New baby advice needed!

[MarkStretch]

Friend (who has no children) has asked me to go round to see her sister with her today.

Sister had a baby boy 10 days ago (first baby) and is feeling very very down. Is saying things like she's crap at being a mum and she hasn't got a clue what she's doing etc. She's also b/f and has got mastitis.

What can we do to help today? It's been 6 yrs since I had a newborn!

[AnAngelWithin]

just be there for her. offer your support. thats the best thing when you are feeling down.

[GooseyLoosey]

Give her a break from the baby. I always find it easier to look after other people's babies than it ever was to look after my own.

Might also suggest that she has a look on here. I would have loved other mothers to tell me that it was normal not to be able to cope.

[MarkStretch]

What's the best thing to do for mastisis? Is that the cabbage leaves?

[georgiemum]

1. Take around chocolate cake (I appreciated this very much).
2. Tell her she looks great.
3. Tell her how hard it is (other mums will seem to her to be 'blooming' and managing perfectly, even if they aren't really).
4. Offer to take baby out for a walk while she takes nap/has bath or whatever she really wants to do.
5. Suggest that if anyone offers to help to take it.
6. Let her know that it is common to feel a little anticlimactical (is that a word?) after a birth. And you do get aches and pains in odd places too.
7. See what she really wants - she may be scared of bathing or holding the baby etc. and be too scared to ask the health visitor.
8. None of us have a clue with a new baby. Most of the questions you have aren't in the book and everyone has an opinion (as I always say, listen politely then ignore half of it!).

[MarkStretch]

Thank you.

It's amazing how you forget all of those feelings after a while! Will defo take cake and make lots of compliments and give her the mumsnet website address and then she can come on here and hear everyone elses stories.

[georgiemum]

OOps - just realised - maybe not chocolate if she is breastfeeding!

[PortAndLemon]

Mastitis -- should see doctor, may need antibiotics (cabbage leaves is engorgement).

Why not chocolate if breastfeeding?

[constancereader]

She can have chocolate when breastfeeding!!!!

Has she seen the doctor about mastitis? It makes you feel like shit.

Otherwise just make sure that you listen carefully to her. When I was in the middle of a panic attack after the birth of my baby people saying EVERYONE feels like this seemed quite unconvincing as I shivered on the sofa, too scared to even look at my new baby......

[Orissiah]

Yes, I had a bad time in the early days and still find some days hard with an 11 week old. Tell her that it IS very very hard and it is so for most new mums so she should take comfort from that. Also tell her that it gets easier as the months crawl by. These two things really helped me and stil help me get through the monotonous and tiring days.

[MrsMattie]

Oh I was just like your friend's sister. mastitis, hated BF-ing, exhausted and teary. I feel so sorry for myself looking back . make her tea, bring her nice food and flowers, be super super nice and supportive. let her have a bit of a lie down / a bath? Tidy up for her? Make dinner?Let her know this is all so normal and natural, she is not a bad mum, and that if she needs some support with BF-ing, it is out there (maybe you could help her access it?). Also, is she getting proper, sympathetic treatment for the mastitis? too many HVs brush it off with lame advice about hot flannels and cabbage leaves. She needs to have it looked at by a MW or doctor and may need anti-b's.

Arrange to come back to see her again soon with more of the same?

[ILovePudding]

Aren't you allowed chocolate when you breastfeed? oops!

For mastitis she needs to massage her breasts, concentrating on the area that is sore and red and persevere with breastfeeding even though it's painful as this will clear the blockage. She should also massage the painful areas while she is breastfeeding. If she does this even when the mastitis has cleared it can prevent further breakouts. If it hasn't cleared in 24 hrs she needs to take antibiotics if she isn't already. The mastitis itself can affect your mood and make you feel depressed.

Cabbage leaves can dry up your milk supply, so not a good idea when she's just getting breastfeeding started.

Poor thing - I remember feeling miserable like this for weeks after dd was born! It takes a while but does get better!

[elkiedee]

Look up details of any bf support groups or other groups for women with new babies that might be around in your local area for her? And look through things for her.

After 15 months I still cry about how crap hospital made me feel as a mum when ds had to be readmitted.

[GillianLovesMarmite]

Actually, chocolate is COMPULSORY when breastfeeding

As a first time mum of 1 ds I was initially confused when my good friends who had breastfed all (completely independently) turned up with chocolate for me saying 'you'll need this!' - now I take chocolate for all of my pregnant friends!

[georgiemum]

I seem to remember being told that chocolate and coffee was a no-no when breasefeeding because it got into the milk and made the baby hyper. Then again I may have imagined it (I was sleep deprived and hallucinating at the time).

A midwife did tell me to lay off the onions, legumes, garlic... as it could give the baby a sore tummy. Oh and booze (and there went all my basic food groups in a one-er).

[Neeerly3]

I would concur with everything everyone has said, and will be setting up a rota system for you all in february when DC3 arrives - all of you are to bring chocolate cake daily!

Pamper pamper pamper....people telling me that it is hard and it does get better, fell on deaf ears for me i early days, I was convinced i had it harder and worse than everyone else and no one understood - I'm not sure I would have listened to anyone as i saw them without their own kids, able to swan here and swan there without a care in the world and I was JEALOUS!

When my sis had her baby, i simply swooped in and took him off her for a few hours, she could bath, get dressed, stick a load of washing on, while i cooed and ahhed at my new nephew....something i never would have done with my two early on as i had no energy. Once she was human again, I forced her out of the house and we went and introduced him to his local fan club, got her some fresh air and a well deserved drink (new rules about smoking in pubs had come in, so was a lovely place to take newborn!). It does need to be demonstrated that it is possible to lead a virtually normal life after having a baby, once my sis could see that leaving the house wasn't such a trauma she did it daily.....

[elmoandella]

chocolate is a must when bf. and cake.

i also found i couldn't have tomato based pasta sauces, egg or too much milk.or windy baby.

fizzy juices can also cause wind when breasfeeding.

anything with caffeine is out. so this includes coffee,tea and things like cola and lucozade.

[georgiemum]

I have a LOT of catching up to do then. Pass the Galaxy, a bottle of gin and a very large curry... phrrrrrr

[Wisknit]

Get her to a BF group - something like the La Leche League or a local drop in. She can whinge and be told it's normal and a breast feeding counsellor can help with the mastitis etc. and chack it isn't to do with positioning problems.
She's lucky to have a sister with a friend who is bothered to help.