What would you ??

[Pitchounette]

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[kittywise]

Tell ds1 not to help in situations like this. Thank him for his kindness but explain that ds2 needs to do what he is told.

[beansprout]

I would talk to ds2 and acknowledge that he is sad and then see if he will work with you. Something like, "it's sad when we have to get dressed when we don't want to..." and then leave it and see what he says. At the moment he is turning to ds1 as he (and what a lovely boy) is being very sympathetic to his little brother.

Ds1 won't do this forever so don't worry about that. I would say that if it's working out ok and you are getting the outcome you need, ie both dressed, then I would let it go for now. Don't enter into a battle of wills, it's soo stressful!!

[Overmydeadbody]

But if DS1 helping out means the result (in this case: getting dressed) is achieved, does it really matter?

I would tell DS2 that if he wants help he needs to ask in a normal voice instead of sulking and crying, and tell DS1 to only help if he asks for help using a normal voice rqather than crying or shouting or whining etc.

[forevercleaning]

perhaps say that we cannot go swimming because people need to dress themselves as it is very important etc and that if it is swimming or something the little one loves to do he will make the effort. Then masses of praise if he does start to help himself.

We used to have to telephone nana to say how clever ours had been to help dressing, and she would give them lots of praise and they loved it!

worth a try

[Pitchounette]

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[Pitchounette]

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[juuule]

Was he refusing to get dressed even with you helping him?

[Pitchounette]

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[Othersideofthechannel]

If he refused to get dressed by himself, help him if that is what he wants. He is only 3. DS is 5 but still requests help after swimming because he is exhausted and hungry.
So when your DS says: 'Nooo' in a sulky voice, I would tell him to ask you politely and then when he has done, get on with it.

[juuule]

So why wouldn't you help him?

I think it's really nice of your ds1 to offer to help.

As someone else said at some point your ds1 would get fed up and not help but before then your ds2 might have started helping anyway. In fact, pointing out that ds1 is helping ds2 and that everyone in the family help each other if they can, ds2 might become more co-operative/independant by following that example.

[Othersideofthechannel]

On the tidying up thing, DS is 5 and usually reasonable about tidying up. DD is 3 doesn't like to join in.

We decide which bit she should do and make sure that DS leaves her a bit to do. Which she does, eventually.

[Pitchounette]

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[juuule]

He's 3y. Seems a bit harsh to me. What harm could it do to go along with helping him (even if he can do some of it himself)? At 3y maybe he felt it was all too much. Maybe he felt uncomfortable and wanted to know someone was there for him. Maybe he just wanted you to join in with what he was doing. Perhaps he doesn't like doing things on his own. Who knows? But I can't see how it could have hurt to just get him dressed or even to get him started.

Same with the tidying up. With mine I've found that if I join in and get them started, sometimes they are lazy and will do the minimum (sometimes nothing) and other times they really get stuck in and surprise you.

[forevercleaning]

i still have to put my 8 yer olds socks on! He can do everything else but we would be there all day if i waited for him to do it!!

[juuule]

I agree with you, mmj.

[Pitchounette]

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[cornsilk]

I would let ds1 help him.

[Pitchounette]

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[Othersideofthechannel]

I think a lot of people on this thread (inc me) didn't realise your main concern.

I don't think your DS1 is going to resent his brother. This is a risk if you insisted that DS1 helped the little one all the time but I gather he's taking the initiative. If he doesn't feel like helping his brother because he feels like he is doing all the hard work, he won't!

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

my dd1 is exactly the same! i have a 'look' that i have mastered and she knows then when she is pushing it and will stop. she is the oldest though so she doesnt have an older sibling to help her but she often 'helps' dd2 take off her clothes and nappies

she helps dd2 because she enjoys helping her and thats probably what your ds is doing. it makes him feel all grown up and protective and he is helping mummy so therefore getting brownie points too.

let your ds help if he offers and at other times just explain to your ds2 that its time to start being a big boy and go ott on the praise to ds1 "oh look ds1 you are getting your own clothes on, well done arent you a big boy you are so helpfull to mummy getting yousrelf dressed" "well done tidying up ds1 you are doing really well mummy is very happy" ds2 will sooon get the picture, but make sure you praise any effort he makes even if it is only as small as putting one bit of lego back in the box.