't say we stay in hiding under the duvet all day. All I mean is that I don't know a lot of other people with children my daughter's age - I'm an older mum. Not a basket case.

Other posters, thanks for the supportive comments. We're going tomorrow to a play group near here and I'll try to sit back and let mayhem ensue without getting too stressed.

[Soprana]

Thanks a lot suzywong that makes me feel a lot better. Not. I didn't say we stay in hiding under the duvet all day. All I mean is that I don't know a lot of other people with children my daughter's age - I'm an older mum. Not a basket case.

Other posters, thanks for the supportive comments. We're going tomorrow to a play group near here and I'll try to sit back and let mayhem ensue without getting too stressed.

[nickytwotimes]

Soprana, if you don't often go to group thingies, you might find that your lo doesn't stray too far from you to begin with. This should giv4e you time to get to know the other parents there so you can feel more comfortable about any future altercations.
Fwiw, if ds is having toys grabbed off him or such like, I just comfort him and usually the parent of the other child will notice and intervene. Of course, my lo never instigates any trouble himself, lol! I do the same if it is the other way round too.
All the best tomorrow.

[naturalblonde]

I agree with what everyone else is saying, but would add that I found the other mums qute cliquey at times, I think the trick is to find a toddler group where they're not TOO cliquey and stick with it, eventually you'll make friends, and the whole dire experience(!) will be a little less painful!

[Soprana]

Thanks Nickytwotimes!!! I'm feeling less nervous now... If we survive I'll report back on the quality of the tea and on the body count!

[suzywong]

I did offer you supportive comments

what's your problem?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

id just ignore too and chat. at that age they are very bouncy {grin] or mine is. my nephew is a month older than my 15 month old and he rugby tackles her for hugs all the time. she just pushes him off and crawls away. dd1 is a bit rough with her a times to.

your toddler will be unfazed with the other babies pushing and shoving it might be harder for you to watch though. go to her if she cries and comfort her but other than that let her get on with it and she will be fine.

[Soprana]

Well, we did it. We went along to a group today and the world didn't fall in. DD had an OK time, although she was ready to go when home time came. No other toddlers jumped on her head, she didn't murder anyone, and I managed to retain my sanity (although I lost out on the boredom front - yawn!).

Nickytwotimes and Naturalblonde you were right - the other 'regular' parents were cliquey, but there were others who looked as lost as me and we chatted a bit. All in all it was fine. Thanks for all your help and advice, mums.